Two Dreams
I just awoke from two different dreams, actually. In one of them, I was at a get-together with Adam LeClaire and Scott Adar. We were eating pizza... and Adam was unhappy with his pizza, so he decided to make 'smoothies.' I'm almost positive he started with slices of pizza which he put into a blender... then he added a heaping spatula-full of chunky peanut butter and kept blending until it looked smooth and then he added some heavy cream... and, for some reason, when I opened up the blender, I saw chunks of pretzels and Doritos guacamole chips and some popcorn... and I have no idea what that dream was about because my alarm went off right after I said (in the dream) "hey, this actually doesn't look half bad." I said that while looking at chunks of snack food stuck in a peanut butter/pizza/cream base. That is disgusting.
In the earlier dream, I had somehow signed up for a swimming class. When I got there, there were a whole lot of adults just sitting under the water, holding their breath. For some reason, even though I showed up with plenty of time left in the class... I took a supremely long time taking off my jacket and getting ready to go into the water (pretty much fully clothed, too... everyone in the water was almost fully clothed. We might not have been wearing shoes). And, again, for some reason, I had brought King, my stuffed gorilla, with me. When the instructor asked me to get into the pool with everyone else, I brought King with me. *shrug* Then, after about three times doing the 'hold your breath' thing, the instructor and his helpers started setting up volleyball nets for us to play water volleyball. At that point I stopped being awkward, put King with my other stuff (he was magically dry), and went back in to play volleyball. Then something happened and I started dreaming about something else. But, whatever... the early one was weird, huh? I think this dream's an odd little portal into when I used to feel comfortable in water (when I was younger). Something happened to me and I stopped being comfortable in/around water... and I don't remember what that was. So, perhaps, this dream was my mind trying to work through that. Or it was my unconscious reminding me how much I love volleyball. Either way... it was weird because it showed me that, even though I think I'm this great adult doing adult things, I'm still very much a child in various ways. Maybe there are some things I'll never grow out of...
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Saturday, February 12, 2005
OUTTAKE! It's my sincere hope that Alexander Theodore Carroll becomes very famous some day. Not just because he's my friend and I want him to do well out in L.A., but because I've already cornered the market on his impression. Look, I'm smarmy!
Either that, or this is my impression of Walter Matthau. The likeness is uncanny!
Posted by Hello
Hey... you broke my Benjamin!
This past Wednesday was "Ash Wednesday." For all you non-Catholics, Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of a period of time called "Lent." Lent signifies the 40 days and 40 nights that Satan tempted Jesus in the desert by walking next to him saying, "I've got water... don't you want some water? Mmm... water is so good. All you need to do is join me and I'll give you some water. Join me, son, and together we can rule the universe." Maybe someone else said that last bit. Now-a-days, Lent signifies a period of time when millions of Catholics give up chocolate in an attempt to prove something to themselves. Something like "it's possible for me to not eat chocolate for 40 days!" This year, I'm doing something different. I'm not giving anything up. I'm going to try, instead, to go to the gym everyday. Additionally, instead of not eating meat Wednesday (Ash Wednesday is a day of fast and abstinence from meat)... I fasted from sunrise to sunset. It was interesting... and not as hard as you'd think. What made it difficult, though was the fact that I went to bed last night hungry... so I woke up and was already hungry. None-the-less, I was able to do the "fasting" thing pretty easily. I'm thinking of trying to do it every other Friday (instead of the no-meat thing). I mean, I think the origin of not eating meat on Fridays was actually to make sure the fish was sold in the local markets before the markets were closed for the weekend. *huge sigh* This is my 'largest' departure from Catholisism yet. But if someone doesn't take a serious look at why "we" do what we do... I'll keep drifting further and further into the nothingness that is... well... everyone else, I guess.
Wednesday, I did what everyone who's facing 40 days without... well, nothing... I went to Best Buy to spend money! I got a REALLY late birthday card from my aunt and uncle, and I was looking to spend the sweet, free, birthday money. I decided to finally buy myself Napoleon Dynamite... as I saw it once and figured it was a movie I'd like to see a few more million times. And I also had Breaking Benjamin's album "We Are Not Alone." I wanted to buy it because, when I was playing this game... I created a ring entrance that was pretty sweet. I fell in love with this song... and it has an ironically named title, if you're following at home. My ring entrance was SWEET... it opened with two lines of fire moving up the ramp to the entrance... and then my character came in, stood still, and sparks came up and hit him from both sides as he bowed his head. It was AWESOME. And the song went so sweet with the entrance... it was awesome. If only the game itself was as much fun as creating that introduction. But, alas, it was not.
So I had $30 worth of fun in my hands (gross!!!!) and I was just looking around when I spotted Eddie Izzard's Glorious, Definite Article, and Unrepeatable all on DVD. I've got Glorious' VHS tape... but the other two I don't have but on CD (thanks Bohne). And I knew, when I saw them, that I was going to buy them. It was just like that... So $30 that I DID have turned into a billion dollars that I don't. That's America, I guess.
Hey, everyone! Congratulations are in order. For the past... like two months, Senior Airman Kenneth John Huhtala has been attending ALS, which is an Airman Leadership... um... School? Anyway, he's been taking these classes so that he can sew on his Staff Sergeant stripes... and Thursday he finished ALS! That means that the only step left for him is to actually get the "go ahead" to sew on his stripes (I hope I'm using the correct terminology and not just sounding like a douche). And then he'll FINALLY be a Staff Sergeant. So I can call him Serge and the slew of nicknames I came up with back when I decided that I wanted him to be a Sergeant. Anyway, Congratulations Ken!
Thursday night I had my Conservatory class. One of the funniest things that happened was the Gellman asked Thomas (a hilarious guy from Canada) to explore and heighten his feelings of anger in one scene. So he, Thomas, spent 60 seconds simply exploring and heightening... and it was very funny! The rest of class was normal and nothing to write home (or here) about.
Late Thursday night (read: very early Friday morning), I finally finished KOTOR II. I told Ken that I like the story in the first one better... but the gameplay to KOTOR II is better. I mean that I'm much more likely to repeat my 80 (EIGHTY!!!) hours to beat the second game than the 60-some (SIXTY... SOME) hours I spent on the first one. What's another solid day of doing nothing but playing that game between friends? (huh?) Besides, in the first one, my character was weak... even at the end. I was too worried that he was going to get totally killed by Malak (which he was repeatedly)... and in the second one my guy was easily and expertly hacking through rooms full of Sith at the end. I was like "Oh! I'm so awesome!" in pretty much every room. To me, that's fun. Anyway... now that I'm finally done with that game, I feel like I have more free time (isn't that weird?)... so I'm interested to see what I do with it. Ken mentioned possibly coming to Chicago for a few days... and it'll take me weeks to effectively clean my apartment (I'm not really kidding), so I've got that to look forward to. And Ken keeps talking about challenging me to a game of Madden 2005... so I might practice up to make sure I slaughter him. Heehee... I mean, to make sure it's as humiliating an experience as possible. Right.
This past Wednesday was "Ash Wednesday." For all you non-Catholics, Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of a period of time called "Lent." Lent signifies the 40 days and 40 nights that Satan tempted Jesus in the desert by walking next to him saying, "I've got water... don't you want some water? Mmm... water is so good. All you need to do is join me and I'll give you some water. Join me, son, and together we can rule the universe." Maybe someone else said that last bit. Now-a-days, Lent signifies a period of time when millions of Catholics give up chocolate in an attempt to prove something to themselves. Something like "it's possible for me to not eat chocolate for 40 days!" This year, I'm doing something different. I'm not giving anything up. I'm going to try, instead, to go to the gym everyday. Additionally, instead of not eating meat Wednesday (Ash Wednesday is a day of fast and abstinence from meat)... I fasted from sunrise to sunset. It was interesting... and not as hard as you'd think. What made it difficult, though was the fact that I went to bed last night hungry... so I woke up and was already hungry. None-the-less, I was able to do the "fasting" thing pretty easily. I'm thinking of trying to do it every other Friday (instead of the no-meat thing). I mean, I think the origin of not eating meat on Fridays was actually to make sure the fish was sold in the local markets before the markets were closed for the weekend. *huge sigh* This is my 'largest' departure from Catholisism yet. But if someone doesn't take a serious look at why "we" do what we do... I'll keep drifting further and further into the nothingness that is... well... everyone else, I guess.
Wednesday, I did what everyone who's facing 40 days without... well, nothing... I went to Best Buy to spend money! I got a REALLY late birthday card from my aunt and uncle, and I was looking to spend the sweet, free, birthday money. I decided to finally buy myself Napoleon Dynamite... as I saw it once and figured it was a movie I'd like to see a few more million times. And I also had Breaking Benjamin's album "We Are Not Alone." I wanted to buy it because, when I was playing this game... I created a ring entrance that was pretty sweet. I fell in love with this song... and it has an ironically named title, if you're following at home. My ring entrance was SWEET... it opened with two lines of fire moving up the ramp to the entrance... and then my character came in, stood still, and sparks came up and hit him from both sides as he bowed his head. It was AWESOME. And the song went so sweet with the entrance... it was awesome. If only the game itself was as much fun as creating that introduction. But, alas, it was not.
So I had $30 worth of fun in my hands (gross!!!!) and I was just looking around when I spotted Eddie Izzard's Glorious, Definite Article, and Unrepeatable all on DVD. I've got Glorious' VHS tape... but the other two I don't have but on CD (thanks Bohne). And I knew, when I saw them, that I was going to buy them. It was just like that... So $30 that I DID have turned into a billion dollars that I don't. That's America, I guess.
Hey, everyone! Congratulations are in order. For the past... like two months, Senior Airman Kenneth John Huhtala has been attending ALS, which is an Airman Leadership... um... School? Anyway, he's been taking these classes so that he can sew on his Staff Sergeant stripes... and Thursday he finished ALS! That means that the only step left for him is to actually get the "go ahead" to sew on his stripes (I hope I'm using the correct terminology and not just sounding like a douche). And then he'll FINALLY be a Staff Sergeant. So I can call him Serge and the slew of nicknames I came up with back when I decided that I wanted him to be a Sergeant. Anyway, Congratulations Ken!
Thursday night I had my Conservatory class. One of the funniest things that happened was the Gellman asked Thomas (a hilarious guy from Canada) to explore and heighten his feelings of anger in one scene. So he, Thomas, spent 60 seconds simply exploring and heightening... and it was very funny! The rest of class was normal and nothing to write home (or here) about.
Late Thursday night (read: very early Friday morning), I finally finished KOTOR II. I told Ken that I like the story in the first one better... but the gameplay to KOTOR II is better. I mean that I'm much more likely to repeat my 80 (EIGHTY!!!) hours to beat the second game than the 60-some (SIXTY... SOME) hours I spent on the first one. What's another solid day of doing nothing but playing that game between friends? (huh?) Besides, in the first one, my character was weak... even at the end. I was too worried that he was going to get totally killed by Malak (which he was repeatedly)... and in the second one my guy was easily and expertly hacking through rooms full of Sith at the end. I was like "Oh! I'm so awesome!" in pretty much every room. To me, that's fun. Anyway... now that I'm finally done with that game, I feel like I have more free time (isn't that weird?)... so I'm interested to see what I do with it. Ken mentioned possibly coming to Chicago for a few days... and it'll take me weeks to effectively clean my apartment (I'm not really kidding), so I've got that to look forward to. And Ken keeps talking about challenging me to a game of Madden 2005... so I might practice up to make sure I slaughter him. Heehee... I mean, to make sure it's as humiliating an experience as possible. Right.
Friday, February 11, 2005
A Super Party
I spent last Saturday, mostly, memorizing lines. I had a show at night, but I didn't go out afterwards because I was too worried about getting everything memorized for Monday. This past Sunday, however, I spent running all over the place and getting errands done. I went up to Borders to check to see if they had a few things... and I bought a graduation gift that I think a certain someone will absolutely love (I have such good ideas!).
After that, I went south to Adam's apartment and we watched Cloak and Dagger an 80s movie... which is absolutely hilarious in retrospect. Dabney Coleman plays the kid from E.T.'s dad AND an imaginary hero who keeps telling Henry Thomas (the kid from ET) to shoot people, run through traffic, and use his body to draw enemy fire. Adam told me before the movie started that there was NO WAY this movie would ever be made now, and I didn't believe him until we really got into the film... but he was absolutely right. It kind of reminds me of this cover. Awesomely out of context! Or awesomely... not... publishable now. I don't know what I'm saying.
I then had to go get my props from Mankind and Other Oxymorons from the writer who was in charge of props. His apartment is smaller than mine... he's got a refridgerator in a closet (no joke) and I think his bathroom is somehow bigger than the rest of his place. It was really weird... and reaffirms my belief that I need to get out of this area if I want an apartment with actual space. I still plan on looking for a new place over the summer.
Anyway, after picking up the props I headed further north to the Othics' for a Super Bowl party! When I got there, only Adam Moroze had shown up so far. That's okay, because I really missed him. It was very weird... but we only spent a few months together, but we got very close. I asked him all sorts of questions about Judaism... and about his travels... he's been all over the world! And he sat and would eagerly answer all my questions. He seemed happy that I was so interested, and I was happy that he was so eager to explain things to me. So we got very close... but we hadn't seen each other since the Assistant Director's Cut ended. Oh... did I forget to mention that this was an Assistant Director's Cut Super Bowl party? I did forget... but that's it was. Adam and I caught up on football for a while... he's from Boston, so he was a big Patriots fan. I told him that I could root for the Patriots as long as I could root for Brady to die. He seemed to think that was acceptable.
Some random thoughts on the game: 1) Thought the Patriots were going to win by more than they did. They SHOULD have with all the Eagle turnovers. 2) T.O. played well. I have to give him that. He played really well for someone with one leg. 3) Deion Branch played even better... but, to be fair, he did have two legs. 4) If Mike Vrabel comes in on the goal-line, COVER HIM! He's going to get the ball... even though he's a linebacker. Geez! 5) The Patriots run might stop here, as Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weiss are leaving... we'll see if Belichick deserves all those Lombardi comparisons he's been getting next year. Frankly, I don't think the comparison is fair... and that's not just the rabid (I'm foaming!) Packer fan in me speaking. There is positively no way Lombardi would have been able to handle today's players, and today's salary cap and free agency. On the other hand, Belichick has so many co-ordinators on his staff that today's coach is more of a manager than a coach... and I don't know if Belichick could have done as well as a teacher and coach as Lombardi did. They're different coaches for a different time... can't we just, please, leave it at that?
