What just happened here?
I want to first say that I had to turn on my heat in my apartment for the first time today. It has more to do with yesterday than today. Yesterday was (so I hear) the coldest day in six years (or something). It was at least negative 20 F with the wind chill. Yesterday was SO COLD! But it made me think about this:
Life is like walking in the blowing cold snow. If you know where you're going, you can put your head down and just keep marching forward. But, if you don't know where you're going, you have two options. 1. you can stand still, bearing the cold long enough to see where you're going... and try to plan; OR 2. you can put your head down, march forward, and hope you end up somewhere. My time in Big Rapids was the first... standing still, trying to figure out which way to go. And now, in Chicago, I'm just marching forward with my head down... hoping that I'm going the "right" way.
I know there's no "right" or "wrong" way... but there is. Getting imprisoned: the wrong way. Getting really rich and not having to work ever again: the right way. Isn't it obvious?
Anyway... I stopped by work today and helped Abby clean the ice cream machine. Then there was a "thing" about scheduling... so Abby decided to leave so that other people could have her hours. So what do two ColdStone employees do when they're not working? Eat.
I took Abby to Lunch at Vito and Kessleman's the Italian and Jewish bistro across from The Second City. It's a fairly new place... so neither of us had ever been there. It was a good lunch, we talked shop, we talked soccer (she's a huge Chicago Fire fan), and we talked about her impending move. The man who owns her building sold it without letting Abby and her roommate know that it was being sold, now Abby HAS to move. Anyway, it was a decent lunch... and I left the lunch walking through a beautiful day. The sun shining... and not too cold out, either. And, as I was walking, i thought to myself "I need to take a drive." I was SET on going back to my apartment and driving away... somewhere... anywhere... to get this feeling out of my head. The feeling that I've had for two days... that I should be somewhere else: That I'm in the wrong place.
But I didn't go anywhere. When I got back to my apartment, my legs just stopped working... and I got SO tired. I didn't know what to do with myself... so I started sorting laundry. But I remembered that I HATE laundry... so I stopped, and started watching tv. I watched almost the entire Duke/Georgia Tech basketball game and MAN was it good. It was just a very good game from start to (almost) finish. The Georgia Tech fans were in the game the entire game, having not beaten Duke since 1996. There was just a great electricity to the entire game... it was fun.
And now, here I am watching the end of the Red Wings game (after having skipped most of it). I hope to figure something to do with my night.... and hopefully it's not laundry. G'night.

I always trust 311 to hit me where it counts

I just heard the 311 cover of The Cure's "Love Song" and it was SO GOOD! God... 311... I love them.
Here are the lyrics...

"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you"

Hope you're having a weird Friday night... mine is really weird, so far. I can't explain it... but it feels like I should be somewhere else. >shrugs< I dunno.

CrazyJohn the ice cream trainer... >shrugs<
Well... I opened the store today because Hannah, the young lady who normally opens during the week, is in Nebraska with her boyfriend Adam. And, this has nothing to do with my day, but Hannah and Adam are the CUTEST! OH MY GOD they're cute! They're not disgustingly cute... like you... they're wonderfully cute... like jelly beans. For their three month anniversary, Hannah made an ice cream cake the size of our "to go" cups (so it was fairly small... for a 'cake')... and she frosted it... and she put a "3" on top. It was adorable! Ooo! And one day in work she asked me if I ever went dancing in the city and I was all "hmm... I'm a straight man... whadda you think?" but I said "not really, no" and she was all "oh... because I'm going dancing and I wondered what people wear." So, you know me (if you know me), I pried and made her tell me what was going on... and Adam was taking her swing dancing. They apparently have like a class at Moody or something where you learn for an hour or so and then you go out dancing as a "class" and dance. Sounded pretty neat to me... and she was SO nervous that night. Ahh ha haaa... so CUTE! OH... AND one day Adam brought in flowers for her and she put them with her stuff (which we keep in the employee bathroom... we have no space), so when I came into the store and went into the bathroom to change, the whole bathroom smelled of lilies. I smelled them before I saw them... and knew they were lilies. Lilies I know, because one of the ex-girlfriends LOVED lilies and I, being me, messed up enough to get the chance to buy her LOTS of them.
I'm totally digressing. Anyway, Hannah wasn't there today so I opened the store. It takes about an hour to get the store ready for open (and it takes about 45 minutes for the stone to cool down... just so you all know), so I went about my business from about 12 to 1. Then Amy came in (she helped train me, took a LOT of time off, and now I'm all higher up on the hierarchy. Life's weird, huh?). She was working 1-6 and I was supposed to be done at 1... but I wanted to make sure she was cool with everything before I left. So about ten after, a guy came in. His name was Chris and he was supposed to be trained today, right? But no Andrea to train him... so I gave her a call. She said she was going to be twenty to thirty minutes late... and would I mind showing him around and informing him on as much of what goes on as I would like? Um... I guess I wouldn't mind... so here we go Chris! First of all, Chris is a sophomore at Loyola and he's from New Orleans. Interesting. So I got Chris a uniform and showed him the basement area... then I showed him the backroom and all the freezers... THEN I showed him the stone ("I've already been introduced to the stone" he said... "Oh, so you know each other? Good." I responded. I think I'm clever). And I tried to run through as much of the actual ice cream serving process as I could remember.... and Andrea showed up, but she had a couple things to do and would I mind going over some more stuff? Um... no... "Chris and I are bonding" I said. He might think I'm a huge dork... he wouldn't be far off.
Anyway... Chris and I go back to me fumbling through anything I can think to teach him (I wish I knew I was going to be doing this... I would've planned!) and this young lass come in the store. "I'm here to interview" she says... "What the fuck is going on?" I'm thinking... but I SAY "Hi... I'm John". Her name was Elizabeth and she's from Wisconsin (WOO HOO!!!). Bascobel, to be exact. I bet you don't know where that is. I didn't either, but I just looked it up, because I'm a stalker like that. Anyway... Elizabeth went to Luther College (where Heather Pickett went and left, if you're following at home) [Also where Dave Matthews had a live CD recorded], and she's in Chicago because she's trying to become a chef. Weird, huh? So, let's think... trying to be a chef and applying to Coldstone... do we think she's going to be hired? No...
YES! Of course she got the job... she's going to be a f--king chef for crapsake! Right... so Andrea had the interview with Elizabeth AND gave her the job while Chris and I bonded and stuff. He WAS able to make a malt for some dude who came in... so I was proud of him. >beems< that's my Chris!
Elizabeth left, after being hired... and Andrea told Chris to go after being fully saturated by all my ice cream knowledge (ppfftt!). Andrea and I then went into the office and talked about the hiring process and caught up on things. I told her how afraid of her I was when I was hired... and she laughed. She told me that my application made me look too smart to be applying to ColdStone and she mused as to why I was hired... I told her that I was hired because I was "desperate enough to shovel shit." These were her words on the day I started... She apparently had forgotten because me recounting the story made her laugh hystarically. I was just like... yeah... I was that desperate.
Then she asked when I was born again, so I told her. She said "Elizabeth was born in 1984. She's cute." I showed no outward sign of emotion... but inwardly I shook my head. 1984... I'm eventually going to marry someone born in 1984, I know it. I keep dating women born in 1984... the year will continue to haunt me forever, I'm sure. I should read the book.
Anyway... if she brings it up again, I'm going to ask her if she REALLY wants intra-"office" dating at ColdStone. Because, if she doesn't, maybe she should stop trying to set me up with people who work for the store... or who do business with the store... or who know what the store is (maybe that's going a little far, but you never know). Anyway... Andrea just mentioned that Elizabeth is from a small town too... but she has a much better attitude about things than I do. Elizabeth thinks the city is "exciting" and "full of possibilities" while I think the city is "shitty" and "full of murderers." Actually a lot closer in ideology than previously thought, huh? But she just said that maybe Elizabeth should "talk to me... because you make it [the city] sound so terrible." I told her that it was my gift to the world.
And, really, that's true. I'm the balance to the equation... I'm the Yin to your Yang... I am the man who points out how terrible things are so that you can re-affirm how wonderful they can be. Face it world... you need me. I balance you out... without me, you're happy all the time and what kind of life would that be? Constant happiness? How would you know that you were happy after a while? I mean... what are the highs without the lows? The highs are nothing.
Remember that... when things aren't going well. Without this pain... without this terrible feeling... how would you ever really know if you were happy?

I don't see that as a depressing thought at all. Quite the contrary... As I am getting older, I am aiming... thirsting... for a complete balance in my life. Right now... let's just say that I know I'm still unstable. But at least I have some semblance of a goal. Goodnight.

Um... don't let me freak anyone out with this... but I was just arguing out loud with myself (this happens more than I'd like to mention... but let's just remind everyone that I haven't really lived with anyone since early May [as living with my parents doesn't really count])... and at the end of it I said "I need to write."
I think it's the first time I've ever actually thought writing was the answer to my problems. We'll soon see if it really is. If not... I still have cake. Oh and Ice Cream.

The thing that made me so happy Monday night...
Hey... I finally decided just to post my latest script. It's funny (I think)... and it put me in a good mood. Tell me what you think! And, again, if I see all or any of this reproduced somewhere else without my consent... I WILL sue (I've got nothing better to do... and there are enough people who read this blog [as well as those people in my class] to fully claim rights to this script).

“Gettin Canned”
January 26, 2004 (Version 1)
CAST
JACK – Late 20s, wears shirt and tie.
TRACY – 20s, business attire.
GRAMPS – 70s, wears a plaid shirt with suspenders.
CHARLIE – Early 30s.
(Lights up on JACK, who sits at his cubical, having trouble with his computer. TRACY enters)

TRACY
Hey JACK… I heard you got engaged. Congratulations!

JACK
Oh… hey TRACY. Yeah… finally taking “the plunge.” Heh… Yeah… So is there something wrong with the computers today?

TRACY
What do you mean?

JACK
I just can’t seem to access the network today, and I’ve got a ton of work from the weekend to catch up on…

TRACY
Did you pray?

JACK
Excuse me?

TRACY
Did you pray to Jesus? To have him fix your computer?

