Feeling Sick + Taking Medicine = CRAZY Dreams
On Thursday night, I had two dreams that I remember. In the first one, I'm eating a video tape in my basement while talking to my sister. I don't remember much else of the dream besides the fact that I was very nonchalant while eating the tape AND I remember thinking about how best to eat the actual film of the tape: should I slurp it like spaghetti? or should I rip it and eat parts like a fruit-by-the-foot? Don't ask me what it means... maybe video tapes are delicious, you don't know.
The second dream I remember even less of... but it is just another example of the weird way I dream. It was a Sci-Fi lameo dream... where aliens have captured the humans on their ship, and the humans have to fight to survive, etc. Whatever, right? Well, this is where I get all weird, even for me. I don't think I was in this dream. The 'main character' was a woman about my age, and she was saving two other, younger people. And they were running through the ventilation system (aliens need bigger ventilation systems, so they were running, what?). I don't know about you, but I think it's weird to have dreams where you're not even there... you're just watching it like a movie. Whatever.
Last night, I had a stupid little dream where my blog was published earlier than I wanted. You see, I write for a while and then I save the post as a draft and come back to it. It's very rare that I sit, write, and post all at one time. So in the dream, I accidentally posted my rough outline of a post and somebody asked me what was up with my last post... and I was all "Oh no! My blog!" because I'm lame.

Speaking of lame, I recently visited a little website called We Are Not Sorry.com. Please allow me to copy and paste the welcome statement. This is from the wearenotsorry website:
"Welcome to We Are Not Sorry where our name says it all. We have nothing to be sorry for. November 2nd 2004 was an affirmation that true Americans still believe in what is good and right for this country. President George W Bush personifies what Americas is, which a strong , courageous, GOD loving, and a moral nation. We are tired of everyone beating up on the United States and we are standing up to all the anti-American people out there that we are proud of our country, We do not believe that we are perfect by no means, but we continue to strive to be as great a nation as we can. But November 2nd was just the beginning. We still have many things for us Not to be sorry for. So enjoy your visit with us and may God Bless You and may God Continue to Bless America"
I did not alter this text from the website WHAT-SO-EVER. Notice that Bush personifies what "Americas is". And follow the rest of that sentence, if you can. I like that they are "standing up... that we are proud"... and notice a comma ends this sentence. "We still have many things for us Not to be sorry for"... I don't even know what that's supposed to be saying. And Look! In America, any Word can Be Capitalized for No reason! Ha ha!
Yes. As if the horrific slaughter of the English (or should I say American?) language isn't enough, they also have pictures! If you click on the photos link, I think you'll be surprised by how many people with big guns aren't sorry. Or maybe you won't be.

As if this filth wasn't enough, there's an even worse website out there. Rhea, I suggest you not go to this one if you're having a good day... because it's only going to get you all worked up and you're going to talk all fast and I'm not going to know what you're saying... and then you'll leave comments where you start with the word "What" but you're asking a question, but you didn't include a question mark so I have to read the sentence about four times before I figure out that you should have left a question mark. Anyway... check this website out ProtestWarrior.com. This is their welcome (taken directly from the website):
"Welcome to ProtestWarrior.com, a website created to help arm the liberty-loving Silent Majority with ammo -- ammo that strikes at the intellectual solar plexus of the Left."
Since when was the majority silent? They seem to do a pretty good job telling us what they think when they think it. And like the Republicans need more 'ammo'... don't they have all the ammunition? Didn't they see the other site? But, as far as a website standpoint, this one is much more professional, intelligent, and therefore scarier to me than the other, stupid one. Honestly, this website is very well put together... and they seem to be well organized as a group. I even like one of their t-shirts: "End Racism & Sexism Now! Kill All White Males". I think that's funny, and a good idea. Except, I think their point is that the statement they're making is ridiculous, where as I disagree and think it's a viable option. Regardless, it seems this website's favorite saying is: "Except for Ending Slavery, Facism, Nazism, and Communism, WAR Has Never Solved Anything". While I understand the point they're making, let's look a little more closely, shall we? Hmm... Perhaps no one has told the 1.2 billion Chinese that communism has ended. But the bigger problem here is saying that war "solved" problems, and "ended" things. While they have a point with Nazism... I believe slavery was ended peacefully by Lincoln and "solved" peacefully by Martin Luther King, Jr and others during the Civil Rights Movement. Regardless, it's important to know what the "other side" is thinking... so check out this page, if you get the chance.

This Friday night was my forth performance of the ADs Cut... and it was by far the best. We had the audience from the very beginning... and it seemed we could do no wrong. I love it when that happens; when it seems the audience will come with you no matter what you're doing or saying. It's very rare, but when it happens... it's like magic. Even during the Se7en scene we were getting big laughs. My friend Adam came and saw the show. And he said that I got a huge laugh because, at one point in the scene, I gave a half-smile as John Doe... just half my mouth curled up, and the audience laughed. That's how with us this audience was. It was an awesome experience.
Afterwards, I stuck around and saw a show called Voices of Freedom. It's a two-part, poetry, theatre, and hip-hop festival of awesomeness. Well, at least the first part was. It was broken up into the New Skool Poetics and then the DMG & The Freedom. The New Skool had this slam poet named Kevin Coval. When I watched him, I thought "Damn, I wish Nick was here to see this." He was GOOD... DAMN good. He's been on HBOs Def Poetry like three times and he's been part of the Chicago National Slam Poetry Team... he was really really good. So that was awesome. The second part was a little self-indulgent... about a woman who went to jail basically because her boyfriend was a bastard. I got the story from her in different ways (songs, poems, acted out) about a dozen times... so I could really get into it, if you wanted me to. But it was, as Nick would say, 'self-indulgent bullshit art.'
After that, Adam and I stayed to watch the midnight double-bill of My Naked Friends/The Animal Club. My Naked Friends did an improv show... and half the group was good, and the other half was pretty crap. But they had a hot red-head so I was riveted the whole time. And The Animal Club was good... even though I thought there was a chance that they could be a whole bunch of douches. They had a video of themselves to open the show... and it was them, like, having fun and rehearsing and it had all their names like it was an opening for a sit-com or something and I thought to myself... "Oh crap, here we go again." The last time I saw something like this for a live show was the Amazin' Blue concert... and they turned out to be huge douche-bags. But, I should've known... they all go to Michigan. Anyway... like I said, The Animal Club was good... but they've been to Caroline's Comedy Club in NY. And they're from Pennsylvania, so even being at The Second City is big for them... and they have a quote from a San Francisco paper on their poster saying that they're "one of the best sketch groups in the country," and I thought to myself, "I don't think they're THAT good." They're not THAT good... but they are pretty good, and the show was funny. Check out their website if you want to know more about them.

The beginning of a new era: Euphonics A.S. (After Steeno)
First of all, I want to congratulate the current Euphonic's on what I'm sure was a fabulous set of concerts Wednesday night. From what I hear, LAAP forced them to have to two concerts... because the fire code is violated every time there's a Euphonic's concert. That fact, that there are too many students watching the concerts than is safe, is awesome. I watched our first concert again last night... just for poops and giggles. As I was watching it, I realized something weird: People laugh at stuff I do that isn't funny. It's almost as if they laugh assuming whatever I just said or did was funny, but they didn't get it, but they don't want to look like they didn't get it. I mean, I walked across the stage during James Bond and people laughed. I was WALKING. I don't think I got why they laughed then... and I really don't get it now. Although now I laugh because the audience was laughing and I don't get it. This is besides the point. The point is that there was actually space between people at that first concert... but since then, we did a fantastic job promoting ourselves. And the Euphonics concert became, just for one night (and that's all I ever wanted), the biggest thing on campus. I worry about Liberal Arts At Play forcing them to put on two shows... because it makes that one night per semester far less special. I hope the Euphonics can figure out a way to make LAAP happy and keep that special night special. Anyway, congratulations on what I'm sure was a fantastic concert.

On Tuesday, I bought the Jay-Z/Linkin Park CD with the $10 gift certificate I got for buying Halo2. Even though I really like the CD, and I really like Linkin Park, this CD is yet another way for Linkin Park to make money on songs they've ALREADY released (see ReAnimation). Part of me finds this totally disgusting. Just write new stuff! I've heard this already! And, honestly, I like this CD more for Jay-Zs part in it, rather than LPs. There's nothing like taking a painting off a wall, rotating it, and selling it back as a new painting. That's classy.

I got a call from Adam on Wednesday. He said that Casie, a young lady mentioned earlier in this blog, is thinking about opening up a Coldstone in Chicago with some added financial help from her father. Would I be interested in jumping on board that ship, if it were ever to sail? I told him that there is a LOT of work to be done before I will even consider it as a possibility, but that I would, in fact, be interested. From what they told me, Mr. Johnson made (after expenses) a quarter of a million dollars from the Wells Coldstone ALONE this year. If he wasn't so damn miserly with that money, I should have seen a lot more of it than I did. So, with that in mind, I would be able to do the parts of the job I liked... and get more money for it... and be even more in charge. And it would be run like every other Coldstone in the country, where the owners also work in the store because they're not business asshole people (read: Johnsons), they're people who want to make their store work. HOWEVER, I still feel that there are two truths that will keep this idea from becoming a reality: 1) The Chicago market is flooded with Coldstone's, and 2) the way Coldstone operates and is run makes it a perfect candidate for a company that will soon fall flat on it's face. I see Coldstone having another year or two before it starts retracting instead of growing, and Coldstones start closing. At any rate, it was nice to be asked to be on the ground floor of a company like that. It made me feel wanted... and that's always nice.