I had a great time at the party. Chris insisted, as I left, on giving me personally some left-overs. He says it's because he remembers what it was like to be a bachelor living alone, but I think it has more to do with the fact that he sees me as a younger him. Regardless, I walked away with even more food... and I haven't, honestly, felt as full as I did when I left that party unless it's Thanksgiving. I ate SO MUCH damn food. It was good. But it was still damned to my stomach. That makes no sense.
I spent last Saturday, mostly, memorizing lines. I had a show at night, but I didn't go out afterwards because I was too worried about getting everything memorized for Monday. This past Sunday, however, I spent running all over the place and getting errands done. I went up to Borders to check to see if they had a few things... and I bought a graduation gift that I think a certain someone will absolutely love (I have such good ideas!).
After that, I went south to Adam's apartment and we watched Cloak and Dagger an 80s movie... which is absolutely hilarious in retrospect. Dabney Coleman plays the kid from E.T.'s dad AND an imaginary hero who keeps telling Henry Thomas (the kid from ET) to shoot people, run through traffic, and use his body to draw enemy fire. Adam told me before the movie started that there was NO WAY this movie would ever be made now, and I didn't believe him until we really got into the film... but he was absolutely right. It kind of reminds me of this cover. Awesomely out of context! Or awesomely... not... publishable now. I don't know what I'm saying.
I then had to go get my props from Mankind and Other Oxymorons from the writer who was in charge of props. His apartment is smaller than mine... he's got a refridgerator in a closet (no joke) and I think his bathroom is somehow bigger than the rest of his place. It was really weird... and reaffirms my belief that I need to get out of this area if I want an apartment with actual space. I still plan on looking for a new place over the summer.
Anyway, after picking up the props I headed further north to the Othics' for a Super Bowl party! When I got there, only Adam Moroze had shown up so far. That's okay, because I really missed him. It was very weird... but we only spent a few months together, but we got very close. I asked him all sorts of questions about Judaism... and about his travels... he's been all over the world! And he sat and would eagerly answer all my questions. He seemed happy that I was so interested, and I was happy that he was so eager to explain things to me. So we got very close... but we hadn't seen each other since the Assistant Director's Cut ended. Oh... did I forget to mention that this was an Assistant Director's Cut Super Bowl party? I did forget... but that's it was. Adam and I caught up on football for a while... he's from Boston, so he was a big Patriots fan. I told him that I could root for the Patriots as long as I could root for Brady to die. He seemed to think that was acceptable.
Some random thoughts on the game: 1) Thought the Patriots were going to win by more than they did. They SHOULD have with all the Eagle turnovers. 2) T.O. played well. I have to give him that. He played really well for someone with one leg. 3) Deion Branch played even better... but, to be fair, he did have two legs. 4) If Mike Vrabel comes in on the goal-line, COVER HIM! He's going to get the ball... even though he's a linebacker. Geez! 5) The Patriots run might stop here, as Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weiss are leaving... we'll see if Belichick deserves all those Lombardi comparisons he's been getting next year. Frankly, I don't think the comparison is fair... and that's not just the rabid (I'm foaming!) Packer fan in me speaking. There is positively no way Lombardi would have been able to handle today's players, and today's salary cap and free agency. On the other hand, Belichick has so many co-ordinators on his staff that today's coach is more of a manager than a coach... and I don't know if Belichick could have done as well as a teacher and coach as Lombardi did. They're different coaches for a different time... can't we just, please, leave it at that?
I had a great time at the party. Chris insisted, as I left, on giving me personally some left-overs. He says it's because he remembers what it was like to be a bachelor living alone, but I think it has more to do with the fact that he sees me as a younger him. Regardless, I walked away with even more food... and I haven't, honestly, felt as full as I did when I left that party unless it's Thanksgiving. I ate SO MUCH damn food. It was good. But it was still damned to my stomach. That makes no sense.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
The Eagle Scouts
Last Friday afternoon started when I ran into Josh from Coldstone just walking down the street. He became manager at North Avenue after Stephan left (which was after I left), and has since stopped working to pursue/finish school (notice how that seems to be a trend. What a terrible work environment it must have been to turn at least three people away from work COMPLETELY). He invited me over to his apartment whenever... Stephan (Josh's roommate and former manager of the North Avenue Coldstone) is back from his hiatus to Florida for his record deal. He didn't like the way they produced his song, so he's back in Chicago producing it himself. I guess that's both a good and a bad thing... I'm pretty surprised and happy that Stephan had the balls to say "I don't like what you're doing, I'm outta here," but I wish it just would have worked out for him without any hassles.
I ran into Josh because I was on my way to Second City. They were auditioning for the Conservatory again, and Keith was giving it another shot. I think it's idiotic for the Second City to expect people to get better at improv after taking MONTHS off... I mean, Keith and I last auditioned in November before Thanksgiving... and now here we are in February and his audition is going to be better? It was bad enough that we had to wait in between our level E class and the first audition. What can you do, I guess? So he auditioned and said it was the same exact format that we had the last time we auditioned (which is starting to make more sense to me. If you have the same audition over and over again, I'm sure you get pretty good at figuring out who's good and who's not within the first five or six minutes... you know what to look for). After talking for a bit with Keith about the audition and Sara about... um... chocolate?, and ALSO trying to avoid one of our former classmates, Alan, from seeing us... we left and headed up North. Keith was supposed to pick up some wine for his boss from a former coworker who now owns/operates a wine store. Since we were headed straight North, we hoped on the Brown line and then connected with the Red. There's something funny about the red line, but first, a little about it: it's both a Subway and an El, it's the only train that goes straight north and south and-pretty much-traverses the entire city, and it runs 24 hours a day. And, because it is such a long ride from its furthest point South to its furthest point North (and because it runs 24 hours), you get some real interesting characters who ride the Red line to: catch up on sleep; get out of the cold; beg for money; use it like a hotel; and so on. So, when we boarded the red line, I was introduced to something brand new on the red line: urine. It smelled like someone had, well, just recently urinated on that particular car. I looked at the front of the car and there was an older white dude with a full, scraggly beard, and untamed, bushy hair... tattered green sweatpants, a dirty plaid overcoat... sitting by himself. That was him... a homeless man just urinated on the train. I felt bad for him... but then I realized that I was having trouble breathing because of how strong it smelled... so I stopped feeling bad for him and worried about not vomiting (not really). Then I noticed how Sara was reacting... aww... poor Sara... she was having such a hard time from becoming sick (yes, actually). We got out at least one stop too early because we couldn't take it anymore. But, before we left, a blind black man came through the car... with a cup (yep, a cup) and a cane. He wasn't even really asking for money... he was mumbling something about how hard it is to be blind and how scary it would be if you were blind and how he wanted God to bless us all... again, not really talking to anyone. But the homeless man at the front stopped him. "You blind?" he asked. "Yessir, I am blind" the blind man replied. And I tried to pay attention as best I could without it looking like I was trying to pay attention. They talked for a bit... and the blind man eventually opened the door and walked into the next car. As they were talking to each other I kept thinking, 'a blind man and a homeless urinating man talking, connecting on an El train--this is drama... this weird event is probably the most interesting/weirdest thing that'll happen to me in months.' And I felt bad for thinking that... but it's true. From what I hear, part of being an actor is being true to real life drama... even if it seems outrageous.
When we got off the train, we had to walk quite a ways to get to the wine store. The name of the store is In Fine Spirits, and it's a beautiful store. The put all these shelving units in themselves, and the floor is wood... and it was just a very beautiful store. The owner, Shane, was an old coworker (which I mentioned) and friend of Keith. It was cool to see Keith interacting with an old friend of his. You forget, sometimes, when you become friends with someone, that they had friends before you. Or maybe that's just shallow, ego-centric me. And what good would a trip to a wine store be without some wine tasting?! Shane opened a bottle just for us to try. It was an Australian red... I think it was a Shiraz, but I'm also an idiot, so I don't know. It was actually pretty good, I was surprised. I don't really like wine. Matter of fact, I think there's something about wine drinking that has always struck me as one of the most pompous activities that one could do on the entire planet. But Shane, and his wife Jill, changed my mind. They try to keep the wine as less of an event, and more as something that they enjoy that they hope others will, too. Over half (I think it's 60%) of their inventory is less than $20... and Shane said that's because they want people to get a bottle of wine every weekend, and just be able to relax over the weekend with a nice bottle of wine. It was a really good experience. And I even felt comfortable enough to start asking questions (my curious nature got the best of me). I asked about what one looks for when wine tasting... I knew about aeration, but I wondered what the differences were. He then talked about a wine's viscosity... and said that's kind of a gross analogy because most people think "oil" when they hear viscosity... so I said "Oh, you mean it's viscousness?" To which he chuckled and thought that sounded better (not really). And then I said "Shane, I want to thank you. I've been trying to drop viscousness into casual conversation for months." And that even got his wife, all the way across the store, to laugh out loud. (BTW, I didn't know viscousness was an actual word when I said it... to me, that's the joy of the English language) But he talked about a full-bodied wine and what that meant... and then he said that wines have certain fruity or herbal tastes to them... and he talked about the dry-mouth feeling that you get with a lot of red wines... which is why he liked this particular red wine. I agree that I didn't get the dry-mouth feeling... but, as he was talking, I noticed it was because my tongue felt coated... the wine kind of tasted a little waxy going down. It was an interesting experience. And I'd really like to be able to taste some wine with someone who knows what he's doing, like Shane. But we had to leave pretty quickly after we got there because I needed to be back to The Second City for Mankind and Other Oxymorons.
Friday night was closing night of my writing five show. Before the run of the show started, I told the other writers that we needed to buy the actors and MT (the director) gifts. That it was a common courtesy. That we shouldn't wait until the last minute. So guess what we did? Yep. *shakes head* I don't even know why I try sometimes. We had decided to get them all a bottle of wine (one is mentioned in the show), a lottery ticket (also mentioned in the show), and a nice thank you card that we'd all sign. I had already purchased the cards on Wednesday (one of the errands to keep my mind off my audition). I just needed all the writers there early to sign the cards. Turns out, we got the wine and lottery tickets no problem... but getting the writers to sit down long enough to sign those damn cards was like pulling teeth. I ended up signing most of mine DURING the actual show. I then watched the show (which was good... but they were all trying TOO hard: adding little "funny" things and going overboard trying to pander to the audience)... and went backstage to get the other writers to sign stuff too. We ended up forcing the actors to wait in the teacher's lounge while 'we' (read: everyone but me) finished signing the cards. Then we headed to the lounge and there was MT and the rest of the actors... singing "pomp and circumstance." It's weird, I hadn't even thought about the fact that I was graduating from the writing program. So we got little certificates, and gave the actors and MT their gifts... it was just like Canadian Boxing Day!
After the lengthy gift exchange, we headed to the North Park Tap for some drinking bondage... that didn't come out right. You know what I mean. It was great because we had ALL the writers and all the actors come out for the first time ever... so we all got a chance to hang out with everyone. The bar was super-crowded, and as I made my way over to Sean to see what he was doing, he went to get another drink. Typical of me at "parties"... "What's this person doing? Oh, they're leaving... okay. I'll just stand here awkwardly." When he came back to get back into his seat, it was so crowded that he really had to squeeze past me... and he tripped on something. Then he said: "God damnit Steeno! Lose some fucking weight!" I don't know what it was about the way he said it, or the context in which it was said (at a busy public place), but his words stabbed me deep. They didn't cut me, it was a full-out stab. I thought maybe he was upset because his ex-girlfriend, Jill (also in the cast), was there with her new boyfriend, Brian; and I thought maybe he was taking it out on me. So I asked him a couple times if he wanted to "talk about it". And only after about the third time of me asking, did he say he was just "kidding". Let me tell you... I've seen this boy act on stage before, and he was not kidding. That is not how well he acts (that was harsh, I know, but there are some people who, when they're on stage... they project "I'm on stage! Look at me!"; and then there are some people [like myself] when they're on stage could be anywhere doing anything. Sean is in group A). What he said was real, and there was real anger underneath it... and it hurt so damn much. After about a minute of standing there and feeling fat, awkward, and hurt, I moved away from Sean and started talking to Jill and the new boyfriend, Brian. While we were talking, a Justin Timberlake song came on at the bar... and I couldn't help myself from singing along. Turns out, Brian knew the words too. I then said "I've always secretly wanted to start a boy band" and it was like I had told Brian it was going to be Christmas every day for the rest of his life! We started talking about it and we decided to call ourselves the Eagle Scouts... and he would be Billy, the 'sensitive' dancer... and I forget my name, but I was the strong, but fun guy. And one of his friends showed up, Pat, and he was going to be in the group too... and we just had an awesome time singing along and dancing (yes, I was dancing) as, for some reason, they played about four Justin Timberlake songs in a row.
But then Brian, Jill, and Pat had to leave to meet some other people at a different bar. There were very few of us left at this point... but Jim, another writer, wanted me to come get nachos with he and some of his friends. I had forgotten how hungry I was, and nachos sounded really good... so we hopped in a cab and went nacho eating! We went to this bar that they all knew (and I had never been there) and got these greasy, delicious nachos. It was fun to hang out and just shoot the poop for a while. Jim's a really funny guy, so that's always cool--to not have to be the "entertainment" and to be able to just sit back and interject whenever I feel it appropriate. But, on our way back to our respective apartments (Jim lives near me), they wanted to go into another bar! I believe the kids call this bar hopping. And, while I can understand now that different bars have different atmospheres... I was completely content with the evening, and wasn't looking to get more beer or more food or more smoke-smelling... I just wanted to go home. But, like most things, if you are assertive enough, I'll crumble and do whatever you want. I just don't care enough to make a fuss about it. So I stood in this bar, being one of a hand-full of the only white people there... and just waited for them to be "finished" with whatever it was they were doing. I didn't feel uncomfortable so much being the minority race... I felt uncomfortable because this was the third bar I had been to and I wanted to go home, and I didn't know when it was going to stop. Turns out, the third bar's the charm... and we finally parted ways. I think I would have told them "no" if they had wanted to go to another one... but I'm not sure. I hope I have the balls to tell them no. I guess we'll never know if I have testicles. Wait...
