PERSONAL A Sick Chelsey Is Not A Happy Chelsey
Thursday morning, around 11 AM, Chelsey called me from work sounding very weak. She felt ill and wanted me to pick her up from work. No problem... but I was a little worried. She sounded like it was more than just being ill... but I couldn't put my finger on it. When I got to her office building, she climbed into the car and was almost hyperventilating. I was--frankly--scared. Why? For example, I kept asking her if I needed to take her to a hospital, but I honestly don't know where a hospital is in this city. I know there are like a million hospitals in Chicago, but I couldn't tell you where one is except for the Children's Hospital. So I was worried that Chelsey was going to need help and I wouldn't know how to get it for her. Thankfully, she calmed down... I made her soup and sat next to her as she fell asleep. The situation made me so tense that even I took a nap. She was able to sleep all afternoon but had to get up to run tech for her show. I wasn't able to drive her up there because I met with the cast of a show I did a year and a half ago (which was weird and awesome... might write about that later)--but I picked her up after the show.
As far as the hyperventilating is concerned... I think I understand that in retrospect. If I remember correctly, the first time I got really sick in Chicago--I was by myself and I was so afraid that I hyperventilated and I may have cried. I was just thinking about being alone and, had something really terrible happened to me, no one would have know for days or maybe weeks. It's scary to be in a new place and to feel so vulnerable.

NOW SOME SPORTS... YOU KNOW, FOR KATY'S SAKE...

FOOTBALL The Great Vince Young Conspiracy
When I saw Vince Young almost single-handedly defeat one of the greatest teams in college football history (yes I hate them, but they were good) this past January, I seriously thought he would push Reggie Bush for the first over-all pick in the draft. Compound the fact that the first over-all pick was Houston, where Young is from, AND that the Texans had been displeased with their current QB (David Carr)... and I thought Young was almost a lock to go first in this year's draft. Then came the months of down-time between games and the draft... and in came the Vince Young doubters. And the doubters must have been driving buses... because his detractors came out in droves. Now we're hearing he scored a 6 on the Wonderlic (he must be stupid!) and he only ran a 4.53 40 (he's slow!)... and I'm supposed to forget how he can dominate a game from the quarterback position? And now I hear people tell me that Jay Cutler is a better quarterback. Which QB just won the national championship? I tell you what, you can get Cutler and his Vanderbilt teammates and I'll take Vince Young and some of my friends, and I promise we'll beat team Cutler. Vince Young is everything that Michael Vick was supposed to be... he can throw, he can pass, and he can lead a team to a championship. I'll take Young, thanks.
I think the reason he's so heavily scrutinized is because of Vick, actually. Teams don't want a quarterback who gets hurt every season... so they're worried about Young's running. But I will say, right now, that a team will pick up Young later than expected (Raiders at 7? Cardinals at 10? Cowboys at 18??!) and they will get an absolute STEAL! Good luck, Mr. Young.
FOOTBALL Everyone Is Making Big Moves... Except For My Packers
There's not a whole lot for me to report as far as Packers off-season moves are concerned. This year, more than previous years, it bothers me. The Pack weren't very good last season (read: they sucked), and they have tons of money under the cap... so why aren't the Packers going out and getting free agents? Are they trying to get Favre to retire with a shitty passive-aggressive plan? I wouldn't doubt it. If they want Favre to retire, they can't cut him (everyone in Wisconsin would riot) and they can't trade him (everyone in Wisconsin would riot)... but they can make Green Bay so undesirable that Favre doesn't want to return (I'm just full of conspiracies today!).
The Packers were the bottom of the NFC North barrel last season... but do I see the other teams getting better? No... not necessarily. Like what? Let's look:

Bears Additions: QB Brian Griese (Bucs)--I don't understand this... but it means the end of the Kyle Orton era in Chicago. Grossman will be the starter this year until he gets hurt (week 1 or 2), and Griese will be the back-up. This is kind of a crap move, but at least they're making moves. WR Antonio Chatman (Packers)--Good riddance. Chatman has been the Packers only return man for about two years and every time he gets the ball I worry he'll fumble. He doesn't have the skill to actually score a touchdown on a punt or kick (I don't think I've ever seen it)... so I don't get why he was the one returning kicks. Bears fans... have fun watching him fumble.

