Not necessarily why I am perfect for Coldstone, but why (at least for now) Coldstone is perfect for me-
Yeah... so I'm not sure if I'm what Coldstone is looking for in an employee... as I'm "stupid" about everything ever... but this is why Coldstone is perfect for me: It's fun! It's exciting to be able to deal with new people all the time... there's good variety in what I'm doing because every customer is a new opportunity. And there's such a great atmosphere in the store that I was (get this) wearing a Santa Hat the whole time I worked. I mean, it's just a great atmosphere, everyone's in a good mood... and, yeah, they got me singing Christmas songs. I know! No one who REALLY knows me would be able to believe the mood I can be in while at work. It's great... just the kind of thing someone who hates everything (me) needs. Hooray!
Ok... I'm tired as piss (which is really tired), so I'm going to bed... hope you all had a crazy Saturday :)

OUCH!
I did something to my back while I was at home in BR... and it's been hurting every night since. It doesn't hurt during the day, but after sleeping, my back wakes me up in the morning... and it hurts so much that it hurts to breathe. I have no idea what's up with that, but ouch!
Another thing is that all the chemicals we use at Coldstone to make sure the store is sanitized have really started hurting my hands. I have a couple cuts on my hands... and they are just KILLING me! Open wound + chemicals = OUCH!

Thanks for listening to me bitch like a woman (yeah... I said like a woman... what're you going to do about it?). But, the silver lining is that for the first time in MONTHS I feel crappy physically, but pretty good emotionally and mentally. Who knew?

I do feel a bit crappy about not being with my family right now... but I AM finally making money... so I'm pretty even. AND I got a letter from my Susan! So I'm planning on writing her back as soon as I feel like I have time. Hooray!!!

Food and phone for me!

CrazyJohn... My first night closing at Coldstone-
Yeah... so... when I worked as a computer tech at Ferris State University closing consisted of making sure that the computers were off. That was easy... closing an ice cream store = NOT EASY. Every inch of that store is cleaned AND sanitized... and it seems like I learned how to do all of it tonight (except for the cleaning of the actual stone).
It's really weird how much effort goes into making sure that place is ready to be opened the next day. But I did make almost $7 in tips tonight... and I was just serving people ice cream... so that's cool.
And I worked with three new people: Steven, Greg, and Abby. All three of them seemed really nice and interesting and it was a good night... I'm just really REALLY tired. So I'm going to bed... goodnight all :)
PS Two things you wouldn't expect: 1.) I worked with so many chemicals tonight cleaning the store that my hands are all chapped and weird; 2.) All I want, after working in that place for about 6 hours tonight, is a big f--koff steak. I mean, it's weird, but being surrounded by so many sweets, you really just want a slab of meat... ya know? Of course you don't, because I'm weird. That's fair enough...

You want crazy... I'll give you crazy
Did anyone see the Packers/Lions game? Of course you did... everyone in the fucking country saw that game. First of all... let me preface this by saying that I'm very happy for my friend Nate... who is a die-hard Lions fan and who roots for them every week... normally being disappointed or near suicidal by the end of Sunday.
Having said that... the Detroit Lions fans (on average... and in general) are the WORST Fans in professional sports. They don't give two shits about their team every week of the year... but, come Thanksgiving time, yeah... everybody's a fucking Lions fan. Did you see how packed Ford Field was? Was it to see the Lions? Not really... it was because it's Thanksgiving... and it's a fucking tradition to watch the Lions on Thanksgiving. Oh, well... since it's tradition... that doesn't make you a fair-weather bitch.
And did you see all the Lions "fans" leaving the stadium with almost a minute left in the game? That's not a fan... that's someone who doesn't want to be inconvenienced by the post-game traffic.
So... to those Lions "fans" who don't root for the Lions more than one day of the year... FUCK YOU!
Congratulations to the Lions players... who actually TRIED for once... imagine what would happen if you tried every week, huh? Wow... good for you.
By the way... for those of you people (because I know you're out there) who CAN'T BELIEVE the terrible Lions won this game, let me educate you (because you're ignorant). Detroit is now 11-5-1 on Thanksgiving against the Packers... Detroit also has a winning record overall on Thanksgiving versus all teams. The current "crappy" Lions only really try one week a year... Thanksgiving. The game is a home game... it's the only game the Lions will be on national television all year so it's their only chance to shine on a national stage... and ANYONE who knows football, knows that these things MEAN something.
I've been watching Packers/Lions games for about 14 or fifteen years now... and if there's one thing I KNOW is that the stupid Lions will find some way to win THIS GAME... Thanksgiving, at home, versus my Packers.
That's all I've got to say about this. I probably won't post anything else until I'm back in Chicago tomorrow >frown<... and it'll probably be after work, and I work until close tomorrow night >cries<.