Last Friday afternoon started when I ran into Josh from Coldstone just walking down the street. He became manager at North Avenue after Stephan left (which was after I left), and has since stopped working to pursue/finish school (notice how that seems to be a trend. What a terrible work environment it must have been to turn at least three people away from work COMPLETELY). He invited me over to his apartment whenever... Stephan (Josh's roommate and former manager of the North Avenue Coldstone) is back from his hiatus to Florida for his record deal. He didn't like the way they produced his song, so he's back in Chicago producing it himself. I guess that's both a good and a bad thing... I'm pretty surprised and happy that Stephan had the balls to say "I don't like what you're doing, I'm outta here," but I wish it just would have worked out for him without any hassles.
I ran into Josh because I was on my way to Second City. They were auditioning for the Conservatory again, and Keith was giving it another shot. I think it's idiotic for the Second City to expect people to get better at improv after taking MONTHS off... I mean, Keith and I last auditioned in November before Thanksgiving... and now here we are in February and his audition is going to be better? It was bad enough that we had to wait in between our level E class and the first audition. What can you do, I guess? So he auditioned and said it was the same exact format that we had the last time we auditioned (which is starting to make more sense to me. If you have the same audition over and over again, I'm sure you get pretty good at figuring out who's good and who's not within the first five or six minutes... you know what to look for). After talking for a bit with Keith about the audition and Sara about... um... chocolate?, and ALSO trying to avoid one of our former classmates, Alan, from seeing us... we left and headed up North. Keith was supposed to pick up some wine for his boss from a former coworker who now owns/operates a wine store. Since we were headed straight North, we hoped on the Brown line and then connected with the Red. There's something funny about the red line, but first, a little about it: it's both a Subway and an El, it's the only train that goes straight north and south and-pretty much-traverses the entire city, and it runs 24 hours a day. And, because it is such a long ride from its furthest point South to its furthest point North (and because it runs 24 hours), you get some real interesting characters who ride the Red line to: catch up on sleep; get out of the cold; beg for money; use it like a hotel; and so on. So, when we boarded the red line, I was introduced to something brand new on the red line: urine. It smelled like someone had, well, just recently urinated on that particular car. I looked at the front of the car and there was an older white dude with a full, scraggly beard, and untamed, bushy hair... tattered green sweatpants, a dirty plaid overcoat... sitting by himself. That was him... a homeless man just urinated on the train. I felt bad for him... but then I realized that I was having trouble breathing because of how strong it smelled... so I stopped feeling bad for him and worried about not vomiting (not really). Then I noticed how Sara was reacting... aww... poor Sara... she was having such a hard time from becoming sick (yes, actually). We got out at least one stop too early because we couldn't take it anymore. But, before we left, a blind black man came through the car... with a cup (yep, a cup) and a cane. He wasn't even really asking for money... he was mumbling something about how hard it is to be blind and how scary it would be if you were blind and how he wanted God to bless us all... again, not really talking to anyone. But the homeless man at the front stopped him. "You blind?" he asked. "Yessir, I am blind" the blind man replied. And I tried to pay attention as best I could without it looking like I was trying to pay attention. They talked for a bit... and the blind man eventually opened the door and walked into the next car. As they were talking to each other I kept thinking, 'a blind man and a homeless urinating man talking, connecting on an El train--this is drama... this weird event is probably the most interesting/weirdest thing that'll happen to me in months.' And I felt bad for thinking that... but it's true. From what I hear, part of being an actor is being true to real life drama... even if it seems outrageous.
When we got off the train, we had to walk quite a ways to get to the wine store. The name of the store is In Fine Spirits, and it's a beautiful store. The put all these shelving units in themselves, and the floor is wood... and it was just a very beautiful store. The owner, Shane, was an old coworker (which I mentioned) and friend of Keith. It was cool to see Keith interacting with an old friend of his. You forget, sometimes, when you become friends with someone, that they had friends before you. Or maybe that's just shallow, ego-centric me. And what good would a trip to a wine store be without some wine tasting?! Shane opened a bottle just for us to try. It was an Australian red... I think it was a Shiraz, but I'm also an idiot, so I don't know. It was actually pretty good, I was surprised. I don't really like wine. Matter of fact, I think there's something about wine drinking that has always struck me as one of the most pompous activities that one could do on the entire planet. But Shane, and his wife Jill, changed my mind. They try to keep the wine as less of an event, and more as something that they enjoy that they hope others will, too. Over half (I think it's 60%) of their inventory is less than $20... and Shane said that's because they want people to get a bottle of wine every weekend, and just be able to relax over the weekend with a nice bottle of wine. It was a really good experience. And I even felt comfortable enough to start asking questions (my curious nature got the best of me). I asked about what one looks for when wine tasting... I knew about aeration, but I wondered what the differences were. He then talked about a wine's viscosity... and said that's kind of a gross analogy because most people think "oil" when they hear viscosity... so I said "Oh, you mean it's viscousness?" To which he chuckled and thought that sounded better (not really). And then I said "Shane, I want to thank you. I've been trying to drop viscousness into casual conversation for months." And that even got his wife, all the way across the store, to laugh out loud. (BTW, I didn't know viscousness was an actual word when I said it... to me, that's the joy of the English language) But he talked about a full-bodied wine and what that meant... and then he said that wines have certain fruity or herbal tastes to them... and he talked about the dry-mouth feeling that you get with a lot of red wines... which is why he liked this particular red wine. I agree that I didn't get the dry-mouth feeling... but, as he was talking, I noticed it was because my tongue felt coated... the wine kind of tasted a little waxy going down. It was an interesting experience. And I'd really like to be able to taste some wine with someone who knows what he's doing, like Shane. But we had to leave pretty quickly after we got there because I needed to be back to The Second City for Mankind and Other Oxymorons.
Friday night was closing night of my writing five show. Before the run of the show started, I told the other writers that we needed to buy the actors and MT (the director) gifts. That it was a common courtesy. That we shouldn't wait until the last minute. So guess what we did? Yep. *shakes head* I don't even know why I try sometimes. We had decided to get them all a bottle of wine (one is mentioned in the show), a lottery ticket (also mentioned in the show), and a nice thank you card that we'd all sign. I had already purchased the cards on Wednesday (one of the errands to keep my mind off my audition). I just needed all the writers there early to sign the cards. Turns out, we got the wine and lottery tickets no problem... but getting the writers to sit down long enough to sign those damn cards was like pulling teeth. I ended up signing most of mine DURING the actual show. I then watched the show (which was good... but they were all trying TOO hard: adding little "funny" things and going overboard trying to pander to the audience)... and went backstage to get the other writers to sign stuff too. We ended up forcing the actors to wait in the teacher's lounge while 'we' (read: everyone but me) finished signing the cards. Then we headed to the lounge and there was MT and the rest of the actors... singing "pomp and circumstance." It's weird, I hadn't even thought about the fact that I was graduating from the writing program. So we got little certificates, and gave the actors and MT their gifts... it was just like Canadian Boxing Day!
After the lengthy gift exchange, we headed to the North Park Tap for some drinking bondage... that didn't come out right. You know what I mean. It was great because we had ALL the writers and all the actors come out for the first time ever... so we all got a chance to hang out with everyone. The bar was super-crowded, and as I made my way over to Sean to see what he was doing, he went to get another drink. Typical of me at "parties"... "What's this person doing? Oh, they're leaving... okay. I'll just stand here awkwardly." When he came back to get back into his seat, it was so crowded that he really had to squeeze past me... and he tripped on something. Then he said: "God damnit Steeno! Lose some fucking weight!" I don't know what it was about the way he said it, or the context in which it was said (at a busy public place), but his words stabbed me deep. They didn't cut me, it was a full-out stab. I thought maybe he was upset because his ex-girlfriend, Jill (also in the cast), was there with her new boyfriend, Brian; and I thought maybe he was taking it out on me. So I asked him a couple times if he wanted to "talk about it". And only after about the third time of me asking, did he say he was just "kidding". Let me tell you... I've seen this boy act on stage before, and he was not kidding. That is not how well he acts (that was harsh, I know, but there are some people who, when they're on stage... they project "I'm on stage! Look at me!"; and then there are some people [like myself] when they're on stage could be anywhere doing anything. Sean is in group A). What he said was real, and there was real anger underneath it... and it hurt so damn much. After about a minute of standing there and feeling fat, awkward, and hurt, I moved away from Sean and started talking to Jill and the new boyfriend, Brian. While we were talking, a Justin Timberlake song came on at the bar... and I couldn't help myself from singing along. Turns out, Brian knew the words too. I then said "I've always secretly wanted to start a boy band" and it was like I had told Brian it was going to be Christmas every day for the rest of his life! We started talking about it and we decided to call ourselves the Eagle Scouts... and he would be Billy, the 'sensitive' dancer... and I forget my name, but I was the strong, but fun guy. And one of his friends showed up, Pat, and he was going to be in the group too... and we just had an awesome time singing along and dancing (yes, I was dancing) as, for some reason, they played about four Justin Timberlake songs in a row.
But then Brian, Jill, and Pat had to leave to meet some other people at a different bar. There were very few of us left at this point... but Jim, another writer, wanted me to come get nachos with he and some of his friends. I had forgotten how hungry I was, and nachos sounded really good... so we hopped in a cab and went nacho eating! We went to this bar that they all knew (and I had never been there) and got these greasy, delicious nachos. It was fun to hang out and just shoot the poop for a while. Jim's a really funny guy, so that's always cool--to not have to be the "entertainment" and to be able to just sit back and interject whenever I feel it appropriate. But, on our way back to our respective apartments (Jim lives near me), they wanted to go into another bar! I believe the kids call this bar hopping. And, while I can understand now that different bars have different atmospheres... I was completely content with the evening, and wasn't looking to get more beer or more food or more smoke-smelling... I just wanted to go home. But, like most things, if you are assertive enough, I'll crumble and do whatever you want. I just don't care enough to make a fuss about it. So I stood in this bar, being one of a hand-full of the only white people there... and just waited for them to be "finished" with whatever it was they were doing. I didn't feel uncomfortable so much being the minority race... I felt uncomfortable because this was the third bar I had been to and I wanted to go home, and I didn't know when it was going to stop. Turns out, the third bar's the charm... and we finally parted ways. I think I would have told them "no" if they had wanted to go to another one... but I'm not sure. I hope I have the balls to tell them no. I guess we'll never know if I have testicles. Wait...
Monday, February 07, 2005
Caveman Defense
I was very stressed out about today for a while. I had an audition for Rob Becker's Defending the Caveman in the afternoon AND I had to have my writing five show, Sweet Pumpkin Pie and other Niceties, memorized for tonight. Effectively forcing me to memorize an entire show and an audition piece all in less than a week. I don't know how many of you have tried memorizing stuff before... but it was difficult to juggle memorization with everything else I was trying to do since last Monday.
Needless to say, I woke up quite early this morning and started with some of the more troublesome scenes of the writing five show. After going through the entire show twice, I then worked on my audition piece about twenty times before, after, and during such stupid errands as eating, showering, bill paying, and checkbook balancing. I was so nervous, I left my apartment over an hour before my audition to go up to Belmont (not too far on the El... certainly not an hour and fifteen minutes away). So, because I left insanely early, I got up to the Lakeshore Theatre for my audition about forty-five minutes early. When I got there, I saw two people I "know": Garrett, who's a nice guy who works in the Second City Office; and Marc, who's done his own one-man show at Donny's Skybox and who has been on the Second City Detroit stage and directed... um... something. I don't know Marc personally, but when I saw he was there... I knew I had no chance. Actually, I figured I had no chance before I even got there. But, seeing the competition (mostly men in their mid to late 30s who have about a billion times more experience than I do... who all look a lot more likely to be able to successfully defend cavemen than I am) just reaffirmed in my mind that I wasn't going to get the part. And then I thought to myself: "Look at yourself... you came from Big Rapids, MI... you have no acting training what-so-ever: completely self-taught... and you're auditioning for a ONE MAN show in Chicago. Fuckin' enjoy how far you've come... smell the GD roses!"... and I did. My anxiety washed over me... and I felt so very tranquil. And then there I was, sitting on the floor of the lobby of the Lakeshore Theatre (from right about where that panorama was taken), watching nervous, NERVOUS grown men mouthing the words to the very same audition piece I was about to go perform. And I never felt better. Gellman calls it the "fuck it" adjustment (a phrase he says he stole from Del Close). It's when you walk into an audition you don't care about, and you nail the shit out of it... because you're not nervous, because you don't care. Fuck it. Anyway... I started shooting the poo with two of the other guys there to audition, and I couldn't help but thinking "do they think I'm too young for this? I bet. Are they as sincere about wanting everyone to do well as I am? I doubt it." But it didn't matter because... fuck it. Then it was time for me to go in. Diana Grove handles all the casting of the various "caveman defenders" and she was the one who opened the door and called my name. I shook her hand and she directed me to a waiver form. They were going to film the audition, and was I cool with it? Sure! Why not?! (so if I ever get famous, that tape will, no doubt, be sold on EBay for 15-25 dollars!) I signed the form, hit the stage... and noticed three people in the audience: Diana; her husband Todd, who does PR for the show; and someone... I don't know who he was. I then proceeded to do my piece. And, for two minutes, I owned that stage. At least I felt like I owned it... my piece wasn't perfect, but I would give myself a 9 out of a possible 10 for what I wanted to do (the guy before me gave himself an "8 out of 10 of what I wanted to do out there"... what a dip!). I didn't get Diana to laugh like her email asked ("make me laugh" she said. Yeah, right... you've heard this monologue at least two dozen times today and I'M going to make it funny NOW? Not likely). But I did get the third guy who I don't know to laugh. A couple of times. That made me feel pretty good, actually. And, whatever! There's no way, out of all the talent that she saw today, that I could possibly have gotten that part. So I don't care... I actually did my best; and I've now had one good audition and one bad one. And I know the difference. I'll probably do one more audition (a touring Romeo and Juliet... paid!) and then just forget about auditioning for a while, and just focus on getting myself a stupid job to pay some bills... and on writing, which is something I haven't done in a while.
