I'm Sorry... WHAT?!?
I don't know if you've seen this article or not, so I thought I would bring it to your attention (pointing to one person reading this blog). The title of the article itself is confusing, so I'll clarify it for you: Keith Richards: 'I snorted my father'. I thought it was a typo... but the story is actually exactly what the title makes it out to be. Apparently, Keith Richards (the geriatric guitarist of the Rolling Stones) decided it was far too tempting to have a cremated father lying around without mixing him with a little cocaine and snorting him up. To quote the article: "He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."
WHAT?! Seriously, who does something like this? This goes so far beyond drug addiction that it can't even see normal drug addicts with binoculars. Who says to themselves "Man, I really need to snort my dad"? Perhaps the worst part is that now, after snorting his father, Keith Richards constantly smells Old Spice and fishing tackle.
What? Shouldn't end with an 'old men smell' joke? How about this one: Perhaps the worst part is that now, after snorting his father directly into his cranium, Richards can't get his father's voice out of his head. Richards goes on to say, "I keep hearing a voice that tells me I'll never do anything with myself if I keep playing the 'damn guitar'."
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Grace Angelina
On last Thursday, March 29th, my sister gave birth to a healthy baby girl who they named after my paternal grandmother, Grace. She was seven pounds seven ounces... which means absolutely nothing to me, but people kept repeating her weight as if those are magical numbers. I'll tell you what a magical number is: One. As in I am now the number one uncle on the planet Earth. Eat it, Uncle Ben!!!
Both mother and daughter are fine even though Grace was born with the umbilical cord around her neck (apparently happens in 1 of 5 births! Staggering). She was the most alert baby that most of the staff had ever seen... constantly trying to figure out who these people were and what was going on. She also likes to lick things.
I was granted a grand total of ten minutes with just her and me (at least that's how it felt, as everyone else was making sure my sister was alright). She was upset that her mom wasn't around and then I started stroking her cheek... very softly, very gently, with one pointer-finger. Amazingly, this calmed her down. It was the most spectacular thing ever... so visceral, so immediate. There I was, making another human being feel safe and loved, and having her respond to it with such honesty and instinct. She wasn't being nice to me because I'm funny and nice and make her laugh... she was responding positively because I actually made her feel better. If only all my relationships with women were this easy.
Please keep mother and daughter in your thoughts and prayers... and hope there won't be a war waiting for her when she's 18.
This picture was actually taken with my cell phone. How lame is that? In my defense, my camera decided that, even though I had been charging the battery all day, it was going to die on me after about two seconds... so my phone was the only option I had. Here, my mom holds her new granddaughter... already thinking of ways to spoil this girl. I know a way I'm going to spoil her. Three words: Horse. Riding. Lessons.
On last Thursday, March 29th, my sister gave birth to a healthy baby girl who they named after my paternal grandmother, Grace. She was seven pounds seven ounces... which means absolutely nothing to me, but people kept repeating her weight as if those are magical numbers. I'll tell you what a magical number is: One. As in I am now the number one uncle on the planet Earth. Eat it, Uncle Ben!!!
Both mother and daughter are fine even though Grace was born with the umbilical cord around her neck (apparently happens in 1 of 5 births! Staggering). She was the most alert baby that most of the staff had ever seen... constantly trying to figure out who these people were and what was going on. She also likes to lick things.
I was granted a grand total of ten minutes with just her and me (at least that's how it felt, as everyone else was making sure my sister was alright). She was upset that her mom wasn't around and then I started stroking her cheek... very softly, very gently, with one pointer-finger. Amazingly, this calmed her down. It was the most spectacular thing ever... so visceral, so immediate. There I was, making another human being feel safe and loved, and having her respond to it with such honesty and instinct. She wasn't being nice to me because I'm funny and nice and make her laugh... she was responding positively because I actually made her feel better. If only all my relationships with women were this easy.
Please keep mother and daughter in your thoughts and prayers... and hope there won't be a war waiting for her when she's 18.
This picture was actually taken with my cell phone. How lame is that? In my defense, my camera decided that, even though I had been charging the battery all day, it was going to die on me after about two seconds... so my phone was the only option I had. Here, my mom holds her new granddaughter... already thinking of ways to spoil this girl. I know a way I'm going to spoil her. Three words: Horse. Riding. Lessons.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
It's Time To Go Dancing... With The Stars
With the next season coming up of Dancing with the Stars, excitement is in the air. That air, unfortunately, is not the air that I breathe... but there's excitement. Why comment on it then? Call it professional courtesy. Or say that I want to mock the 'stars'... it doesn't matter. The point is that I'm going to climb this mountain, because it's there.
In the past two 'seasons,' a former NFL great (Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith respectively) have had great showings... with Smith even winning the competition (over Saved By The Bell great, complete Latin hotty/hunk and a personal, Irishman, Hall of Fame actor Mario Lopez. Mmm... Albert Clifford). But this season, there is no NFL great. As a matter of fact, the closest I have to a sports hero I recognize is former Phi-Slamma-Jammer Clyde "the Glide" Drexler. I don't actually think that I can root for Drexler to win... I never really liked Portland or Houston and never rooted for him while he was playing. So he's out.