JACK
Uh… no… I think that Jesus probably has better things to do than fix my computer.

TRACY
You silly… Jesus is everywhere! He’s IN your computer, of course he’ll fix it. “Dear Jesus, please fix JACK’S computer. Your friend, TRACY.” All taken care of… talk to you later JACK.
(Exits)

JACK
Yeah… great… glad that’s all taken care of.
(Looking up from computer)
Hey GRAMPS.

(GRAMPS enters, pushing a mail cart.)

GRAMPS
Hey JACK… here’s your mail. I hear you got engaged. Congratulations.

JACK
Yeah… thanks GRAMPS. Heh… That information seems to be going around the office today.

GRAMPS
Yeah… I’ll never forget my wedding reception. Right after we cut the cake, I went to the back room with both her sisters and we smoked a huge bowl…

JACK
Wow… that’s really great, GRAMPS. Thanks for sharing that.

GRAMPS
I’ll say it was great, because they both got horny… so I started doin’ em both…

JACK
OK GRAMPS! That’s great!

GRAMPS
Then my wife came in… but she didn’t mind what was going on, and she joined in…

JACK
I’d love to hear all about it… but I have work to do, so if you don’t mind GRAMPS…

GRAMPS
Good luck trying to get work done today… I hear the server’s down.

JACK
What?! You gotta be kidding me!

GRAMPS
I don’t kid, kid. But I hear that CHARLIE guy’s coming in today to try to fix it.

JACK
Oh… CHARLIE from I.T.?

GRAMPS
Yeah, that guy. You know him?

JACK
Yeah… we’ve known each other since I started working here.

GRAMPS
So… does he actually think he’s Charlie the Tuna or what?

JACK
Um… what?

GRAMPS
You know what I mean… with those glasses and that hat.

JACK
I never really noticed anything…

(CHARLIE enters wearing glasses and a red beret, looking as much like Charlie the Tuna as possible)

CHARLIE
Hey JACK… I heah you got engaged. Congradulations!

JACK
Thanks CHARLIE. You here to fix the computers?

CHARLIE
Yeah… but the prahblem isn’t the computahs. It’s prahbably the servah.

JACK
How long will the server take to fix? Because I’ve got all this work to catch up on…

CHARLIE
Depends on the prahblem, JACK. I tell ya this, if I can’t figuah this one out, this time I might get canned.

GRAMPS
(Snickering)
Getting canned? That would be terrible for you.

CHARLIE
Yeah… it would be. Is my gettin’ canned funny to you?

GRAMPS
It would be, Tuna boy.

CHARLIE
Tuna boy? Who ah you, old man?

(TRACY reenters… all dialogue slightly overlaps.)

JACK
CHARLIE, this is GRAMPS.

CHARLIE
Well, “GRAMPS” you wanna tell me what the Tuna thing was all about?

TRACY
JACK, I was just thinking… are you going to have non-meat alternatives at your wedding reception? Because, you know, I’m a vegetarian.

GRAMPS
Are you supposed to be Charlie the Tuna or something?

JACK
Well TRACY, we really haven’t even talked about who’s going to be on the guest list. But… ah… I guess we might have fish? Do you eat fish?

TRACY
Yeah… fish would be just fine.

CHARLIE
(To TRACY)
Wait… you’re a veggie, but you still eat fish? What’s that about?

GRAMPS
(To CHARLIE)
Catholics do that during Lent… I have fried fish every Friday night, because I can’t eat meat.

CHARLIE
Oh please… it’s a well known fact that Cathlics not eatin’ meat on Fridays was conceived by the fish mongahs back in the time of Jesus.

TRACY
Right now is the time of Jesus. All time is Jesus’ time.

JACK
(To CHARLIE)
Jesus is everywhere, didn’t you know that?

GRAMPS
(To TRACY)
You know what I’ve never understood about you? If Jesus is everywhere, how do you eat anything? I mean, aren’t you eating Jesus?

TRACY
He did say: “This is my flesh… take it and eat it.”

JACK
Isn’t that cannibalism?

GRAMPS
How is cannibalism better or different than eating meat?

TRACY
(To GRAMPS)
Do YOU think it’s cannibalism when you go to church?

CHARLIE
I shoulda known you wah Cathlic… youah prahbably an alcahahlic.

GRAMPS
(To CHARLIE)
For your information, I detest alcohol. Can’t stand the stuff.

JACK
(To himself)
That apparently doesn’t seem to stop you from doing other “stuff.”

GRAMPS
(Confrontationally to CHARLIE)
And, furthermore, I think everyone who does drink alcohol is a moron.

CHARLIE
You think youah bettah than me, old man?

TRACY
Guys, please… violence is not the answer.

GRAMPS
(Smirking)
You better watch out, boy… I might have a dolphin-safe net.

CHARLIE
What ah you talkin’ about, yah old bahstid?

JACK
Good one GRAMPS… but I’ve got work to do, so if you guys don’t mind…

TRACY
W.W.J.D.?

CHARLIE
You wanna take this outside?

TRACY
Guys… W.W.J.D.?!!!

GRAMPS
Pfft… I was whopping ass while your daddy was jerking off to pictures of…

JACK
OH LOOK! My computer just fixed itself… looks like CHARLIE can go, and everyone can leave so I can get my work done.

(CHARLIE slowly exits… TRACY and GRAMPS exit soon after. JACK left alone on stage… staring at his computer screen.)

JACK (CONT’D)
Well… I can’t get anything done with my computer not working… I might as well just go home.
(JACK exits. Blackout)

And the alarm goes off...
I forgot to mention something about last night's improv class. We played this game where, as a group of two you talk as one. Yeah... what? Basically, you and someone else face each other and try to formulate words together. This CAN be easier than it sounds, as Tim and I were REALLY good at it. The instructor asked us were we went on our last vacation and what we did... and we came back with "On our last vacation we went to... Mexico. And while we were there, we went WATERSKIING! NO WAY!" And we kept saying... "No... YES!" And it was just really cool... we 'linked' which is odd because Tim seems to be the least paying attention of everyone in class. But he was honestly the best one in class at this game.
So let's go to how my day today started. I showed up to the store @ 11 AM for a meeting with Andrea and Chris, one of the two area developers. So I showed up at 11... and opened the door... to hear the ALARM. Now, there's a cleaning crew that comes in in the morning and they always turn off the alarm, so when our ColdStone employees come in they don't have to worry about the alarm. But the cleaning crew didn't come in. So the alarm went off... and I called Andrea to get the code... but she didn't answer. So I punched in the code that I knew, the code we put in when we leave. Then I just chilled... for AN HOUR! No one showed up... Andrea wasn't answering her phone... so I just chilled out in the store. I actually got a phone call from a wonderful young lady while I was in the store, and, >grasps bosom< how can you not just LOVE her??? I DO! I don't see how anyone couldn't. Heehee... great surprise call.
So I finally got a hold of Andrea who felt REALLY bad as the meeting had been cancelled late last night and she had had such a terrible day that she just went right to bed. So, yeah, see how important I am? >sigh< Oh well... I helped Hannah open the store and then went back to my apartment to nap.
Unfortunately, I was unable to nap. But, this was kinda cool... as I lay down (lied down? lie down?) in bed I went into a relaxing, almost meditative state. My muscles relaxed, and my brain kind of relaxed (as much as a philosopher's brain can)... and I was like that for almost an hour this afternoon. peaceful... tranquil... nice.
Then I went BACK to the store to have the actual meeting... which consisted of the area developer (Chris) teaching us a few things on the Managerial software that ColdStone uses. It's a pretty crap piece of software, if you ask me... it doesn't do enough of what it needs to do... but it's what we got!
So, yeah, I felt really out of place with Andrea, Chris, and Seth there... because they're all "I know things about stuff" and I'm all "I just graduated from a liberal arts school. >pushes up glasses< More coffee, anyone?" So that sucked... right.
After work... I went and got my haircut. It looks good... I think. And that's pretty much my day. I might post something else later, but for right now... have a crazy night!

You just never know what people are capable of...
Well... you know how today started: as a gift. And what did I do with that gift, you ask? Paid some bills, did some dishes, started typing up my scene for next week... that's about it. The moral of this story: don't ever buy me anything.
On my way to class... I saw that Emily was in the store tonight. Emily, if you'll recall, is the only high school student who works at this particular ColdStone. Emily has also not been to work for at least two weeks. Now if you're having a good day/evening... I think you should skip this paragraph. But, if you feel like feeling terrible about human beings, please, read on. Emily has not been to work for a while because one of her very good friends from school died.... was murdered... by his father. I got the full story tonight... Emily said the father, hyped up on meth and a little drunk to boot, came back to the house (from wherever one purchases meth), pulled two guns from his closet and proceeded to shoot his wife 7 times in her sleep and THEN went into his son's room and shot him 5 times... in the head. The son (Emily's friend) had been listening to his headphones, and hadn't heard the mother dying or, we assume, his own death. Five times in the head... >sigh, shaking head<. And get this, this is my favorite part, the father's defense: he says that he killed them because they were trying to "poison him." Yeah... that's the defense... they were trying to poison him. Did anyone remember reading the part where I said he was on meth and alcohol? Isn't it only in America when a STUPID FUCKING DEFENSE like that is even attempted? My second favorite part of this whole situation: I met the guy, Emily's friend. I met him about a week before he was murdered... he came into the store to visit Emily and he stayed in the store while we closed. Yeah... so Emily filled in the holes of the story... and she showed me her new tattoo... It's a headstone with wings that has R.I.P. and the young man's name on it. And I said it looked cool... and that it was really great... and I hugged her. I hugged her as tightly as I could... and I didn't know what to say, so I hugged her tighter. It's so weird... for all the shit I said earlier about how working with her was like being back in high school, I missed her and I feel so bad for her right now. I can't imagine... can't imagine what she's going through. She's obviously still in mourning... and she even somehow found a black shade of lipstick... just unreal. That's why you can never be too careful... because you never know what people are capable of. Of what people are capable... right.

