PERSONAL Second Chances
"Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime's work, but it's worth the effort"--Mr. Rogers

First of all, Miss me? Sorry about the hiatus. I'll get into that later (a later post).

Secondly, as we all know, I am currently jobless. In addition to my own laziness, one of the biggest problems I've been having is figuring out what I can/should do. Normally, the road a person would take at this point is to either: a) take whatever job comes along and hope it's something they're good at (not my style); or b) figure out what they want to do by going to a professional. Unfortunately for me, the professional to which I refer is a career counselor. I say it's unfortunate because the only career counselor I know is my mother. When I was in high school, my mother practically forced me to talk to her about my potential career possibilities. Additionally, because her job is to figure out people's interests and the life-long careers they should pursue, for most of my life I've heard that the chances of someone "making it" in acting is miniscule. I always took that "someone" to mean me. And, in all honesty, my mom meant "me" when she was talking about how hard it would be to make a living by acting. So for the past ten years or so, I've heard from her that I need to have a "career" to make money (which she always thought should be in math, science, or--more recently--computers) and then I could do acting whenever I had free time. I always resented that plan because I felt like she hadn't even given me a fair chance to make a living acting, as if she didn't think I was talented enough to get paid to act... and that her plan would have me only performing in shitty community theatre and only during the summer months. I basically saw myself like the community members of Big Rapids who have real careers and then, once a year, think that being the lead in Guys and Dolls in BR on the Charter Academy stage (which seats a couple hundred... maybe) makes them a big deal.

Regardless, in high school I was semi-forced to take a couple of personality tests and--probably out of spite--wasn't really interested in my results. I suppose that was putting it lightly. I effectively denied everything that the tests had concluded about me and, as such, my mom had called her interpretation with me of my results the "biggest failure" of her professional career. Nice to hear from your mother that you're her biggest failure, I know... but my family's honest, what can I say?

So now we fast forward to two weeks ago when I took those two personal assessment tests again: The MBTI and the Strong Interest. This time, it was my idea to take the tests (still trying to figure out where I should get a job). When I mentioned the idea to my mom, she seemed very hesitant to help. "I could have Carol [a co-worker] do the interpretation for you" she would say. "No mom... I want you to do it," I replied. I did NOT want to be the only failure of my mother's professional career (and I didn't want to keep hearing about it, either). My mom did, in fact, agree to interpret my results with me... and waited until she and my dad spent a few days in Chicago to see my Conservatory show.

Are you interested in the results? No? Then why are you reading this? If you are interested in the results, I'll do my best to explain what took my mom and I the better part of a day to go over. Let's start with the MBTI... which is a personality test. It is a 91 question test whose questions focus on personal preferences... and is supposed to be a good indicator of someone's true personality. A person's results come as four letters, each letter is on a scale and compared to the other side of the scale (which is the other possible letter). That didn't make sense... hold on. Okay. Your first letter is either E or I which means Extrovert or Introvert and means where you focus of your attention (make more sense?). The second letter is S or N meaning Sensing or Intuition--the way you take in information. Third letter could be a T or an F: Thinking or Feeling--how you make decisions. Last letter being J or P: Judging or Perceiving--how you deal with the world.

Okay, some of those are obvious and some are not so obvious (because the true meaning of the letter spectrum is not necessarily the definition of the words). But perhaps when I explain my results it will make more sense. So, according to the MBTI, I am an INTJ. Let's start at the end and work forward. The "J" at the end refers to "judging." The shortest version of what this means is that I prefer to set goals, work first (play later), and plan ahead. The opposite end of the spectrum (the "P") are people who play first, people who leave all their options open, and people who see deadlines as elastic rather than concrete. That is not me. I'm all about making a plan and sticking to it. In essence, I'm not someone who is very comfortable adapting to new situations. I'm not saying I'm bad at improv... but it IS working against my grain, rather than with it.

Next, I am a "T" (Thinker) and not an "F" (Feeler). This means that I value logic, step back from problems to analyze impartially, and naturally see flaws--tending to be critical. The "F" (feeler) would consider effects on other people first, naturally likes to please others, and believe that all feelings are valid (no matter how illogical). It should be noted that, because of the way my "letters" relate to each other, this is the side of myself that people see. So this thinker revelation should come as a surprise to no one. It should also be noted that my range on this spectrum isn't huge... I've been trying to pay more attention to people's feelings in and since college. While that won't trump logic in my head, I like to now add it to my computations. That sounds heartless... isn't that cool? No? Moving on then.

The next category is the difference between "Sensors" and "Intuitives." This category actually flipped since the last time I took the test but, in all honesty, the first test was probably prone to inaccuracy. Regardless, this is my closest category. The new version of the test says that I'm Intuitive--like ideas and concepts for their own sake, like learning news skills, use metaphors and analogies. This is as opposed to Sensors who value common sense, talk in specifics, and are present-oriented. Those who know me, clearly see that I have traits of both. That's the thing about this test... it understands that people can function in various ways. But my mom put it best when she asked me to sign my name with both hands. "You prefer your right hand, but can still function with the left." That's what this test shows. I am more comfortable talking in analogies and metaphors, but have no problem functioning in an environment that requires me to give step-by-step instructions. Get it?