From that audition, I headed back to Second City (stopping at the Subway on Wells) to run lines for rehearsal tonight. I got up to the Second City around 5 PM for a 7 PM rehearsal, so I had plenty of time to eat, run lines, and run the lines again. Surprisingly, one of the other actors, Kim, showed up at about 5:45 PM. Kim is the girl I like, remember her? There is a similar "fuck it" adjustment made with her as well: She's blonde, attractive, fun, funny, has a great laugh, and went to Yale. Yeah... attractive and either smarter than me, richer than me, or both. She's way out of my league. I'm not even sure we're even playing the same sport... that's how far out of my league this young lady is... but, since I don't care how far out of my league she is, I'm able to talk to her pretty easily. She's actually younger than I am... by almost a full year. Interesting. Then Chris showed up a little after 6 PM... remember him? He's the dude from Notre Dame who I make out with in like three scenes. We're close. And then we ran a whole bunch of scenes together. I was actually pretty good off book, to be honest.
Then rehearsal came. We started off learning the song. It is HILARIOUS! It is seriously an awesome song, and I wish I had a bigger part in it. I'm one of the dead people... Dead Person #2, to be exact. It doesn't really matter that I don't have a bigger part, it's a hilarious song... I lied, I really wish I had the lead. Story of my life, I guess. Regardless, the first half of rehearsal was learning the song... and then we came back and ran the entire show off book. We all did really REALLY well. And I loved messing Kim up by looking at her intently. I'm such an ass. Even Brian, who seemed really worried about it before rehearsal, did really well. And so, all I have to do the rest of the week is misc errands and brush up my lines. What a relief being done with today is! Hope you had as good a Monday as I did.
I was very stressed out about today for a while. I had an audition for Rob Becker's Defending the Caveman in the afternoon AND I had to have my writing five show, Sweet Pumpkin Pie and other Niceties, memorized for tonight. Effectively forcing me to memorize an entire show and an audition piece all in less than a week. I don't know how many of you have tried memorizing stuff before... but it was difficult to juggle memorization with everything else I was trying to do since last Monday.
Needless to say, I woke up quite early this morning and started with some of the more troublesome scenes of the writing five show. After going through the entire show twice, I then worked on my audition piece about twenty times before, after, and during such stupid errands as eating, showering, bill paying, and checkbook balancing. I was so nervous, I left my apartment over an hour before my audition to go up to Belmont (not too far on the El... certainly not an hour and fifteen minutes away). So, because I left insanely early, I got up to the Lakeshore Theatre for my audition about forty-five minutes early. When I got there, I saw two people I "know": Garrett, who's a nice guy who works in the Second City Office; and Marc, who's done his own one-man show at Donny's Skybox and who has been on the Second City Detroit stage and directed... um... something. I don't know Marc personally, but when I saw he was there... I knew I had no chance. Actually, I figured I had no chance before I even got there. But, seeing the competition (mostly men in their mid to late 30s who have about a billion times more experience than I do... who all look a lot more likely to be able to successfully defend cavemen than I am) just reaffirmed in my mind that I wasn't going to get the part. And then I thought to myself: "Look at yourself... you came from Big Rapids, MI... you have no acting training what-so-ever: completely self-taught... and you're auditioning for a ONE MAN show in Chicago. Fuckin' enjoy how far you've come... smell the GD roses!"... and I did. My anxiety washed over me... and I felt so very tranquil. And then there I was, sitting on the floor of the lobby of the Lakeshore Theatre (from right about where that panorama was taken), watching nervous, NERVOUS grown men mouthing the words to the very same audition piece I was about to go perform. And I never felt better. Gellman calls it the "fuck it" adjustment (a phrase he says he stole from Del Close). It's when you walk into an audition you don't care about, and you nail the shit out of it... because you're not nervous, because you don't care. Fuck it. Anyway... I started shooting the poo with two of the other guys there to audition, and I couldn't help but thinking "do they think I'm too young for this? I bet. Are they as sincere about wanting everyone to do well as I am? I doubt it." But it didn't matter because... fuck it. Then it was time for me to go in. Diana Grove handles all the casting of the various "caveman defenders" and she was the one who opened the door and called my name. I shook her hand and she directed me to a waiver form. They were going to film the audition, and was I cool with it? Sure! Why not?! (so if I ever get famous, that tape will, no doubt, be sold on EBay for 15-25 dollars!) I signed the form, hit the stage... and noticed three people in the audience: Diana; her husband Todd, who does PR for the show; and someone... I don't know who he was. I then proceeded to do my piece. And, for two minutes, I owned that stage. At least I felt like I owned it... my piece wasn't perfect, but I would give myself a 9 out of a possible 10 for what I wanted to do (the guy before me gave himself an "8 out of 10 of what I wanted to do out there"... what a dip!). I didn't get Diana to laugh like her email asked ("make me laugh" she said. Yeah, right... you've heard this monologue at least two dozen times today and I'M going to make it funny NOW? Not likely). But I did get the third guy who I don't know to laugh. A couple of times. That made me feel pretty good, actually. And, whatever! There's no way, out of all the talent that she saw today, that I could possibly have gotten that part. So I don't care... I actually did my best; and I've now had one good audition and one bad one. And I know the difference. I'll probably do one more audition (a touring Romeo and Juliet... paid!) and then just forget about auditioning for a while, and just focus on getting myself a stupid job to pay some bills... and on writing, which is something I haven't done in a while.
From that audition, I headed back to Second City (stopping at the Subway on Wells) to run lines for rehearsal tonight. I got up to the Second City around 5 PM for a 7 PM rehearsal, so I had plenty of time to eat, run lines, and run the lines again. Surprisingly, one of the other actors, Kim, showed up at about 5:45 PM. Kim is the girl I like, remember her? There is a similar "fuck it" adjustment made with her as well: She's blonde, attractive, fun, funny, has a great laugh, and went to Yale. Yeah... attractive and either smarter than me, richer than me, or both. She's way out of my league. I'm not even sure we're even playing the same sport... that's how far out of my league this young lady is... but, since I don't care how far out of my league she is, I'm able to talk to her pretty easily. She's actually younger than I am... by almost a full year. Interesting. Then Chris showed up a little after 6 PM... remember him? He's the dude from Notre Dame who I make out with in like three scenes. We're close. And then we ran a whole bunch of scenes together. I was actually pretty good off book, to be honest.
Then rehearsal came. We started off learning the song. It is HILARIOUS! It is seriously an awesome song, and I wish I had a bigger part in it. I'm one of the dead people... Dead Person #2, to be exact. It doesn't really matter that I don't have a bigger part, it's a hilarious song... I lied, I really wish I had the lead. Story of my life, I guess. Regardless, the first half of rehearsal was learning the song... and then we came back and ran the entire show off book. We all did really REALLY well. And I loved messing Kim up by looking at her intently. I'm such an ass. Even Brian, who seemed really worried about it before rehearsal, did really well. And so, all I have to do the rest of the week is misc errands and brush up my lines. What a relief being done with today is! Hope you had as good a Monday as I did.
Friday, February 04, 2005
"My love is vengeance... that's never free"
Wednesday, I went up to the Hair Cuttery to get my haircut. My stylist's name was Hector... and he was fabulous. I've got a very specific way I want it cut now-a-days... but I always ask whoever's doing it how it looks, and what they think. I mean, they look at other people's hair all day, they have to have SOME opinion on what looks good and what doesn't. The bad news is that the cut cost me probably about $4 more than Supercuts (cuz I had coupons!)... but can you put a price on good hair? (Hint: Yes. Very easily)
I then did a whole bunch of miscellaneous errands... hoping that it would keep my mind off the nervous feeling I had for at least a week about my audition. And I WAS able to keep my mind occupied, but the time for the audition came soon enough. One of the errands I ran Wednesday morning was to find the Bailiwick Theatre (because I had never been up there before); so I already knew exactly where I was going when the time came for the audition. When I got up to the Bailiwick, I was met in the lobby by the two other people who were auditioning during my time slot: Colleen and Julie. Colleen just finished school at Northern Illinois in theatre ("that's a MAC school" I said, "What?" she responded, "MAC... the Midwestern? um...", "Oh, is that a sports thing?", "Ah... yeah.", "Oh, okay"); and Julie was a 40-something stand-up comedian who does some scripted work on the side. Her audition piece was actually some stand-up... not great, but she was a really really nice person, so I laughed anyway. Then she sang something and sat down. Then I went. And I did my monologue from The Actor's Nightmare... and I had the undivided attention of both the other actors auditioning, and the two people who were auditioning us didn't seem to be paying attention. I couldn't get eye contact. So I was a little thrown off by that, but I kept doing it... and I lost interest in what I was doing about half-way through. Thoughts like "you shouldn't have done this one" and "why aren't they paying attention" started to flood my head... and I actually finished the monologue a paragraph early because I was done with it. Jimmy Binns, the writer, then asked me to do the monologue again, but as Al Pacino. "Al Pacino?" I asked; "Yeah, you know how he fills up the space?" he said. And I thought to myself, "No... I really I no idea what you're talking about." So then I started frantically trying to remember Al Pacino movies I've seen... Heat? that sucked... Godfather? that character is NOTHING like George Spelvin... and that's all I had time for because I had to go. So I started it again... pretty much doing the same exact thing. And Binns stopped me about five words into it and said "No no no... he is DYING out there. Play it like he's going to die." That made more sense... but it just seemed like he wanted me to play it "bigger" than I thought it should be played. We're not talking about a classically trained actor here, George Spelvin is an accountant... he's going to act like a normal person, not some ACTOR who's ACTING... look at me, I'm acting! No... he's just a normal dude... which is why I wanted to do this monologue. I play normal dude very well, I think. But I finished my monologue and Binns had me sit down. He didn't even have me sing. Then Colleen went, did her monologue, sang, and sat down. Only at that time did Binns remember I was supposed to sing, too. And, after I finished singing, we were supposed to do some improv... but we didn't. I think that's probably a really bad sign. He knew he didn't like any of us, so he didn't need to see any more.
The good news is that I went to Chipotle after the audition. Chipotle is easily my favorite "fast food" restaurant... so I went out to treat myself with a million dollar burrito (not really a million dollars, but close).
Thursday morning, Miss Heatherman Jackson pointed me to a news story here. Looks like an actor got shot in New York, and they blame her for it happening. Things like "she had stage combat training" and "confronted the mugger" are used in the article to get the writer's narrow-minded viewpoint across. Honestly, living in fear is no way to live. I am NOT going to let my fear of something like that happening control me... and I'm not going to let someone with a gun scare me into doing whatever they want. I think where she went to far is that she, apparently, shoved the person with the gun. That's the no-no, to me. Not confronting the robber. In the article, an "expert" says that confronting the mugger is the worst thing you could possibly do. And I totally disagree. I think living in fear is the worst thing you can do... and, if the mugger decides it's worth taking my life to get $4 and a couple credit cards, then so be it. I would rather not live than have to fear going outside. But I guess that's just me.
Later that night I had my Conservatory class. I was not looking forward to class, as my professional esteem has been hitting all time lows thanks to the blunt deflation that is Gellman's teaching style. I really didn't want to go... but hearing from Colleen at the audition (who is also in the Conservatory's level 1 [Tuesdays]) really helped me. She also hates her class, but she has a completely different instructor. For some reason, hearing that she hated her class too gave me hope. So I was willing to give this class another try. And it was different. First of all, Gellman started off class by saying that this class is the most difficult one that he ever teaches. Not because it's difficult per se, but because he himself finds it difficult. He opened up to us... he even told us a story about how he had a terrible time at the dentist. It was interesting... and nice... and what felt like the first step. We then went over the three rules of dialogue: Make statements; talk about the present; and "yes, and..." everything. In addition, he gave us a couple new rules about not telling other people what to do; not dictating what you're doing; and focusing on the relationship at all times. We then did a few 60 second scenes with some strict side-coaching... an intense exercise which I don't think any of us could have handled for more than the 60 seconds. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't "bad"... it was just very intense.
After class, one of our classmates, Matt, was going to be in a show up at Improv Olympic... and, surprisingly, our class just instinctively said to ourselves "why wouldn't we go?" So a group of about a dozen of us went up to IO to see his show. On the way up there, I ran into Brian on the El. Brian, the former manager of Coldstone Brian... I hadn't seen him since right after I got fired... and it was great to see him again. He and his boyfriend apparently became life partners (I'm trying very hard to figure out how to say this right... Brian just held up his hand and showed me his ring and I knew what happened... but I can't do that. I could have told you that that's what he did... and I did that. What the hell just happened to this narrative?). Anyway, he was very civily unioned... and it was great to hear that he's doing so well (although not working anymore... odd how Coldstone does that to you).
Then we got to IO just in time... Matt's show was good but not great. And he may have broken a few of the improv rules we just went over in class... but the whole class had fun being together. Quiet a breakthrough for this class of people stuck together for a year and a half.
Which reminds me, I've been putting off emailing Norm Holly, the head of the Conservatory program, for at least a week. I need to email him because the Conservatory Level 2 audition that I have to do to continue with the program is May 14th, the first Saturday of my trip to England. My worry is that I'm going to have to wait to get into Level 2, effectively having my entire class move on without me. This wouldn't be good... as we just are getting to know each other have having some chemistry as a class. I've got no chance... stupid trip!
I figured something out tonight. As I was walking back from the Red Line, I found myself thinking "Oh man, what a great class tonight. I can't wait to go back to Albion and teach them how to do it." And then I had to stop myself. I'm not going back to Albion to teach improv... I don't know if that would even be a possibility. Regardless, I realized that I want two things out of my life: I want to educate and I want to entertain. That's been staring me in the face for years... and I've sort of known it for a while... but it actually finally hit me tonight. So, there you go kids. From now on, whenever you ask me what I'm doing with myself, I'm going to say that I'm trying to attain one of my two goals--education or entertainment.