Hope you're all having a better Thanksgiving than I am... as that is, now, not a very difficult thing. Christ... nothing in my fucking life is going right...

A VERY CRAZY THANKSGIVING
Hey kiddies... it's Thanksgiving and that means it's a time for family, a time for food, and a time for reflection on what makes our lives so great. I originally had a list of the top five things for which I am thankful (yeah grammar!)... but that is really not in the spirit of "thanking"... so I'm just going to list things.
I'm thankful for my car... and I didn't really notice HOW thankful I am for my car, until I left Chicago. My car gives me freedom... to just pack up and leave if I need to, or to go wherever I want. I love my car... and I try to take care of it as best I can... and it takes care of me, because I feel safe and comfortable when I'm driving. I give thanks for my car... hooray!
I'm thankful for my friends... even though I never feel like I'm talking to them as often as I'd like, I love my friends. My friends keep me sane, give me support, and help me push myself to do fun and exciting things :) I give thanks for all of my friends... I love them all.
I'm thankful for my mom... even though there is no one on this planet who could drive me as nuts as my mother, she always has my best interests in mind. She's willing to listen, or to give advice (more often to give advice)... and she does the dirty work that needs to be done (laundry, cooking, cleaning) for so many years and I am so grateful for all her hard work. She is a wonderful person and I love her... I give thanks for my mother... hooray!
I'm thankful for my sister... she is fun, thoughtful, and always just wants me to be happy. Through her life, and her efforts, she's made me one of the most sensitive men that I know... she's always making me think about other people's feelings and making me understand where other people may be coming from. She's been invaulable to my development growing up... and she and I will continue to be close until we die. I give thanks to my sister... whom I love with all my heart... mmwah to you, Karen!
I'm thankful for my dad... who has taught me how to be a man, how to be a loving father, how to stand up for what is right, how to always work hard in what you do, how to push myself to be better, how to laugh, and how to believe in myself. He is my hero... and I am so thankful for him. I give thanks to my father.

I think that's as cheesy as I'm going to get for a whole long time... I may rant about the Packers/Lions game... if it keeps going the way it has been going (AHH!!!!). Have turkey!

It's easy to know that you're back in Big Rapids when you look outside at night and see four deer casually strolling up your drive-way. Yeah... about that....
Anyway... here's a little something I wrote on the way to Grand Rapids. I was thinking about stuff... whatever... you'll hear it all.

CrazyJohn on Philosophical Ideology from Andre 3000-
Listening to "Hey ya" off the album "The Love Below" and a certain line struck me (ow! my kidney!). Not that kind of struck. The particular line in question goes a little something like this: "If what they say is 'Nothing lasts forever', than what makes love the exception?"
First of all, I think it is pretty obviously true that nothing lasts forever (sans love... which I'll get to in a moment). Think about anything with a beginning... and, I know it's trite because the Matrix Revolutions used the line about a billion times until you felt it was boring into your skull, but everything with a beginning does indeed have an end. Honestly, think of anything tangible... and it will have an ending... it won't last forever.
Sidenote... while I was thinking about this I came up with a really neato way to remember the difference between tangible and intangible: "Brick on table" = tangible relationship... two objects and you can visualize exactly how they relate to each other; "I love you" = intangible relationship... two objects without a clearly defined relationship... are they related? romantically involved? best of friends? who knows? Anyway... I just thought "Brick on table" was a neat idea... I'm a dork... back to our show :)
Do I believe that love can last forever? Yes... because I've seen it (storytime!). I saw my mother's parents love each other until they day that my grandmother died... then I watched the love for her waste my grandfather away until he died just shy of a year after she had passed away.
Even though it was hard to watch for that one year, it showed me how eternal "true love" can be. And it showed me that two people really can love each other completely, fully, truly, until the day they die. And what a gift it was for me to be able to see that kind of love... it's a rare rare thing... and I'm not going to forget it.
So what does make love the exception to the "nothing lasts forever" rule? I think it has to do with the constant (or at least regular) renewal of that love... Finding out again and again why you fell in love with this person in the first place... finding new things and new reasons to love this person. I think it only works when it's a regular or constant process.
I think a lot of couples fall into a complacency about each other... and their love for each other... after a while it's like "yeah... there's John... I love him" but you don't even really remember why. Things become stagnant... and there's no feeling of doing new things anymore... you're just there and so is he or she and you love each other and that's how it is. And I'll be the first to admit that I've fallen under this trap a time or two... but I'd like to think that I'm better than that now. And, I am trying... I've been trying to let certain ladies know when I'm reminded of their beauty, I say they're beautiful... or I remind them of how intelligent I think they are, or how capable, or just how wonderful... and I'm working on reminding myself and then saying it out loud to them so that they know how I feel about them.
So I guess... I believe in a love that will be able to last forever, because I've seen it happen. And I hope that it will happen to me, but I understand that practically it doesn't happen to everyone. But, I guess, on some level, "true love" is one of the few things I still really believe in... because I've seen it.
Ok... I think I'm getting sappy and emotional... I'm going to go... but look for a list of things for which I am thankful coming tomorrow! Have a Crazy Thanksgiving everyone :)