A little after five on Wednesday, Jim came over. I still felt kind of like poop, so we ordered a pizza and stayed in. We watched some TV and talked. It sounds like he's a couple weeks away from leaving Chicago for good. In all honesty, I feel it's what's best for him. Like he said in his blog, he really hasn't tried to make Chicago his home... and there's nothing for him here besides pain. It's time for him to move on. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he's gotten a whole lot of responses on his resumes. Personally, if he doesn't get anything definite, I think he should just pack up and move to D.C. because it's where he wants to be. He can worry about finding a job when he gets there. If he wants it badly enough, it'll be worth the risk, I'm sure.

While Jim was here, he mentioned that Mr. Alexander Carroll's movie had opened. I had completely forgotten. It opened over Thanksgiving in "select cities" (read: Utah). But talk about someone who just went after what they wanted. As much as I make fun of Alex (and made fun of him to his face in the past), I am very proud of him going out there and doing his thing. I'm looking forward to seeing this movie... but I'll probably have to wait until it comes out on DVD. I checked the website and it's not coming to a single theatre in the mid-west. I would've even traveled as far as Nebraska or St. Louis to see it. But, alas, there are only a few places that the movie will actually hit theatres in January of next year (one of which being Las Vegas... road trip to visit Ken?). And I told Laura that I'm going to buy two copies of it when it comes out on DVD... one copy to watch, and one to send to Alex to get him to sign. *nods* Oh that's right.

I watched American Movie today. I had seen it before, but it didn't strike me until today. In a lot of ways, I am the dude from that movie. I even watched "Coven", the short movie he finished during American Movie. Even though this guy is surrounded by complete idiocy and incompetence... you can tell that he's really trying to do something meaningful with his life. Moreso now that I got back after Thanksgiving, I find myself really wanting to create something that really MEANS something.
However, the search for doing something meaningful can be so consuming that I think it can take control of your life. I saw Nick struggling with this while I was at Albion. He was so centered and focused on creating something truly meaningful, that he was willing to detatch himself from everything that would help him accomplish that goal. As much as we writers hate it, if we don't have the stupid, mundane everyday interactions with people... we loose touch with what it's really like to live in our society. I'm not saying my interactions with YOU are mundane... but, let's face it, most of our day is spent wishing we were somewhere else. I think it's important to be in a place we don't like for a while, or in a job we hate for a while... it really allows us, as writers, to tap into some very base and universal emotions. Furthermore, I think that our society as a whole is not content with itself now... so being someplace you hate just makes you that much more honest as the voice of the generation.

In other news, while he's not busy appointing Senator's from Nebraska to be Secretary of Agriculture, Mr. Bush does stately things like lighting the White House Christmas tree. The official lighting of the White House Christmas tree was yesterday. If you needed proof that we are truly a Christian nation, regardless of what we say we are, there it is. Do not get me wrong, I don't have a problem with this being a Christian nation, as it's the truth. This nation was founded by Christians, all the important documents and laws were written by Christians... it has Christian written all over it. I do, however, have a problem with this being a Christian nation that pretends it's something else... something better or more inclusive. I don't know who said this, or where I got it (so it must be true), but there was relative peace in the middle east for hundreds of years... as Christians and Jews knew that they were living under a Muslim rule. No one really had a problem with it. It wasn't until the British came in and demanded that the Christians and Jews govern themselves that there was a problem. My point being, I don't think anyone would necessarily have a problem with the government if we just came out and said what we are. But we pretend we're this body that's better than, that's above the ideas of those people in it; that we're this meta-governmental body totally infallible and always fighting for "truth" and "justice" and similarly obscure ideals.
Speaking of pretending things as a nation, I love how Pres. Bush can sit and talk about the UN chief Annan 'scandal'--oil for food--like he doesn't think it's a REALLY good idea. "Hell," he's thinking "we've got plenty of food here... I could be rich. Again." Is it the biggest scandal in "world history"... like they are saying on Fox News? You tell me.

In completely unrelated news, I've been "working on" a screenplay for some time now. By working on, I mean that I've been thinking about characters, character models, locations, and a story-line. But I haven't had a full cast until last night: my cast is finally set. This is big news, for me, as it means I can finally see everyone in the movie in my head... and maybe I can finally put pen to paper and see what they're actually saying to each other. Exciting!

Thanksgiving at home
I know this happened a while ago, but I've collected some random thoughts from my trip home for Thanksgiving. Please allow me to regurgitate them here:
Sunday was my trip home. My parents like to know when I leave Chicago so that they can plan on when they need to start worrying about me dying in a horrible car crash. The flip-side of this is having my parents try to figure out how fast I was going to get home at the time I did. This was the case Sunday, as both my parents looked at a clock when I said hello to them. And then I got the disapproving "you were going too fast" look. There's no pleasing them.
Not even with a Packers win. I watched the Packers/Texans game with them Sunday night, and the intensity in the room is so thick you could cut it out of the air and use it as a paperweight. Whenever the team the Packers are playing has the ball... and it looks like they might get some yards, I can see my dad tense up. He's seated in his recliner, with his feet up, and I can watch his feet lift from the footrest as his whole body tenses. And my mother yells at the TV and curses like a sailor (a funny visual to anyone who's ever met her, but Nate can confirm its truth). When I still lived at home, I found it hard to watch close games with my parents: I would leave the room. Perhaps this is one of the reasons, as Laura knows, that I would rather my Packers win every game by fifty or more points... with the game pretty much decided by the end of the first half. Boring games for you, but I'll take the win thank you.

This is a fantastic lead-in to my DREAM that night. I dreamed that I was selling food at Lambeau Field. In one of the concession stands. That was basically it. Aren't you glad I shared it? No? Didn't think so.

Monday I went to GR with my folks. The reason we went to GR was to get me an early Christmas gift! Hooray! So we went to Best Buy... and the goal was to get me a CD changer for my car (as the CD player was basically working less each day). They had a JVC 12 (twelve!) disc changer on sale for like half-off. And that's what we did.
While they were installing the changer, my parents decided to take me clothes shopping. My mom, for some reason, totally loves buying me clothes. I find it pretty crap to buy clothes at the mall, because mall people are assholes. They either look at you like you're not good enough to shop at their store OR like "thank God you came in today, you tragic tragic boy. I can save you!". Mall people are assholes.
Then we went to the Olive Garden. I haven't been to an Olive Garden since, probably, since I graduated from Albion. Oh oh OH do I love the Olive Garden!
When I got home, my sister and I watched How Clean is Your House? They were showing the bedroom of a woman (the mother of the household), and on one of her pillows was a red stain. I deep, red, big stain. They showed her menstruation pillow. I didn't know that was even something that existed... but it does. And why wouldn't this woman, oh I don't know, CLEAN THE FUCKING PILLOW?! I don't know, maybe put it in water... or throw it away. Yeah... totally gross.

Let's talk about something else right now. There's an article in TIME magazine called "Closing the Gap". It's about middle-class African-American students who are statistically doing worse in school than the white students. The article actually speaks a little about mah boy Obama... he thinks that some black students might still be worried about looking or acting "white" by doing well in school. The article also says that, when a white child isn't doing well, the parents try to make the system work for them... whereas when a black child isn't doing well, the parents are more likely to see the problem is that the teachers are racially biased. Interesting... and something for the other blog.

Speaking of TIME, there's another article I read called "Cosmic Conundrum". This article explores a question that has bounced around my head for years: Why is the universe so remarkably hospitable to life? The Christians believe in something called the Anthropic Principle--the Cosmos is perfectly tuned to us--because it logically brings us to the whole Intelligent-Design movement... the watch-maker, etc. Moving on... the article talked about the possibilities of multiple universes on parallel spheres of existence, and it even gives a few possibilities as to how it might be possible to have multiple universes. Let's explore them, shall we? 1) Black holes: Density and gravity become infinitely great within a black hole. This could possibly be enough to rip a hole in the very fabric of space-time. If space-time is ripped, it might possibly create a new universe expanding out in a imperceptible direction from the black hole in our universe. And, with multiple black holes creating multiple universes... at least one universe should be inhabitable. 2) Inflation theory: During the Big Bang, the universe expanded at a speed far greater than the speed of light. Our universe obviously slowed down rapidly to allow all this *points* to happen. It might be possible that our universe took some kind of side-track, or off-ramp, and that there is still something out there moving at super-high speeds, leaving other universes in its wake. 3) String (or M) Theory. Oh... back in the day when I was way into Physics, String theory was the newest, hottest, most interesting thing out there. It sounds like little else has been decided since I first heard about it (besides the sparsely used name change). It has been a while since I read/did anything involving physics, so I hope you'll forgive me if my recollection isn't 100% accurate, but this is what I know about String Theory. Some physicists believe that all matter, even atomic matter and sub-atomic particles like leptons, baryons, and mesons (btw, quarks are my favorite sub-atomic particles... with names like up, down, top, bottom, strange, and charm how could they not be?! Plus, quark is a nonsense word made up by James Joyce in Finnegan's Wake. Strange but true) are made up of strings and not the 'balls' of matter (atoms) we all studied in high school chemistry. The string theory came about to explain why some light can act both like a beam and a wave. Now, from what I understand, scientists believe that the motion of these strings are difficult to mathematically predict because the strings exist in up to ten dimensions of space. Yes, ten dimensions. That was when I was introduced to some story where a square is looking down on a line and the line can't understand how the square exists... but to the square, 2 dimensions is normal and the highest level of being; meanwhile, a cube is watching the square. And so on. Along those same lines, it has often been postulated that time is the fourth or fifth dimension. So there might exist a being who can see all of time from above like we see 2 dimensional figures (I believe one of Vonnegut's books has this in it [Slaughterhouse-Five?]). With all these extra dimensions, there could exist extra universes within a sub-atomic particle in our own universe. A group of scientists actually did the calculation and, if string theory is correct, then the number of universes that could exist due to string theory is a HUNDRED BILLION BILLION times the number of ATOMS in OUR UNIVERSE. No matter how many times I think about it, I can't wrap my mind around that number.
Regardless of the universes that might exist, we focus on our own to try to figure out why we exist here now. In 1999, scientist Martin Rees claimed that just "six numbers" make life on earth possible (we're talking the gravity, temperature, oxygen content in the atmosphere, etc). The anthropic principle is forcing scientists to figure out if there is anything special about the numbers that allow us to exist. If there is something special, ordered, or recognizable about the calculations to our universe and our existence... it just might prove that we were intelligently designed. Imagine what that would do for the world. Great things?... terrible things?... at least it would be unification of the entire world's population in one thought: At one time, something created us. We weren't a cosmic accident. Throughout history, great things have been discovered while trying to figure out God's plan/design. Perhaps this could be another in that list. Or we could still be all alone... in the chaos that is existence.
No segue
Wednesday Night, I went out to Jeph's with my sister. Rhea and Jean (read: Jean and Rhea) were already there, looking as lovely as ever. They forced me to watch Desperate Housewives, however... which was not lovely of them. But I made it through the show and all it's backstabbing and cross-plotting. Hooray for me! Then we played a home-made version of Scattergories. It's kind of more fun to just make-up the catergories than it is to actually play the real game. And then we asked each other questions... and I think Jeph thought I was an idiot. But that's just the projection of my insecurities. Hey... I sound like a woman!