Who does that leave, I'm sure you're all wondering ('all' meaning the three people who still frequent this site after the months of inactivity)? In the world of sports (the only world that matters), all they have left is Apollo Anton Ohno, the oddly attractive speed skater, whose thighs are large enough to feed entire starving nations. I'm not sure speed-skating is actually a sport (in the same sect of pseudo-sports with NASCAR, all things equestrian, and--frankly--track. Haven't we evolved past "who's faster?" Didn't we ask that question in grade school? I'm a sports snob... sue me.), so he's out. Also representing sports is Laila Ali, the ass-kicking boxing daughter of Muhammad Ali. However, I don't know that I can, in good conscience, root for a woman who could kill me. She's out.
Now who does that leave? Actually, not much. There is a rogue gallery of people who will make you say "Using the word 'Stars' is stretching it," such as: Billy Ray Cyrus, of one-hit-Achy-Breaky fame; 'Hey that 90210 guy' Ian Ziering; 'The goatee one... but not they gay one' from N'Sync, Joey Fatone; 'You've got to be kidding me with' Leeza Gibbons; 'Isn't that, like, the same person twice?' with Supermodel Paulina Porizkova and former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey; and, finally, 'Wasn't she married to that punk-ass-bitch Paul McCartney? Yeah... right, she's the one with only one leg' Heather Mills. How can I root for any of these 'Stars'?
After mocking almost everyone in the competition what are we left with? Cliff Clavin the disgruntled Postal worker, and the voice of many of Pixar's hilarious supporting-characters: the incomparable John Ratzenberger. He, in all honesty, probably doesn't stand a chance against the more athletic people in the competition. But I can still show my passive support for him the same way I do all other elections in this country: by sitting idly by and hoping that other people vote for him. Go get 'em, John!
With the next season coming up of Dancing with the Stars, excitement is in the air. That air, unfortunately, is not the air that I breathe... but there's excitement. Why comment on it then? Call it professional courtesy. Or say that I want to mock the 'stars'... it doesn't matter. The point is that I'm going to climb this mountain, because it's there.
In the past two 'seasons,' a former NFL great (Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith respectively) have had great showings... with Smith even winning the competition (over Saved By The Bell great, complete Latin hotty/hunk and a personal, Irishman, Hall of Fame actor Mario Lopez. Mmm... Albert Clifford). But this season, there is no NFL great. As a matter of fact, the closest I have to a sports hero I recognize is former Phi-Slamma-Jammer Clyde "the Glide" Drexler. I don't actually think that I can root for Drexler to win... I never really liked Portland or Houston and never rooted for him while he was playing. So he's out.
Who does that leave, I'm sure you're all wondering ('all' meaning the three people who still frequent this site after the months of inactivity)? In the world of sports (the only world that matters), all they have left is Apollo Anton Ohno, the oddly attractive speed skater, whose thighs are large enough to feed entire starving nations. I'm not sure speed-skating is actually a sport (in the same sect of pseudo-sports with NASCAR, all things equestrian, and--frankly--track. Haven't we evolved past "who's faster?" Didn't we ask that question in grade school? I'm a sports snob... sue me.), so he's out. Also representing sports is Laila Ali, the ass-kicking boxing daughter of Muhammad Ali. However, I don't know that I can, in good conscience, root for a woman who could kill me. She's out.
Now who does that leave? Actually, not much. There is a rogue gallery of people who will make you say "Using the word 'Stars' is stretching it," such as: Billy Ray Cyrus, of one-hit-Achy-Breaky fame; 'Hey that 90210 guy' Ian Ziering; 'The goatee one... but not they gay one' from N'Sync, Joey Fatone; 'You've got to be kidding me with' Leeza Gibbons; 'Isn't that, like, the same person twice?' with Supermodel Paulina Porizkova and former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey; and, finally, 'Wasn't she married to that punk-ass-bitch Paul McCartney? Yeah... right, she's the one with only one leg' Heather Mills. How can I root for any of these 'Stars'?
After mocking almost everyone in the competition what are we left with? Cliff Clavin the disgruntled Postal worker, and the voice of many of Pixar's hilarious supporting-characters: the incomparable John Ratzenberger. He, in all honesty, probably doesn't stand a chance against the more athletic people in the competition. But I can still show my passive support for him the same way I do all other elections in this country: by sitting idly by and hoping that other people vote for him. Go get 'em, John!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Time To Go Dancing!
As everyone who follows sports knows, this past Sunday was Selection Sunday for the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament--affectionately known as The Big Dance--which begins today! Every year, tens of thousands of people fill out brackets at home or at the office filling it out on everything from actual basketball knowledge to mascots to uniform colors. Usually, college basketball knowledge gets you no further in the brackets than picking based on which teams would get a higher score in Scrabble. The college basketball 3-Point line is the great equalizer. Any team in the country can have one or two guys who can light it up from that line... and that can propel teams you've never heard of into the elite eight. Additionally, more-so than any other sport--college or pro--one player can control a college basketball game... literally willing his team to victory. So, because of all that, brackets are as unpredictable as the winds *looks to the skies*.
Now I'm not necessarily going to give you my brackets here, but I am going to talk a little about who got lucky and who got the shaft (which may literally be the same thing... even though they sound different). Ignoring who got in and who's out... I'm going to focus on the Seeding and the placement of teams in the bracket. I've heard from a few 'experts' that seeding doesn't matter because you're going to have to play good teams eventually... the following is me telling them that they're full of it.