Wednesday, I went up to the Hair Cuttery to get my haircut. My stylist's name was Hector... and he was fabulous. I've got a very specific way I want it cut now-a-days... but I always ask whoever's doing it how it looks, and what they think. I mean, they look at other people's hair all day, they have to have SOME opinion on what looks good and what doesn't. The bad news is that the cut cost me probably about $4 more than Supercuts (cuz I had coupons!)... but can you put a price on good hair? (Hint: Yes. Very easily)
I then did a whole bunch of miscellaneous errands... hoping that it would keep my mind off the nervous feeling I had for at least a week about my audition. And I WAS able to keep my mind occupied, but the time for the audition came soon enough. One of the errands I ran Wednesday morning was to find the Bailiwick Theatre (because I had never been up there before); so I already knew exactly where I was going when the time came for the audition. When I got up to the Bailiwick, I was met in the lobby by the two other people who were auditioning during my time slot: Colleen and Julie. Colleen just finished school at Northern Illinois in theatre ("that's a MAC school" I said, "What?" she responded, "MAC... the Midwestern? um...", "Oh, is that a sports thing?", "Ah... yeah.", "Oh, okay"); and Julie was a 40-something stand-up comedian who does some scripted work on the side. Her audition piece was actually some stand-up... not great, but she was a really really nice person, so I laughed anyway. Then she sang something and sat down. Then I went. And I did my monologue from The Actor's Nightmare... and I had the undivided attention of both the other actors auditioning, and the two people who were auditioning us didn't seem to be paying attention. I couldn't get eye contact. So I was a little thrown off by that, but I kept doing it... and I lost interest in what I was doing about half-way through. Thoughts like "you shouldn't have done this one" and "why aren't they paying attention" started to flood my head... and I actually finished the monologue a paragraph early because I was done with it. Jimmy Binns, the writer, then asked me to do the monologue again, but as Al Pacino. "Al Pacino?" I asked; "Yeah, you know how he fills up the space?" he said. And I thought to myself, "No... I really I no idea what you're talking about." So then I started frantically trying to remember Al Pacino movies I've seen... Heat? that sucked... Godfather? that character is NOTHING like George Spelvin... and that's all I had time for because I had to go. So I started it again... pretty much doing the same exact thing. And Binns stopped me about five words into it and said "No no no... he is DYING out there. Play it like he's going to die." That made more sense... but it just seemed like he wanted me to play it "bigger" than I thought it should be played. We're not talking about a classically trained actor here, George Spelvin is an accountant... he's going to act like a normal person, not some ACTOR who's ACTING... look at me, I'm acting! No... he's just a normal dude... which is why I wanted to do this monologue. I play normal dude very well, I think. But I finished my monologue and Binns had me sit down. He didn't even have me sing. Then Colleen went, did her monologue, sang, and sat down. Only at that time did Binns remember I was supposed to sing, too. And, after I finished singing, we were supposed to do some improv... but we didn't. I think that's probably a really bad sign. He knew he didn't like any of us, so he didn't need to see any more.
The good news is that I went to Chipotle after the audition. Chipotle is easily my favorite "fast food" restaurant... so I went out to treat myself with a million dollar burrito (not really a million dollars, but close).
Thursday morning, Miss Heatherman Jackson pointed me to a news story here. Looks like an actor got shot in New York, and they blame her for it happening. Things like "she had stage combat training" and "confronted the mugger" are used in the article to get the writer's narrow-minded viewpoint across. Honestly, living in fear is no way to live. I am NOT going to let my fear of something like that happening control me... and I'm not going to let someone with a gun scare me into doing whatever they want. I think where she went to far is that she, apparently, shoved the person with the gun. That's the no-no, to me. Not confronting the robber. In the article, an "expert" says that confronting the mugger is the worst thing you could possibly do. And I totally disagree. I think living in fear is the worst thing you can do... and, if the mugger decides it's worth taking my life to get $4 and a couple credit cards, then so be it. I would rather not live than have to fear going outside. But I guess that's just me.
Later that night I had my Conservatory class. I was not looking forward to class, as my professional esteem has been hitting all time lows thanks to the blunt deflation that is Gellman's teaching style. I really didn't want to go... but hearing from Colleen at the audition (who is also in the Conservatory's level 1 [Tuesdays]) really helped me. She also hates her class, but she has a completely different instructor. For some reason, hearing that she hated her class too gave me hope. So I was willing to give this class another try. And it was different. First of all, Gellman started off class by saying that this class is the most difficult one that he ever teaches. Not because it's difficult per se, but because he himself finds it difficult. He opened up to us... he even told us a story about how he had a terrible time at the dentist. It was interesting... and nice... and what felt like the first step. We then went over the three rules of dialogue: Make statements; talk about the present; and "yes, and..." everything. In addition, he gave us a couple new rules about not telling other people what to do; not dictating what you're doing; and focusing on the relationship at all times. We then did a few 60 second scenes with some strict side-coaching... an intense exercise which I don't think any of us could have handled for more than the 60 seconds. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't "bad"... it was just very intense.
After class, one of our classmates, Matt, was going to be in a show up at Improv Olympic... and, surprisingly, our class just instinctively said to ourselves "why wouldn't we go?" So a group of about a dozen of us went up to IO to see his show. On the way up there, I ran into Brian on the El. Brian, the former manager of Coldstone Brian... I hadn't seen him since right after I got fired... and it was great to see him again. He and his boyfriend apparently became life partners (I'm trying very hard to figure out how to say this right... Brian just held up his hand and showed me his ring and I knew what happened... but I can't do that. I could have told you that that's what he did... and I did that. What the hell just happened to this narrative?). Anyway, he was very civily unioned... and it was great to hear that he's doing so well (although not working anymore... odd how Coldstone does that to you).
Then we got to IO just in time... Matt's show was good but not great. And he may have broken a few of the improv rules we just went over in class... but the whole class had fun being together. Quiet a breakthrough for this class of people stuck together for a year and a half.
Which reminds me, I've been putting off emailing Norm Holly, the head of the Conservatory program, for at least a week. I need to email him because the Conservatory Level 2 audition that I have to do to continue with the program is May 14th, the first Saturday of my trip to England. My worry is that I'm going to have to wait to get into Level 2, effectively having my entire class move on without me. This wouldn't be good... as we just are getting to know each other have having some chemistry as a class. I've got no chance... stupid trip!
I figured something out tonight. As I was walking back from the Red Line, I found myself thinking "Oh man, what a great class tonight. I can't wait to go back to Albion and teach them how to do it." And then I had to stop myself. I'm not going back to Albion to teach improv... I don't know if that would even be a possibility. Regardless, I realized that I want two things out of my life: I want to educate and I want to entertain. That's been staring me in the face for years... and I've sort of known it for a while... but it actually finally hit me tonight. So, there you go kids. From now on, whenever you ask me what I'm doing with myself, I'm going to say that I'm trying to attain one of my two goals--education or entertainment.
I promised some "out-take" pictures from my "photo shoot." I would post them all at once, but when I tried, my blog decided to go crazy on me. I suppose my page can only take up so much memory. So, you'll have to deal with two for now until some of my other pictures clear. Here's the first one. My teeth were glued together for this picture. That look on my face is pain.
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Did someone mention a tenderly molested serial killer? Here he is. Not headshot... mugshot.
Posted by Hello
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
And the winner is...
Picture number two, obviously, by a landslide. Could you have perhaps been nicer about not liking the first one, though? "The first one looks like you're sitting with a spiky rod shoved up your ass, and like you really need to scratch the herpes on your face, and it looks like someone just told you your dog died and you're happy because you didn't know you had a dog, but you're sad because he's dead." Come on, people! Geez!
Well, by now you've seen what I did to the picture to get it to look pretty. I think I did a pretty good job... but I honestly hope it isn't lost on the places I'm auditioning (I know it will be. I auditioned around 50 for my writing five show, and only a few of the pictures really stuck with me).
Waiting for me in the mail today was the first televised season of SCTV! My dad thought I'd like it and it might come in handy. I've already written an outline based on one of the scenes... but I find much of it antiquated (1981), as part of the 'charm' of Second City is to keep up with current events and trends. Oh well... Joe Janes would probably just tell me that it becomes a huge opportunity for me to update some of the scenes. And I plan on it. Hooray!
I don't like squeeze bottles when they contain something that one has to spread like jelly, mayo, or certain kinds of "fancy" mustard. Give me a bottle, thank you (see what happens when I don't have a list of best and worst things I have to type about everyday?).
Tonight I got stuck watching Secret Window... which is a movie that I wanted to see when it came out, but I didn't because I'm fully opposed to going to out to see movies while I'm single. That doesn't make much sense, I know... but it's the truth. I'm not going to sit in the theatre by myself... that just doesn't appeal to me. Going to see movies is an event... much like going to a theatre show or to a sporting event. Yeah, you could go by yourself... but it's always better with someone else (even if it's worse. [what?] I mean it's better in that it's more of an event than going by yourself, even if it doesn't "go" better [oh... okay]). Back to the movie! Okay! So I was watching Secret Window... and I "figured it out" about ten minutes into the movie, so the whole movie became me waiting for Johnny Depp to figure it out, too. I like Johnny Depp, even in this movie, I just hated the movie. It was so boring... I wasn't tense at all... because I knew exactly what was going to happen. And I find it ironic that Depp talks about the "perfect ending" at the end of the movie... but this movie's ending is anything but. I did like it, though, because I actually found myself rooting FOR Depp. That's the one thing that I will give this movie. I could root for the "bad guy"... and the "good guys"? Fuck 'em... they were boring. (sorry, I just sounded like Gellman there.) The movie pretty much sucked, though.
Picture number two, obviously, by a landslide. Could you have perhaps been nicer about not liking the first one, though? "The first one looks like you're sitting with a spiky rod shoved up your ass, and like you really need to scratch the herpes on your face, and it looks like someone just told you your dog died and you're happy because you didn't know you had a dog, but you're sad because he's dead." Come on, people! Geez!
Well, by now you've seen what I did to the picture to get it to look pretty. I think I did a pretty good job... but I honestly hope it isn't lost on the places I'm auditioning (I know it will be. I auditioned around 50 for my writing five show, and only a few of the pictures really stuck with me).
Waiting for me in the mail today was the first televised season of SCTV! My dad thought I'd like it and it might come in handy. I've already written an outline based on one of the scenes... but I find much of it antiquated (1981), as part of the 'charm' of Second City is to keep up with current events and trends. Oh well... Joe Janes would probably just tell me that it becomes a huge opportunity for me to update some of the scenes. And I plan on it. Hooray!
I don't like squeeze bottles when they contain something that one has to spread like jelly, mayo, or certain kinds of "fancy" mustard. Give me a bottle, thank you (see what happens when I don't have a list of best and worst things I have to type about everyday?).
Tonight I got stuck watching Secret Window... which is a movie that I wanted to see when it came out, but I didn't because I'm fully opposed to going to out to see movies while I'm single. That doesn't make much sense, I know... but it's the truth. I'm not going to sit in the theatre by myself... that just doesn't appeal to me. Going to see movies is an event... much like going to a theatre show or to a sporting event. Yeah, you could go by yourself... but it's always better with someone else (even if it's worse. [what?] I mean it's better in that it's more of an event than going by yourself, even if it doesn't "go" better [oh... okay]). Back to the movie! Okay! So I was watching Secret Window... and I "figured it out" about ten minutes into the movie, so the whole movie became me waiting for Johnny Depp to figure it out, too. I like Johnny Depp, even in this movie, I just hated the movie. It was so boring... I wasn't tense at all... because I knew exactly what was going to happen. And I find it ironic that Depp talks about the "perfect ending" at the end of the movie... but this movie's ending is anything but. I did like it, though, because I actually found myself rooting FOR Depp. That's the one thing that I will give this movie. I could root for the "bad guy"... and the "good guys"? Fuck 'em... they were boring. (sorry, I just sounded like Gellman there.) The movie pretty much sucked, though.
The polls are in... and here's what I came up with. I think it looks pretty damn good for something I basically had to put together myself. So this is the front side of a glossy paper... with the resume (below) on the back. No one who I give the headshot to is going to appreciate the work I put into this... so you had damn well better!
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Check out how awesome I look on paper (this is the edited version... don't want people to know TOO much about me. I would lose my mystique). My resume is printed on the reverse side of the headshot... and I think it looks pretty awesome together. At one point I had a "Directing" credit for The Vagina Monologues... but I figured that directors probably don't want some "hot shot" kid who thinks he can direct.
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Monday, January 31, 2005
And The Winner, Of "The Best Thing That Happened To Me In 2004" Is...
Hey! A funny song goes here. The animation is great. And the fact that the singer is a bunny makes this even more hilarious... and it's a great song that seems a lot like something Keith would write.
From the "that could have come out of my mouth" file: "I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of day when I'm alone and I don't have to be on, performing." - Jim Carrey. Wow. Maybe Mr. Carrey and I have more in common than I thought. I would really like to get the chance to meet him, talk to him, see how he copes with things. It's said that he, as a child, used to wear tap shoes to bed... just in case he felt like his parents needed cheering up in the middle of the night. Fascinating.
Today I went to get my headshot enlarged, cropped, and bordered back at Wolf Camera (where I got the pictures developed). Why does everything have to be so complicated? To me, a camera store should be able to do all of the above tasks to a photo without it being a huge pain in the ass... but I guess I was wrong. The guy took my picture over to a scanner (the very same scanner I own, mind you) and scanned it, blew it up, and told me that the machine would automatically print a border on it. When (five minutes later) I got the print back, it looked terrible... the quality was terrible, it wasn't centered, there was obviously some kind of filth on the scanner glass... it looked terrible! And I had to pay $8 for that piece of shit! I then asked the guy if they sold a glossy printer paper... which they did (for another $8). So I ended up spending $16 at this stupid store and I'm still going to have to do it myself. If you want something done right...
After that whole incident, I walked up to the Second City because I wanted to get my haircut. The Supercuts I always go to is about half a block away from the Second City(I wasn't going to the improv place to get my haircut, people). It's where I go... leave me alone. Anyway, when I got up to the building, it was boarded up: no more Supercuts! There were signs saying "For Rent" in the window! Stupid life! Now I've got to figure out a different place to go to get my haircut. There's a "Hair Cuttery" another block or so away from where the Supercuts was... but, son of a bitch... I'm a creature of habit. Switching things up on me makes me uncomfortable and cranky! I'm cranky!!!