Thanksgiving: I didn't watch all of the Colts/Lions game because it was almost as painful as watching the Colts/Packers game, except I didn't think the Lions stood much of a chance after about fifteen minutes. Ouch. And Peyton Manning is good. And that's all I'm saying about that.
The Bears/Cowboys was some of the worst displays of offense I've seen from the NFL in a very very long time. Julius Jones (who went to a fine non-arrogant institution) was the best offensive player on the field in that game, and he basically won the game for the Cowboys by himself. That game sucked.
Then was the Thanksgiving feast. The food was good... but I noticed that I can't eat as much as I used to. I think that's probably a good thing... but it's weird to notice that you're different on the inside. You... are different... on the inside. That's a trippy thing to notice. You can notice when you change on the outside... or even when you change idealistically or you change the way you view something, you know that you're changing. But to actually notice you're internally different, it's like... well... it's like puberty.
Speaking of, I finally saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban over Thanksgiving. Yes, it seems like every single character in the movies have hit puberty since the last one (I've got my eye on a certain Ms. Grainger... intelligence is sexy). I watched it with my folks, who haven't read the books, and I was a little upset by how much important, or interesting information, I had to fill them in on because it was left out of the movie. I think this one, more than the last two, left out important information. However, since it was my favorite book of the three that have been made into movies, it's probably my favorite movie of the three. And Hermione is kinda hot. And that's gross for me to say.

Friday, I drove back to Chicago. What made it bearable was the fact that I can put the entire magazine of 12-discs in my car CD changer on random. That's a random CD and a random song... and that's freakin' awesome, because I never know what's coming... but I know it's going to be five shades of awesome. What made the drive unbearable was how much I was worrying about Conservatory letter that was waiting for me in Chicago. But we all know how that ended... so happy day!

"Oh my God, it's December"
Friday night, three of the cast members of the Assistant Director's Cut and I went to Los Pinatas, a Mexican restaurant on Wells. During the natural course of the conversation, a few things came up that made me feel really young. They mentioned music and movies and events that were not completely unfamiliar to me, but I couldn't speak about them with any authority. There were even a few times when they excluded me because I was "too young to remember" or whatever. Granted... the youngest of the three of them is 29, so they all have at least 6 years on me... but at least give me a chance to contribute. Whatever... they're all nice people, don't get me wrong. I think a little part of it is that they're all almost thirty or older, sitting there wishing they had started this improv loot when they were my age. So what someone immature like that Jeremiah kid might see as jealousy of talent is, in fact, actually just an envy of situation.
Hey! That kind of reminds me... all the fun has been sapped out of my Writing Five class. I'm the AD, and we're to a point where the actors are trying to be memorized, so I get to sit there with the script and watch them struggle while I wait for them to call for line. Wow is it phenomenally boring. And I'm kind of a dick about it. I'm not going to give them the line unless they call 'line'. I'll just sit there and watch them struggle. Like a dick. I want the actor to admit that they don't know the line... and that they're trying to get the line right. And not improv through it... which is common in scripted work at SC (from what I've seen in my limited experience). I'm a dick.
But my writing five class has been good for me for one reason. It's really showed me how hard it is for me to sit and watch other people perform. This isn't a foreign or new concept to me, as I used to feel the same way in Albion whenever I wasn't in one of the plays. The difference is that, in Albion, I could still watch my friends perform, and root for them to do well and I wasn't fixated on how much better I could do it (some of the time I wasn't fixated... let's not talk about "Lie of the Mind", shall we?). But now, I sit in that class and I watch the actors and I think "God, I could do this better." Don't get me wrong, there are times when I'm not thinking I could do it better... but I am thinking that I wish it was me doing whatever they're doing. I experience this a lot when Keith is showing me a song he wrote... I know I couldn't do it better, but I wish I was singing it.

Monday night I watched the last hour of 28 Days Later. I'd never seen it, and what made me watch it was the grocery store scene. I don't know if this makes me a freak or not (go ahead and tell me) but I used to imagine what I would do if I got locked in a grocery store overnight. Or even like a KMart or something... actually I frequently day-dreamed about getting locked in stores overnight (THAT makes me a freak). It was probably the fact that everything in the store would then be "free" to me... because it was their fault for locking me in. Anyway, in the movie, almost everyone in England comes down with this freakish infection and so there are four main characters in a grocery store taking whatever they want. And watching that scene unlocked a whole bunch of my childhood visions and thoughts. So I started wondering: what would I do if, for some weird reason, I found myself to be the only one alive in Chicago one day?
I guess it depends why I'm the only one alive. Let's go along with the 28 Days Later movie, and say it was some weird infection that turns people into crazy zombie-people. I suppose I would start in the grocery store... making sure I have enough food to last me a while. Taking canned goods and everything that will last for a long time... anything I could stock-pile. And I'd do like the older dude did and take some REALLY expensive booze. The kinda shit that normal people don't drink because it's too expensive.
Then I'd head to someplace where I could get some guns and ammo (read: Ken's house. Zing! j/k). If there were crazy zombie-people who might come after me, I would totally get a shotgun because everyone knows shotguns kill zombies.
Then I'd feel safe enough to go to Best Buy. And I would clean that shit OUT. Dizzamn! I would take every CD I've even thought about owning... and all the movies I've ever seen and remotely liked. And I'd take a TV... flat screen, plasma... that sort of thing.
And I'd go to the BMW place down the street. They have a Dodge Viper in the showroom... and I've always wanted one. So I'd take it (I know I don't know how to drive stick, but no traffic makes for a very forgiving learning curve)... and I'd load it up with all my new CDs, lock all my other new loot in my apartment, and head to Michigan to see if my family was still around.
If, for some reason, I seemed to be the only person alive in the great lakes region, I'd take my new car and head west; see America again. In the movie, the four main characters aren't the only people still alive in England... so I'm assuming I wouldn't be the only person alive in all of the United States. I'd probably try to find everyone else who survived. I don't know how I'd do that... maybe see if there's anything on TV or any of the radio stations.
That, plus I'd totally break some stuff. I don't know why... but I would totally find a building with lots of windows and just break the poop out of the windows.

I just learned Tuesday night at rehearsal that Adam didn't make it into the Conservatory either. There was also this dude, Alan, who was in my class who wasn't really all that good, and he didn't make it either. That makes four out of the five people from my class that auditioned that didn't make it (that I know about). I know of two other people from my class who auditioned, but I don't know what happened to them (Update: I just got word back from Katy that she DID make it. That's two out of six). I suppose I'll find out in January. We're all supposed to go to the 'orientation' on January 2nd... and I'll know then. It's so weird, though, that I would make it and these other talented people wouldn't. I'm still at a loss to figure out what it is about me that is... well... good at any of this. I'm hoping to get some real one-on-one time with my teachers in the Conservatory... to figure this all out. Happy December, everyone.

The Second City: My Chicago experiment comes to an end... ?
On Tuesday, I got an email from Keith saying that both he and Dave did NOT make it into the Second City Conservatory. I found this scary for two reasons: 1) Dave is more experienced than I am... and I figured he would make it in on his second try. 2) No matter how you slice it, Keith is just flat out better than I am. So to say I was nervous would be an understatement. The thing about Dave and Keith that make their situation better than mine is that they live here in Chicago; they're not going anywhere, as they live, work, and have significant others here. So for them to have to wait a couple months to audition again is no big deal; they're going to be here anyway. I, on the other hand, have to make a decision come October of this year. My lease will be up and, even if I made it into the Conservatory, I'd have a couple months left before I was done: I'd have to move someplace else in the city (someplace less expensive). If I didn't make it into the Conservatory now, I mean, add a couple months to the couple of months I already would have added to stay here, and it just becomes unrealistic financially for me to stay in Chicago. So unrealistic, in fact, that I don't know if I would audition again if I didn't make it into the Conservatory this time. Nothing like putting all your eggs in one basket for some unneeded pressure.
I spent from Tuesday until Friday (and especially the four hours in the car from BR to Chicago) thinking about what I would do if I didn't make it into the Conservatory. I'm going to need a job in January, regardless. I've been thinking about auditioning for some actual theatre here in Chicago... I miss doing dramatic "look at me crying" theatre. And I was thinking about where I go from here... where do I go after Chicago? Law school? Grad school... become a teacher? A teacher of what? Where would I live? What school would I go to? Why do I only speak in questions? Yeah... I don't know.
Needless to say, I had a lot on my mind, and a lot riding on the contents of a certain letter in Chicago. I got to my apartment, got my mail, noticed in the elevator that I had gotten a letter from the Second City, and went into my apartment to sit. I sat and looked at the letter for at least five minutes. Was it too thin to be an acceptance letter? Was it too thick to be a rejection? Have I gotten no intelligence from the thickness of the letter? Yes. I might as well open the stupid thing. "Congratulations..." it said, and my eyes started watering. Against all odds... I honestly didn't think I had a chance. I wouldn't have to figure out what to do with myself for a whole other year... I'm not done here. And I must be better at this improv thing than I thought. My classes will be on Thursday nights... making my January: Thursday night class, Friday night writing show, Saturday night show, Sunday night show. I'm going to need a regular "business" job, with business hours, so I have nights and weekends free. Whatever... it doesn't matter. I'm in... and I'll be here, trying this out for another year. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Happy Thanksgiving
As long as I've got a second online in the B to the Rah, I thought I'd say Happy Thanksgiving to everybody. It's a time to be thankful for being with family and friends... and to think about those who can't be doing either. Come home soon Kenny, we miss you. Take care, everyone... and enjoy your holiday.