What I did on my Thanksgiving Vacation: By CrazyJohn
Today I went to Grand Rapids with my mom and sister and shopped pretty much all day. I really needed clothes for work, so that was the "main purpose" of the trip, I guess you could say. But I had forgotten how much fun shopping for stuff with my sister can be! She's really a blast... and I value her opinions... and she makes it fun for me (because me buying clothing is not fun for anybody... "I could have SWORN I was this size before... why is it so much smaller now?" >whimper<).
And, when we returned, we ate dinner and watched a couple episodes of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy... as a family! Even my dad seemed to be laughing a lot at the quirky humor of the show. It was great!
Ya wanna know what wasn't great??? All the things in the mall that reminded me of previous girlfriends. It was like a sadistic, shopping "this is your life"... and it just made me all sad. Oh well... a girl's gotta shop for knee-high boots, sweaters with the little ball thingys, perfumes, hand creams, and sweaters (did I already mention that? sorry)... and it's not their fault they own things! People own things... it's what they do... it's just weird to see other people wearing things or smelling like other people that you used to be so close to. I don't know... maybe I'm just being overly-sensitive because I'm that kind of guy even though I pretend not to be. But, today was as hard as it was fun... and it was a lot of fun. I have a wonderful sister who I wouldn't trade for the world (but I might sell her) (just kidding) (well... give me an offer >wink<).

CrazyJohn: The Movie
Ok... so I was thinking, in light of my travels to see Miss Courtney McKay Hancock this afternoon, that if my life was a movie than this time of my life would be the beginning of the sequel. And, furthermore, if this was the sequel than the past half a year of my life would be a few lines of exposition in the beginning of the movie.
I mean, I guess that's true for all of us recent graduates... if the first movie was our senior year of college (which is always a good time of your life to have a movie about yourself), then this sequel would start off with all of us given a few expository lines about what we've been doing for six months (yeah... we graduated six months ago). I was also thinking that, of all my friends, Sellers' life would be the most interesting/movie worthy. And that sucks... because I can't even be the lead character in a movie about my friends and me. I play a supporting role in my own imaginary movie!!! What is THAT? Come on, me! Geez!!!
I also always thought my high school experiences would have made a good movie... but that would have definately been about me, as I was the most interesting person in the whole city of Big Rapids by that point. By interesting, I mean insane... and that's a tough crown to hold on to in this town.
For the most part, my college experieces also would make an interesting movie... but no one likes to see nice guys win... so my movie would have to focus on my senior year... and the resulting summer/present. But, then again, a movie about my friends would be way more interesting... and it would culminate in our graduation. (Sidenote: Alex Carroll would make one of the most interesting supporting characters in cinema history if he was in a movie about me... but, then again, so would Jim [particularly with the angle that he's dating my sister]).
Who would star in a movie about my life? Me... there's no one in Hollywood who can do me better than me. But that dude from Malcolm in the Middle would play Sellers (you know, Frankie Muniz)... and I'll have to work on casting beyond that... but that's a pretty good fit, if I do say so myself. And, oddly enough, Kirsten Dunst would play Karen in a movie about college AND Amie if the movie was about high school. This is also weird because I hate Kirsten Dunst. Ooo! And Hayden Christenson would play Alex Carroll (unless Alex wanted to do it, but that's besides the point)... except I'd have to say "Hayden... less brooding... Alex is nice" and Hayden would say "Uh ooga bugga booga" since I think he's got the intelligence of a grapefruit.
Crap... I have to go pick up my car (getting my oil changed)... I'll speculate about this more later :)