Class was... um... class almost sucked. It tried to suck in the beginning... we did the Symphony of Rants game, but Jen, the instructor, didn't know how to conduct us very well... so that game kind of sucked this time around. We also started the class with this STUPID STUPID thing... I'm not even going to go into it, but it involves the phrase "bipity bopity boop"... and I sucked at it because I knew how stupid it was.
>shrug< But we eventually played a talking (gasp! talking?!) yes, talking game... where we had to have our eyes closed. It actually went really well... for everyone in the class... except it felt a bit cheapened by the fact that Jen, the instructor, prefaced our talking scenes by saying that she hoped we wouldn't resort to "dick, penis, and fart" jokes. What're we, high schoolers lady? Jesus Christ! I'm 23 years old... and I'm one of the younger people in the class... have a little faith. But she's been teaching for "eight years" so that makes her the expert. (I'm hoping you're catching the sarcasm... and I don't really like her as an instructor).
I called Laura tonight. It's weird... because she's seeing someone else. That's not the weird part... that was to be expected... the weird part is that I was honestly happy for her. I mean, she's my friend, and you're supposed to be happy for friends... but she's also my ex, and someone with whom I was trying to patch things up this past summer. And, in those instances it's generally accepted to want the person to be unhappy for the rest of their lives. But something weird happened when we were on the phone... I was able to hear how excited, how schmoopy, how just plain happy she was... and I was happy. This was something I've been trying to learn from my friends Alex and Colleen... they always seemed to be happy for and rejoice in other people's happiness or talents. It's something I thought you'd have to be in a better place in your life to do, at least a better place than I'm in. I mean... it seems like a long time since I felt the initial attractions of love... when everything is exciting and new, and you're just happy to be alive because you want to know what's next. But, apparently, you don't have to be in that place to want good things to happen to your friends. Even if those friends happen to be ex-girlfriends.
That thought wasn't formulated well. But the gist is that I'm actually genuinely happy for someone, even though I'm not really in a happy place myself. There... concise. Anyway... Laura and I had a good conversation, as we are known to do (when we're not arguing for no reason)... and that's about all. I'm just typing and getting ready for bed... as I have an early meeting with Andrea and Seth to go over some things on the computer (I think... I never know what the meeting are going to be about until I'm in them).
I'm feeling especially meloncoly right now... I hope it goes away, as I played Hamlet once (unsuccessfully) and I don't wish to do that again in real life. (but it's kinda cool to go a little crazy and knowingly aid in the murder of two of your friends) (not really) (yes... really)

A gift
As I tried to start out my day... I found myself having trouble with my normal, everyday routines... the cereal, milk already poured, was forgotten... the shower included shampoo, rinse, AND repeat; unintentionally...
I guess my mind was elsewhere this morning... so imagine my elation when Andrea called half-an-hour before I was to go into work to tell me that she had too much of her own stuff to do for us to meet, and, furthermore, we were probably as far as we could get on all of my various tasks. So we're "cool for today" as she put it... and I have today off, as I put it.
Truly a gift.
But now I'm left trying to figure out what of the millions of things that I want to do/have to do for myself can get done today.

"Hold on... if you feel like letting go" - Good Charlotte
I've certainly run the gamut of emotions tonight... but let's start with earlier today, shall we?
My day started with the meeting of Seth, another member of team Johnson. It seems as though his job description consists of securing locations for MORE ColdStones and swearing. This is what he does... and apparently he's quite good at what he does. Yeah... anyway, Seth, Andrea (who I am NOT dating... what the hell?), and I went to CostCo which is some kind of Sam's Club type wholesale warehouse place. We purchased boxes (cases, if you will) of Butterfingers, Reese's Cups, Snickers, Nestle's Crunch, and M & Ms. Cases... just a shitload, ok? So... if you need, say, a case of Hersey's Kisses I could probably hook you up. But we don't know anyone like that... right.
Anyway... Andrea said that after they get me a card, I could go shopping there for groceries if I wanted to... and I might check it out. They had bulk cereal (I eat cereal) and even some Valentine's Candy (never too early). Right... so that was fun.
Then I came back to mah place and got a semi-random phone call from Mr. Michael Joseph Bohne. It sounds as though, even though all the "strong, clashing personalities" graduated from the Euphonics last year, there's still melodrama. I'm not too worried about it... Euphonics is something that's bigger than any of the members of the group. It's something I've had to come to a realization about this past year... Euphonics doesn't need any of its members, the members need Euphonics. There will always be a Euphonics as long as there's an Albion College. It's one of the things that has really made me come to grips with the futility of the individual... >sigh< But I was part of the genesis of Euphonics... so maybe one person really can make a difference... Maybe this bucket of ice cream (complete with spice cake) will answer the tough questions for me. Hmm... let's see, shall we?
Anyway... it was great to hear from Mike... and it sounds like he'll be able to work through things. I'm already working on figuring a way to get the Euphonics concert date off. I know it'll be worth the trip :)
Then... I went to class. And due to the slight and subtle push from someone dear and wonderful... I decided to have my classmates read it out loud (we don't have to have our stuff read... but this week I went for it). And, even though my instructor had a couple constructive criticisms (his job), everyone in my class really liked my scene. They were laughing out loud... and I think I even got a laugh or two out of my instructor. I don't know... I just felt... "on." We then did an exercise where the instructor (Rob, for future reference) gave us scenarios and we brainstormed how it could be a "Clash of Context" scene. He listed "Nightclub" and some people mentioned some things and then I said "it could be like a middle school dance, where all the men and women are on opposite walls" and he said "Yeah... ok... that's a really good idea, actually..." and then he got cut off by someone else. But it was the only one in the whole exercise he said was a "really good idea." Then THEN... we had an hour to free-write and I started writing something that I think is REALLY funny. I don't know... like I said, I felt "on" tonight.
From class, I went into the store to help them vaccum out the vents (not a fun or easy job)... slicing my ring finger open in the process... but that wasn't going to bother me tonight! Nothing was going to bother me tonight... until...
I got a voicemail message from my dad. It was 11:30 Michigan time... and his voice was weak. The only time I've heard him like this is when something terrible had happened... and he was dancing around it. He started talking about where I should have been and not knowing why I didn't answer... This was not good. My first thought was that my 90 year old grandmother had passed away. I know it's not a great first thought... but all my other grandparents are already dead... so it's not THAT weird a thing to think. Then I thought maybe someone was in the hospital... my dad has had his troubles with his prostate, and two of his sisters have had breast cancer... so that wasn't unheard of either. But that wasn't it either... they hadn't heard from my sister since Saturday. It's only Monday, you say... yeah... but my sister has TWO classes in other cities and she has to drive and she hates winter driving and... well... let's just say there were other reasons for us to be concerned. So I went from such a high... to feeling REALLY worried about my sister.
And there was no way to reach her... So I talked with someone else. Someone who can always calm me down... someone who can always make me feel better... and I was ok. We had a good conversation... and my parents called while we were still talking to tell me that they had called Nate (per my idea) and had him go over to Karen's to see if she was ok. And she was... she thought we were all "funny" for being so worried... but that's us. We're funny.
I'm going to tell you something really weird... and it's another one of those things that I think I shouldn't write... which means that I probably should. It's a risk... and I don't take enough of those. Whatever... anyway... I started to cry tonight... and I couldn't. I cried for about ten seconds and then, inexplicably, I stopped... and printed off a fucking Faxable ColdStone menu. I mean... I thought I was willing to let myself cry tonight... I told myself it was ok and then I stopped. It makes me wonder if there's something seriously emotionally wrong with me. I mean, I know I'm a man and shouldn't worry about not being able to cry... but that's just societal bullshit. A well-rounded person, an enlightened person, is not only able to recognize their own emotions, but mature enough to let their emotions run there course. I mean... I don't want to have so much control over my emotions that I cease to feel any of them. Shit... it's like when people ask me how I feel. How do I feel? How do I feel? I haven't got a fucking clue... what does it look like I feel? Do I look happy? I probably am then... do I look upset? Then I am... I don't know! How do I feel? Fucking numb... all the time. It's been a while since I felt anything substantial for over ten seconds.
>sigh< good... i had to get that out.

I've been thinking about posting some of my scripts... whaddya think? If no one's interested, I won't waste the space... but if you'd like to see anything I've been working on... let me know. And, furthermore, if you made it through that little rant and are still reading this... I'm impressed.
Goodnight... and I wish you far less restless sleeps and tormented dreams than I've been having of late.

"Capricorn

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
Even though you consider yourself a sane and rational human being, dear Capricorn, today your intuition is operating at such a high level that not even you cannot ignore it. Rather than try to will it away, why not embrace those messages that are bombarding you? Just give yourself this day, this one single day, to embrace the possibility that you may have some extra-sensory ability. What would be the harm in trying to understand the extent of the power that you have?"

Not the super-human power I dreamed of having when I was a boy... but I sense that it doesn't bother you >wink<

I just finished what could possibly be the best thing I've written since I started taking classes at Second City. And all I had to do was make fun of Catholics, hard-core Christians, and Vegetarians. This leaves, roughly, 23% of this country's population to find my scene funny. Maybe it wasn't smart of me to make fun of alcoholics or pot smokers... as that cuts the percentage of people who find my scene amusing down to 0.7%. But those 47 people are going to laugh their hynies right off! No more hynies!!!

Oh... totally PS... the Matt who was kissing my ass earlier asked tonight if he should start calling me "sir." Does this guy not have a clue or what? Whatever... keep kissin' my ass, boy! Mwah ha haaa...