BTW... when my friend, Dave, was growing up in Texas, they were taught that the Pilgrims taught the Native Americans how to grow food after they got here (he's almost 40, so it was a while ago, but still). So, in addition to everything else, let's be thankful for the truth eventually surfacing. The truth will ALWAYS surface in time.

"'Where you off to? Lookin' so pretty?', 'Baby, it's Monday Night Footbaw... game starts in ten minutes'"
I think it's probably time for me to weigh in on TOs MNF intro. If you haven't seen it, you can see it on IFilm here. Do I think it's kind of clever? Yes. Does it make me want to see Desperate Housewives? No. Only the supremely hot Teri Hatcher makes me want to see that show, but she's not enough for me to actually watch it. Furthermore, if the game had been any good, we probably would've been talking about it, instead of the intro to the game. While I like Tony Dungy... I think he was way off. I don't think this has anything to do with the stereotypes of black men and white, blonde women. I think this has everything to do with TO being the biggest star on Philly... and ABC wanting to sell Desperate Housewives, a show which is basically about sex (not that there's anything wrong with that, but if you've seen other commercials for the show, they're all about trying to sell sex). Understandably, I'm coming at this from the White male perspective... but, like someone said, TO wasn't the aggressor of the skit, Nicolette was. This was just a stupid skit that was trying to get MNF fans to watch Desperate Housewives.

Last night in Detroit the Pacers/Pistons game was called due to a brawl. I haven't seen the whole thing, but it's one of those things that makes me unhappy to be from Michigan. It's just so stupid. Why try to physically fight the Indiana Pacer players? Because they were winning? Because Ron Artest is a douche? Or maybe because you were drunk and thought you were better than the NBA athletes. "He's not so tough, I could take him"... please. This is another reason why I feel alcohol should not be served at sporting events. If you're going to watch the game, watch the f--king game. If not, I'm sure they're somebody who'd rather have your ticket. "Oh... but John, taking beer from "fans" is taking money out of my rich pockets. I can make a profit of $3 per beer, because I'm selling them for six f--king dollars at the stadium." Sometimes this country sickens me.

Speaking of, I finally went about watching the O'Reilly Factor. He makes me angry to be Irish. Things like this come from his mouth: "If you're going to believe Fahrenheit 9/11, believe it. But you're a nut." He's the kind of person who is technically, grammatically asking a question... but there's nothing that's actually a question about what he just said. I think we'd call this "leading the witness" in the law realm. And, when you disagree with the "question" he's asked, you already sound like an idiot. This only proves that there's no way to intelligently disagree with rhetoric hidden in question form.

Jet: The new Beatles
I've done so much writing recently... I've come up with ideas for two full length shows, five or six scenes that don't have anything to do with the two full length shows, and even a couple short runners/blackouts/monologues. I don't know what happened... but now material just seems to be pouring out of my head. I find myself lying down at night, coming up with something else that's good, and having to get up to make sure I write it down. I think part of it is that I haven't done real writing in a while and I might just have a lot of loot stored up in my noggin. Or I'm a genius... one of those things is true.
Wednesday I went out to Keith's in Oswego to talk about our show coming up in January... and to show him some of the stuff I've been writing/working on. I showed him my scripts and he liked a few of them... but we had bigger "fish" to "eat" or however that one goes. We had to buy some costume pieces for our show in January... This weekend we're taking promotional photos (yeah... some kind of neato photo shoot for me!) and we needed some stuff by Sunday. So we went to TJ Max to get ties and to a Costume shop to get other items. During our costume shop fun... Laura called out of the blue. I wouldn't mention this here, because I know you don't care if Laura calls me or not... but I had been thinking about her Wednesday. For some reason, I smelled something that smelled like her... and I recognized it as her scent right away. You know how that commercial goes "Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory" or something similarly awkward... so I was like BAM, "Laura?... weird". Just thought I'd share that with you.
Keith's wife, Sara, is hilarious. Not in a funny kind of way, but in a weird "I can't believe anyone did/said that" kind of way. Earlier, Keith had said we were getting pizza, and I thought that was cool because it was as if I was just going to help them eat something they were already eating. That sentence didn't make sense... um... I liked it because it wasn't like they were going to make something just for me--making my staying there a big deal--I was just going to have whatever they were having any way. That makes sense. Anyway, Sara said that she didn't want pizza... so Keith asked her (not really) politely to pick something better. After about twenty minutes of getting mixed mumbling and ideas that were quickly shot down by Sara herself, she finally settled on... pizza. *shakes head* WOMEN! While consuming the pizza, we watched Waiting for Guffman with the director's commentary. This is Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy talking about the movie during the movie. We were trying to get a sense of how they did this movie, because one of my ideas is for a show that is similar to those movies... except it would be live and on stage. So we were doing research... and we got a few good ideas.

Have you actually heard the words "Chicken" and "Selects"? I mean... really listen to the way the two words sound together. Yes, McDonalds, that's one of the stupidest names for a food in the history of food names.

There's an article on CNN.com that says that Math tests too easy (article here). This comes at a time when my other blog is focusing on educational problems in this country. I have yet to post on that blog about this story... but this is the other end of the "teaching to the tests" problem. If we're making the tests easier AND teaching to the tests... what the hell are they actually learning? It makes everyone think: "Is our children learning?" I took the practice test that they have, and got all the questions right. Granted I'm a college graduate, but Clinton was in office the last time I had anything resembling a math class. But I found all of the questions easy enough to do without even pencil or paper... all stuff in my head, which is pretty remarkable for me. There's nothing I can think my way through (you've talked to me, you know it's true). But, seriously, we're losing sight of the entire purpose of education with a focus on tests and a further dumbing down of the test material... what ever happened to exploring new ideas and being creative and not teaching about Christianity in schools? Was I dreaming all that?

Have you seen the Toyota Tacoma "Adrenalitis" commercial? Did you know that the suffix "itis" means an "inflammation" of something? I learned this when I had tendonitis in my left shoulder during tennis season my junior year (I'm not sure if Nate even remembers this, cuz I tried not to make a big deal out of it... but I woke up one morning and couldn't move my left arm at all... I freaked out). Ergo, Adrenalitis would be an inflammation of adrenaline, not the absence of adrenaline. This basically means that commercial makes no sense and pisses me off whenever I see it. Just thought I'd share that with you.

We have seen voting injustices in this country before. Consider the 2000 election, or the 2004 election, or, I'm assuming, any election that George W. Bush has ever won. But there is a new voting injustice in this world... and this blog is the perfect forum for it. As many of you might know, Jude Law is the 2004 People's sexiest man. I am demanding a recount of certain "red" sections of Ohio and Florida... because, come on, have you seen me? Have you seen him? There's no way he'd beat me in a fair election. But I suppose I should give props to Mr. "I am the Law"... for being attractive to women. Hey Jude... way to go.
Speaking of the Beatles, have you heard Jet's new song "Look what you've done"? Yeah... that sounds like the Beatles all right. Then why, praytell, do I like Jet's songs if I'm so fundamentally opposed to the Beatles? Well... here's where you're wrong, Laura. I'm not fundamentally opposed to the Beatles... I'm opposed to those people who believe the Beatles are the greatest band there ever was and there ever will be. I don't like this because, to me, what then is the point of trying to make anything new? It's like saying this movie is the greatest ever made... what's the point of making/seeing new movies. This one is the best ever... so there's no point to it. We've reached perfection. Plus, they're British... and fuck those pansy bastards. So why do I like Jet? I don't know... but I do. And it's not because they're the best "something" ever... they just make fun songs and that's all. Fun = Good.
(BTW, if there's one person who could have understandably killed himself, it's Stu Sutcliffe. I would've understood if he did it instead of the brain hemorrhage thing, that's all I'm sayin'. Maybe the brain hemorrhage was a result of him realizing that he could have been in THE BEATLES!)