The MidWest: I personally think this is the toughest region in the tournament full of teams that could possibly make waves in other regions. Florida, Wisconsin, Oregon, and Notre Dame could all make the Elite Eight if they were in other regions... but they won't, since they're all in the same bracket.
Who got lucky? Maryland. As a 4 seed, Maryland has the easiest draw into the Sweet 16... playing Davidson and then the winner of Butler/Old Dominion. Granted, I don't think Maryland will get it to the Sweet 16, but this is the easiest draw in this tough region.
Who got the shaft? Notre Dame. After an above average year in the talented Big East, ND gets a 6 seed against one of the best schools you've never heard of, Winthrop. I wouldn't be surprised to see ND get bounced in the first round, even though they have the kind of talent that could lead them to the Elite Eight.
First Round Game I Want To See: 6 Notre Dame/11 Winthrop. Winthrop will stick around and, even though I'll be rooting for ND, I always love seeing Mid-Majors compete and go deep into the tourney.
The West: Kansas gets the number 1 seed, even though I have yet to be impressed by them. The West has some interesting match-ups, and even though there are really no 'sexy' picks in the West, there are a ton of college basketball giants in this bracket (Kansas, UCLA, Duke, Kentucky, Indiana, and I'll even though Illinois in there for no reason). Let's check it out.
Who got lucky? Southern Illinois. Granted they've played well all year, but the number 4 seed might be pushing it. Besides, their draw--Holy Cross than Virginia Tech/Illinois winner--should not be very much of a challenge for, supposedly, on of the 16 best teams in the nation (being a 4 seed, the lowest they could be in the eyes of the selection committee is 16th).
Who got the shaft? Duke. Duke hasn't been very 'Dukey' this season... but a 6 seed allows Duke to be the underdog (which makes them dangerous). Even though the seeding is low, I think it might be a blessing for the Dukies. Unfortunately, Pitt probably awaits Duke if they can even beat Virginia Commonwealth (which is a big IF, since VCU is an experience mid-major that might be posed to make some waves in this tourney).
First Round Game I Want To See: 7 Indiana/10 Gonzaga. Both of these teams have had tournament success recently, so I look forward to seeing which team can use experience to get the upper-hand.
The East: I think this region will almost definitely not have the one-seed making it to the Final Four. Number 2 Georgetown (who could be a 1) and number 4 Texas would both not be a surprise to me if they ended up in the Final Four instead of North Carolina. As a matter of fact, I would probably give UNC, Georgetown, and Texas the same odds to be in the Final Four.
Who got lucky? Washington State. Playing Oral Roberts, then the Vanderbilt/George Washington winner should not be much of a problem for Washington State (who should not be a 3 seed, by the way). Could they make it to the Sweet 16 without much trouble... or could they get bounced by Oral Roberts just so I can make "oral" jokes for weeks? We'll find out soon enough.
Who got the shaft? Texas. Are you trying to tell me that Texas isn't better than Wash St.? Seriously? Texas should be the 3 seed in this region. I see Texas and UNC in the Sweet 16 and I see that as one of the best games of the tourney (As such, if one of the other teams messes up that potential match-up, I'll be pissed!).
First Round Game I Want To See: 8 Marquette/9 Michigan State. Izzo and his former assistant square off in what should actually, bias aside, be a very good game.
The South: In my opinion, this is the weakest of all regions, full of teams that don't impress me. Most of the top seeds--2 seed Memphis, 4 seed Virginia, 5 seed Tennessee--I wouldn't have going very far in any other region.
Who got lucky? Ohio State. Ohio State could very well breeze though this weak-ass region. I think Central Connecticut State, the BYU/Xavier winner, and the Tennessee/Long Beach/Virginia/Albany winner will pretty much offer OSU no challenge. That pretty much puts Ohio State in the Elite Eight without blinking. That's what I call a good draw.
Who got the shaft? Louisville. Yes Louisville is effectively playing at home (in Lexington, KY), but playing Stanford's literal Twin Towers and then (probably) Texas A&M is a horrible draw for the perennial power. I think Louisville will be lucky to make it to the Sweet 16, even playing in-state.
First Round Game I Want To See: 6 Louisville/11 Stanford. I want to see how the Kentucky crowd reacts to Louisville. Will they cheer for the 'home' team... or will they root for whoever ISN'T Louisville (in this case, Stanford)?
Final Four? I'm not telling mine. But I will say that I have no higher than a 3-seed in my Final Four (a 1, two 2s, and a 3). Maybe I'm not imaginative, or maybe I think the top of the basketball seeds are that good, but I don't see a 'no-name' surprising anyone a year after George Mason's run. NO ONE will be over-looked this year.
And I can't wait. There is some very good basketball to be seen this year. Let the games begin!
As everyone who follows sports knows, this past Sunday was Selection Sunday for the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament--affectionately known as The Big Dance--which begins today! Every year, tens of thousands of people fill out brackets at home or at the office filling it out on everything from actual basketball knowledge to mascots to uniform colors. Usually, college basketball knowledge gets you no further in the brackets than picking based on which teams would get a higher score in Scrabble. The college basketball 3-Point line is the great equalizer. Any team in the country can have one or two guys who can light it up from that line... and that can propel teams you've never heard of into the elite eight. Additionally, more-so than any other sport--college or pro--one player can control a college basketball game... literally willing his team to victory. So, because of all that, brackets are as unpredictable as the winds *looks to the skies*.