CrazyJohn on the law of Craziness
On my way back from work I tried something new today. When I approached a couple of guys who looked like they were going to ask me for money, I started arguing with myself. Not very loudly... just loud enough for other people to hear that I was arguing with myself. And, it worked... they were probably thinking to themselves "don't fuck with THAT white boy!". Which brings me to the law of craziness: don't fuck with someone who's crazier than you are. It's obvious... and the reason that no one should ever fuck with me :)

I wanted to include this song... as I just watched Donnie Darko. I like this song... and, after two Guinness (Guinnesses?), I REALLY like it. Here:
"All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me" - "Mad World" Tears for Fears

"Because in the end, going home alone sure beats going home to a pissed off woman." - Ken

Snow + Two inches of accumulation = Chicago's Sidewalks OR It's a fact: Snow hides poop
I guess I'll start with yesterday. I went to Dominick's for the first time ever. It's a grocery store... and I knew it was "high class" when I parked between a Lexus and an Audi A4. Yeah... nice.
So Dominick's was fun... $123 worth of fun, but fun none-the-less. I bought myself the largest container of Orange Juice I've ever seen... mmm... orange juice.
Anyway, I then made Miss Amber Buck's Enchiladas... which I affectionately call Buckinchiladas! Heehee... I'm the most clever man in the history of men. And, while I was eating, I was talking online to mah girl Jen. Jenna and I talked for almost three hours (I think)... and it seemed like we were both morny (did I use that right, Jen?). >shrug< it was fun.
Then today I went into work about 2 in the afternoon and Andrea called work to check in on things... She wanted me to go to the Bank and pick up $450 worth of change. And, before I left, Andrea told me I should ask out Amanda, a woman who works as a teller at the bank. Andrea could "tell she was interested" in the fifteen seconds that Amanda and I interacted the first time I went to the bank. So that made me laugh, as I hadn't picked up any vibes... and I'm uncanny at picking up body language (I'm the bestest ever!... ok... sometimes I totally suck, but, for a guy, I'm the bestest ever!) That's when I met Ashleigh at North Community Bank. >Blush< Ashleigh was my teller, but she wasn't in charge of the change pickup, so we both had to wait while the other teller finished with a customer... so we talked. She's from Michigan, the Jackson area to be exact... and she's going to some International Design school in Chicago... something about wanting to be a "buyer" for clothing lines. >blush< She was cute... and when I told her I went to Albion, she asked when I graduated and I said just this past year, and she thought I had been older. >blush< um... yeah... she had dated a guy from Albion... and I wanted to say that we weren't all like him. Unless she liked him... in which case we were all exactly like him. But we talked about Second City and how long she'd been working at the bank (we had a LOT of time)... and then she asked my name before I left. >blush< She was cute.
Anyway... I came back to the store and spent most of the afternoon organizing the "paid out"s. It took a while, and was boring... but I got paid to do it, so whatever! I then came home and had a fairly long conversation with my folks... just catching up on things. And tonight I'm playing XBox and will eventually work on my script for Monday's class. And that's where I am now... hope you're all having a lovely evening.
Aloha!

" 'You are your own worst enemy' - Andrea"
This is apparently Andrea's new managerial technique. She says she's going to give me a quote a day... and the above was today's quote. I almost started singing "It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy," but then I would have to be a flash-in-the-pan bitch like Lit... so I didn't. This quote was handed to me at our 10:15 meeting this morning (for which I was late... damn). But she proceeded to give me a list of about 19 things to do... and then we, honest to God, talked about the benefits of midget ColdStone employees. I bet you wish you could talk about midgets with your boss. But you can't... because you have respect for your employment.
So... our meeting lasted until about 11:30 when we went back to the store, and we started doing productive stuff. My BIG assignment today was to get her and the store two datebooks (one just for her own use and the other will be our "request off" book where people can request days off, hence it's name [i'm not paid to name shit... give me a break]). So after trying, unsuccessfully, to get one at Walgreens, I headed to Borders on the Magnificent Mile. Surely four levels of bookstore should have datebooks! Um... no... no they didn't. All their datebooks have been sold, as it's the beginning of the year and people have already bought them. So that sucked big balls... but I DID purchase myself one for $4 (it looks like my red Hawaiian shirt, no joke). But I knew that wasn't professional enough for her... so I had to do some investigating.
Keep in mind that it was FREEZING out today. Actually, worse than freezing. I hear that the windchill brought it down to -15 for most of the day (that's Fahrenheit). So I was all "walking around" but really I was all "I'm going to die." So that was fun.
Anyway... I thought to myself "well, stupid, where would you go if you were still in Big Rapids?" and the answer was "I don't appreciate being called stupid." ALSO, the answer was Staples. But the nearest Staples is in Valparaiso. That's in Indiana. So that was out... but I DID go to an Office Max. You know, the one up on Fullerton? Yeah... that's the one. And I got some kickass datebooks... and then noticed that there was an Old Navy across the street... so I went there. I got FIVE long sleeve T-Shirts for less than $20... they were all $3.50 and they're all sweet. I bet I look hot! Or at least I look warmer than if they were short sleeved.
With that out of the way, I headed BACK to the store to place the books. While there, I asked Hannah and Abby what they thought of my choices... and they thought I had done a pretty good job (for a man [they didn't add that modifier, I did]).
Then, randomly, Laura called to give me weird info about some dude in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, who's eaten 19,000 Big Macs... I mean, don't get me wrong... it was tres interesting, in a weird "I have relatives in that city" kind of way. It was nice to get a call from her out of the blue like that... it made me smile. Although, I WAS having a serious talk with Abby about what she would like to see changed with the store, so mayhaps the timing was a bit off... but I DID answer the phone.
After that random phone call, I went and got bananas for the store... and then watched Jenn make a couple pans of ice cream (I'm trying to learn how so that I'll know). And then I came back here at a little after nine... after an almost 11 hour day of various work related things.
Sigh... such a long day. I followed it up by ordering uniforms for the store (one of the things on my list). The cool part about my job right now is that I think I'm the computer "expert" at the store already. Isn't that neat? I get to pretend to know everything... I don't see how this is different than college when I pretended to know everything, but it is. Maybe because there isn't a Court to correct my science knowledge, or a Laura to correct my spelling, or a Sellers to correct my vocabulary, or a Jim... wait, he's still around... ok... or a Bob to call me a F--k face. Nope... it's just me and, for once in my life, there's no one around who's better than I am. I know I still have a lot to learn, but it's nice to have the security of knowing that you're the "expert" at something. You know? Of course you don't... you're reading this, which means there are plenty of people around who are better than you are. Take, for instance, that guy who's NOT reading this blog... or chedder cheese fries (mmm). That was random.
Speaking of random... i'm going to go now, as I'm really tired. g'night all

Odds and Ends and look who's getting his ass kissed now
So today started with yet another call as to inquire about who had Rhea's car towed and why. That's $125 that I'm not going to be responsible for.... for which I will not be responsible. Right. Basically mah girl Jessica handed it over to her supervisor because it's going to mean a fairly hefty rebate of some kind to me.
Then I headed into work to have Andrea give me a list of XI (that's eleven [that's 11]) things to do!!! It was ridiculous! The first thing I did was call our electric company because, apparently, we had a $4,000 electric bill last month! This does not make sense, as our monthly bills are normally $1,100 (which is still a lot). So I called the company and talked to a very very rude women who, upon my asking for the third time why we had a $3,000 "deposit" on our bill, thought that by saying it louder I would finally understand. Yes... she actually just said the same bullshit she had been saying (which even I didn't understand... and I'm f--king brilliant) LOUDER... thinking that would work. And I was all "OH..." playing along because I didn't want her to yell when I said "That still doesn't make sense, lady. I don't give a shit that it's four times our monthly bill... I want to know WHY WE HAVE TO PAY IT." That was not the funest start to my workday.
Then I went about the other stuff, which included, but was not limited to: cleaning the basement "stockroom," buying folders, making copies, and sitting and eating ice cream. Ok... so I added the last part, but it was after I did everything else. I said to Hannah and Matt (the two people working) "If one of you would like to make me a small chocolate with brownie and white chocolate chips, I would love it!" So, Matt proceeded to make the most delicately made small ice cream in the history of ColdStone. He completely smoothed out the ice cream on the stone... making sure there were no lumps (I guess... I have no idea what he was doing), then he put the brownie in, followed by almost an entire bowl of white chocolate chips... he just pored those little bastards on. Then he mixed it up... got some more white chocolate chips and put them in a waffle bowl... and put my ice cream on top. I was thinking "Huh?" but I was like... "thanks Matt... I'll be downstairs reading this" [holding up 'ColdStone operations manual'] "if you guys need anything." So I went downstairs and started eating (oh it was SO GOOD) and Matt came down with a large cup of water and said "you'll probably want this after all that" and handed me the water. I thanked him and he went back upstairs... and I just thought "He is kissing my ass... as if I'm someone important!" And, let me tell you, if you haven't had someone kiss your ass in a while... I thoroughly recommend it. Made me feel good... even though I have no way of giving him more money or even "playing favorites."
Which reminds me... here's a tip: If you're going to spend your time kissing someone's ass... make sure that someone can actually do something for you in return.
So I went back to my apartment after I had finished, and I made myself a great meal. I had grilled barbecue chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. Mmm... hearty. It reminded me of something my mom would make.
Which reminds me... I called my parents last night... but I was only able to talk with my dad for about six minutes. I haven't talked with them... well... since after the Packer playoff WIN, which was three weeks ago. We've all been too busy... and I miss them. I miss everyone... there's no one here.
And I've stopped that before I get sad again (currently still avoiding my emotions... hooray for maturity!).
In other news... the Ken who I speak about all the time finally has a blog of his very own. Check it out, if you'd like... he needs some readers. Will it be as entertaining as mine? We all know that question is laughable... so, simply, no... it will not be as entertaining as this here blog... but I'm sure he'll try :)

You can't believe you actually clicked on the last link, can you? No... no you can't. You've been tricked by the master. Heehee... that's me, silly billy!
Alright... I'm going to get some sleep now... I have a "meeting" tomorrow morning with Andrea at quarter after 10 at Starbucks, and then I have to be at the store to let the Refridgerator Services guy in. Yeah... I'm having a GREAT time [sarcasm not included... void where prohibited].

Pervert


What's your sexual appeal?
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The Onion weighs in on my top ten list
Check out what The Onion has to say this week:
"Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
There are some things in this universe that mankind was never meant to know. The boring details of your trip to South Dakota are among them."