Misc loot with no good name or clever title... um... I didn't even try
Yesterday I met Owen and hung out at Adam, Chip, and Owen's (yeah... he moved in). I went over there in the afternoon, and was welcomed with doughnuts. This, I said, was a sure way to get into my pants. And, it's true. Regardless, I went over there to have my first LAN party not in a dorm. They have a whole new set-up now that Owen's there... with the focus on, you guessed it, computers. There are like little stations in the apartment now, so all three of them can be on a computer at the same time. I'm sure the electric bill is going to go through the roof! Anyway, they had set up this LAN party because there was a woman from the AP there to do an article on online gaming. It's part of a series on internet culture and a generation of the internet. So this woman came, and some dude came and took pictures of us playing, of all things, the original Quake for PC. I said a couple things to the woman, but she was more interested in talking to Chip because he plays games and he's into potentially making games. This woman was from Cadillac of all places... CADILLAC! And she knew how to speak without drooling (f--king Cadillac!).
So we played that for a while; I played Halo 2 with their friend Dave for a while; we got take-out from an Italian restaurant; I played DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball with Owen for a while; and I just generally hung out. It was cool... and Owen's just like Adam and Chip... just a totally relaxed guy who'd rather play some shooter on the computer while drinking beer than anything else. *shakes head* kids these days.

From the "where did this come from" category, Kmart is set to buy Sears. The full story's here... but I'll do a little talking about it here. The deal will effectively allow Kmart to carry Kenmore appliances and Craftsman tools, while Sears will be able to carry stuff like the Martha Stewart lines and more/other clothing. CNN reports that a lot of Kmarts will become Sears, effecting everywhere in the nation, but really hitting home in Albion College: turning Kresge Gymnasium to Roebuck's "Big wooden room." (I think that's f--king clever... scrump you) What does this mean? It means the ability for both of those companies to compete with Target, Home Depot, and even the dreaded Wal-Mart. Good for Chicago (Sears) and Troy (Kmart)!

Additionally, in the news, Governor Swartzenagger is over in Japan to see if he can raise money for California by appearing in commercials. Apparently, lots of "western" film stars can go over to Japan and do commercials, and make anus-loads of money. If you ever get a chance to see American movies stars in Japanese commercials, do it... they're almost always hilarious. And, since there's no FCC in Japan (I'm calling them the Federal Christian Coalition, until I come up with something funnier), some of the commercials can get pretty racy. *raises eyebrows*

See why Christians are psychotic here.
And, finally, giving pro-choice advocates a bad name here. Warning: The images created by reading that story are graphic. If you're having a good day, don't click that link. Thank you.

End Zone dances, Favre, fucking the south, and that guy you work with
On Monday Night Football, Terrell Owens--arguably my favorite player in the league (note the sarcasm)--scored three touchdowns. This is quite an accomplishment for a wide receiver... but moreso it's an accomplishment that he's scored 12 TDs already this year (in 9 games). That's incredible. He's a phenomenal athlete... but it may be overshadowed by his incredible stupidity: his cockiness. We've all heard about him saying his former quarterback, Jeff Garcia, is gay... and we know how that makes him a f--king idiot. But Owens' new thing is to celebrate every one of his touchdowns with some kind of dance or celebratory movement. The Monday Night Football crew talked to hall of fame wide receivers Steve Largent and John Stallworth about Owens' celebrations. They said that they don't mind the celebrations, in that it's what "the fans want"... but they also think it's like someone standing at the end of an assembly line taking credit for the entire car that just got made. It's true... he's taking all the credit for the team's accomplishments, which I feel is pretty much the role of the Wide Receiver. Being the asshole. He's good at it. I suppose this is why I'm the best receiver of all my friends... "Ain't nobody cover me! Gollie!"

Also, I hear that mah boy Brett has a book out, Favre. Even ESPN Classic has cashed in, as I am currently watching the Sportscentury: Brett Favre show. Favre is, without a doubt, the best Packers quarterback in their history... and it feels incredible to know that I'll see his entire career. Hmm... that book would make a great Christmas present for my dad, but I bet he's already bought matching copies for the entire family. >Shakes head< Dad always buys what he wants before we can, which makes Christmas, his birthday, and father's day difficult. Know anybody like that? It's crap... because you can never get them something that they really want, you always have to buy them something they didn't know they wanted; and the set of those items is pretty small.

Check this out: http://www.fuckthesouth.com/

Now, the last thing I have to touch on is this dude named Chris who's in my writing five class. The best word I can think of to describe him is "douche". He's a douche. He's not funny and, moreover, he's irritating and nit-picky and a control freak. Last night we decided to move his scene to last (where my scene was) because it fits in better with the reprise of the song. This wouldn't be so bad if his scene wasn't a warm pile of poop. Ending our show with a fecal scene is just plain terrible. Yes, deep down I'm pissed that my scene was going to end the show and now it's not... that was a bit of the ego-stroking that I do love so very much... but that pales in comparison to how stupid it is to end the show on a "huh? that scene sucked" note. More on Chris... he's giving the actors notes. A lot. He's giving a LOT of notes to the actors. And he shouldn't. It's like getting notes on how to perform surgery from an accountant. "But I've seen ER" they would say. It doesn't matter... you don't know what you're doing. Shut your mouth. Thank you.
Everybody works with a dude like this. Somebody who thinks they're so good at everything, that they want their hand in everything. As someone who IS good at everything ["I have never been exceptional. But what I'm doing, this, is"], it upsets me.

This week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us...
Is here.
I'm sorry FDA, but who doesn't know what Viagra does? And thanks to CNN for letting us know the side-effects. I'm sorry, this should all be filed into the "if I need the drug, you can tell me the side-effects then" category. Why is everyone so stupid?

*A free guide to understanding credit*
Yeah... I just saw one of those 'understanding' credit commercials. What got me about this one was that the guy in the commercial said "I liked college. It was like there was a money tree and I kept shaking it and shaking it", and the commercial shows him using a credit card to make a whole bunch of purchases. Then they show him in the present day... looking distraught... "I wish I knew then what I know now." The point? He wishes he knew what credit card debt was all about. This will never fail to amuse, frustrate, and anger me. What he wished he knew is that when you BUY something with a CREDIT CARD you actually have to eventually PAY for it with MONEY. What a concept... money in exchange for goods and services! The fact that people don't understand what a credit card is will never fail to boggle my mind. But these people are far better than the people who know how credit cards work and don't care. Something Andrea said to me will ALWAYS stick in my head. We were talking about being in debt, and she said "There comes a point when you just have to say 'the well's empty, you can try to get water out of it if you want, but there's nothing there'." She was effectively saying that if someone comes after you because you're in debt to them (because you bought stuff you couldn't pay for), everything's cool if you don't have any money to pay them. Hell, maybe the big companies will forget you owe them money and move on. A person like this physically sickens me. Someone who irresponsibly gets away with getting things for free and there are no consequences. What bothers me is the injustice of it all. My inherited sense of justice is what pushes me towards law... and my observations of the constant injustice that is life (like the above) is what pushes me away. Here's a rule of thumb, kids, if you don't want to piss me off: If you have the cash in a bank account to buy it, you can use a credit card. If you don't... don't. Easy.

In other, completely unrelated news... I find myself day-dreaming more frequently and more intensely than I used to. It sometimes relates to what I'm doing and sometimes it has nothing to do with what's going on around me... but I'm literally sucked out of what's going on, and I start thinking about what could be or what should be. After the election I spent some time thinking about what I could do to make people listen to reason... and, in my mind, became an influential political force. Or I let my mind float to Las Vegas where Ken and I spend countless hours catching up on things and acting like brothers, while "saving the earth" from "alien forces"... or I'm at Adam's, thinking how Ken would fit right in if he were here. And so on, you get the drift. I don't know what this means, but I'm starting to think that I should just write down all my day-dreams (as I really don't ever remember my night-dreams). Maybe my creativity is back? Let's hope so.