Bears Subtractions: CB/KR Jerry Azumah (retired)--This one-time Pro Bowler was a dangerous returner. He had injury problems, however, and never became the dominant returner he should have been.

Lions Additions: WR Corey Bradford (Texans)--Remember when Bradford played for the Packers and he had one good season and then left for Texas and the money? Bradford is the ultimate proof that Brett Favre can make mediocre wide receivers look amazing. Good luck with him, Lions. QBs Jon Kitna (Bengals) and Josh McCown (Cardinals)--I'm a Kitna fan. I think he can easily lead a team to the playoffs. I don't know if he's a Super Bowl caliber quarterback... but he's better than Harrington. McCown was the back-up pick... trying to slap Harrington in the face before he left. McCown will be the backup, for sure... and Harrington will be playing piano for money somewhere.

Lions Subtractions: QB Jeff Garcia (Eagles)--Not a big deal here, Kitna is better than Garcia. Hey, maybe Garcia is just trying to follow TO's path. Look for Garcia to end his career in Dallas. CB Andre Goodman (Dolphins)--When Goodman was a rookie, I thought he had a chance to be pretty good. He has, however, disappointed. He might be better in Miami, though, as that defense has a way of making cornerbacks better.

Vikings Additions: This is the hardest one to write. I hate Minnesota... I have so much burning hatred for them, that I'm damn near blinded to how great their offseason has been. Here are the names... and you tell me that they're not head and shoulders above the other teams: G Steve Hutchinson (Seahawks... arguably the best Guard in the league); K Ryan Longwell (Packers... and my personal Fantasy Football kicker for five or six seasons. This hurts); QB Mike McMahon (Eagles... and the guy who, while with the Lions, I said I would have loved to replace Favre); FB Tony Richardson (Chiefs... where he spent his first 11 seasons); RB Chester Taylor (Ravens); and S Tank Williams (Titans). Nice.

Vikings Subtractions: S Corey Chavous (Rams)--Smart and good... Chavous has done draft-day commentary for ESPN for a couple years. I'm glad he's gone from the ViQueens. RB Michael Bennett (Saints)--Any University of Wisconsin player shouldn't have to play for Minnesota... I'm glad he's out. QB Dante Culpepper (Miami)--Is this addition by subtraction? Or is this one of the worst moves Minnesota has made since trading away Randy Moss?

Packers Additions: S Marquand Manuel (Seahawks)--I almost jumped for joy when I heard this. Almost. (Sarcasm!) AND THAT'S IT!

Packers Subtractions: WR Antonio Chatman (Bears) and K Ryan Longwell (Vikings) I've already mentioned. QB Craig Nall (Bills)--Nall tore apart the World League last summer... he's got the skills, he just needs a shot. C Mike Flanagan (Texans)--This angers me greatly. Yeah Flanagan's in his tenth season... but he's good. Remember when the Packers had the best offensive line in football? Wasn't that two seasons ago? But your o-line goes from good to shitty if you let all your players leave. My team sucks.

The Moral of this story: The Vikings are better... but the bottom of the division is still up for grabs. My bet is on the Packers to be pulling up the rear this season. I'm so disappointed in them. *sigh*
Commercials Can Hooters Make Their Waitresses Seem More Vapid? They're Trying
If you don't know what I'm talking about, Hooters has a new advertising campaign. I've only seen one commercial for it, but this is how the commercial goes: Hooters manager woman tells all the waitresses that crab legs are only $7.99 a pound... so sell them up; World's largest body-building grandfather orders crab legs; waitress says "okay," whistles (we get a campy reaction shot from patron), and a scale is brought in; Hooters manager woman wonders aloud to other waitress why no one is buying crab legs; waitress says they're too expensive; when manager is confused, waitress says "that guy weighs over 200 pounds!"... leading to campy reaction shot from manager. Ta da! Commercial done. I mean, no one expects Hooters waitresses to be intelligent... but if I were an intelligent woman working at Hooters, there's no way I'd be happy with this campaign. It's also, frankly, more stupid than funny. And it's not like they need a "funny commercial" so we'll remember Hooters. The people who are going to go there already know it... and the people who aren't eating there aren't going to say "Ha ha... funny commercial, I should eat at Hooters." I cringe whenever that commercial comes on... and I hope someone at the ad agency gets fired.