Damnit... I'm sorry everyone who read my list... I didn't mean to bore you. :(

Good. You know your music. You should be able to
work at Championship Vinyl with Rob, Dick and
Barry


Do You Know Your Music (Sorry MTV Generation I Doubt You Can Handle This One)
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My day off; and friends: The mirror for which I had been searching?
I guess today technically started last night when I received a phone call out of the blue from an old friend of mine. He and I talked for two hours last night until we were both like "Well... it's three in the morning... maybe we should go." But it was a good conversation thanks, in part, to his reading of this here blog (Hi Jason!)... it just meant that we could skip over the "what's going on with you" portion of the conversation... which I always find tedious when I have to explain what I've been up to. I either include too little, so there's nothing to talk about... or I include too much and the other person is left saying "Yeah... that's great. I gotta get going." This was just thoughts and feelings and give and take and it was just a great conversation.
So I went to sleep... got up in a little less back pain than yesterday (yeah... it's still there)... and ate some breakfast, doin' my normal morning thing. My normal thing includes watching FUSE which is a music video channel... and today I saw "My Immortal" by Evanescene. I guess "saw" is the wrong word, because when it got to the first chorus I started crying and had to change the channel. I'm not going to get into why it made me cry... let's just say it has to do with who that song makes me think about and with what the song says about the situation. So, instead of confronting my emotions in a grown-up way and, perhaps even dealing with them, I ran away from them by changing the channel. This is the extent of my maturity.
Speaking of maturity... I changed the channel to HBO and watched the entire Mighty Ducks movie. This cheered me up, as it's a movie where all the right and good things happen to the right and good people. It's a crappy Disney movie... but I guess it's something I needed. It got me thinking about all sorts of neat movie quotes... which is why I complied the short list of them below. The first two still had the reason why I changed the channel in mind... and the second two were just because they are from movies that make me happy.
After watching The Mighty Ducks movie... I took a nap. And not just a normal nap... I took a "fuck the world, I'm outta here" kind of nap... from one to three in the afternoon. It was great!
Then I watched mahshows... got some work done for work (I'm working 'out of the office' now)... and went to a supremely disappointing Improv class. After last week, this week couldn't help but be disappointing... and it was. >Sigh< Tevie was back, and as f--king irritating as ever. We do this completely stupid game with gibberish (basically you just make up a language and go for it... it's really stupid) and her language consisted of "blah blah blah blah" OR to be REALLY different "bee bee bee bee." She ticks me off.
After class, I went to the Improv set at the mainstage again. That was fun... they're way good. And after that, I went to the Pub with Dave from class. We got to the pub at 11... and we talked until almost one. And by we talked... I mean he talked. Heehee... but it was good... it was like being able to talk with Ken, only not about sexual experiences he's had (come on Ken... WAY too much information!). It was good... and I feel sort of calm, kind of relaxed... ready to crack skulls to get my $125 for the towing and ready to be Andrea's bitch some more (I SWEAR she hired me because she finds it fun to poke fun at me).

Hot Tamales is a super fucking addicting candy. Just so you know.

I may not turn mah futon into the bed tonight... I may just sleep on it as is. Why do you care? I'm not sure. I need sleep. Goodnight all.
BTW the 20th marked my two month anniversary working at Cold Stone. Weird, huh? Seems like it's been longer.

"When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, really, honestly good and kissed?" - That Thing You Do! (1996)

"I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through [God's] eyes." - Bruce Almighty (2003)

"First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?" - Donnie Darko (2001)

"Hmmm. I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead. Like with, with a, rock or something. Like a, like a stone." - Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

What I learned from watching myself
I love Boston's "Piece of Mind"
My part in "Soccer Song" is perhaps the best guitar writing in the history of music.
And whatever happened to Amie?

Just me and the bucket of ice cream
so class was... class. I feel REALLY drained. Not tired so much... drained. It's time to admit that I'm emotionally drained... yeah, i hate to do it, but time to face the facts that I actually have emotions. And those emotions are... drained, there's no better word for it. i feel overwhelmed at work... i feel out of my league in my writing class... and i feel out of touch with not only my friends but also my family. i feel alone... out of touch... overwhelmed... all sorts of bad things and all at once.
So what I'm doing is watching old Euphonics video... old video of stuff I did in Big Rapids, some Outer Core stuff... eatin' some ice cream
i'm just trying to figure out who i used to be... and maybe it'll tell me who i am

"So this is who I used to be
what happened to him?" - from a yet untitled song by John Steeno

If Sunnydale is over Hellmouth... than Macomb, Illinois must be over Crazymouth
Well... I just recently heard that there are some CRAZY people who go to Western Illinois University. Why should I care??? Well... because Western Illinois University is in Macomb, Illinois.
"Oh," I hear you say, "now it makes sense." Yeah... keep your sarcasm to yourself, you sarcastic bastard. If you read this book from the beginning instead of reading the ending (you're spoiling the surprise!!!), then you'd know that this here crazy bastard was BORN in Macomb, Illinois! Home of the Western Illinois Leathernecks! (Yes, Leathernecks... and that means Bulldog oddly enough, it does not mean alligator).

That's really all I have to say. Except that, if you've seen a crazy person from Western Illinois recently, then... I miss you. I miss you a lot.

Where the hell did my weekend go?
Exactly my question... where did my weekend go. Between work, missing cars, and more work... the whole weekend just up and left me. >Shrug<
I've been meaning to say something about this for a while... and I think I'll say it now. Friday there was a door/gate put up next to the backdoor of Public Storage on Wells... between the Storage place and Bel Odor, a stupid little coffee place. The only reason this is significant is that the backdoor of Public Storage had been someone's home. I saw him sleeping there a couple times... the first time, I thought he was someone's disgarded sleeping bag, because that's what he looked like. But he was a real person... and that was his home... and who knows where he is now?
The city is too hard... and I'm not strong enough to see that without it tearing me apart inside. I guess that's why I'm beginning to feel so numb in this city... just numbed in general. And not just a normal numbed... I mean, I feel numbed to everything... just completely even emotionally. I don't REALLY want to get into it... but it's to the point where you want to FEEL something, ANYthing... just to prove to yourself that you're still alive.
I need sleep... goodnight

Dude, Where's my car indeed!
Ok, so... Rhea and Jean and my sister got here Friday and we just hung out at my place after I got home from work. Then, in the morning, I had to go back to work to have a "breakfast meeting" with the entire "Coldstone crew." After that meeting (in which I was introduced as Andrea's assistant... which I guess is what I'm doing now), Andrea and I went right to work. This may have come to a shock to me, since she didn't tell me that I would be doing anything after the meeting and since I wasn't ready for it... but I roll with the punches. I started by being put in charge of getting "that fucking Christmas tree out from the front of the store... and I don't care how you do it. Well, I do care how you do it... nothing that's illegal in the city of Chicago." Sounds like a job for Crazy!John. So, you know, me and Wells Street Willy took the tree, faux cement pot and all, all the way back to the back of the store... this was after a long time spent wondering how to get the tree out of the faux cement pot as it had been frozen in there solid.
So now it's about 11:30 and I know I have guests in my apartment, and I know my hands smell like pine and are sticky thanks to the sap, AND I know that my boss Andrea had started talking about "79% focus on that tree" and 21% focus on something else, whether it be compassion for my fellow crew members or on the fact that the bank we went to for our deposits is run like the "Police Academy"... you know, from the movies. Yeah... I'm not going to lie, the percentages came out of nowhere and it freaked me out a bit, as she kept referring to them. Although, this is the woman who tells me to "let go" of my feelings and use "the force." She's mentioned this a few times, each time referring to the "blast shield" section of 'A New Hope'.
Anyway, I was given tasks by Andrea until about 2 PM... tasks like compiling a list of Coldstone's contacts, contacting a few people about various things including our bills, AND not getting Rhea's car stolen. I was doing so well, too, when I got to the last one on my list: not getting Rhea's car stolen. Hmm... let's look at this from the beginning, shall we?
When I was on my way to the meeting at 10 am, I noticed Rhea's car was not in the spot in which I had told her to park. "Stupid women" I thought to myself, as it is always the woman's fault when things go wrong. This is the extent of my deductive reasoning after 23 years on planet earth... "Global warming?" I'll say, "must be a woman's fault... all that damn hairspray." Take THAT $100,000 Albion education!
Anyway, I called my sister and said that the car wasn't parked in the right place and just went about my business. Then, I got a call from my sister around 2 o'clock saying "where are you... what's going on?"... and then I mentioned the car and... low and behold... Rhea HAD parked in the correct place! So now the mad gauntlet begins... where could the car be? ok... so I called the woman who reserved the spot for me (remember when I had to go to a different building?), Jessica. Jessica was surprised that the car had "disappeared" as she had not gotten it towed. She then called my building for me to talk with the doorman to ask if he had gotten the car towed. Twenty minutes later, she calls me back to say that the doorman hadn't gotten the car towed. Huh? Ok... so I guess I'm calling the police then, after getting back to my apartment and freaking everyone out with the news. It took TWO calls to 911 to even be able to file a stolen vehicle report (and, get this, I was about thirty times more professional about it than the police officer was... he asked who the car belonged to and I said Rhea and he said "You don't sound like no Rita" and I said "Do you need to speak with the owner of the vehicle?" I mean... come on! You're a fucking cop taking a stolen vehicle report... at least PRETEND you give a shit!). The police officer than told Rhea that the car had been stolen. Now it's my turn to play detective. I went downstairs to talk with my doorman about it... and he called the towing company... who didn't know a Chevy Corsica from a Chevy Malibu (even I know THAT much about cars... and I'm lame old me)... and who FINALLY figured out that they had Rhea's car. A twenty minute or so walk later and I'm paying $125 to get the car from the towing company because it was wrongfully towed. I'm THEN going in to see Jessica again, voicing my displeasure and kindly stating that the $125 should be reimbursed to me... and Jessica is very responsive to my tactics, as she reassured me that she would get to the bottom of the towing quandary and then give me a call Monday about how to reimburse me.
So we got Rhea a new parking spot in the other building complex... and I think everything should be fine. In other news, Jean has a particular scent that made me go >drool<... and I was all "I wonder why I'm drooling" until she told me that she was wearing Strawberries and Champagne from Victoria's Secret. Why is this significant, you ask? Well... if you had REALLY been paying attention to this movie, you'd know that that was Amie's scent. It's so weird! The sense of smell is the least understood sense we have... as it seems to be the most DIRECTLY related to memory, and yet we hardly ever use it (we use it to eat... but we don't use smell exclusively... give me a break!). So I remembered that I really liked that smell way before I remembered why. Weird, huh?
Um... so that's really all I have to update. I was supposed to have a visitor or two today... but they couldn't make it. I'd like to say that I'm disappointed... but, honestly, this is not the first time plans to visit me have fallen through, and I wasn't really holding my breath. I just would have been really happy if they could have made it... but, again, not holding my breath.
I have to work tonight... from 6 to close... so I'll miss all or most of the Philly/Carolina game. But I WILL be able to see the Colts/Pats game... and it's snowing... and it might be way neat! Big games in snow are so awesome... and one of the reasons why football is the greatest sport ever. Hooray!!!
>Sigh< I've got SOOO much to do... stupid work. I'll write more later about more stuff that will happen later. That statement makes sense.