CrazyJohn on praising some real talent-
Well… I seem to be snowed in to Big Rapids. I heard there was a forty car pile-up in Grand Rapids, and a few people died as a result of accidents in a couple counties up near Big Rapids. >sigh< So, I thought I would let you all know the reason why I wanted to go to Albion so badly as to brave the conditions.
Before I graduated from Albion, I had the pleasure of working with a young director with a ton of talent. And I don’t even think her age is a detriment to her directing… I actually think it’s a compliment, that she can be this good, this young. I think there are few directors who know a play as completely as she does… she always seemed prepared, but was always willing to work on something else if the actor needed/wanted to. She always listened to the actor's feedback, always pushed the actors to be the best they could be, and did what was best for the production... She is one of the best directors I have ever worked with, and one of the few people for whom I would drop everything to work with. I can honestly say that she can have my services as an actor whenever she wants them, for as long as she wants them. I am speaking, of course, about Miss Amy Lewis, who is directing the Workshop Theatre production, "No Exit," this December 4-6. If you are in the Albion area the first weekend of December, go see what will be a fantastic show.
Here's a link to get more information about the show. And break a leg to all the actors, and the wonderful director :)

This should REALLY come as a surprise to no one.


Congratulations, you are Donnie Darko. You have
the power to time-travel, among other cool
things. And hey, don't worry about that whole
burning-down-the-smarmy-guy's-house thing:
after all, he IS the antichrist!


Which Odd-Yet-Strangely-Humourous Movie Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I wrote this (for the most part) yesterday... and here it is.

CrazyJohn on going home again-
There is no way for me to articulate how good it feels to be able to go home again. While in Chicago, I came to the realization that my entire life (now) is contained within a square mile… groceries, work, and class all within one mile of my apartment. And, driving back home yesterday… I realized how good it felt to be covering more ground than a mile. I realized on the drive how closterphobic I really felt in the city. I find it weird to say that going back home has made me feel freer than living on my own… but that’s really how I feel. I have more freedom with my car and living in my parent’s house than I do living on my own in a city where you can’t drive or park anywhere. That makes sense, doesn’t it? Screw you… it totally makes sense.
The downside of being home… my parents are on a weird South Beach “meat good, bread bad” Atkins-like diet. So, even though I’ve only been here for a day, I’m looking to run to a gas station or Meijer’s or something and get myself some muthaf—kin brownies. And I find it weird to be here talking about watching bread intake, when people have been eating bread ever since there were people around to make bread. I mean… it’s bread! BREAD!!! How can it be bad for you when people have been eating it for centuries? It’s f—king weird… Diets are weird. I say, if you want to lose weight, start exercising. It works… so poop on dieting.
Also… the big TV in our “TV room” has been having problems with the cable… it’s hard to explain, but it’s like it’s shorting out or something (I don’t know how to explain it). But my dad’s just like “yeah… it does that sometimes” but he doesn’t want to do anything about it… what is that? That drives me nuts.
Speaking of driving me nuts… I had forgotten how stupid the cable internet is here. As I sit here… it’s saying to me “hey… I really don’t feel like working. What’re you going to do about it?” and I’m saying “I can’t do anything because I’m in Bumblefuck Rapids.”

I will soon post something about being home... but here's something I typed up while watching football with my dad today (man, it's been so long! And it's like watching football with me... which is the best thing ever! If you haven't tried it, you should!)