Now I'm not necessarily going to give you my brackets here, but I am going to talk a little about who got lucky and who got the shaft (which may literally be the same thing... even though they sound different). Ignoring who got in and who's out... I'm going to focus on the Seeding and the placement of teams in the bracket. I've heard from a few 'experts' that seeding doesn't matter because you're going to have to play good teams eventually... the following is me telling them that they're full of it.
The MidWest: I personally think this is the toughest region in the tournament full of teams that could possibly make waves in other regions. Florida, Wisconsin, Oregon, and Notre Dame could all make the Elite Eight if they were in other regions... but they won't, since they're all in the same bracket.
Who got lucky? Maryland. As a 4 seed, Maryland has the easiest draw into the Sweet 16... playing Davidson and then the winner of Butler/Old Dominion. Granted, I don't think Maryland will get it to the Sweet 16, but this is the easiest draw in this tough region.
Who got the shaft? Notre Dame. After an above average year in the talented Big East, ND gets a 6 seed against one of the best schools you've never heard of, Winthrop. I wouldn't be surprised to see ND get bounced in the first round, even though they have the kind of talent that could lead them to the Elite Eight.
First Round Game I Want To See: 6 Notre Dame/11 Winthrop. Winthrop will stick around and, even though I'll be rooting for ND, I always love seeing Mid-Majors compete and go deep into the tourney.
The West: Kansas gets the number 1 seed, even though I have yet to be impressed by them. The West has some interesting match-ups, and even though there are really no 'sexy' picks in the West, there are a ton of college basketball giants in this bracket (Kansas, UCLA, Duke, Kentucky, Indiana, and I'll even though Illinois in there for no reason). Let's check it out.
Who got lucky? Southern Illinois. Granted they've played well all year, but the number 4 seed might be pushing it. Besides, their draw--Holy Cross than Virginia Tech/Illinois winner--should not be very much of a challenge for, supposedly, on of the 16 best teams in the nation (being a 4 seed, the lowest they could be in the eyes of the selection committee is 16th).
Who got the shaft? Duke. Duke hasn't been very 'Dukey' this season... but a 6 seed allows Duke to be the underdog (which makes them dangerous). Even though the seeding is low, I think it might be a blessing for the Dukies. Unfortunately, Pitt probably awaits Duke if they can even beat Virginia Commonwealth (which is a big IF, since VCU is an experience mid-major that might be posed to make some waves in this tourney).
First Round Game I Want To See: 7 Indiana/10 Gonzaga. Both of these teams have had tournament success recently, so I look forward to seeing which team can use experience to get the upper-hand.
The East: I think this region will almost definitely not have the one-seed making it to the Final Four. Number 2 Georgetown (who could be a 1) and number 4 Texas would both not be a surprise to me if they ended up in the Final Four instead of North Carolina. As a matter of fact, I would probably give UNC, Georgetown, and Texas the same odds to be in the Final Four.
Who got lucky? Washington State. Playing Oral Roberts, then the Vanderbilt/George Washington winner should not be much of a problem for Washington State (who should not be a 3 seed, by the way). Could they make it to the Sweet 16 without much trouble... or could they get bounced by Oral Roberts just so I can make "oral" jokes for weeks? We'll find out soon enough.
Who got the shaft? Texas. Are you trying to tell me that Texas isn't better than Wash St.? Seriously? Texas should be the 3 seed in this region. I see Texas and UNC in the Sweet 16 and I see that as one of the best games of the tourney (As such, if one of the other teams messes up that potential match-up, I'll be pissed!).
First Round Game I Want To See: 8 Marquette/9 Michigan State. Izzo and his former assistant square off in what should actually, bias aside, be a very good game.
The South: In my opinion, this is the weakest of all regions, full of teams that don't impress me. Most of the top seeds--2 seed Memphis, 4 seed Virginia, 5 seed Tennessee--I wouldn't have going very far in any other region.
Who got lucky? Ohio State. Ohio State could very well breeze though this weak-ass region. I think Central Connecticut State, the BYU/Xavier winner, and the Tennessee/Long Beach/Virginia/Albany winner will pretty much offer OSU no challenge. That pretty much puts Ohio State in the Elite Eight without blinking. That's what I call a good draw.
Who got the shaft? Louisville. Yes Louisville is effectively playing at home (in Lexington, KY), but playing Stanford's literal Twin Towers and then (probably) Texas A&M is a horrible draw for the perennial power. I think Louisville will be lucky to make it to the Sweet 16, even playing in-state.
First Round Game I Want To See: 6 Louisville/11 Stanford. I want to see how the Kentucky crowd reacts to Louisville. Will they cheer for the 'home' team... or will they root for whoever ISN'T Louisville (in this case, Stanford)?
Final Four? I'm not telling mine. But I will say that I have no higher than a 3-seed in my Final Four (a 1, two 2s, and a 3). Maybe I'm not imaginative, or maybe I think the top of the basketball seeds are that good, but I don't see a 'no-name' surprising anyone a year after George Mason's run. NO ONE will be over-looked this year.
And I can't wait. There is some very good basketball to be seen this year. Let the games begin!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Boost Mobile's New GPS System Eliminates Need For Talking
Chicago, IL -- Telephone company Boost Mobile's new product, titled 'Loopt', has added global positioning capabilities for their mobile users. Subscribers to Loopt are able to find the locations of their Boost Mobile friends displayed on a map allowing users to instantly find out where their friends are located. However, the Loopt technology has led to diminished use of the company's other big marketing tool: the Chirp.