Beer for Breakfast: Over 24 hours of slight inebriation
Friday afternoon was my Conservatory audition. I, fortunately for me, had an audition slot with both Dave and Adam. Knowing both of them would be there calmed my nerves, a bit. Unfortunately for me, I was also auditioning with Jeremiah... who, if I haven't bitched about before, does pretty much everything that I told my workshop students not to do; yet Jeremiah still gets cast for shows... which boggles my mind. Whatever... there were ten of us in the audition: only one woman, if you want to know how rare female improvisors are. We started by having short, three person scenes. I was matched up with Dave and Jeremiah (because of our last names... how clever). We were given "You're standing around a car"... and away we went. Dave mentioned taking his car to the prom... and then for some reason they ended up taking about how dirty the car's engine was. I hadn't said a word yet, but I knew that we, for some reason, were now talking about the object instead of a relationship (like going to the prom). So I brought it back to the prom, saying something like "So you guys both have dates to the prom, huh? That's cool." Which Dave knew meant to pick up on the fact that I didn't have one. So he mentioned someone that I could date and said that we could go to the prom with him and his date. Jeremiah then interjected unnecessary conflict into the scene... saying things like the car was too small for them all to go, how it was unfair that I was just 'handed' a date, and that he had to go with his second cousin. Dave said he and I could switch, and I supported that by saying Jeremiah's second cousin is hot. To which, he said "But if I go with my second cousin, I know I'm going to get laid"... and scene. Wow, I'm glad he was able to go with such a high-brow joke. We then played freeze tag, and I'm not going to get into much of this... but Jeremiah and I were up first and the line of dialogue we got was "Hand me that other cheese, Al". So I started pantomiming that I was grating cheese. Jeremiah completely ignored me and started doing something else. So I threw the cheese I was holding away and said the line. What a dipshit this guy is. I also was frozen out after one word... one letter actually... I said "I" and got frozen. I f--king hate that! If we're playing freeze tag, let me get out one full sentence; don't freeze me before you know if it's going to be any good, because you don't know what I'm about to say.
Well... as far as the audition as a whole is concerned, the fifteen minutes went quiet quickly. I told Dave and Adam afterwards that I felt like I didn't really set myself apart... I didn't impress anyone, but I also didn't feel like I made any mistakes. We'll see what they're looking for in 10 days.
I then had a few hours before the opening night of The Assistant Director's Cut. Like I mentioned before, we were double-billed with Triplette. So we had an audience of about 61 people... but I would say almost all of them were there to see the other show. Because of that, we got a few laughs... but not as many as I felt were in that show. The show was over before I knew it (seems to be the way the day went). It went well, but (as I'm most critical of myself) I could've done better.
After the show, the cast went to North Town Tap (or some bar like that). I got myself a beer, and then other cast members bought me beers... and I'm not sure how many I had. I hadn't eaten since breakfast (the audition made me nervous), so I really didn't have food in me, either. Anyway, at one point, Robert was giving me a note on the show and I "pretended" to break a bottle and stab him... and I actually ended up breaking his glass and spilling it on him (in his dress clothes) and his leather jacket. Smooth, huh? That's when I knew I should leave. Fortunately, Adam called me and said anyone in the cast could come in and get free ice cream if we wanted. I told everybody about it... but nobody wanted ice cream. Hell, I'll take IC. So I went to the Stone and Adam made me something nice. After that, I went over to Adam's to play Halo 2. He thought it was hilarious that I was "kinda drunk"... and told me to keep drinking or else I'd feel bad. I humored him by taking a beer, but I put it down and didn't touch it. I was feeling really tired, so I just slept over at Adam and Chip's.
When I woke up there it was really weird because I've never been there during the day. I thought "Wow... there's sun in here, weird." I wanted some breakfast, but they didn't have any food. So we had beer for breakfast (3 16-ozs). Yeah... they are terrible influences on me. Especially since we spent at least an hour trying to figure out how we could get wings delievered to the apartment so we wouldn't have to leave. There was no restaurant good enough that would deliver, so we went out to eat... at the finest place for wings in the country: We went to Hooters for lunch.
Going to Hooters with two other 20-something males lends itself to not the most politically correct conversations. Fortunately for us, there was football on... so we could just watch it and not be huge sexist bastards. We ended up splitting the 50 Wing plate... and it was fun (even though I don't like the wings at Hooters).
But Halo 2 was calling... and that's what we did after lunch. We went to Target and Chip bought his own copy of Halo 2. We have big plans to have two XBoxes, two tvs and play Halo 2 linked (which would make half a screen for everybody... which seems like a lot after playing it on a quarter of a screen).
At around 9 I went back to my apartment for the first time in over a day. I had just enough time to take a nap, get some food, and shower... then it was out for a night of Karaokee at "Trader Tom's." I'd never been there before, but I hear they do karaokee every single day. I went there with Greg, Casie, Brian, and Kelly... and that place was PACKED. I figured it had to be a fire hazard, because there were people everywhere. There were so many people that the wait for singing was "at least an hour", the dude said. So, after being bought two beers and two shots... I was pretty well done with drinking and other people for a while.
Sunday morning was the first official rehearsal of Basically Awesome. We blocked two of the bigger scenes, and started blocking one of the songs. Keith is excited because he thinks the show has a real chance of being basically awesome.
Sunday also marks the day that Owen moves in with Adam and Chip. They go way back with Owen, so, even though he's the new guy to me... and the new guy to Chicago... I'm still the new guy. I'm going to have to get to know ANOTHER new person, but I'm still going to feel like the odd man out. That's not so fun. But at least he'll probably play Halo 2 with us. With two TVs. And two XBoxes. We're awesome.

"What've you got?", "Dead dog", "I didn't do that"
It's been a month and a half since I was fired, and I'm finally feeling like me again. I noticed this a few days ago... I'm just generally a lot happier than I was two months ago. I might actually describe myself as content: my first year of classes is almost over; I'm getting asked (not auditioning for, just getting asked) to be in shows; and I've got some pretty nice, loyal, and fun friends here. I no longer worry about taking my phone with me everywhere because I might get a business call... I don't worry about making sure I'm accessible, just in case there's trouble at work... none of that. I can be as reclusive as I want... and I want to be reclusive. Sound good? All right.
It also marks the month and a half since I was made to feel truly crazy for the first time in my life. And, because I didn't feel like I was crazy, but other people thought I was, I've been thinking ever since then: who decides what/who is crazy? I mean, what kind of criteria exist for sanity. Wednesday night on the red line, there was a woman talking very loudly about her "babies", her "loved ones"... and she would say the same thing about four times... pause until the next stop, then, as we were stopping... say the something else about four or five times. "Need to make an important phone call"... "They's my babies... my loved ones"... "I gave birth to them... a little boy and a little girl, my babies, my loved ones" and so on. I sat and listened to her, and I thought to myself "In her head, this conversation is necessary." To me, that's the most interesting and scary part: a "crazy" person doesn't know they're crazy... everything in their head makes sense. "When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading Guns and Ammo, masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go 'Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am'?" (Se7en) I think about what we know now about germs and sanitation, or space travel... then put one of us in the dark ages and we're crazy, right? Even though germs make sense to us in our head... we can't prove it, and few of us could even accurately describe it. Which makes me think, is there a sanity relativism like a moral relativism? My moral relativism example: Killing someone is wrong, unless they're attacking you or your loved ones, etc. So, perhaps, certain things are "crazy," unless we understand the circumstances. Talking to yourself is "crazy"... except we don't think Tom Hanks has gone insane in Castaway, or do we? We recognize that he's spent years by himself and it is then okay for him to talk to a volleyball, to feel like he's having a normal conversation. All I'm saying is that maybe we don't always know everything...

180 degrees later... here's something nice. I met with Keith, Dave, Amy, and Adam on Tuesday night. We went over everything that we'd need to know to get our loot together for our show opening in January. We even came up with a name: BASICALLY AWESOME! I think that name is five shades of sweetness... and I think there's marketing to do with shirts that say "We're Basically Awesome." We also might go with a Dr. Seuss theme to the marketing... as it has to do with one of our sketches. And everyone loves Dr. Seuss... he's the guy from that musical. What's it called? Cats, I think. At any rate, I honestly can't wait to perform (this one's the Sunday night one... just keep that in mind).

Wednesday, I went to Best Buy in the afternoon and I bought Halo 2. After one day of craziness (that's relative, of course), I had no problem at all waltzing (trust me) in and out of Best Buy. I was even able to get the Halo 2 collector's edition... they had two left. How smart do I look now? Huh? Just a little patients goes a long way. Remember that, kiddies. In ADDITION, because I got the collector's edition (or maybe because I bought another controller... I don't know), they gave me a $10 gift certificate. Just gave it to me... how weird is that? So guess who's getting Eminem's new CD next week for damn near free?! Me, bitches, me!

Wednesday night, after rehearsal, I went to Kasey's Tavern to celebrate Casie's 21st birthday (the joke has already been made and beaten to death, don't even think about it). Casie, though I love her like my own, is one of those people who drinks to "forget." You know what I mean, too... they drink until they're drunk, thinking that they'll forget about why they started drinking when they're drunk, only to keep TALKING and TALKING about it when they're drunk. In her defense, if what happened to her happened to me... I'd be sloshed times two on my 21st birthday. She had two best friends: a male best friend and a female best friend. The male best friend killed himself, and the female best friend was killed by a drunk driver (all of this happened pretty recently, from what I could gather). Yes, the irony of the drunk driver killing her friend and then she, herself, was drunk was pointed out... by Casie, herself (herself herself). I think it was probably just something else she told herself to feel shitty... that's what drunk people do, I hear... and as if she wasn't feeling shitty enough all ready. Thank God for her that she had Kelly there. Kelly is one of those amazing friends who will take care of you, no matter how stupid you've been. Kelly's awesome... and they left together and Kelly walked her all the way home.

Thursday I went over to Adam's and Chip, Adam, and I played multiplayer Halo 2 for pretty much the entire night. I mean, I ate there--Chip bought those chicken kicker things from Domino's... because we're all addicted--and we just kept killing each other. It was fun... and made me miss nights with Ken and Jason in my basement... not killing each other, but just killing Ken because he's a tool.
Speaking of killing me, I woke up this morning to the sounds of my neighbors having sex. Yes, this is a first. And it doesn't make sense that they would be engaged in such an activity on a Friday morning at around 9:30. Shouldn't one of the two of them have work on a Friday? Now that I think of it... I may have heard them once before, but I just figured I was hearing things. I WAS hearing things... and that commonly-used phrase doesn't actually make sense. Huh. But, at any rate, I feel bad for the young lady because the noises didn't last very long. I felt like going over and knocking on the door and asking "Ready for round two? This one'll easily last longer than four minutes, I promise."

Finally, this afternoon is the moment I've been waiting for an entire year for... my Conservatory audition at The Second City. I am SO nervous... I don't even know where to start. I've seen some pretty crappy people go through the program... so I feel like I shouldn't worry; but I've also seen some 'good' people not get roles and do really poorly in auditions here before. I'm just really nervous because, if I don't do well, that means another couple months in this city before I can audition again. There is no way I can handle that financially. I am going to have to get another job in January, regardless of what happens in the audition... but I'll have to find holiday work (yuck!) if I fail this audition process. I can't help but think that everything I've been working for rests on this audition. That's probably not a good way to think about this. Good thing I'll have Adam with me... he can calm me down, keep me loose and upbeat. *shakes head* This is it, kids. Wish me luck.

Now it's time for the useless fact of the day: Jake Gyllenhaal is only nine days older than I am (9!). While Elijah Wood is exactly one month younger than I am. One month... and look how much more he's done with himself than I have. Son of a bitch.