Until Sweet Pumpkin Pie rehearsal, that is. Writing five rehearsal went well... but I felt like a huge douche because we did some scenes (that we hadn't even blocked yet!!! I mean, come on!) and most of the rest of the cast was off book. So I had to do a scene with Chris... it was just the two of us, and he was off book, and it seemed like I hadn't even looked at that script in a long time (which I haven't). I now have one week to memorize the whole show before we're supposed to be off book.
CrazyJohn on Spam Emails--Who sits there, checking their email and says: "'Fist action'? Sign me up!" Yeah... I actually got one that was titled "fist action" today! I'll admit I can occasionally be into some weird stuff (not really) but fisting makes me want to vomit into a bowl, microwave that bowl, and eat the aforementioned vomit bowl with some Parmesan cheese and a little parsley. Who creates new business with these spam emails? Why do we (normal folk) get them? I can't, for the life of me, understand why they exist... is anyone making money off this, or is someone just trying to piss everyone in the world off?
#1 BEST OF 2004 - WINTER BREAK! Yes, the holiday break near the end of the year just barely beat out my trip to Vegas... but it DID, in fact, beat it out. My winter break this year was AMAZING! I saw Susan and Adam for the first time since 1994ever ago. And I had the best dinner with them and Adam's parents... and then I got to spend some major road time with Ken (and beat Halo 2 [Finally!]). We saw some lovely ladies in Saginaw for the first time in forever. I saw Jason again for the first time ever. (Are you getting the theme?) Nate and Allison and Rhea and Jean and Rhea (whichever way you want me to say it... you're both retarded) and Katie and MY WHOLE FAMILY together and... man... it blew me away. It was just, well, exactly what I needed. I felt reconnected for the first time in a while. Even when the ball dropped in New York, I was on the phone with Mr. John Sellers. Reconnection... mmm... here's to a phenomenal 2005!
Hey! A funny song goes here. The animation is great. And the fact that the singer is a bunny makes this even more hilarious... and it's a great song that seems a lot like something Keith would write.
From the "that could have come out of my mouth" file: "I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of day when I'm alone and I don't have to be on, performing." - Jim Carrey. Wow. Maybe Mr. Carrey and I have more in common than I thought. I would really like to get the chance to meet him, talk to him, see how he copes with things. It's said that he, as a child, used to wear tap shoes to bed... just in case he felt like his parents needed cheering up in the middle of the night. Fascinating.
Today I went to get my headshot enlarged, cropped, and bordered back at Wolf Camera (where I got the pictures developed). Why does everything have to be so complicated? To me, a camera store should be able to do all of the above tasks to a photo without it being a huge pain in the ass... but I guess I was wrong. The guy took my picture over to a scanner (the very same scanner I own, mind you) and scanned it, blew it up, and told me that the machine would automatically print a border on it. When (five minutes later) I got the print back, it looked terrible... the quality was terrible, it wasn't centered, there was obviously some kind of filth on the scanner glass... it looked terrible! And I had to pay $8 for that piece of shit! I then asked the guy if they sold a glossy printer paper... which they did (for another $8). So I ended up spending $16 at this stupid store and I'm still going to have to do it myself. If you want something done right...
After that whole incident, I walked up to the Second City because I wanted to get my haircut. The Supercuts I always go to is about half a block away from the Second City(I wasn't going to the improv place to get my haircut, people). It's where I go... leave me alone. Anyway, when I got up to the building, it was boarded up: no more Supercuts! There were signs saying "For Rent" in the window! Stupid life! Now I've got to figure out a different place to go to get my haircut. There's a "Hair Cuttery" another block or so away from where the Supercuts was... but, son of a bitch... I'm a creature of habit. Switching things up on me makes me uncomfortable and cranky! I'm cranky!!!
Until Sweet Pumpkin Pie rehearsal, that is. Writing five rehearsal went well... but I felt like a huge douche because we did some scenes (that we hadn't even blocked yet!!! I mean, come on!) and most of the rest of the cast was off book. So I had to do a scene with Chris... it was just the two of us, and he was off book, and it seemed like I hadn't even looked at that script in a long time (which I haven't). I now have one week to memorize the whole show before we're supposed to be off book.
CrazyJohn on Spam Emails--Who sits there, checking their email and says: "'Fist action'? Sign me up!" Yeah... I actually got one that was titled "fist action" today! I'll admit I can occasionally be into some weird stuff (not really) but fisting makes me want to vomit into a bowl, microwave that bowl, and eat the aforementioned vomit bowl with some Parmesan cheese and a little parsley. Who creates new business with these spam emails? Why do we (normal folk) get them? I can't, for the life of me, understand why they exist... is anyone making money off this, or is someone just trying to piss everyone in the world off?
#1 BEST OF 2004 - WINTER BREAK! Yes, the holiday break near the end of the year just barely beat out my trip to Vegas... but it DID, in fact, beat it out. My winter break this year was AMAZING! I saw Susan and Adam for the first time since 1994ever ago. And I had the best dinner with them and Adam's parents... and then I got to spend some major road time with Ken (and beat Halo 2 [Finally!]). We saw some lovely ladies in Saginaw for the first time in forever. I saw Jason again for the first time ever. (Are you getting the theme?) Nate and Allison and Rhea and Jean and Rhea (whichever way you want me to say it... you're both retarded) and Katie and MY WHOLE FAMILY together and... man... it blew me away. It was just, well, exactly what I needed. I felt reconnected for the first time in a while. Even when the ball dropped in New York, I was on the phone with Mr. John Sellers. Reconnection... mmm... here's to a phenomenal 2005!
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Truisms About The Irish People...
If Vodka is made from potatoes, then how come the Irish didn't invent it? Seems to me that Ireland would be the perfect place to create it. They like potatoes; they like drinking... you'd think SOMEBODY would have tried to put them together in the history of their civilization.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I thought I should mention that I've been into Crossfade for the past couple weeks because of that stupid Launch thing. I love that song ("Cold")... and perhaps I like the group so much because I think that they're a lot like what Outer Core would have been if we stayed together. The lame guy with the hat, sideburns, and the 'bling' who doesn't play an instrument is me... and the lame guy with the goatee who sings, plays the guitar, and who does the "acting" in the video is Ken. The rest of the band that you don't really see is... the rest of our band. But I'm totally into that song because that would have been us (if we hadn't ended up like Linkin Park. There's more of a chance that our sound would have lent us to sounding more like Crossfade anyway). And I really want that stupid dude's hat! It's like and Independent hat or something (I know from Tony Hawk games, I've seen that cross on his hat before). Whatever... Ken and I would rock that song. I wonder if they have it Karaokee anywhere... that would be awesome. We're awesome... ly lame.
Today was spent finishing the first season of MacGyver, rewriting my resume, playing some KOTOR II, and catching up with a few people on the phone. It was also spent going a little crazy about all the things I should be doing, but aren't for one reason or another. The day seemed to go too fast. Now... let's get on with this last part... because it's been a long time coming.
#1 WORST OF 2004 - THAT FATEFUL DAY IN LATE SEPTEMBER... This should not come as a surprise to anyone. Possibly one of the worst experiences of my life was being fired from that job by that woman on that day. It is my sincere hope that no one who reads this blog will EVER be treated like I was treated that day. I was treated less than human... and worse. As someone insane... dangerous... violent... I was approached with condescension, a hidden smugness, and an air of passive aggressiveness. There are so many things I wish I would have done differently... but, most of all, I wish that I could just get over that atrocity and move on. I've made some steps this year... and maybe I'll get a paying theatre gig and I won't need to go back to being the kind of person I was... or maybe I'll be in a better environment and I'll only be doing my own job instead of everyone else's and that will be better too. We'll see, won't we? Hello employment 2005!
If Vodka is made from potatoes, then how come the Irish didn't invent it? Seems to me that Ireland would be the perfect place to create it. They like potatoes; they like drinking... you'd think SOMEBODY would have tried to put them together in the history of their civilization.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I thought I should mention that I've been into Crossfade for the past couple weeks because of that stupid Launch thing. I love that song ("Cold")... and perhaps I like the group so much because I think that they're a lot like what Outer Core would have been if we stayed together. The lame guy with the hat, sideburns, and the 'bling' who doesn't play an instrument is me... and the lame guy with the goatee who sings, plays the guitar, and who does the "acting" in the video is Ken. The rest of the band that you don't really see is... the rest of our band. But I'm totally into that song because that would have been us (if we hadn't ended up like Linkin Park. There's more of a chance that our sound would have lent us to sounding more like Crossfade anyway). And I really want that stupid dude's hat! It's like and Independent hat or something (I know from Tony Hawk games, I've seen that cross on his hat before). Whatever... Ken and I would rock that song. I wonder if they have it Karaokee anywhere... that would be awesome. We're awesome... ly lame.
Today was spent finishing the first season of MacGyver, rewriting my resume, playing some KOTOR II, and catching up with a few people on the phone. It was also spent going a little crazy about all the things I should be doing, but aren't for one reason or another. The day seemed to go too fast. Now... let's get on with this last part... because it's been a long time coming.
#1 WORST OF 2004 - THAT FATEFUL DAY IN LATE SEPTEMBER... This should not come as a surprise to anyone. Possibly one of the worst experiences of my life was being fired from that job by that woman on that day. It is my sincere hope that no one who reads this blog will EVER be treated like I was treated that day. I was treated less than human... and worse. As someone insane... dangerous... violent... I was approached with condescension, a hidden smugness, and an air of passive aggressiveness. There are so many things I wish I would have done differently... but, most of all, I wish that I could just get over that atrocity and move on. I've made some steps this year... and maybe I'll get a paying theatre gig and I won't need to go back to being the kind of person I was... or maybe I'll be in a better environment and I'll only be doing my own job instead of everyone else's and that will be better too. We'll see, won't we? Hello employment 2005!
I know this is horrifically out of order, and I plan on catching up with the previous week soon enough... but I need your help. I've got an audition on Wednesday and I need to figure out which picture I'm going to use as my headshot. Above is picture number 1.
Posted by Hello
And here is picture number 2. Please vote below by posting a comment and telling me what you think! (If you're good and vote, I promise to post "out-take" pictures complete with actor's commentary!)
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Saturday, January 29, 2005
Silent Laughter
The first thing I did this morning was to make a run to Borders to try and get myself something I could use as a monologue for my auditions. When I got there, I was both overwhelmed by the vastness of the "drama" section of books, and disappointed by the selection. Nothing seemed to resonate. I then did what everyone does when all hope seems lost: I called someone smarter than I am. I called Laura. She was also at a book store. She was also at a Borders... weird how the universe can work sometimes. She directed me to Christopher Durang... a playwrite who I've heard of, but have really never spent any time reading. I sat down and started reading one of his short pieces, "John and Mary Doe" and he had me. I loved it... and I bought the book, which contains 27 short plays, and headed back to my apartment through the people asking for money or just asking me to stop... for some reason (read: money). When I got back to my apartment, I started reading some of the Durang plays. I finally read The Actor's Nightmare (and loved it), For Whom The Southern Belle Tolls (and loved it), and The Hardy Boys And The Mystery Of Where Babies Come From (and laughed). I actually found a section of The Actor's Nightmare that I think I'm going to use as a monologue.
Tonight was the third night of Mockupations. And, tonight the audience finally got into it... sort of. For the first half of the show, while I was on stage, I couldn't hear much laughter from the audience. But when I headed into the audience for one of the scenes, I realized that the audience WAS into it, they just weren't a very vocal audience. I was even able to interact with a woman sitting next to me, and she was (quietly) in hysterics. That's a good feeling. Especially for that particular show... I think I'm finally "into" it. It was a good show, finally... and hopefully we'll get a little more vocal audience next week.
#1 BEST POST OF 2004 - TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE VEGAS This was, clearly, the most imaginative, creative thing I wrote on this blog all year. I remember writing it from the bay window. It was, quite literally, the night before I went... I remember thinking that I should have been packing, but I just kept writing... I even looked up the actual 'Night Before Christmas' so that I could better parody it. I will leave you with the best (read: my favorite) part from that story:
"Thank God for Vegas,
Where a man can be loved
By a strange woman's mouth,
Or a hand that is gloved."
I'm brilliant.
The first thing I did this morning was to make a run to Borders to try and get myself something I could use as a monologue for my auditions. When I got there, I was both overwhelmed by the vastness of the "drama" section of books, and disappointed by the selection. Nothing seemed to resonate. I then did what everyone does when all hope seems lost: I called someone smarter than I am. I called Laura. She was also at a book store. She was also at a Borders... weird how the universe can work sometimes. She directed me to Christopher Durang... a playwrite who I've heard of, but have really never spent any time reading. I sat down and started reading one of his short pieces, "John and Mary Doe" and he had me. I loved it... and I bought the book, which contains 27 short plays, and headed back to my apartment through the people asking for money or just asking me to stop... for some reason (read: money). When I got back to my apartment, I started reading some of the Durang plays. I finally read The Actor's Nightmare (and loved it), For Whom The Southern Belle Tolls (and loved it), and The Hardy Boys And The Mystery Of Where Babies Come From (and laughed). I actually found a section of The Actor's Nightmare that I think I'm going to use as a monologue.
Tonight was the third night of Mockupations. And, tonight the audience finally got into it... sort of. For the first half of the show, while I was on stage, I couldn't hear much laughter from the audience. But when I headed into the audience for one of the scenes, I realized that the audience WAS into it, they just weren't a very vocal audience. I was even able to interact with a woman sitting next to me, and she was (quietly) in hysterics. That's a good feeling. Especially for that particular show... I think I'm finally "into" it. It was a good show, finally... and hopefully we'll get a little more vocal audience next week.
#1 BEST POST OF 2004 - TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE VEGAS This was, clearly, the most imaginative, creative thing I wrote on this blog all year. I remember writing it from the bay window. It was, quite literally, the night before I went... I remember thinking that I should have been packing, but I just kept writing... I even looked up the actual 'Night Before Christmas' so that I could better parody it. I will leave you with the best (read: my favorite) part from that story:
"Thank God for Vegas,
Where a man can be loved
By a strange woman's mouth,
Or a hand that is gloved."
I'm brilliant.
Friday, January 28, 2005
MacGyver: Asexual pedophile? Or is that just my one wish?