This reporter talked with Boost's Assistant to the Vice President in Charge of Public Relations, Heather Dukes, about the new technology. "With the emergence of the technology behind Boost Loopt, we've seen a sharp decrease in the use of our 'Chirps.'" I then asked Ms. Dukes why there was such a decrease, she responded, "I don't know. Hey, are you looking for a peppy, people-person? Can I give you my resume?"
This reporter than decided to head right to the source. I asked Boost Mobile and Loopt subscriber Erik Jackson about his mobile usage. "Ever since I got Loopt, I know where my people at all the time. Since then, it don't make sense to ask em where they at... cause I already know." So they stopped talking, all together.
"So they stopped talking."
Weird. Regardless, perhaps the newest technology from Boost has actually cursed the mobile provider. Can too much technology be a bad thing? Only time, and Boost Loopt, will tell.
-CrazyJohn writes for Irishmen and currently resides in Chicago-
Chicago, IL -- Telephone company Boost Mobile's new product, titled 'Loopt', has added global positioning capabilities for their mobile users. Subscribers to Loopt are able to find the locations of their Boost Mobile friends displayed on a map allowing users to instantly find out where their friends are located. However, the Loopt technology has led to diminished use of the company's other big marketing tool: the Chirp.
This reporter talked with Boost's Assistant to the Vice President in Charge of Public Relations, Heather Dukes, about the new technology. "With the emergence of the technology behind Boost Loopt, we've seen a sharp decrease in the use of our 'Chirps.'" I then asked Ms. Dukes why there was such a decrease, she responded, "I don't know. Hey, are you looking for a peppy, people-person? Can I give you my resume?"
This reporter than decided to head right to the source. I asked Boost Mobile and Loopt subscriber Erik Jackson about his mobile usage. "Ever since I got Loopt, I know where my people at all the time. Since then, it don't make sense to ask em where they at... cause I already know." So they stopped talking, all together.
"So they stopped talking."
Weird. Regardless, perhaps the newest technology from Boost has actually cursed the mobile provider. Can too much technology be a bad thing? Only time, and Boost Loopt, will tell.
-CrazyJohn writes for Irishmen and currently resides in Chicago-
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Happy 3-11!
As everyone knows, March 11th is 311 day. The 'Purpose' of today is to 'Thank Your Lucky Stars' that 'Life's Not A Race.' Don't feel 'Down' today, even if your future 'Seems Uncertain,' today is a day that there's no need to 'Reconsider Everything' because today you should look 'Beyond The Gray Sky' and realize that you've been 'Strong All Along.' So 'Don't Stay Home,' today grab 'Six' 'Strangers' and head to a 'Frolic Room' or a 'Speak Easy' to celebrate with some 'Salsa' and 'Whiskey and Wine' or 'Champagne'... and 'You Wouldn't Believe' what kind of celebration can be had with the good ol' 'Homebrew' 'Flowing.' I know this might be 'Random,' but get 'Uncalm' today because 'Paradise' 'Feels So Good' and on 3-11 'There's Always An Excuse' to have 'No Control' and get 'All Mixed Up.' You know you've done 3-11 day best if tomorrow you have to ask 'What Was I Thinking'? Everyone enjoy today because it's is going to be 'Sweet.'
Get going! The party started at '8:16 AM' while you were 'Still Dreaming' and the party's 'Waiting.'
As everyone knows, March 11th is 311 day. The 'Purpose' of today is to 'Thank Your Lucky Stars' that 'Life's Not A Race.' Don't feel 'Down' today, even if your future 'Seems Uncertain,' today is a day that there's no need to 'Reconsider Everything' because today you should look 'Beyond The Gray Sky' and realize that you've been 'Strong All Along.' So 'Don't Stay Home,' today grab 'Six' 'Strangers' and head to a 'Frolic Room' or a 'Speak Easy' to celebrate with some 'Salsa' and 'Whiskey and Wine' or 'Champagne'... and 'You Wouldn't Believe' what kind of celebration can be had with the good ol' 'Homebrew' 'Flowing.' I know this might be 'Random,' but get 'Uncalm' today because 'Paradise' 'Feels So Good' and on 3-11 'There's Always An Excuse' to have 'No Control' and get 'All Mixed Up.' You know you've done 3-11 day best if tomorrow you have to ask 'What Was I Thinking'? Everyone enjoy today because it's is going to be 'Sweet.'
Get going! The party started at '8:16 AM' while you were 'Still Dreaming' and the party's 'Waiting.'
Friday, March 09, 2007
The Riches
Have you seen this??! Apparently, comedian and executive-transvestite Eddie Izzard has decided to settle down and do a crappy (no offense Eddie) sitcom on FX called The Riches. The premise of the show is that Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver (no shit, Minnie Driver) are parents of a family of travelling con-artists. One day, they accidentally drive a couple--Doug and Cherien Rich--off the road to their death (can't wait to see how that happens by accident). Izzard's character than decides that his family should take over the life of the Riches. The comedy then keeps rolling as the con-artist family must live as normal, law-abiding folk... a hilarious example of the ol' fish-out-of-water scenario (example: see "Back to the Future").