Halo 2 Day
From what I hear, the Best Buy on North Avenue was open at midnight last night... and there were 8,000 people there. Eight THOUSAND people... to pick up a video game. I'll admit, I really want to pick up the game today... but I don't think I want to brave the crowds. Besides, I promised SS Kenny Hoots that I wouldn't play through the game without him. And I'm not going to. That game is for him and I... it was made for 'losers' like us. I put losers in quotes so that I could trick you into thinking I wasn't a loser.
But then stuff like this happens... I watch the Halo National Championship on G4TechTV. But I stopped watching it pretty soon after I started because it turned out to be lame (even for me).
Speaking of lame and video games... check this out. Yesterday, I thought to myself "Wouldn't it be cool to have a team with only rookies?" So I created a team in Madden 2005 that I put in Milwaukee and I dubbed the "Genuine Draft" ('Draft' is a pun, get it?). They play at Miller Genuine Stadium, and their uniforms are a beer yellow and brown (like Western, except less like excrement). I then put them into the 'franchise' mode in place of my Packers (so I don't ever have to play against my beloved Pack). Man... I think I'm so f--king clever. Now I have to decide who starts: Manning or Roethelisberger? Jackson, Perry, or Jones? Fitzgerald, Williams, or Williams? etc.
Now, having nothing to do with anything, we had our tech rehearsal last night for The Assistant Director's Cut. Yes, we've only got 25 minutes, so it might not be worth anyone coming from out of state to see... but it's going to be a fun, funny show... and we're referencing at least 16 different films in the 25 minutes (blackouts are easier when you don't have to create a character... we're using already well-known characters). We're double-billed with a group called TripLette. They're three young women who do... something... I'm not even sure what their show is about. But, for some reason, they get 35 minutes while we only get 25. Why did Donny's Skybox break up the hour like that? I have no idea... but Triplette is going to be pissed because we're going to be over 25 minutes consistently.

Martha Stewart as my mom, and other great dreams
I like hitting the snooze alarm in the morning because it allows me to restart dreams or have completely new, short ones (like vignettes or something). Well, this morning, one of the weirder dreams was that I visited Martha Stewart in prison. The weird part wasn't just that I was visiting Martha Stewart, it was that I was treating her like she was my mom: I was hugging her very tightly, telling her that I missed her, and honestly feeling that I was missing her. Then she didn't talk like Martha Stewart... she sounded like Martha Stewart, but she didn't talk like her--she talked like my mom. And she was telling me all the nice things about prison, and the interesting people she'd met. And I wanted to cry because I missed her so much, and I felt so bad that she had been incarcerated. And that was it... the snooze wore off and the alarm sounded again. Weird, huh? Not quite sure what to make of it, but I've never really identified Martha Stewart as a mother-figure before. She's even got (from what I hear) a really shitty relationship with her daughter... so whatever.
Maybe the reason I had Martha Stewart on the brain is that I baked two (yes two) pumpkin pies last night while watching the Sunday night line-up on Fox. I have had most of the ingredients for pumpkin pie here in my apartment for a while now, I just haven't had the pie crusts... until yesterday when I thought to myself "fuck it! I'm makin' pumpkin pie." And I did. I had to sample one of the pies to make sure it was edible, a tough job... but necessary. And they're not bad at all. The incomparable Miss Chelsea Sadler suggested lots and lots of cool whip... which is totally a good idea and something I don't have (good ideas or cool whip? you decide!). I think I might give the second pie to Adam and his roommate Chip, as they've been feeding me randomly for weeks now (and stupid Chip has got me addicted to those Chicken Kickers at Dominos... soooo good!). Tangentially, I'm so addicted to Dominos now that I signed up for that online ordering thing... and I ordered some Saturday night. Domino's is literally a block away from me... so I was eating pizza about 13 minutes after I ordered it, and I barely had to move. I love this country.
What was I talking about? Oh! Martha Stewart! No... I was done with her. Pies? I think I was done with that, too. Fox Sunday! Yes... okay... so I hate reality TV shows, right? But I actually think that I might watch My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss. I started watching it, because the whole thing was filmed in Chicago. And I kept watching it because I HATE people like the contestants on the show. They started the contestants off with some champagne and hors d'oeuvres... and cut to the contestants talking about how good "rich, expensive champagne" can taste, and how the hors d'oeuvres tasted like "what a billionaire would eat" and then they showed the hors d'oeuvres being prepared and it was like bologna processed and squirted onto crackers, and that cheese in an aerosol bottle, and fucking Spam... yep, Spam. I hope these ass-kissing fake-ass (then what are they REALLY kissing?) bastards are forced to do the most demeaning things in the world. And I HATE the Bob dude who survived the first elimination... he's such a 'yes-man'. I think I might really like this show... take THAT Ivy League Economics majors!

Assistant Director's Cut
My AD's Cut show opens this upcoming Friday night. The head writer asked us to come up with fake movie trivia. Here's what I came up with:

DID YOU KNOW?:
The Matrix was originally a movie about rogue, human killing printers call Dot Matrix

Dude, Where’s My Car? Was actually a remake of the 1960s British farce Pardon me Chap, But Do You Recall Where I Parked My Automobile?

The movie Chicago was actually based on a stage musical. That musical was called The King and I

Philadelphia was originally set in San Francisco, but producers thought the title would have been confusing

The Jurassic Park series was originally call Triassic Park, but producers wanted to appeal to a younger audience

THE LIST
While Schindler’s List the movie is very long (3 HRs, 17 Mins), the real life list the movie was based on was only about a page and a half

Steven Spielburg, the director of Schindler’s List, was unable to get permission to film inside Auschwitz, so the scenes of the death camp were actually filmed at a L.A. Clippers game

FILM FLUBS!
Even though they’re called The Breakfast Club, the meal that they eat during detention is lunch

STAR WARS
In A New Hope, Harrison Ford deliberately didn’t learn his lines for the intercom conversation in the cell block because he felt the film was going to be a “fuckin’ flop”

Fox NFL Sunday in Detroit
With no Packers game this weekend, and the Fox Sunday crew in Detroit, I was looking forward to watching the Lions game early, the Bears game late, and the Vikings game tomorrow night. But, alas, the market in Chicago isn't showing an early Fox game... it's showing "Die Hard 2: The Crappy One at the Airport." Additionally, the only early game I'm getting is the Kansas City/Tampa Bay game. Ooo... I'm SOOO interested in that one. Add to that the fact that both Fox and CBS are showing me Terrell Owens, and talking about TO, and just feeding his huge ego making him want to continue to do stupid feces on the field. TO is an idiot... and I think that he honestly doesn't understand why someone would think he's a shithead, and that's the saddest part of his story.
God I hate watching Irvin and Young on ESPN... It's like listening to Crossfire or something. They're just always so animated about how wrong each other are. AH! That's so boring!
Okay! Here's something that ticks me off. The Fox guys are in Detroit this weekend... not because the Lions are playing really well this year, but because Fox has an agreement with Ford. That's right... it's the stadium that they're going to Detroit for, not the team. That makes me sick. Then the Fox crew started off sucking up to the crowd, and then proceeded to completely ignore the Lions for almost the rest of the show. Wow... thanks Fox guys. Why not come to Chicago to see Soldier Field? You could have the show on Navy Pier and completely ignore the Bears game. Sound good? Yeah... maybe I'll just ignore the early games and play Madden.

Not quite nightmares...
What kept me awake later than I wanted to be last night weren't nightmares, but they might as well have been. What happened to me last night I'm sure has happened to all of you before, it just seemed odd to have happened last night as there was no reason for it to occur. What happened was that I started thinking about everything I've ever done wrong... everyone I've ever hurt... and all the wrong choices I've made. One instance just popped into my head, and it led to another and another... and, before I knew it, it was already 4 in the morning. I apologize to anyone who has experienced this phenomenon... and I should also apologize for anyone reading this who had an instance in mind when I mentioned people I've hurt. Perhaps the worst part is that I didn't ever mean to hurt anyone... and that doesn't matter.

A new project
I just wanted to let everyone know about a new project that I'm working on. It's a political blog called "of the people, by the people, for the people." I've posted a link to it at the top of my links, but you can also view it here. We hope to focus on education in this country and really make people think. Hopefully it will be a forum for intelligent political thought. I also hope that we won't be completely cornered into only talking about education. But, I've always got this page as a forum if I really want to talk about anything.
BTW Feel free to let me know if you're interested in contributing to our blog. I think we're still looking for people to post. *shrug* I'm excited about it.

Still soaking in the election
Let me get back to the election some other time... as I'm currently compiling the best points/phrases/paragraphs from people's emails/blogs/and conversations. I hope to have something coherent/good by this weekend.
But, for now, here are some random thoughts that you can completely disregard. Wait... I keep forgetting that, as a white-male upper middle class "Christian", age 20-35, you can't disregard anything I say as I'm oppressing everyone. Try to forget then, dear reader, just for a few minutes that I'm oppressing you. Thanks.
I was watching that new show "Drawn Together" on Comedy Central, and I think it's got a chance to be very good. It includes many characters with what could be described as a "politically incorrect" point of view. There's a racist princess who is like a Disney character... she even sang a song in the episode I saw. It was hilarious. I will be the first to admit, the marketing for the show is stupid... "TVs first animated reality show"... but I'm sure that's what the creators had to pitch to "the man" (notice here that earlier we agreed that I am technically "the man"). If you get the chance, check this show out (especially you, Bohne... I think you'll like it).
Speaking of things that don't rationally follow, that "Everyday Italian" chick on Food Network is pretty hot... and I'm trying to figure out why, because I used to find her irritating. She looks a little like Amie, which I find disturbing... but she's really enthusiastic about what she's doing, which I find attractive; she can cook, which I find to be way hot; and she inter-splices Italian into her normal speech, which I can blame on Laura for me finding attractive. She'll be talking normally--you know, like a God-fearin' Christian--and then all of a sudden she'll say "spaghetti" but not like an American, she'll say it all Italian and it catches me off guard and I think to myself "wow... that's hot. Say more Italian things for no reason"... and she does. Perhaps that's why I like her... I tell her what to do and she does it (like a good woman... Ahhh ha ha haaaaa!!!! [It's true])

But enough of being a bastard for no reason... let's talk about something important for once, shall we? I just talked to Keith yesterday, and the show that we were going to put on at the Skybox, but didn't get a time slot for... we just got a time slot for. So we WILL be performing it in 2005. After going through the dates with Keith, I figured something out. I've got THREE shows now starting in January. Let's see if you can figure out what's interesting if I give you the dates:
My Level 5 Writing Show (yet untitled) Friday Nights @ 7:30 PM (I think) starting January 7th and running until February 6th
Equal Opportunity Offenders (the one I'm just acting in) Saturday Nights @ 10:30 PM January 15th through February 14th
Yet Untitled Skybox Show (writing for and acting in) Sunday Nights @ 8 PM January 2nd through January 23rd
Notice anything odd? You got it, there are a couple of weekends when I'll be involved in a production at the Skybox Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It'll be all John Steeno all the time. Which I'm sure pleases the ladies.
The Assistant Director's Cut opens a week from tomorrow and last night's rehearsal went pretty well. I'm still working on my lines for one of the scenes, but for everything else, I think I've got it. Wish me luck.