Top Five Football Players That I Hate-
[Dishonorable Mention: Ray Lewis and Sebastian Janikowski. Ray Lewis is irritating, but I like the Madden commercials he did with the Rookies (they made me laugh). And Janikowski is pretty much a useless fat Pollack (but, isn’t that redundant? Ahh ha ha haaa…. Take that the Polish!)… plus, he’s way too much trouble for a kicker… I mean, come on!]
5.) Keyshawn Johnson… I go back and forth on Keyshawn: at some times I respect him because he’s one of the better blocking Wide Receivers in the league AND he’s willing to go over the middle, which a lot of your “pro bowl” wide receivers aren’t willing to do; but at other times I just shake my head at someone who seems to be one of the most-selfish, least team-oriented players in the league. This whole deactivation thing has really solidified him on this list. I felt bad for him when I heard about it… “What is Tampa Bay doing?” kind of thing… but hearing him interviewed about the deactivation all I can think is “what a bitch!”… because he is a bitch.
4.) Tommy Maddox… Yes, I hate him and the hatred started in the XFL when Maddox was the only MVP that the league has ever had. If anyone watched that league (like I did) then you’ll know how irritating Tommy Maddox was. He was yelling at teammates and just generally being a bitch. Oddly enough, this mood has transcended from the XFL to the Steelers.
3.) Randy Moss… a few years ago, when Moss just came in the league, he would have been the number one player on this list. But, I do feel that Moss has mellowed out a bit which is why he’s down to number three. However, anyone who has seen Randy Moss on the field knows that he’s not only a very talented natural athlete, but also one of the whiniest players ever. He takes plays off, he doesn’t block well (if at all), he doesn’t necessarily try to work hard all the time… and he’s a bitch.
2.) Terrell Owens… Terrell Owens is a bitch, he is. There’s nothing else, really, to say about it. He doesn’t respect other teams, other players, or even his coaches. He shows no respect and deserves no respect. And he’s a big bitch.
1.) Warren Sapp… This is all you need to know: Last year, he injured Packers Tackle Chad Clifton on a cheap (but legal) block. Clifton’s career AND ability to WALK AGAIN was in question because of the severity of the injury. Clifton spent a month and a half to two months in his house after the injury on his back, unable to walk or stand. Warren Sapp had ample time to apologize or even contact Clifton to inquire as to his progress… he did neither. Warren Sapp is not only an asshole, but he’s an insensitive person, and he deserves neither respect nor praise nor the Super Bowl ring on his fat finger. Anyone who would root for Tampa Bay, roots for Warren Sapp, and roots AGAINST me (this includes last year’s Super Bowl… but I’m not naming names and, besides, I’ve already bashed the Polish once in this post)!

CrazyJohn on the second First day of work (what?... I mean, yay!)-
First of all... hooray for work again!
My work day started by accidentally walking in on a guy changing his shirt in the bathroom (awkward? yes, thank you). But it was a different new guy, Sam. Sam had already had his one day "intro" (see my post yesterday) so he and I were able to go right into making samples. We made ice cream with fruit, brownies, and all sorts of "mix-ins." He and I basically were stuck making the smallest size ("like it"... and I don't like the names of things there)... so I'm really good at handling small things (insert your own penis joke here). So Sam and I were doing our stupid things... making samples... whatever... and we got kind of busy. So busy, in fact, that Sam and I started taking customers too. So I was able to handle at least a dozen customers today.... hooray for me!!! (PS Do I need to tell you to get the damn brownies??? The look SO GOOD!)
Anyway... Sam seems cool. He goes to the Moody Bible Institute and is from Washington state... and it was really neat to be all "stupid" about everything with someone else. And, like I said, he seems like a cool kid (I say kid as he just turned 19 yesterday). Anyway... I won't work again until next Friday. I'll be home this weekend (maybe Albion too) and home for Thanksgiving!!! There's shopping to be done for work clothes :) If I don't post again... I hope you all have crazy Thanksgivings!!! Hooray for Thanksgiving... I'm tres thankful this year... even in English I'll still be thankful.