I am opposed to the premise as being not only something that doesn't seem believable in the slightest ("Honey, how come our neighbors look different and now have three kids ages 17, 16, and 10-ish?? Oh well... that's those crazy Riches!"), but the premise doesn't seem to allow for a very long run of the show. Any time you have a family of nomads who decides to finally settle down, their natural instinct will be to leave... making the whole series a lesson in keeping this family tied down to this location. One of the things I learned from improv is that the hardest thing to keep an audience interested in is a character that wants to leave... if you want to leave, just leave and we'll finish the scene without you!
Regardless, I am going to give this show a shot because Eddie Izzard is amazingly awesome. The show is Monday nights at 10/9 Central, and it's on FX... that's apparently a channel on cable somewhere. Check your local listings!
Have you seen this??! Apparently, comedian and executive-transvestite Eddie Izzard has decided to settle down and do a crappy (no offense Eddie) sitcom on FX called The Riches. The premise of the show is that Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver (no shit, Minnie Driver) are parents of a family of travelling con-artists. One day, they accidentally drive a couple--Doug and Cherien Rich--off the road to their death (can't wait to see how that happens by accident). Izzard's character than decides that his family should take over the life of the Riches. The comedy then keeps rolling as the con-artist family must live as normal, law-abiding folk... a hilarious example of the ol' fish-out-of-water scenario (example: see "Back to the Future").
I am opposed to the premise as being not only something that doesn't seem believable in the slightest ("Honey, how come our neighbors look different and now have three kids ages 17, 16, and 10-ish?? Oh well... that's those crazy Riches!"), but the premise doesn't seem to allow for a very long run of the show. Any time you have a family of nomads who decides to finally settle down, their natural instinct will be to leave... making the whole series a lesson in keeping this family tied down to this location. One of the things I learned from improv is that the hardest thing to keep an audience interested in is a character that wants to leave... if you want to leave, just leave and we'll finish the scene without you!
Regardless, I am going to give this show a shot because Eddie Izzard is amazingly awesome. The show is Monday nights at 10/9 Central, and it's on FX... that's apparently a channel on cable somewhere. Check your local listings!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
My Team Sucks
As the NFL's Free Agent season heats up, I find that my beloved Pack are conspicuous in their absence. How absent have the Packers been? Absent enough to lose their entire starting backfield (Ahman Green to the Texans; William Henderson cut on Wednesday) without making any waves of their own in Free Agency.
Granted, historically the Packers have been built through the draft and trades... but I thought this would have been a good year to pull in free agents (saying "Favre's last year... we're pulling out all the stops to win it all"). Unfortunately, today's NFL player doesn't really want to be in Green Bay (not a lot to do there)... so the area doesn't get a lot of pull in the free agent market. I thought, naively, that the players could get pulled in by the thought of playing one final season with one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. I certainly thought Favre would be the reason we'd get a little interest from some Wide Receivers and Running Backs (if not other positions)... but I've heard nothing. And as each day passes, more and more FAs go to other teams (how much money does Denver have available?!) and the Pack are still doing nothing.
So thank you, Green Bay, for not adding any undue or crazy excitement or hopes to the 2007-08 season. I look forward to another mediocre campaign... not good enough for the play-offs, and not bad enough for a good draft position. Great work, team!
As the NFL's Free Agent season heats up, I find that my beloved Pack are conspicuous in their absence. How absent have the Packers been? Absent enough to lose their entire starting backfield (Ahman Green to the Texans; William Henderson cut on Wednesday) without making any waves of their own in Free Agency.
Ahman Green enjoys Free Agency
and a Houston Rockets game.
If this had been a picture of him in Green Bay,
these women would be holding beers
and wearing camo.
Granted, historically the Packers have been built through the draft and trades... but I thought this would have been a good year to pull in free agents (saying "Favre's last year... we're pulling out all the stops to win it all"). Unfortunately, today's NFL player doesn't really want to be in Green Bay (not a lot to do there)... so the area doesn't get a lot of pull in the free agent market. I thought, naively, that the players could get pulled in by the thought of playing one final season with one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. I certainly thought Favre would be the reason we'd get a little interest from some Wide Receivers and Running Backs (if not other positions)... but I've heard nothing. And as each day passes, more and more FAs go to other teams (how much money does Denver have available?!) and the Pack are still doing nothing.
So thank you, Green Bay, for not adding any undue or crazy excitement or hopes to the 2007-08 season. I look forward to another mediocre campaign... not good enough for the play-offs, and not bad enough for a good draft position. Great work, team!
Monday, March 05, 2007
I. Hate. Soup.
I don't feel well. I started feeling sick during a very long audition/trip to Naperville day on Sunday. I hate not feeling well (who doesn't?... Eeyore?). I know what I'm supposed to do to make myself feel better: soup, juice, and sleep. The only problems with this plan being the high cost of juice, my negative feelings towards sleep (waste of time!), and my hatred for soup. Chicken soup tastes like watered-down chicken pot pie (which I love), so it tastes like a watered-down version of something I like (like Guinness Lite or watered-down urine). I think my dislike of soup is actually mostly the thickness of liquid, as I enjoy a nice chicken corn chowder or the occasional split-pea soup. I guess instead of hating soup, what I actually hate is broth. But that doesn't make a good blog post title.