This morning, I watched one of the people on my conservatory class, Courtney Boxwell, on the ABC 7 news. They were doing a "girlfriends" segment (no joke) and Courtney owns a jewelry store in Chicago called "Create." The news story on the ABC 7 website is here. Basically, you go there and they help you create your own necklaces, earrings, or bracelets. It's a bead kind of thing... but anyone can 'uniquify' their own pieces to match whatever outfit/dress they've got on. I'm sure that kind of store is a good idea... the problem will be getting the word out that the store even exists. That's why this morning was so important to Courtney, I'm sure. Regardless of the store, it was personally a thrill to sit and watch someone and say "I know her! I was at a bar with her *looks at watch* 12 hours ago!" I'm almost famous.
Tonight was week four of Mankind, and I decided to not watch this week. I think it had more to do with the fact that I have problems letting go than anything with the actual show itself. I do, in fact, have problems letting go of my writing. I have a huge problem with other people acting in my writing... unless they're absolutely brilliant all the time. So, I figured this would be good for me, this not watching thing. As the actors were about to take the stage, one of the other writers, Chris, said "hey man, you gonna go watch?" And, since it's so hard for me to let go... I was like "yeah, I guess." As I got to the backstage area, to head through to the audience... the lights dimmed for everyone to get to their seats. I didn't feel like I had enough time to get all the way to a seat, so I decided to stand right where I was until I could figure something else out. And, as the song started, one of the actors, Sean, started talking to me. Then he had to go on stage and I started talking to another actor, Nick. And, as it turns out, I spent the entire show backstage... talking to actors, listening to the show, helping with some props... it was actually a WHOLE lot of fun. And, even though I was unable to "let go", I let the show look the way it was going to look and I just had a good time being around a show while it was being performed. Now that I think about it, that might have been the first time I was backstage for a show I wasn't acting in. I wouldn't want to DO that as what I do, but it was fun to be able to do it once. See what the actors do while they're concentrating on the show... very interesting.
For some reason, only half-way through season one of MacGyver, the writers added Dana Elcar's character, Pete Thornton, AND moved Mac from the planetarium where he lived in in the Pilot episode, to a beach-front apartment in Venice Beach, Cali, on top of a Coney Island hot dog restaurant. Then, later in the first season, they move him again (to a place they never show... he just packs his stuff up and says that he's moving, and they never show him at home for the rest of the season)! WTFuck? And he KEEPS kissing women! I don't remember that from this show AT ALL! I remember MacGyver as asexual... and a little too interested in helping children. But, apparently, MacGyver gets all the ladies. Including Russian women who look like they're really old, but he still hits on for some reason. And the particular Russian woman to which I refer wouldn't trust him until he kissed her... and I almost puked. Could we force this kiss any MORE? A few times in this season they used the "for luck" excuse for the kiss... just so forced. *shakes head* But, for some reason, I am finally learning a lot about the evolution of writing for a series. Learning is what it's all about, kids. Ooo! And watching MacGyver... that's also what it's about.
#2 Best of 2004 - Crazy Hits Vegas! Yes, kids... the news item that topped last year's list has moved down a spot this year. It's not because this year's trip to Vegas wasn't special... it was! I actually had a tough decision as to whether this would be #1 or #2, but it just got edged out in the end. This trip was the first time I've ever taken a plane by myself! Highlights included: Ken and I going to the Hoover Dam, and someone who worked there making me feel like an idiot when I asked what the difference between the red, white, and blue was (they're all different levels of tours you can take at the bridge), and the worker there said they were all "different colors"; We saw the Second City show in Las Vegas; We shot stuff; We played football on an Air Force base... with planes taking off and landing what seemed like right next to us; We saw women who were most certainly high-level prostitutes... and I felt funny; We tried to figure out which gifts certain computer generated women would like so that they would play volleyball better; We went to Red Lobster and I taught Ken how to eat seafood proper; Ken learned me about IMAX movies; and, most importantly, we shot stuff. It was a fabulous vacation... and further solidified my belief that Ken and I could probably spend weeks at a time doing nothing and loving it, or forcing each other to go out and loving that. What an odd relationship we have... all this love, yet I hate the short bastard. Ehh... such is life. Starting tomorrow... the number ones!!! I know you're totally excited (or bored with the lists by now)!
This morning, I watched one of the people on my conservatory class, Courtney Boxwell, on the ABC 7 news. They were doing a "girlfriends" segment (no joke) and Courtney owns a jewelry store in Chicago called "Create." The news story on the ABC 7 website is here. Basically, you go there and they help you create your own necklaces, earrings, or bracelets. It's a bead kind of thing... but anyone can 'uniquify' their own pieces to match whatever outfit/dress they've got on. I'm sure that kind of store is a good idea... the problem will be getting the word out that the store even exists. That's why this morning was so important to Courtney, I'm sure. Regardless of the store, it was personally a thrill to sit and watch someone and say "I know her! I was at a bar with her *looks at watch* 12 hours ago!" I'm almost famous.
Tonight was week four of Mankind, and I decided to not watch this week. I think it had more to do with the fact that I have problems letting go than anything with the actual show itself. I do, in fact, have problems letting go of my writing. I have a huge problem with other people acting in my writing... unless they're absolutely brilliant all the time. So, I figured this would be good for me, this not watching thing. As the actors were about to take the stage, one of the other writers, Chris, said "hey man, you gonna go watch?" And, since it's so hard for me to let go... I was like "yeah, I guess." As I got to the backstage area, to head through to the audience... the lights dimmed for everyone to get to their seats. I didn't feel like I had enough time to get all the way to a seat, so I decided to stand right where I was until I could figure something else out. And, as the song started, one of the actors, Sean, started talking to me. Then he had to go on stage and I started talking to another actor, Nick. And, as it turns out, I spent the entire show backstage... talking to actors, listening to the show, helping with some props... it was actually a WHOLE lot of fun. And, even though I was unable to "let go", I let the show look the way it was going to look and I just had a good time being around a show while it was being performed. Now that I think about it, that might have been the first time I was backstage for a show I wasn't acting in. I wouldn't want to DO that as what I do, but it was fun to be able to do it once. See what the actors do while they're concentrating on the show... very interesting.
For some reason, only half-way through season one of MacGyver, the writers added Dana Elcar's character, Pete Thornton, AND moved Mac from the planetarium where he lived in in the Pilot episode, to a beach-front apartment in Venice Beach, Cali, on top of a Coney Island hot dog restaurant. Then, later in the first season, they move him again (to a place they never show... he just packs his stuff up and says that he's moving, and they never show him at home for the rest of the season)! WTFuck? And he KEEPS kissing women! I don't remember that from this show AT ALL! I remember MacGyver as asexual... and a little too interested in helping children. But, apparently, MacGyver gets all the ladies. Including Russian women who look like they're really old, but he still hits on for some reason. And the particular Russian woman to which I refer wouldn't trust him until he kissed her... and I almost puked. Could we force this kiss any MORE? A few times in this season they used the "for luck" excuse for the kiss... just so forced. *shakes head* But, for some reason, I am finally learning a lot about the evolution of writing for a series. Learning is what it's all about, kids. Ooo! And watching MacGyver... that's also what it's about.
#2 Best of 2004 - Crazy Hits Vegas! Yes, kids... the news item that topped last year's list has moved down a spot this year. It's not because this year's trip to Vegas wasn't special... it was! I actually had a tough decision as to whether this would be #1 or #2, but it just got edged out in the end. This trip was the first time I've ever taken a plane by myself! Highlights included: Ken and I going to the Hoover Dam, and someone who worked there making me feel like an idiot when I asked what the difference between the red, white, and blue was (they're all different levels of tours you can take at the bridge), and the worker there said they were all "different colors"; We saw the Second City show in Las Vegas; We shot stuff; We played football on an Air Force base... with planes taking off and landing what seemed like right next to us; We saw women who were most certainly high-level prostitutes... and I felt funny; We tried to figure out which gifts certain computer generated women would like so that they would play volleyball better; We went to Red Lobster and I taught Ken how to eat seafood proper; Ken learned me about IMAX movies; and, most importantly, we shot stuff. It was a fabulous vacation... and further solidified my belief that Ken and I could probably spend weeks at a time doing nothing and loving it, or forcing each other to go out and loving that. What an odd relationship we have... all this love, yet I hate the short bastard. Ehh... such is life. Starting tomorrow... the number ones!!! I know you're totally excited (or bored with the lists by now)!
Thursday, January 27, 2005
MacGyver: Always Prepared For Adventure
Here's another weird dream: I'm pretty sure it was a movie and I was Jim Carrey, and the other main character was a hollywood version of Colleen Kelly (although I guess that's the REAL Colleen... but bear with me). Jim, or me, or whoever... I was... no, I'd better say Jim... okay, so Jim Carrey was playing this small town news reporter who had abnormally long legs which contributed to his uneasiness around women. (He wasn't tall, it was that most of his body was legs) He was especially uneasy around women that he had feelings for, like the Colleen character, who was also a news reporter. He obviously liked her... and their travels together had brought them from some place in Michigan (I'll get to that in a second) to someplace... else. And I'm not sure that it was set in the present... but it may have been some time in the early eighties. The time period was mixed up because it seemed like Carrey and Kelly were wearing 1950s apparel (he in a suit, she in a nice sun dress [can I say sun dress? does that even mean anything?]), and the car they were driving was easily circa 1950s... but, now, this is really the only part of the dream I remember: They were pulled over by a silver Chevy Corvette. This is the part of the dream where Jim Carrey becomes me, because it wasn't him talking to the cop, it was me. And he (the cop) didn't ask for my license and registration, he asked for something a lot more technical sounding (the language escapes my conscious mind)... but I knew that he wanted my license and registration. And, after handing him what he needed, I let him have a "piece of my mind," as they say. I kept saying that a police officer in a silver Chevy Corvette is unfair, that it's a trap... other people were speeding, too... why was I singled out? That's when the cop said something about me being from Michigan (or at least having Michigan plates)... and I reiterated how unfair it was. "Look at the other cars!" I demanded... and then I stuck my head out the window to look at how the other cars were speeding too, and I realized that I was stopped in the middle lane of the highway... and there seemed to be an unusual amount of UHauls on the road that day. What happened next? My alarm went off... sorry kids. Oh... and my dreams suck.
Today I was checking out the Onion's website and I saw that Seth MacFarlane gave an interview. The Family Guy being one of my, if not THE, favorite show ever in history ever, I read the article. I learned something very interesting/kind of disturbing: Seth was scheduled to go fly on one of the planes used in the 9/11 attacks. And, instead of it being a religious experience, or some way for him to refocus himself because he almost died a certain and horrible death... he shrugs it off as if people die in horrible plane crashes every day. I found that fascinating. I would probably be one of those irritating "born again" people if I had been scheduled to go on one of those flights but didn't. Or, at the very least, felt like I had been given a second chance at life. It doesn't seem to effect Mr. MacFarlane in the least. How interesting.
Tonight was also another one of my very special Conservatory Classes. Hey class? why don't you keep kicking my ass, please? Thanks a bunch. I am now under the impression that Gellman, my teacher, thinks I'm a fucking idiot. Whenever I try to talk, it seems like his eyes glaze over and he starts snoring. Okay, it's not that bad... but he has a certain way of making me feel like an idiot from the very beginning of class ALL THE WAY to the end of class. We started "doing scenes"... by which I mean we were standing, acting, and were forced to use the numbers 1-50 instead of actual dialog. And interesting technique, to be sure. Because you could tell when someone didn't know what they were "saying"... they were just spouting off numbers. We then played a gibberish game, which I historically have hated... but I figured I couldn't make myself feel any MORE like an idiot, so why not jump into it. And, honestly, I didn't do so bad. I was "translating" from gibberish to English and the woman for whom I was translating said I caught exactly what she was 'saying' about three times. Maybe I'll be better off in foreign countries than I think. Or maybe I was just playing a stupid game and it's level of intelligence was equal to my own. One of those two things is true.
After class, waiting for me at my apartment was the day's mail. And in the mail today was a delayed birthday gift: the first season of MacGyver!!! Yes, yes... it's a lame show and me loving it is equally lame. But I am lame and I do love it. So far I've watched the pilot (which included Dana Elcar, but not as Pete Thornton of the Phoenix Foundation [did you know Dana Elcar is from Michigan? did you know he went blind DURING the run of the show... and that they wrote in that Pete Thornton was also going blind? Oh. Then you know more than I do... because that was news to me]) and what could possibly be MacGyver's only kiss in the show--and the second show! wherein MacGyver and a village of slaves take down a Burmese General with the cunning use of the pulley! (BTW we couldn't come up with a better word for it than "pulley"? "What's it do?", "It pulls", "The pulley!") What a great show. I have a feeling I'm going to lose countless hours to watching the first full season... it's SIX (6!) DVDs... something like 1045 minutes of commercial-free MacGyver action (that's about 17 and 1/2 hours for those of you who don't do math [read: non-Asians {why did I have to go there?}]). I can't wait for season 2, because it's the first appearance of Murdoc! Wooo!!! My point is that I love MacGyver... and I don't care who knows about it.
#2 Worst of 2004 - Say Hello to Corporate!John We certainly met a new side of me in 2004. Maybe the Corporate!John who worked at Coldstone was new to you all, but I always knew he was inside of me. I knew that I could easily become someone who can talk about people as if they were numbers, with no emotional attachment what-so-ever... someone who could allow himself to become consumed by his work, and by making the most profit with the smoothest flow of goods-to-customers as possible. I don't know why I knew he existed... I just did. Perhaps it was simply my fear of me becoming that kind of person that hinted to me of his existence; or perhaps I've always known that I could easily be an asshole just to make money--growning up with what seemed like not a lot of it (I turned out to be wrong... we just spent the money in odd ways... and lived in a place where not-a-lot of people have not-a-lot of money). In any case, I ended up being someone who I never wanted to be in 2004... the kind of person who I hated at Albion... the kind of person who I never thought would actually be me. The silver lining to this story is that we all know how it ended (yes, badly, but the proper outcome came out in the end). Even though it left me in a half-year long bad break-up funk... I was able to focus on what I wanted to focus on during that time. But I feel a little like Dr. Jekyll: In the back of my mind, I know that Mr. Hyde lives inside of me; and it scares me to death to think that he might resurface.