CrazyJohn on the first day of work (yay! Work!!!)-
First of all: Hooray for work!
Ok... let talk "stuff." I got to ColdStone twenty minutes early, so I didn't go in (as it was before opening and the door was locked)... so I went to The Second City Training Center and emailed someone from my cell phone (such a neato feature). And, after I felt as though I had wasted enough time, I went to work and knocked on the window. Hannah, a co-worker (I HAVE COWORKERS AGAIN!!! HOORAY!), opened the door for me. I watched her and Andrea, my manager, prepare the store for opening. The night before the store had it's mandatory "pest spraying" so it was a lot more work to open the store than normal... or so I'm told. Then Andrea took me to the office downstairs and had me fill in some paperwork... I asked her how she and her father came to own a Coldstone and I got the whole story. She asked a bit about me, but I got the impression that she really didn't care enough at this point to really listen. Whatever. Her dad, Jim Johnson, was a stockbroker and had his own firm on the Chicago exchange... so he's really the entrepreneur in this film. Andrea says that he's planning on opening/managing ten (10!!!!!!!!) Coldstones in Chicago. So, as I get to know Jim and Andrea, I can't help but feel a little poopy that they might be taking care of other stores... Andrea said even by this summer. >pout<
So we spent a bit of time chatting... and then I got the tour. I saw where they make ice cream (almost every day... but it is always made right at the store), I saw where we make the brownies (again... made fresh right in the store... so get the brownies!), I saw where the ice cream, ice cream cakes, and "mix-ins" are refrigerated and stored. And then we tackled the stone... the cold stone itself! And Andrea asked if I wanted something... so I said "ok"... and she told me to "pull it" myself (you "pull" ice cream at Coldstone... it's not "scooped", it's "pulled"). So she asked me to make myself a Coldstone Original... so I picked "Apple Pie A La Cold Stone" as the first thing I ever made at Coldstone (that'll probably be a Trivial Pursuit question some day). So I pulled a small size (6 oz... the "like it" size or something, I don't know the names of the sizes)... Andrea said it was a little small, so I added some more Sweet Cream Ice Cream. Then I added Apple Pie filling, graham cracker crust, and cinnamon (which was a disaster! It's in a shaker and I was like >shake< and it was like >dump< so I said "well... that's way too much, good for me")... then I did the little fold thing, added some caramel, and did the foldy thing again. Then I scraped it off the stone, half-ass dumped it into a cup (Andrea said "We'll have to work on putting it into the cups"), and then starting digging in. And that, my lovely children, was two hours worth of work.... Andrea didn't want to overload me, and I felt a bit saturated as it was... the Coldstone originals are key because they're popular, and I'm going to have to memorize them all... and right now there seems to be a million of them! And pulling ice cream is SO HARD! It's way harder than it looks! There are all sorts of "regulations" on how you hold those spades... and she was all "think of this as a tennis ball, this as a juicy orange, and this as a grapefruit" and I was thinking "aren't tennis balls and oranges the same size?"... but I didn't say it.
Oh... and Court... I don't get all the free ice cream I want, but I DO get $5 worth of ice cream every day if I want (or drinks). So I could have some ice cream whenever I work, if I wanted to. But, honestly, I was still so nervous while I was at work that I didn't enjoy the ice cream that I made myself. Eventually that won't be the case, I'm sure... but I can't imagine eating ice cream every day that I work there.... I'd be the size of... well... me! And that's like two of you! (and I'm almost as annoying as two of you would be... but, damn, that would be annoying).
In good news, I'm not going to need to work over Thanksgiving, so I'll be able to go home this weekend, spend the week at home with my family (yay!!!)... but I'll be back in Chicago Friday afternoon for work (probably). But, that doesn't really matter to me, I want to go home so bad that I wouldn't mind just being there for one day.
Also, in different news, I may head to Albion sometime this weekend to see my girl Amy's play. She was my director, and she's damn good at it, and I really want to support her... it's just unfortunate that I won't be able to see it when it actually performs. But I'm trying to do what I can to still support my girls... even if I have to, you know, have casual sex with them for hours. Right... I'm glad we're on the same page there.
Anyway... I rented Tony Hawk's Underground so that I can make myself digitally cool... because I'm not cool otherwise. No, yes, that is true. There is also a Red Wings game on tonight on ESPN2... so tonight will be neato keen Resty McRestsalot. I'm working tomorrow too, so I might actually try to spend some time memorizing some of the Originals (I got a menu).
Right... basically I'm going to study ice cream. Yes... I take this seriously. Seriously... I'm good... when I put my mind to something... I'm good (hint: I may be talking about intercourse here). Hope you have a crazy night :)