Capricorn
Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
"Today you could well want to set aside a block of time to spend with close friends, or with a love partner, dear Capricorn. Other responsibilities, however, could have you out and about on your own, taking care of errands and other important matters. At some point you may have the feeling of being "lonely in a crowd." Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Take care of business and then get back to your loved ones. "

This would be really weird if it didn't describe every day ever. Poop on them.
I've got dishes to do and laundry to put away before Rhea and Jean and my sister get here. Have a crazy Friday :)

Yeah... so... what am I doing?
So I met with my manager Andrea today for about an hour and a half. We basically just went over the "scoop report"... and she showed me in the store what they look for when evaluating us. She also gave me a few simple ideas on how to keep employees busy! Hooray for delegating authority!
I'm also pretty sure that I'm going to have to be all "I'm a manager guy... I'm on the phone with you because we need something" or something. I hope I can be an asshole to someone... and maybe fire them. Yeah... that'd be nice... I just want to make myself feel important by making someone else feel worthless, is bascially what I'm doing. heehee... I'm totally lying... firing someone would make me cry. Or give me a hard-on... I'm not sure which.
In other news, I woke up with the worst back pain ever in the history of things with vertebrae. I don't think it's the bones, but rather the muscles because it hurt to breathe. Yeah... that's pain. I don't know what that's all about.
In OTHER news, I had a few phone conversations with some lovely ladies today... most of them were good news, too. Plus, I had to get Rhea and Jean a parking pass by going to ANOTHER BUILDING (that's a story for another time).

I think I started to write a song. I'd write more about the song... but it's one of those songs that you write because you have to... and not really because you want to sing it to anyone. You know? I don't know... I just feel like I have a lot to say and I don't know how else to say it. And, in a perfect world, I would just say how I feel to who I want to tell it to... but that's not this world. And that's not this night.... goodnight moon

*Squee*
Got a random call from Miss Laura Kraly tonight... which is weird because I had been thinking about her all afternoon. But it was good to talk with her, even if it WAS just about the weather.
How impressed would you be if I said I had to read some "scoop reports" tonight? Tres impressed??? Yes... you would, because you wouldn't know that it was, in fact, really lame. >shrug< I think I got paid for the time I spent reading it... so that's cool. Nothing like making money for sitting on mahfuton and reading :)
I feel like poop, by the way. POOP. Oh well... I think I'm going to call it a night VERY early tonight. But we'll see.
I've also really had a craving for chocolate lately... I think I must be having my period. Or something.
Have a crazy night :)

Good Lord my back!!!
Ouch my back... I think it's that the "flu" (if that's what I have) has made me all achy/breaky. And my throat still hurts... and I'm whining and that's irritating!
Speaking of whining... there was a woman doing the improv set last night on the mainstage and she had this whining character... she was so funny! And she looked like a cross between Susan and Karin Heffel, so, you know, she was pretty cute >wink<
Ouch my back! Son of a BITCH!
In a completely unrelated story, I had "Pretend" by Outer Core in my head all yesterday. This was tough because I don't know the lyrics... so it was just me mocking Ken in my head most of the day. It was still pretty neat.
>shrug< I have to meet with Andrea sometime tomorrow to learn what the hell I have to do about being the Assisstant Manager's Assistant or whatever I am. Hope you have a crazy day that doesn't hurt as much as my back does.

A contented mood... from me? Even I can't believe it
Yeah... so I just got back from a really good improv class. We had a substitute teacher and she not only gave us positive feedback (for one of the first times ever), but she also seemed to really have a grip on what we were doing and why it was important. I mean, we really seemed to understand why what we were doing was important... and how it played to the audience. >shrug< I don't know... it was just a really good class.
Jim came over today... he looked good, even though he's looking for a job again. But he looks a lot more confident than he was before... so I think he'll be all right. I'm going to try to do something fun for him... like maybe we'll go to a movie or something. >shrug< he needs to relax a bit, I think.
I also got a semi-random call from Miss Karen Green... she and San Jose were on their way to ACTF and wondered if they could stop by and get something to eat. But, alas, it would've taken too long for them to drive all the way up to the loop to meet me for dinner and then drive back to where they needed to be. So, that would have been cool... and it made me feel good that they were even considering driving all the way up just to see me. I really REALLY like when people take the time and effort to visit... which is why I try to take the time and effort to visit other people, and I pride myself on the fact that I have visited a lot of my friends' houses and home-towns... it's fun!
Whatever... I don't know what I'm saying but I'm hungry so i'm going to go eat something... have a crazy night :)

Big load of crap!... I'm officially "sick"
Woke up with sore throat (again), back pain, and started the coughing and sneezing... I'm proud of myself for holding out this long... but I'm officially sick.
Jim called, he's going to come over today in a couple of hours... that should give me just enough time to shower and do a couple loads of laundry. The good thing about me being sick is that I really don't get hungry... which is good for my girlish figure. Hmm... yes 'tis. It's also good because, it seems like whenever I buy food I keep eating it... and the more food I buy, the more food I eat until it's all gone and then I have to buy MORE food! Does anyone else have that problem, or is that just me?
hope you're having a less ill day than I am... blah...

Um... what?
I don't know what happened, but I'm in a terrible mood. I went to class... and my monologue kind of... well it sucked ass, I'm not going to lie to you all. And this isn't a "oh I'm being modest" sucked ass... it honestly sucked ass. And then, at the end of class, I read what I had wrote for our assignment for next week (he gave us forty-five minutes to freewrite), and that sucked too. I mean, it wasn't as bad as the monologue, but I just felt like an idiot reading it. It blew.
Then Adam and I went to the open mic night again... and there were some pretty funny guys there. I mean, people who do this for a living who you'll probably never hear of... and I guess that depressed me because these guys are so much better than I am, but they'll never make it... what chance do I have? And Adam left the open mic with his friend TJ (also a comedian... he was good) and they were going to go to ANOTHER open mic. I mean, they're really putting hours in... and I just don't feel like I have the energy to do that, you know? Although, that might just be the illness talking (I still feel sick). And, even though I'm sick... my insomnia's worse than it was before. Oh well...
In better news, Chelsea talked to me online while she read my blog for the past few weeks (she actually read this... even I don't do that, which is why there are so many egregious speling erorrs). There she was, reading what I had been up to... if Kopec doesn't watch out, I'm gonna take that girl and bendherover >mumbles incoherently for thirty-two seconds<... screamin' for her mama. Wow... I can't believe I said that. But I would.
And that's really all I have for now. Best of luck to all those Albion kiddies going to ACTF! And a big thanks to Mr. Michael Joseph Bohne who asked me to be one of the Groomsmen at his wedding. >blush< I'm so humbled... I can't wait for 2005!!! Best news I've heard in a while!!!
>shrug< that cheered me right back up again... these violent mood swings must mean I'm near my period. Have a crazy gender :)

CrazyJohn-The Best and Worst of 2003
I was going to make a top five list of the best of that past year, but there's been more than just five great things in the past year. Also, I have more than ten good things that happened, so I'm going to add a little honorable mention section. Let's see how this all works out... here we go, here's the whole list in all its glory!

Honorable Mention: The 2003 IM Indoor Soccer season. I was able to help a really good team get fairly far into the IM Soccer playoffs (as their weakest link). I also was able to hang out with Jordan, who is a totally cool young man, and just an all-around great guy. It was a lot of fun... and I was happy to be able to get the chance to play (I love soccer).

#10 Worst of 2003: Graduation screw-ups. This isn't a HUGE deal, but it's enough to continue to piss me off. I was in Mortar Board, an honorary frat, and never recognized for it (even though my friend was reading the list of names and assured me that my name would be on the list [PS Don't sweat it, hun... it's more that I was supposed to be recognized the year before]). I was also wrongly mentioned as a Management Minor in the commencement program... PLUS it seems like Albion had no idea what I actually graduated with, as I was listed as an English major without the Philosophy OR Philosophy without English. I'm sorry... but if I wanted to be lost in the graduation shuffle, I would have gone to a bigger school. Poop on Albion.

#10 Best of 2003: The Summer Party at Brandon Bartlett Blackburn-Dwyer's. I won't go into all the details, but it was a time for catching up and reconnecting. And, I think it was the last time I was able to have a good, long talk with Brandon... who, believe it or not, can actually listen and listen well. He's a great guy and I miss him... but it was great to go to lunch with him the day after and it was really great to reconnect with all the people at the party, including a certain beautiful young lady who told me for the millionth time that she forgave me and I finally believed her. It was a great night.

#9 Worst of 2003: All the English Homework and My Last Semester of College. I'll be pissed about this for the rest of my life, I'm sure. Yes... I did read about twenty REALLY good books (and a few terrible terrible ones, like the House of Mirth... "You didn't actually read that" "shut up! Who's f--king blog is this?"), but it felt like all my friends were enjoying their last semester... finishing the thesis sucked for some, but then it was relaxing/partying/not reading all the damn time. And I was pretty much busy the whole semester. This wouldn't piss me off so much if it didn't happen to me EVERY semester. >sigh< I guess my college carreer ended the same way it was the whole time... and I really wanted the last semester to be easy. Son of a bitch to that.