Finally, and perhaps most surprisingly to you, I am an Introvert. There can be no question about this... it is the truth. Anyone who thinks I'm an Extrovert must now unlearn what they have learned. I know I come across as an extrovert... I even had someone (at the Second City, of all places) say they wished they were as "extroverted as you [meaning me]." Here's the kicker--and something I'll bitch about whenever I get the chance--I feel that introverts aren't really allowed to be introverted in this society. And it all starts in school. Schools are geared towards extroverts-- the people who work well with others, who speak their way through problems, and who like being surrounded by peers. As such, introverts either learn to be extroverted to survive or are social outcasts in school. I did the former. It's only going to get worse for us introverts, too. My dad and I talk about this all the time--universities might be moving towards "problem based learning" wherein a problem is presented to the class and the class then breaks up into groups to solve the problem themselves (the instructors only guide, no answers are given). This sounds like an okay way to attack a realistic job-like learning environment, right? The only problem being that the extroverts are the ones doing all the talking--talking out their ideas while trying to figure them out. The instructors see the extroverts talking and mistake them for the leaders of the group... not even bothering to listen to the tripe they're saying. The loudest barking dog isn't always saying anything, know what I mean?

Anyway, I'm an introvert. I think before I act, I'm energized by spending time alone, and I prefer to listen rather than talk. I even noticed it the last party I went to. Sure I was talking a lot... but I was asking people questions so that I could listen to what they have to say. It comes across as extroverted, maybe, but only if you don't know what I'm doing. So, at parties, I'm loud and I'm always trying get people talking. Think of it this way, in the same way that I treat the women that I like (by appearing overly interested), perhaps I overcompensate for my introversion by appearing overly extroverted. I think that one of the reasons I come across like an ass to most people who don't know me (and who ask me to go out and get a drink or whatever) is that spending time with people is exhausting. And the last thing I want to do after a long day is go out and have to entertain everyone. Granted that's not what people say they want or even think they want from me... but I have my own issues--and always believe that people I don't know very well just want me around because I entertain them.

Now we're getting into issues that I have that have nothing to do with this test. Where was I? Oh! I was done explaining the various bits. So, yes, I'm an INTJ... and I'm 2-3% of the American population. As such, if you know 100 people, I'm like one or two other people you know. And the point of this test was to let me know what career I'd be good at (or would enjoy doing). So here are some of the careers that were mentioned for people with my personality:
Scientist; Computer Systems Analyst; Computer Programmer; Teacher--University; Attorney--Litigator/Commercial; Judge; Architect; Psychologist; Psychiatrist; Inventor; Astronomer; News Analyst; Engineer; Writer/Editor; and Mathematician.
You'll notice the heavy lean towards math, science, and computers. What can I say? My mom's good at her job. Regardless, I now have reasons why these careers would be satisfying for me that aren't limited to "You're good at it." "I'm good at a lot of stuff," I'd always respond, "Does that mean I should do everything?" No, it doesn't.
I'm getting ahead of myself... notice a few interesting things--University Teacher pops up and so do attorney and judge. Writer and editor surprises no one, except maybe me... because I didn't know there was really a personality type for writing. Notice "Inventor"... I don't even know what that actually means anymore. Does that mean I should be Thomas Edison? Can people be "Inventors" for their jobs? I didn't even think that was possible. Also notice Psychologist... which we'll revisit later.

I also took the Strong Interest Inventory. This 290-question juggernaut was actually a lot of fun to take. This test supposedly shows people what they would like doing (what jobs they have a strong interest in) based on personal preferences. You get a scale from Strongly Agree (or Strongly Like) to Strongly Disagree (or Strongly Dislike), and my mom says that this test's results may change dramatically based on experiences. The results of this exam are based on thousands of people from various vocations who have worked in their careers for at least three years and who have all claimed that they are "satisfied" with their current job. Basically, people with careers they like have answered THIS way... now let's see which careers your answers are closest to--that's this test, get it?

Additionally, it should be mentioned that the questions on this test are based on what interests you... not what you think you're good at, not what you're qualified to do, not what you've studied--just what you're interested in. This test, in no means, indicates that I would be good at whatever job it tells me I'm interested in--it just tells me what kinds of careers match my particular interests. It could tell me that I'm interested in, say, athletics... but that doesn't mean I could beat your grandmother at golf. I can't. Your nana is good.

My results to this test point towards my enjoying artistic or investigative careers the most--including my top five interest areas: 1. Performing Arts; 2. Writing and Mass Communication; 3. Mathematics (damn!); 4. Athletics (ha!); and 5. Computer Hardware and Electronics. I think athletics don't mean playing... but rather something else involving athletics, like me sitting and watching them. Oh, that reminds me, this test doesn't say I have to do any of this as my career... but only points towards my interests. The results actually say that, if you can't satisfy your favorite interests in your career, you should do extra-curricular activities to satisfy them. Make sense?
Now, what you're all waiting for... the top ten occupations I am subconsciously interested in, according to this test, are as follows:
10.) Computer Scientist; 9.) Physicist; 8.) Network Administrator; 7.) Biologist; 6.) R&D Manager; 5.) Mathematician; 4.) Technical Support Specialist; 3.) Psychologist [told you it'd come up again]; 2.) Musician and....
1.) University Professor.

Sometimes you're the last to know what it seems like everyone else already knows. In light of these results, I now have a new long-term goal (I'm a planner!). I will eventually go back to school to become a University professor... most probably of theatre or play-writing/writing. My short-term goal can now include getting whatever job I can (probably temping), which I can now honestly view as temporary. That was another problem I realized going through the results: up until now--without a long-term goal--I couldn't view any job as temporary. So I would look at jobs online and not be able to think about them as anything but permanent. But now something in my brain clicked... and I can think about jobs as just a job, because I've got a big-picture plan. And I've got piece of mind. For now.

Addendum: My mom emailed me after we went over the results and called this interpretation her "greatest success" because I was so interested in my results. My mom and I did, seriously, talk all Tuesday afternoon and into the evening. We caught up, talked about life and our family, and had a good time. She's a remarkable woman, my mother.