What ends up happening almost every time I get sick, because I don't follow the above three-step plan, is that I stay sick. For quite a long time. I also like to lick my hands and place them on people: in their ears; up their nose; or poking the corner of their eye... you know that place people tell you not to rub or else you could get sick? That's the place. That's besides the point... I just thought you should know in case you see me. Watch your ears, eyes, and nose.
However, this illness has been a little different than most. Most of the time, I have a set sickness schedule (like most people do). But this time, I have to added bonus of feeling painfully nauseous every time I eat. While this is probably good for me and my 'playing weight,' um, ouch. It hurts. I'm hoping to be better by this weekend... as the Spring Forward will steal an hour of my much deserved sleep.
I don't feel well. I started feeling sick during a very long audition/trip to Naperville day on Sunday. I hate not feeling well (who doesn't?... Eeyore?). I know what I'm supposed to do to make myself feel better: soup, juice, and sleep. The only problems with this plan being the high cost of juice, my negative feelings towards sleep (waste of time!), and my hatred for soup. Chicken soup tastes like watered-down chicken pot pie (which I love), so it tastes like a watered-down version of something I like (like Guinness Lite or watered-down urine). I think my dislike of soup is actually mostly the thickness of liquid, as I enjoy a nice chicken corn chowder or the occasional split-pea soup. I guess instead of hating soup, what I actually hate is broth. But that doesn't make a good blog post title.
What ends up happening almost every time I get sick, because I don't follow the above three-step plan, is that I stay sick. For quite a long time. I also like to lick my hands and place them on people: in their ears; up their nose; or poking the corner of their eye... you know that place people tell you not to rub or else you could get sick? That's the place. That's besides the point... I just thought you should know in case you see me. Watch your ears, eyes, and nose.
However, this illness has been a little different than most. Most of the time, I have a set sickness schedule (like most people do). But this time, I have to added bonus of feeling painfully nauseous every time I eat. While this is probably good for me and my 'playing weight,' um, ouch. It hurts. I'm hoping to be better by this weekend... as the Spring Forward will steal an hour of my much deserved sleep.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Perpetual First Day of School
In a way, we can learn a lot about ourselves by remembering our first day of school. This day is important because whatever our feelings are on that day, they keep coming up throughout our lives: first day of college, moving to a new city, first day at a new job, etc. And how we handle that day may very well dictate how we deal with all these other days.
Case in point, I've been cast in a show going up at the Chicago Theatre Building at the end of April. This week (Monday) was the first day of the rehearsal process. Granted, on the way to that rehearsal I had other things on my mind (Where am I going? How am I going to get there in time? Why won't this bus go f--king faster??!) plus I had to practically jog, haphazardly, on snow and ice for two city blocks to make it there on time (I was there at 6:58 for a 7 o'clock start time).
So that day doesn't really illustrate my point very well. However, I knew the first night was going to be filled with contracts and a read-through of the script. If there's one thing I've ALWAYS been good at, it's reading a script out loud. As such, I wasn't really worried the first night. It was the second night, Tuesday, that I started having all my thoughts and fears and reservations about my performance and me personally. And it didn't take long before I realized that they're basically the same questions I had when I was younger:
What if the other kids don't like me?
What if it's too hard? And I'm not smart enough?
Can I still get out of it? How?
What if I don't belong?
What if everyone knows everyone else and I'm the only one who doesn't know anybody? (Which was quasi-true because the two people I knew weren't there Tuesday... and everyone else is an ensemble member)
But, fortunately for me, most of those questions are answered the way you would hope. The group is steadily coming together (important since we're all supposed to be good friends in the show), and I'm slowly proving to myself and others that I not only belong, but can far exceed even my own expectations (maybe).
I just found it so odd to be 26 and asking myself "What if the other kids don't like me?" as if I was 5 or 6 again. I didn't ask it exactly like that, but the main question I asked myself basically breaks down into that--as it's simplest form. It is my sincere hope that some day I'll be in a place where I can answer that question with an answer somewhere in between "Of course they will" and "It doesn't matter if they do or not." That would be a healthy, positive place. Lord knows I can use more of those.
In a way, we can learn a lot about ourselves by remembering our first day of school. This day is important because whatever our feelings are on that day, they keep coming up throughout our lives: first day of college, moving to a new city, first day at a new job, etc. And how we handle that day may very well dictate how we deal with all these other days.
Case in point, I've been cast in a show going up at the Chicago Theatre Building at the end of April. This week (Monday) was the first day of the rehearsal process. Granted, on the way to that rehearsal I had other things on my mind (Where am I going? How am I going to get there in time? Why won't this bus go f--king faster??!) plus I had to practically jog, haphazardly, on snow and ice for two city blocks to make it there on time (I was there at 6:58 for a 7 o'clock start time).
So that day doesn't really illustrate my point very well. However, I knew the first night was going to be filled with contracts and a read-through of the script. If there's one thing I've ALWAYS been good at, it's reading a script out loud. As such, I wasn't really worried the first night. It was the second night, Tuesday, that I started having all my thoughts and fears and reservations about my performance and me personally. And it didn't take long before I realized that they're basically the same questions I had when I was younger:
What if the other kids don't like me?
What if it's too hard? And I'm not smart enough?
Can I still get out of it? How?
What if I don't belong?
What if everyone knows everyone else and I'm the only one who doesn't know anybody? (Which was quasi-true because the two people I knew weren't there Tuesday... and everyone else is an ensemble member)
But, fortunately for me, most of those questions are answered the way you would hope. The group is steadily coming together (important since we're all supposed to be good friends in the show), and I'm slowly proving to myself and others that I not only belong, but can far exceed even my own expectations (maybe).