#9 Best of 2003: All of the traveling by myself. 2003 was a year of travel for me in groups... but it was also a year of travel just for me. Over the summer I drove all over Michigan, to Detroit and up "north", to Saginaw... And I've driven all over Chicago, Wisconsin, and upper Indiana... I've driven in the beautiful fall colors, cool summer nights, sunsets, and the occational drive through the millions of city lights at night when no one else is driving. Nothing clears my mind and relaxes me more than a nice drive... >sigh< so peaceful.

#8 Worst of 2003: Job Hunting. Yeah... the job search in Big Rapids was almost non-existent, but it was still me not getting a job or having money. There aren't, surprisingly enough, a whole lot of jobs in Big Rapids... and I was actually really happy to be able to mow my friend Nate's lawn for his parents. Then I came to Chicago, where Jim had been hunting for a job for about a month already by the time I got there. And it took me almost another month to settle myself enough to hunt for jobs myself... but then I did. And, well, it was a microcosm of what I had feared for years and years: You can be qualified enough for a job and still have no one care. No one cared... I kept calling and calling, and no one cared that I was good enough to do the job. OVER-qualified for the job... I went from the shelter of Albion, where what I did made a difference (and, in my humble opinion, a BIG difference by the time I was a senior... I mean... I could have run fund-raisers there my senior year, I was practically a celebrity)... to being just another person in an already over-populated city. It was the symbol for the societal smack in the face that I was avoiding the past four years while at college... and it hit me in 2003.

#8 Best of 2003: The American College Theatre Festival. Yes, ACTF, which I had previously avoided like the plague. I still fundamentally disagree with the philosophy of theatre as a competition... and I hated actually performing for those sons of bitches, but everything else was great. I had some great times with Bohne and my son... going to Dennys for a two hour breakfast, driving around the town, just talking and laughing with two wonderful people. I also had a few great conversations... and was able to watch a play while holding hands with the most beautiful girl in the world. So that's always a plus... as far as the theatre going experience. I was also able to drive at night while holding those same loving hands... It was the beginning of something great and, in some ways, the beginning of some really hard times... but everything is more exciting in the beginning. PLUS... how often do you get to say that Starko bought you Indian food? Well... if you're not Erin Lewis how often does that happen? Well... if you're not a woman, how often does that happen? And AND! I was able to see what was undoubtedly the performance of Miss Laura Jeannine Kraly's life, as she was spectacular (never better!)... and I gave a toast to the cast, of whom I was INSANELY jealous because Charlie's Aunt would have KILLED! They would have loved it... and I would have felt so incredible to be on a stage that large, with an audience that big, and have people laughing at something that I was doing... but this is besides the point. It was a great trip, is all I'm saying. Oo oo! PLUS I had a couple REALLY good talks with a Miss Colleen Kelly, who is just a fantastic person. What can I say? It was a good week.

#7 Worst of 2003: A Disappointing Hamlet. Speaking of theatre, in 2003 I had a dream fulfilled... I was able to play Hamlet the Dane on stage. I had wanted to play Hamlet ever since reading it in high school and realizing that I feel very much like he: melancholy, smarter than everyone around me, and doomed to die tragically while trying to prove I was right about something. Anyway... I wanted to play Hamlet for as long as I can remember liking Shakespeare, and I finally got the chance in 2003. There's only one problem... my performance. After just having been in Charlie's Aunt, perhaps the greatest role in my life to date (and easily the most work I've ever put in to a play), my performance in Hamlet left much to be desired. I actually feel like I did so poorly, that I really wish I would have stopped with Charlie's Aunt (gone out a champion of sorts). I don't think I'm just being hard on myself, either... I've seen the tape. I don't think I've heard a more mono-toned, emotionless Hamlet (or character) in my entire life... I was flat, and I was flat even on my "good" night. It was pretty much enough to make me want to stop doing serious roles all-together... because if I'm going to perform like THAT, I shouldn't even try. >shakes head< So disappointed in myself.

#7 Best of 2003: Susan and Adam's Wedding. While Susan and Adam weren't my first friends to get married, they WERE the first couple who I loved separately that ended up together (how did that sentence make any sense?). >Shrug< Face it, as long as I've known Susan and Adam, it's been Susan and Adam (some say "Adam and Susan"... these people are morons) (no... it doesn't really matter... I think they even answer to "hey whitey" if you want to call them that)... And I wanted them to work so much, that I was happy to see them get married. But this isn't the only reason why this was SUCH a good day. I'll start with just being invited... which wasn't sure in and of itself (moron this later). Plus I had a reconciliation with a professor who had historically been a total asshole to me... and he seemed even interested in what I was going to be doing after college. >Shrug< Weird, huh? PLUS I was able to dance with three beautiful women AND have a wonderful conversation with Miss Colleen Kelly (odd that our conversations end up days on this list... it's a good thing I didn't have a Best and Worst of 2002, because our conversations would've found themselves on the Worst list that year... yeah...). But BUT the GREATEST part of the day... BY FAR... the greatest reason why this day was SO GOOD... was because of Miss Susan Dudley-Southard. I have never seen another human being as happy as Susan was that day... her mood made me feel good all the way to my core. She beemed... absolutely radiated pure joy... and I don't think I've ever been happier for another human being in my life than I was for Susan that day. I will ALWAYS remember how she looked as she walked down the aisle. I love Adam and Susan... and I hope that they have years and years of the happiness that they had that one day. And "John" is such a good name for a boy, just so everyone knows.

#6 Worst of 2003: An Anti-Climactic Graduation. For four years, my goal in college was to get that damn degree. Now, don't get me wrong, it wasn't my only goal while I was in college... but it's the reason why you go to college. "Hello!!! You play to win the game" Heehee... Herman Edwards... anyway, back to being pissed. Wait... I'm not pissed, I was numbed by the absolute nothing that was graduation from Albion College. Let's look at it... first of all, the ridiculous move into the Dow for the ceremony when it was sunny outside... which just completely stomped all the dreams and visions I had of graduating outside on the quad in front of a few thousand people. All the "romance" (pardon my cheese) of graduation was gone... and we had a ceremony in a stupid building with echoes and it was hot and it was uncomfortable... it was just a stupid ceremony. In addition, my family didn't really treat it like anything special. My sister and I recently tried to recollect where we went for dinner as a family afterward (after my sister's graduation, we went to a fancy restaurant), and we couldn't. I don't think we had a dinner for my graduation. Plus, I really didn't get anything... I mean, I got a GREAT digital camera for graduation... but we didn't have a party or anything... we didn't really do anything, my parents were like "we're going to give you some money for your trip, so we really didn't do anything for you." And they didn't. Plus, my then girlfriend wasn't even in the state (not her fault... but still hurt that I couldn't share it with her)... and it was just a numb day and a numb situation (for arguably one of the numbest years of my life... moron this later).

#6 Best of 2003: Spring Break! This year was the first time of my collegiate career that I went on Spring Break with a small group of friends (there was, of course, the Choir trip... which was incredible! but it was still a school sponsored trip). Sarah, Randi, Amber, Court, Sellers, and I drove down to North Carolina... and spent the better part of the week in a beautiful hotel right on the ocean. I don't know how to put how great this trip was... but was hung out on the beach, we went shopping in South Carolina, and we had one of the greatest dining experiences of my life so far at the House of Blues in South Carolina... SO GOOD! It was a great trip... great times... great people... even at the end when we were all hungry and angry at each other in an Applebees... I was still having fun (maybe because I'm a bit of a sadist).

#5 Worst of 2003: What a year for depression! It's hard for me to pin-point where this was most significant, but 2003 was a pretty depressing year for many reasons. So I'm putting "depression," just in general, on my list. The MAIN reasons why I got so depressed in 2003 are all above this on the list (above meaning below on the page, but above as far as rank... if you didn't understand that, why are you wasting your time reading this?)... but, let's face it, there were times this past year when I really didn't need a reason to be depressed. This year marked the last year that I had been looking forward to (John of 1999 said, "Wow... I'm going to graduate in 2003... I wonder what I'll be like"). Now, even the switch to 2004 is odd... because I never really thought about what would happen after I graduate. I never said to myself, "Gee, I bet 2012 will be a kick ass year!" or "Gosh, I can't wait until when 2020 rolls around!" because that would make me sound like a wussy. No... the Post-Graduation (PG) dates are all scary to me. I wasn't even thinking about PG until I had to... which was at graduation... which happened in 2003. I mean, when you're younger, do you think about what you're going to be like when you're 30 or 40? Maybe... but it's always thoughts of stability: a job, a family or not, maybe children, a house or just a place to call your own, a fucking dog or a two stall garage... these are the only things I have to look forward to? Who signed up for this shit? Not me! I signed up to play video games and hit on women until they're uncomfortable... I signed up to have someone do my laundry because I hate it so... I signed up for, well, nothing. So many things in 2003 hit me in the same way graduation did... 2003 was a year of change and, historically, change makes me depressed. So, via hypothetical syllogism, 2003 was a year that made me depressed... period.

#5 Best of 2003: Ken visits the Windy City! Wow... what a great week that was! I was worried about it because of the way I picked him up (hint: it sucked). But I had been in this city for two months, and I never looked at it like someone who was just trying to have a good time, until Ken came. It was great... we shot things, drank Guinness, went to eat interesting places, and we even got to see a great Packers win in Lambeau Field. Even though he was visiting me, it felt like I was on vacation. I look forward to next April, when I can return the favor by flying out to Vegas (I think it's April... I'll still have to check) (I just checked... it's April 5-11, but I might take off the week before [the Wedneday before] and then spend the weekend and be back in Chicago in time to not have to worry about the Easter travel traffic).