CrazyJohn on Snoop in True Crime:Streets of LA-
Ok... so I finally figured out how to play as Snoop in True Crime: Streets of LA. You have to select his face from the main mission menu... and you don't get to play as him during the normal missions, you get one hour to solve as many "street crimes" as you can... and then I guess you're graded on how well you did (oh yeah... and you don't get to die and come back like in the normal game... "when you die, you're dead" to quote Jimmie's Chicken Shack).
But... listening to Snoops' voice say things like "now why would you want to mess with a crazy nigga like me?" and "It's good to be the D-O-Double G" is totally worth not being able to play as him during the normal missions. When you shoot someone for no reason, he's like "must be that itchy trigga finga"... and when you're about to start a fight he's like "I'm gonna make you scream like yo mamma did last night". HILARIOUS! HOW can anyone not LOVE Snoop??? Answer!!!!!
Oh yeah... and don't worry, Snoop's eyes aren't really open in the character map... just like in real life. What a great twist adding him was to this game! (oh... and it's not a very long game, either... I've already beaten it... and I've only had it for four days... sorry to burst anyone's bubble!) I'm going to go beat people up as the D-O-Double G... later :P

CrazyJohn on Dia de Gracias-
Which is what the Ruben Salazar Bilingual Education Center calls Thanksgiving. I think it's kind of sad that we, as a hemisphere, need to set aside a day to remember to be thankful for all sorts of great things... I wish we could all remember to be thankful for things all the time, but alas... that doesn't seem to be the way we were built. But it's something to "work on", I suppose.
Currently, I'm thankful that the lead singer for Evanescence is so eerily hot. I mean, she's kind of creepy in a goth way... but she's way hot. And they're going on tour in Japan the beginning of next year... weird.
I'm also thankful for my wonderful friends, who really care about all my weird and pathetic neurotic episodes. And who have continued to support me during this difficult time...
>sniffle<

On a completely unrelated note... I was wondering today which sport would make the best hockey players (I mean, besides hockey). I think football players would make the best hockey players... or even baseball players, as they have been built for short bursts of speed, but I doubt baseball players have the endurance. Who would make the best football teams? Without a doubt it's hockey players... they're built for impact and believe in team play. Basketball players wouldn't make good hockey or football players, as they are sleek and built for jumping. Who would make the best basketball players? I actually think that soccer players would, as they have the endurance to run up and down the court and they also do quite a bit of jumping... football players are too stocky and they can't jump (except for Wide Receivers and the occational Tight End from the University of California... who's name is Tony Gonzalez... because he played basketball in college... yeah...). No, seriously, this is what I spend time thinking about... stupid shit like this. Being a philosophy major in college didn't make my thoughts any deeper than the normal idiot male... sorry to disappoint.
I also spend time thinking... how are the lead singer from All American Rejects' eyes so damn blue? Is that fake? They certainly show enough close ups of his face for it to not be fake. And, how can someone with such beautiful eyes consider himself a "reject"? What a poser! It would be like Alex Carroll being in a band called "The Fat Virgins" (my "Sex on a Stick" side-project). What? Don't know about Sex on a Stick? My offense-rock band? Well... Sex on a Stick is my offense-rock band... we sing songs about women being inferior, white people being the root of all problems in the world, and killing babys as a way to not only solve world over-population but also world hunger. Mmm... offense-rock...
Anyway... I've got lots of stuff to do to make sure I'm ready to work tomorrow (WORK TOMORROW! HOORAY!!!).... so I'm out. Hope you're all having a crazy day :)

CrazyJohn on the greatest Second City Improv game I've ever played!!!-
I would not lie to you kiddies, you know that... and this is what I did tonight. We played a game called: Symphony of Rants. Everyone in the circle picks one thing to rant about and then the instructor starts and stops us, gives us crescendos and decrescendos... and near the end we're all ranting at the same time. At one time, he crescendoed me until I was seriously the loudest one in the group... and I think I may have scared a person or two. I can be loud... as my neighbors from Burns know >wink<.
Ok... that was gross, even for me. But what a great game... I never felt more comfortable in that class. Hooray for me! "I'm not crazy, the tv's crazy! Aren't you tv???" Simpsons... hooray... I'm going to finish watching the tape of the new Queer Eye... have a crazy night :)

P.S. Some impatient bastard wants his "bathroom attendant training" skit... Well MB (standing for iMpatient Bastard), I have never really experienced a place with a bathroom attendant, so I'm still in the "research" phase. Do you want it to be good or do you just want it done? Because I can make it crap... that's no problem. Making it good takes effort and research... so poop on you! Hope you're having a great week too... say hello to the little lady for me, in a CRAZY way :)