"It's the end of the world as we know it... and I feel like shit"
This morning I had a long chat with Nate. We talked about the election, the future and feeling helpless and hopeless. What was there to do? I made hot chocolate. I'd be eating mac and cheese, if I had it. And I don't think a chocolate binge is far from my future (thank you cheap Halloween candy). As a comfort eater, this seems to make the most sense currently.
When talking about the future, Nate mentioned a man named John Titor... a possible time traveler from the year 2036. Check out some of HIS crazy "rantings" here. Basically, Titor says that a Civil War in the US is coming in 2005 after the 2004 election. He then said, after almost ten years of civil war, WWIII comes in 2015, as Russia nukes some US cities and some places in Europe and China. While Russia rising again to power is something I can't really fathom... another civil war is not.
I need to learn how to shoot a gun. And I'm serious about this. There may come a time in the near future when I'm going to need to know how to save my life.
The dude also mentioned something: "Consider what you would bring with you if you had to leave your home in 10 min. and never return." It's an interesting exercise (an exercise for now): I would probably take clothes; functional warm ones, not my bright "fun" clothes... and I've got a nice set of knives I would take, and I'd take some paper and pens. I think that's it. If I had to leave this place because we were in a Civil War, I don't think I'd need my computer or anything electronic.

(Slightly off topic) If Bush talks about how he has "clearly" won the election, I'm going to be sick. Yes, he won the electoral college... yes, he also won the popular vote... but look at the margin of victory. 51% to 48% of the popular vote is not what I would call a convincing victory. We are literally talking about the difference across the nation being less people than are in the city of Chicago. Think about that for a second... If everyone in Chicago voted again, and for Kerry, he would have won the popular election. So please, "President" Bush... don't sprinkle sugar on my shit and call it a cookie. You are only half of this country's president... which is why the thought of a civil war is becoming more and more a possibility in my head. Unfortunately, the "resistance" is on the West Coast and the north-east... not a very good geographical spread for 'resistance'.


Before I finish, I asked someone to give me her feed-back on the election. But I would like to extend that to everyone. Email me at jpsteeno@yahoo.com and I'll compile everyone's thoughts... and post them coherently. Thank you.

Election Day 2004... Disenfranchising a NEW generation of voters
They've just announced that Michigan's 17 electoral votes are projected to go to Kerry... and Minnesota's 10 votes will go to Kerry. This puts Bush at 249 and Kerry at 238. (And Hawaii now goes to Kerry... Bush 249-Kerry 242). While there is still hope, I have come to a radical conclusion: The voting system, in American, needs wholesale changes. We need to scrap the entire voting system and create something new... something that uses current technology... something that allows EVERYONE (not just white people, or people in suburbs) the chance to vote. The fact that we vote on a work day during the week is RIDICULOUS! I was on the red line train (which is a subway near the loop [downtown Chicago]), and I heard two black men talking. They were talking about how long the line was to vote... how hard it was to get out of work to vote... and how many people were probably not going to be able to vote because of the other two reasons. We're not talking about the 1800s here, not everyone has to walk to get to the polls. We should be using the technology that we have at our disposal... phones; the internet; Hell! if we could figure it out, why not drive-thru voting? We've got drive-thru everything else. Other than that, the very least we should do is have elections over a weekend, so more people can get to the polls.

By the way, I had a conversation with my friend Chip, who voted for Bush. I really wanted to know why he voted for Bush. In the course of our conversation, at no time did he say something about Bush being the better man for the job. It was more about not liking Kerry OR not wanting lots of federal government, rich parents, blah blah common Republican BS. I then said "So it has nothing to do with the issues at all?"... and he pretty much didn't answer that, because we're friends and he knew I got him. It has nothing to do with the issues... or Bush being the "right" person for the job.

In other news, in almost every state that had state constitutional amendments on the definition of marriage as that of a union between a man and a woman (this includes Michigan), the vote to amend passed.

I owe Maggie Holdershaw and the lovely Miss Chelsey Wagemaker each a kiss for voting. No one else, interestingly enough took me up on my offer.

Erection Day... the polls are up for Bush
All that optimism from yesterday is gone as electoral-vote.com shows Kerry currently at 262 electoral votes and Bush at 261. Yeah... Kerry "lost" Wisconsin and Ohio since yesterday. Kerry DID "get" New Hampshire, but somehow Bush and Kerry are now tied in New Jersey, the broken penis state. I believe the current split of the nation is really making me want to puke. Honestly, I don't know what a person who is voting for Bush could possibly be thinking, unless they're super-wealthy. I think that's probably one of the reasons the nation is so divided: Bush supporters have no understanding of why someone would vote for Kerry, and vice versa. It's like we're not even speaking the same language. One of my stupid classes in Albion (I forget which one, but I think it was Great Issues in something) would say that both groups have different... something... values... something. I don't remember. The point is that every time a Kerry supporter mentions no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, a Bush supporter mentions 9/11. For every talk of allowing gay marriages, a discussion of Bush's no child left behind ensues. I mean, I don't know that an intelligent discussion between a Kerry supporter and a Bush supporter could even occur. *sigh... shakes head* I'm still moving to Canada.

From Garden State...
This is, by far, the greatest point made by that movie. And, as it seems like Garden State has finally reached Albion, I thought I'd share it with you.
"Andrew Largeman : You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam : I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman : You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place. "

I'll be gone til November... give a kiss to my mother
Girl I gotta leave, please don't cry... my Wyclef Jean is pretty good for a white guy.
I don't know why I'm being stupid... but whatever. I'm in a pretty good/positive mood. My Packers won... the stupid Patriots lost!... and, according to electoral-vote.com, Kerry has gained ground since yesterday. It's not an overwhelming margin, but if the states hold they way they're looking like they will, Kerry's win will at least be more convincing than Bush's "win" four years ago. Let's talk about the states, shall we? (Politics? From me?! I know... I've got two more days of this and then I'll go back to talking about football)
Looking at the current map, just looking at it, it's interesting to see that Kerry seems to have both coasts, and Bush is very strong through the middle of the country. I don't find it necessarily surprising that Bush's got the middle of the country... guess where the most uneducated section of the country is? Hey... I'm just tellin' the truth... it seems the less educated you are, the more you like Republicans. Unless, of course, you're a minority.
Reason #1 Bush shouldn't win: Bush has Utah. Bush has Utah by a HUGE margin. That means the Mormons like Bush. That means he's not the right guy for the job, because we all know how backwards the Mormons are.
Reason #2 Bush shouldn't win: Kerry has Florida (barely). George's brother is still the governer of Florida (right?). If your brother is the highest elected official in a state, and you can't win that state... you shouldn't be running the country.
Reason #3 Bush shouldn't win: Kerry has California. Those similarly backwards mother f--kers in California... the state that elected a REPUBLICAN Austrian action movie star, is now pulling for Kerry. That doesn't make sense to me at all.
Surprise #1: California, for the reason above.
Surprise #2: Alaska is pro-Bush. I guess it makes sense, as Bush's "hey let's drill in the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge" has created many jobs. Those jobs being the systematic humanization of the 'wild.' I shun using the word "rape" here to describe what is being done to the earth, as it's over-used rhetoric and really downplays the horrors of rape... but Bush is a bitch (that has nothing to do with anything, I just couldn't figure out how to get out of that sentence)
Reason #4 Bush shouldn't win: Kerry has DC BIGTIME. If anyone knows politics, it's the residents of Washington D.C. If they think Kerry's the man for the job, shouldn't he be?
Surprise #3: Hawaii for Bush. For a progressive, allowing gay marriage state like Hawaii to be a Bush state is mind-boggling to me.
Surprise #4: New Hampshire is split. Kerry has all of New England except for NH which is, for some reason, exactly split. Come on NH, get with the program... Maybe Bush owns New Hampshire?

I think I should have something witty to say here... but I've got nothing. It's raining in Chicago... and it's been raining all day. It's interesting... it doesn't feel like a good rain. This feels like a depressing rain, for some reason. It's raining on my parade! Um... I don't know.

Speaking of no segue! I'm so sick of that super crappy "Here's to football" song they have on Sportscenter every week. I 'liked' that song a couple years ago, when it was just about showing hot twins. Now it's about trying to be clever every week... and it's not really clever (and the twins aren't even twins anymore. And, Hey!, how many times are they going to show Tiki and Ronde Barber? That's not funny anymore)
It's not clever anymore, it's formulaic. I'll show you clever:
I love originality
Coming from my TV
Which doesn't happen often
Shit! ... and twins