#4 Worst of 2003: All the friendship "lessons." Oh yes... 2003 was a year when I tried to think about what I wanted... and my friends let me know that they weren't too keen on the way I handled that whole thing. The year started with Laura's feelings noticeably hurt (she tried to hide it... just made me feel worse)... AND with a small group of "Laura-supporters" who pretty much felt that I should be drawn and quartered and, maybe afterwards, feed to some kind of barnyard animal. This was, oddly enough, fine by me because with the exception of one person (who will remain nameless, but who told me I was "wrong" for how I treated Laura and how I handled our relationship and its end) these were all Laura's friends and not mine. Then something that I can't explain happened between Susan and I. I can't explain it... because I'd be hard pressed to remember how it started, or even why we were mad in the first place. But Susan and I ended up mad at each other... not talking to each other... and I was left off the initial guest list to her wedding (see #7 Best of 2003). What I ended up walking away from that experience with was a new-found respect for how difficult it can be to keep friendships with people who you truely care about when you're busy and only worrying about yourself. Friendships are hard... they require effort... That's what makes them meaningful. You're damn right I'm willing to drive to Albion to see Amy Lewis' play... she's important to me; Mike Bohne is important to me; and that play was important to them. But it's not just about doing things when they're convenient. It's about thinking about people because you love them... and calling on New Year's Day while they're playing Lord of the Rings Risk just to say "Happy New Year!" These are good lessons I learned... but damn if they didn't have a price. If I had spent one-tenth of the time I was worrying about Susan and my relationship actually TALKING with her, this wouldn't have been a big deal. And, in retrospect, it was a good thing.
Oh, but the lessons didn't end there in 2003. If one good friend almost purposefully not inviting you to the most important day of their life isn't enough... we also had the "lame lessons." The lame lessons are my yearly lessons from certain people about how little time I spend with them, and how unimportant they must be to my life. And, of course, the "guilt" approach doesn't make me feel guilty... well, it does, but it mostly makes me feel ANGRY that you would use guilt in such a way: to manipulate my feelings, my love for you as a friend and as a person. I have, historically, gotten the lame lesson from a couple people in particular... but in 2003, everyone seemed to think that it was a good idea (even my family). I guess what confuses me the most about this whole thing is that most of these people are the people who tell me that they just want me to be happy and successful. Ok... so when I'm trying to attain happiness and success you're going to tell me that I don't spend enough time with you? What the hell do you want? My happiness or yours? Apparently it's yours. So pardon me for not feeling guilty when I tell you in no uncertain terms to go "shove it." >sigh< Happens every year... sometimes more than once a year... and it still hurts me. a lot. every time.

#4 Best of 2003: Thanksgiving/Christmas. Thanksgiving is pretty easy to explain... after having been in Chicago almost two months, and FINALLY getting a job just a few short days earlier, it was so relaxing to be with my family again. I didn't have to worry about any of the shit that I had been worrying about since I moved there... it was just about me and my parents and my wonderful sister... being together again. Now, Thanksgiving would be alone at #4 on this list if my Packers had beaten the stupid Lions (I hate every Lions fan except for Nate) (no... that is true)... but they didn't. So that depressed my family right quick... but if I add the short, but equally wonderful Christmas to this list... then this is a sure-fire number four. This year's Christmas wasn't about "material possessions" (which is not a phrase I would use, but it looks like I just did... so what the hell?)... it was ONLY about being with my family. My Sister and I made Christmas cookies for the first time in YEARS and, well, the whole experience was really about being together again.... with the people in my life who won't ever leave my life. They're stuck with me just as I am stuck with them, and I couldn't be happier about that :)

#3 Worst of 2003: Moving to Chicago. Yeah, kiddies, while this is where I am now... and I'm trying desperately to make it good for me, it was one of the worst things that happened to me in 2003. From finding an apartment on a day when my dad wasn't "into" it, to the actual move-in, to wondering around the city aimlessly, to the exposure to "city-life" and all the apathy to basic human life in the city. And, while it hurt me every time I saw someone begging when I moved here... I've since moved on to the "I'm just trying to make my own living, guy... what do you want from me?" phase. >Sigh< It is now completely obvious to me that one of my goals is to be wealthy enough to not have to live in a city like this... because I just can't handle it: all the noise, the people, everything. (Side note: Last week, on my way to work, there was about twenty seconds of pure silence in the city... and it was such a "loud" silence that I couldn't help noticing that it seemed like all the cars, and the wind, it all stopped. It was weird, and sobbering) Basically this would've been hard regardless of where I moved, because I moved here to live by myself... so the whole seperation from everyone and everything I had known was going to hit me... and it did in 2003. Now I'm not saying I'm over it... but being here in 2004 is already infinately easier than 2003. We'll see.

#3 Best of 2003: All things Euphonics!!! Being in the Euphonics will forever be one of my foundest memories from Albion... and in 2003 I finally have something to really be proud of for years to come: The CD. Was making the CD enough to put the Euphonics on my list? Hell no... making the CD sucked, honestly. But the fact that I have it... is so meaningful to me. It's like I'm leaving something at Albion that says "John Steeno was here, and he DID something, see?". That's important to me, for reasons I won't get into (you can guess... you're smart, unless you're a woman) (man, that was funny). Anyway, let us not forget the Albion Idol concert... that was fun, and a great end to my two and a half years doing Euphonics stuff. BUT... one of the greatest things about being a Euphonic this year was something most people didn't see: the gig at Starr Commonwealth. Yeah, that's right... the thing I wasn't looking forward to... I didn't know how we'd be received... I was worried they would just be totally apathetic towards what we were trying to do. But I can honestly say that the hour or so spent at Starr Commonwealth made all the work I did as a Euphonic (ALL of it) completely worth it. They were the best audience we ever had... they were TOTALLY into it, and we took some questions after our concert and I was asked if I was going to be "a comedian" and I said that I planned on living in my parent's basement for a while (which I did)... but it looks like I am trying to be a comedian. I really want to write a letter to Starr and let them know how great I felt that experience was, thank them for their enthousiasm, AND let them know that I am following my "dreams" and that they can too... if they work hard enough and are willing to put themselves out on a limb, like I am. So, Starr Commonwealth, the CD, the Albion Idol concert... 2003 was a great year to be a Euphonic.

#2 Worst of 2003: Saying Good-bye. 2003 was a year of "good-byes," as it was the year of leaving all things known and comfortable. No one likes saying good-bye... but it's particularly hard when you're leaving everyone you know and love and going off into the unknown by yourself. What else is there to say? Friends, family, teachers, that dude who I saw once... everyone was left behind in 2003. And everytime I go back someplace and see someone again, it means saying goodbye one more time. It's worth it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

#2 Best of 2003: My Birthday! What an odd day my birthday was. Waking up in Chicago by myself, driving to Wisconsin to be with my family, the three or four phone calls while I was on the road... then it was picking up my sister, a wonderful conversation, a football experience that will be with me for the rest of my life, another great conversation... finally cake and ice cream with my family, grandma, aunt, uncle, and two of my cousins.... what an odd day... but it's one I won't soon forget.

#1 Worst of 2003: THE break-up. Anyone who knows me, knows that this had to be on the list somewhere... and here it is, at number one. I'm not exactly sure how to put this all into words... I don't fault her and I don't hate her... In fact, I still love her... but it hurt, honestly. I mean, the timing sucked (even though I can't think of a better time she could have done it)... as I had just finished school and didn't have a support system around me sans my parents, who, being parents, can't really seem to help no matter how hard they try. It was good timing, in a way, as it meant I was able to look ahead to what I was going to do with myself without worrying about having to stay in Michigan... but I was going to want to stay close to see my family anyway. >shrug< I honestly don't know when would have been a better time... but I felt alone because all my friends were in different places when it happened. So I spent most of my summer driving to them just to be with my friends... and the summer was quickly spent, without me really knowing what I was going to do with myself. So the timing sucked, but, again, I don't see how she could have done it differently. The key thing was the emotions... I mean, she was able to open a flood of emotions in me, and then she left before I had learned how to control them (again, not her fault... more a timing thing... and my fault for not being in better control of my emotions by my 22nd year). So I spent a lot of time feeling an extreme depression, or remembering good times, feeling happy and THEN feeling sad, or feeling absolutely nothing. It's like my emotional switch has two positions: off and high. Again, this is not her fault... but it was an unfortunate place for me to be when we split. I guess, lastly, it was just a very confusing time for me overall... and this didn't help. I mean, for a long time I didn't understand why she did it... then it just didn't matter, but I still wondered why she was still talking to me... then THAT didn't matter, but I went back to wondering why we broke up if she was still going to want to talk to me, and so on. And all that was done while I was confused about what i should do with myself, and the rest of my life (I know I'm not supposed to think of this stage as the rest of my life.... but I'm not a very flexible person, so I'd really rather just plan something and stick with it). So it was just a confusing time overall... again, not totally her fault... she added to it, yes, but it would have been confusing even if she hadn't done anything.
In all of this, there are important lesson that I learned that shouldn't be lost. Fortunately for you, I've already commented on them... so I won't make this as long as it already is (what?). >Shrug< Karen is great... and she did what she had to do. There will always be nights when I look up at the falling snow and I will actually pause to notice how beautiful it is... and that's because of her... and I'll laugh because of her... thank you, Karen Rose.

#1 Best of 2003: ROADTRIP TO VEGAS!!! What can be said... besides I spent about two weeks with my son, Nick... two weeks straight... and we only argued once (about a stupid "do not disturb" sign), but we were better about fifteen minutes later after getting doughnuts. Nick and I saw beautiful things like the Badlands or wildlife in Yellowstone, strange things like the ice cream capital of the world or what might have been a drug deal in a reststop, and conscience altering things like a John Deer tractor standing on it's "head" or Mormons. We also spent a few days in Vegas with Ken, which I think I liked more than he did (as Ken and I stayed up until all hours of the morning playing video games while Nick was sleeping). We were also able to spend the night with Miss Amy Lewis in Louisville... which contained two of the most interesting and best meals of my entire life (it's worth the drive just to eat with her family... I won't ruin it, but it's awesome). Basically, it was a great time... and I was able to be with Nick when he experienced all sorts of new things and look at the world with a new perspective. And I love South Dakota. It was a truly amazing experience.... and I'm happy that it happened in 2003 :)

So... we're done. That was 2003 for CrazyJohn in all its glory. In general, 2003 as a year of extremes: from the incridible bliss, confidence, high self-esteem, comfort, and love that was life at Albion College... to the opposite, which is Chicago. It's basically like metaphorically going from a big fish in a little pond, to a little fish that gets eaten... all in one year. Am I looking forward to 2004? Not at all! But one of my resolutions is to look past that, and "just keep swimming." So best of luck to all you and yours in 2004-
-CrazyJohn-