CrazyJohn on... employment (finally)-
That's right.... I actually got the job I was blabbing about yesterday, and I didn't even have to sleep with the dude's daughter (not that I wouldn't, but I didn't have to). Yeppers... Mr. Jim Johnson called me this morning (waking me up again) to tell me that I had the job and asking if Thursday would be an acceptable day for me to start. Um... yeah! I'm not doing anything, am I? NO! I'm not.
And not even the constant rain of three or four days can dampen my mood! Hooray for employment!!!
Now... here's the best part. I have intentionally not mentioned the establishment of my new employment because I wanted it to be a big surprise to Miss Courtney McKay Hancock... who will be so jealous that she will (hopefully) die. My new place of employment is: Coldstone!!! Hooray for me being better than Courtney! I'll get to be surrounded by ice cream all the time... and will (if it's possible) be even fatter when you next see me. Mmhmm! But, Court, I promise to make you the best Coldstone in the history of the world if you ever come to Chicago... I'll come up with something that's a Court Special! I may even have a clever name for it by then (I'm thinking "James Blonde" might be a good name for something with, say, the Sweet Cream Ice Cream with white chocolate chips and some kind of chopped nut... but I'll have to learn if that's already called something first). And I'll be sure to get the proportions WAY wrong if you ask for a mix of two flavors! Hell... I'll just give you way too much ice cream anyway... it doesn't matter, we give away free samples all the time! I was in the store when some kids came in for samples and water... it was weird... and kind of sad, but whatever floats your boat in this city is, well, buoyant.
I'm still trying to figure out how to celebrate my newfound employment... and am taking suggestions. I'd like to buy something that I don't have the money to buy... but I don't know if I can justify doing that just yet... maybe that's a "first paycheck" kind of thing. If you have any ideas as to how I should celebrate my employment (hooray!) let me know... if not, I'm just going to go back to shooting people in non-vital organs (cuz I'm a good guy, remember?).

CrazyJohn on a title that fits with all this loot-
First of all, let me finish my post from last night. Megan and I went and saw Kill Bill at ICE (Inner-City Entertainment). It was the first time I've ever seen a movie in an "urban" (can I just say primarily black? or will someone be offended?) theatre... and can I say it was a fantastic experience! Stuff was happening on the screen and behind me was "nu uh!" and "look at that girl kick ass" and "he need to grab his shit and go!"... it was great! It was pretty much how I like to watch movies anyway, but with WAY more sass :)
Also, I need to say that Kill Bill is a brilliantly stylized film... and I throughly enjoyed it. The Japanese Anime section to explain Lucy Liu's character's background I think is an interesting and brilliant decision. And, may I add that Lucy Liu is one of the most beautiful women ever... can I add that? She's DAMN hot in this movie... and maboy Quentin has made walking in slow motion with music THE COOLEST thing ever. I would walk in slow mo for Tarantino doing whatever he wanted... I would walk in a chicken costume... because he would make it cool.
Now... let's talk today, shall we? I was awoken by a phone call... a phone call from a Mr. Jim Johnson. He was calling in regards to the application I put in at a particular establishment. He wanted to know if I would be willing to come in for a "talk" (code for interview) later today. So I said I would be available at any time and we agreed on a time.
Then I looked in the mirror... my hair!!! SO LONG!!! I needed a haircut badly. There's one place I know of close to me... with a name too stupid to mention (Hint: It rhymes with "Supercuts"). In this haircutting establishment, I met a woman I will call Eva, as she seemed to be Austrian. Using words like charming, nice, warm, and friendly would not acurately describe Eva... words such as quick, silent, and "hate me" would acurately describe her. But she made my hair shorter... and by shorter, I mean tres sexy. That's right.
So... I went to the aforementioned establishment for my "interview" and I showed up fifteen minutes early. So I had to sit and do nothing and wait for this Jim Johnson guy. So I sat around... and fifteen minutes later he came upstairs from the basement (I'm guessing it's where the office is). He apparently just purchased the store from the previous owners a week ago... which is why he said that no one contacted me earlier. Yeah... so he just bought the place a week ago... and he said that he wants to make the place more fun for the costumers, and he liked that I was taking classes at the Second City... and we had a nice chat... and then I met his daughter, Andrea, who does most of the management, and we talked for a while too. She seems really cool... and she said that I would hear from them soon... like tonight. Which is good... because I need a job. Right.
I'll let you guys know if I hear anything good... right... I'm still not holding my breath... because I would pass out.