Here's another weird dream: I'm pretty sure it was a movie and I was Jim Carrey, and the other main character was a hollywood version of Colleen Kelly (although I guess that's the REAL Colleen... but bear with me). Jim, or me, or whoever... I was... no, I'd better say Jim... okay, so Jim Carrey was playing this small town news reporter who had abnormally long legs which contributed to his uneasiness around women. (He wasn't tall, it was that most of his body was legs) He was especially uneasy around women that he had feelings for, like the Colleen character, who was also a news reporter. He obviously liked her... and their travels together had brought them from some place in Michigan (I'll get to that in a second) to someplace... else. And I'm not sure that it was set in the present... but it may have been some time in the early eighties. The time period was mixed up because it seemed like Carrey and Kelly were wearing 1950s apparel (he in a suit, she in a nice sun dress [can I say sun dress? does that even mean anything?]), and the car they were driving was easily circa 1950s... but, now, this is really the only part of the dream I remember: They were pulled over by a silver Chevy Corvette. This is the part of the dream where Jim Carrey becomes me, because it wasn't him talking to the cop, it was me. And he (the cop) didn't ask for my license and registration, he asked for something a lot more technical sounding (the language escapes my conscious mind)... but I knew that he wanted my license and registration. And, after handing him what he needed, I let him have a "piece of my mind," as they say. I kept saying that a police officer in a silver Chevy Corvette is unfair, that it's a trap... other people were speeding, too... why was I singled out? That's when the cop said something about me being from Michigan (or at least having Michigan plates)... and I reiterated how unfair it was. "Look at the other cars!" I demanded... and then I stuck my head out the window to look at how the other cars were speeding too, and I realized that I was stopped in the middle lane of the highway... and there seemed to be an unusual amount of UHauls on the road that day. What happened next? My alarm went off... sorry kids. Oh... and my dreams suck.
Today I was checking out the Onion's website and I saw that Seth MacFarlane gave an interview. The Family Guy being one of my, if not THE, favorite show ever in history ever, I read the article. I learned something very interesting/kind of disturbing: Seth was scheduled to go fly on one of the planes used in the 9/11 attacks. And, instead of it being a religious experience, or some way for him to refocus himself because he almost died a certain and horrible death... he shrugs it off as if people die in horrible plane crashes every day. I found that fascinating. I would probably be one of those irritating "born again" people if I had been scheduled to go on one of those flights but didn't. Or, at the very least, felt like I had been given a second chance at life. It doesn't seem to effect Mr. MacFarlane in the least. How interesting.
Tonight was also another one of my very special Conservatory Classes. Hey class? why don't you keep kicking my ass, please? Thanks a bunch. I am now under the impression that Gellman, my teacher, thinks I'm a fucking idiot. Whenever I try to talk, it seems like his eyes glaze over and he starts snoring. Okay, it's not that bad... but he has a certain way of making me feel like an idiot from the very beginning of class ALL THE WAY to the end of class. We started "doing scenes"... by which I mean we were standing, acting, and were forced to use the numbers 1-50 instead of actual dialog. And interesting technique, to be sure. Because you could tell when someone didn't know what they were "saying"... they were just spouting off numbers. We then played a gibberish game, which I historically have hated... but I figured I couldn't make myself feel any MORE like an idiot, so why not jump into it. And, honestly, I didn't do so bad. I was "translating" from gibberish to English and the woman for whom I was translating said I caught exactly what she was 'saying' about three times. Maybe I'll be better off in foreign countries than I think. Or maybe I was just playing a stupid game and it's level of intelligence was equal to my own. One of those two things is true.
After class, waiting for me at my apartment was the day's mail. And in the mail today was a delayed birthday gift: the first season of MacGyver!!! Yes, yes... it's a lame show and me loving it is equally lame. But I am lame and I do love it. So far I've watched the pilot (which included Dana Elcar, but not as Pete Thornton of the Phoenix Foundation [did you know Dana Elcar is from Michigan? did you know he went blind DURING the run of the show... and that they wrote in that Pete Thornton was also going blind? Oh. Then you know more than I do... because that was news to me]) and what could possibly be MacGyver's only kiss in the show--and the second show! wherein MacGyver and a village of slaves take down a Burmese General with the cunning use of the pulley! (BTW we couldn't come up with a better word for it than "pulley"? "What's it do?", "It pulls", "The pulley!") What a great show. I have a feeling I'm going to lose countless hours to watching the first full season... it's SIX (6!) DVDs... something like 1045 minutes of commercial-free MacGyver action (that's about 17 and 1/2 hours for those of you who don't do math [read: non-Asians {why did I have to go there?}]). I can't wait for season 2, because it's the first appearance of Murdoc! Wooo!!! My point is that I love MacGyver... and I don't care who knows about it.
#2 Worst of 2004 - Say Hello to Corporate!John We certainly met a new side of me in 2004. Maybe the Corporate!John who worked at Coldstone was new to you all, but I always knew he was inside of me. I knew that I could easily become someone who can talk about people as if they were numbers, with no emotional attachment what-so-ever... someone who could allow himself to become consumed by his work, and by making the most profit with the smoothest flow of goods-to-customers as possible. I don't know why I knew he existed... I just did. Perhaps it was simply my fear of me becoming that kind of person that hinted to me of his existence; or perhaps I've always known that I could easily be an asshole just to make money--growning up with what seemed like not a lot of it (I turned out to be wrong... we just spent the money in odd ways... and lived in a place where not-a-lot of people have not-a-lot of money). In any case, I ended up being someone who I never wanted to be in 2004... the kind of person who I hated at Albion... the kind of person who I never thought would actually be me. The silver lining to this story is that we all know how it ended (yes, badly, but the proper outcome came out in the end). Even though it left me in a half-year long bad break-up funk... I was able to focus on what I wanted to focus on during that time. But I feel a little like Dr. Jekyll: In the back of my mind, I know that Mr. Hyde lives inside of me; and it scares me to death to think that he might resurface.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Jeff Thomason gets his chance
Well, technically, Jeff Thomason gets his third chance. He was a tight-end on both of the Packers teams that went to the Super Bowl in the 90s. But, this week, he was called by the Philadelphia Eagles and asked to play in the Super Bowl. One of the Eagles tight ends, Chad Lewis (remember when he used to make the Pro Bowl? Seems like a long time ago), injured himself and the Eagles were allowed to add another tight end to their Super Bowl roster. Thomason seemed like the obvious choice, as he has been on the Eagles the past few seasons... but was retired and working construction when he got the call from the Eagles. The football related question asked by every football show I've seen seems to be this: Who would you rather have--Jeff Thomason or Shannon Sharpe, a three-time SB winner with the Broncos and Ravens, who has been working for CBS this season and who has expressed interest in playing if the Eagles asked him to? So, I ask myself, who would I rather have: Thomason or Sharpe? Shannon Sharpe is, arguably, the best pass-catching tight end to ever play the game (yes, I remember Ozzie Newsome... I said arguably!). But, unlike his brother Sterling who was a receiver for the Packers who I LOVED on NFL Countdown, I HATE listening to Shannon talk. Think Michael Irvin with a slightly deeper, dumber sounding (if that's possible) voice. They both basically say the same things, and they like flashy players that call attention to themselves rather than the team. This makes them both assholes. Don't question it, it is simply the truth. In addition, you can't ask a future hall of famer to go on special teams... well, I shouldn't say that, but you can't ask THIS future hall of famer to get dirty on special teams. He simply won't stand for it. Okay, so one Eagles' option is a future hall-of-famer who hasn't played all year, who sat in a chair and talked to a camera during that time, and who will talk trash the entire week leading up the the big game. The other Eagles' option is Jeff Thomason. No where near the skill that Shannon has at catching the ball, but he knows the Eagles' offense better... and certainly knows Andy Reid (who was also his coach when he was with the Packers). You won't get any trash talk from Thomason... he'll just simply be a guy who's "happy to be here." Thomason's also more likely to play special teams, and do some real dirty work during the games... working construction seems to humble you to the NFL experience, I'd imagine. He'll block like he's never blocked before... because this is it for him: there's no hall of fame in Jeff Thomason's future. So, option two for the Eagles is the less skilled, future construction worker who has spent the past year outside using his body to work, who won't talk any trash at all, and who will be humble enough to do whatever the coach asks him to do. Advantage: Jeff Thomason.
Hey, Tom Brady! Nice hair.
From the "You've got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME" file, it looks like the conservative Christians are attacking another "gay" television icon. The target? SpongeBob SquarePants. Oh, it's about time! I mean, seriously, how long can we, as a society, stand someone who enjoys going to work, likes dancing, and is loyal to friends (even if the friends hate him [Squidward])? Let's keep our kids away from this certain threat to the straight-person way of life! (You know what I mean... people who hate work, don't dance in public, and would sell their best friends for the right price. Gooooooo straight people!) Okay, okay... seriously, the problem that the conservative Christians have with SpongeBob is that he will be appearing in a music video about to be sent to 61,000 schools. The music video's focus: encouraging tolerance and diversity. The irony is not lost on me. Is it lost on you? Good. You're smart. AND attractive. Apparently there's a gene pool. Why didn't you come? You weren't operating? (those were the lines of the, now famous, Alexander Theodore Carroll in "Going In")
#2 Best Post of 2004 - 2004, An Evolution in Blognology! This is not a particular post, so perhaps it isn't fair to be on the list, or so high on the list. But, 2004 brought about HUGE changes to this blog: the look, the feel, the touch, of cotton. What? I don't know. But I completely changed the look of the site in 2004; I added a comments section; I added the sitemeter; I've added pictures (at times)... and, in all honesty, if I didn't point out that all that stuff happened in the past year, you probably wouldn't have remembered how different this page looked when I started. I almost can't even remember what it looked like before all the changes (almost = can't) (you "can't can't even remember"?) (shut up). But, when I think about it, I find it difficult to believe that my blog could have changed so much in the past year... I also find it difficult to believe I'm still even doing it. Perseverance was only one of my stronger points... with the ladies at least. I'm consistent, you've GOTTA give me that. Irrigation... I mean regardless, 2004 was a year when the whole feeling of the site and the posts on it changed drastically. That's why this is up at number two. It's the evolution, baby.
Well, technically, Jeff Thomason gets his third chance. He was a tight-end on both of the Packers teams that went to the Super Bowl in the 90s. But, this week, he was called by the Philadelphia Eagles and asked to play in the Super Bowl. One of the Eagles tight ends, Chad Lewis (remember when he used to make the Pro Bowl? Seems like a long time ago), injured himself and the Eagles were allowed to add another tight end to their Super Bowl roster. Thomason seemed like the obvious choice, as he has been on the Eagles the past few seasons... but was retired and working construction when he got the call from the Eagles. The football related question asked by every football show I've seen seems to be this: Who would you rather have--Jeff Thomason or Shannon Sharpe, a three-time SB winner with the Broncos and Ravens, who has been working for CBS this season and who has expressed interest in playing if the Eagles asked him to? So, I ask myself, who would I rather have: Thomason or Sharpe? Shannon Sharpe is, arguably, the best pass-catching tight end to ever play the game (yes, I remember Ozzie Newsome... I said arguably!). But, unlike his brother Sterling who was a receiver for the Packers who I LOVED on NFL Countdown, I HATE listening to Shannon talk. Think Michael Irvin with a slightly deeper, dumber sounding (if that's possible) voice. They both basically say the same things, and they like flashy players that call attention to themselves rather than the team. This makes them both assholes. Don't question it, it is simply the truth. In addition, you can't ask a future hall of famer to go on special teams... well, I shouldn't say that, but you can't ask THIS future hall of famer to get dirty on special teams. He simply won't stand for it. Okay, so one Eagles' option is a future hall-of-famer who hasn't played all year, who sat in a chair and talked to a camera during that time, and who will talk trash the entire week leading up the the big game. The other Eagles' option is Jeff Thomason. No where near the skill that Shannon has at catching the ball, but he knows the Eagles' offense better... and certainly knows Andy Reid (who was also his coach when he was with the Packers). You won't get any trash talk from Thomason... he'll just simply be a guy who's "happy to be here." Thomason's also more likely to play special teams, and do some real dirty work during the games... working construction seems to humble you to the NFL experience, I'd imagine. He'll block like he's never blocked before... because this is it for him: there's no hall of fame in Jeff Thomason's future. So, option two for the Eagles is the less skilled, future construction worker who has spent the past year outside using his body to work, who won't talk any trash at all, and who will be humble enough to do whatever the coach asks him to do. Advantage: Jeff Thomason.
Hey, Tom Brady! Nice hair.
From the "You've got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME" file, it looks like the conservative Christians are attacking another "gay" television icon. The target? SpongeBob SquarePants. Oh, it's about time! I mean, seriously, how long can we, as a society, stand someone who enjoys going to work, likes dancing, and is loyal to friends (even if the friends hate him [Squidward])? Let's keep our kids away from this certain threat to the straight-person way of life! (You know what I mean... people who hate work, don't dance in public, and would sell their best friends for the right price. Gooooooo straight people!) Okay, okay... seriously, the problem that the conservative Christians have with SpongeBob is that he will be appearing in a music video about to be sent to 61,000 schools. The music video's focus: encouraging tolerance and diversity. The irony is not lost on me. Is it lost on you? Good. You're smart. AND attractive. Apparently there's a gene pool. Why didn't you come? You weren't operating? (those were the lines of the, now famous, Alexander Theodore Carroll in "Going In")
#2 Best Post of 2004 - 2004, An Evolution in Blognology! This is not a particular post, so perhaps it isn't fair to be on the list, or so high on the list. But, 2004 brought about HUGE changes to this blog: the look, the feel, the touch, of cotton. What? I don't know. But I completely changed the look of the site in 2004; I added a comments section; I added the sitemeter; I've added pictures (at times)... and, in all honesty, if I didn't point out that all that stuff happened in the past year, you probably wouldn't have remembered how different this page looked when I started. I almost can't even remember what it looked like before all the changes (almost = can't) (you "can't can't even remember"?) (shut up). But, when I think about it, I find it difficult to believe that my blog could have changed so much in the past year... I also find it difficult to believe I'm still even doing it. Perseverance was only one of my stronger points... with the ladies at least. I'm consistent, you've GOTTA give me that. Irrigation... I mean regardless, 2004 was a year when the whole feeling of the site and the posts on it changed drastically. That's why this is up at number two. It's the evolution, baby.
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