PERSONAL Lazy Days
Jim Gaffigan, the comedian, has a bit about what I call "lazy days." To paraphrase, he says "You ever have one thing to do all day and you just can't do it? 'Oh I have to go to the post office... but then I'd have to put pants on. I'll do it next week when I'm not so busy'." That was me yesterday. I had, essentially one thing to do (go to bank--deposit check and change my address with them)... but I just couldn't get around to doing it. "Oh I'm going to have to shave first," I thought... or I would say "It's noon... the bank's probably really busy." Noon could be substituted out and whatever the time was could be substituted back in.
And, in all honesty, those days have made up pretty much the entirety of my last year and a half. Even this morning, I find myself waking up at 10:30... when all normal people have already done stuff--been productive. So this morning brings with it a renewed sense of anger towards myself, because I haven't done anything and continue to do nothing. This is partially based on my viewing of "Walk The Line" last night (which I loved). Cash laid everything on the table and said "This is what I want to do, and everything else in my life is secondary." I really haven't done that... I really haven't done anything, to be honest. I took "classes." Big deal. I'm not doing a regular show on my own. And I'm certainly not making money at it. Hell, I can't even afford to take my girlfriend grocery shopping.
And then I just realized that, what started out as anger towards not having a job became--morphed into--being angry because I'm not doing shows and getting paid--That I'm not a professional actor or improviser. How very interesting. I wonder if this is how everyone who completes the Training Center feels like if they don't have a regular gig waiting for them. Huh. *Pause* I need to shave.