I just found it so odd to be 26 and asking myself "What if the other kids don't like me?" as if I was 5 or 6 again. I didn't ask it exactly like that, but the main question I asked myself basically breaks down into that--as it's simplest form. It is my sincere hope that some day I'll be in a place where I can answer that question with an answer somewhere in between "Of course they will" and "It doesn't matter if they do or not." That would be a healthy, positive place. Lord knows I can use more of those.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Sign Of The Impending Apocalypse
As the NHL deadline approached, I was pleased to think that my Red Wings weren't making any desperate attempt to add a veteran player to help us during the final push towards the playoffs. And then, when I woke up this morning, I heard probably the worst news I could have ever imagined: my Red Wings traded for right winger Todd Bertuzzi. I think the most horrifying thought is that Bertuzzi wasn't added as a free agent, the Wings actually WANTED this guy... they actively traded FOR him.
Why do I hate Bertuzzi so much? I suppose it started in the playoff series between Detroit and Vancouver in, um, 2002? I'm not sure which year it was... but it was during the playoffs, and Bertuzzi and Chris Chelios had an epic back-and-forth-type battle. It was then that I realized that Bertuzzi (at 6'3" around 250 lbs) is basically a large thug. There is no finesse to Bertuzzi, as this moron would try to skate through a brick wall rather than skating around it. That was fine when Bertuzzi was young, but (at 32) he's having some injury problems (back surgery has benched him since the fall).
To further prove Bertuzzi is a Neanderthal, I submit the Steve Moore incident. Please allow me to use someone else's words (Wiki's paragraph on the incident) because I frankly get too upset to write coherently: "During another Vancouver-Colorado game three weeks after the Naslund hit, on March 8, 2004... Late in the third period, Bertuzzi began following Steve Moore down the ice attempting to instigate a fight. When Moore ignored him, Bertuzzi punched Moore in the side of the head. Bertuzzi grabbed hold of Moore's jersey before "driving him headfirst into the ice."
At this point, Moore's Colorado teammates retaliated against Bertuzzi, jumping on the prone Moore and Bertuzzi. Moore suffered three fractured vertebrae in his neck, a grade three concussion, vertebral ligament damage, stretching of the brachial plexus nerves, and facial cuts."
In Bertuzzi's defense (oh GOD! I have to defend this asshole??!!), Moore had injured Bertuzzi's Captain Markus Nasland in the two teams' previous meeting... Moore did give Nasland a concussion in that game. But Bertuzzi basically ended Moore's career because he's a big, thuggish baby. Has Moore skated since the incident in 2004? Yes. Has he played NHL hockey? Not even close.
But now he's a Red Wing. We lose the beloved Captain Steve Yzerman this year to retirement and we get this f--kin' guy. Come playoff time I'll still root for my team... but I hope the Wings fans boo Bertuzzi every time he hits the ice. Detroit is better than an asshole like this guy... and, frankly, SHAME ON KEN HOLLAND for thinking we're not. So I'll ask a personal favor of Miss Laura Jeannine... please, please, PLEASE make "Boo Bertuzzi!" shirts for everyone you know in the Detroit area... and boo the shit out of that bitch every time he hits the ice.
As the NHL deadline approached, I was pleased to think that my Red Wings weren't making any desperate attempt to add a veteran player to help us during the final push towards the playoffs. And then, when I woke up this morning, I heard probably the worst news I could have ever imagined: my Red Wings traded for right winger Todd Bertuzzi. I think the most horrifying thought is that Bertuzzi wasn't added as a free agent, the Wings actually WANTED this guy... they actively traded FOR him.
Why do I hate Bertuzzi so much? I suppose it started in the playoff series between Detroit and Vancouver in, um, 2002? I'm not sure which year it was... but it was during the playoffs, and Bertuzzi and Chris Chelios had an epic back-and-forth-type battle. It was then that I realized that Bertuzzi (at 6'3" around 250 lbs) is basically a large thug. There is no finesse to Bertuzzi, as this moron would try to skate through a brick wall rather than skating around it. That was fine when Bertuzzi was young, but (at 32) he's having some injury problems (back surgery has benched him since the fall).
To further prove Bertuzzi is a Neanderthal, I submit the Steve Moore incident. Please allow me to use someone else's words (Wiki's paragraph on the incident) because I frankly get too upset to write coherently: "During another Vancouver-Colorado game three weeks after the Naslund hit, on March 8, 2004... Late in the third period, Bertuzzi began following Steve Moore down the ice attempting to instigate a fight. When Moore ignored him, Bertuzzi punched Moore in the side of the head. Bertuzzi grabbed hold of Moore's jersey before "driving him headfirst into the ice."
At this point, Moore's Colorado teammates retaliated against Bertuzzi, jumping on the prone Moore and Bertuzzi. Moore suffered three fractured vertebrae in his neck, a grade three concussion, vertebral ligament damage, stretching of the brachial plexus nerves, and facial cuts."In Bertuzzi's defense (oh GOD! I have to defend this asshole??!!), Moore had injured Bertuzzi's Captain Markus Nasland in the two teams' previous meeting... Moore did give Nasland a concussion in that game. But Bertuzzi basically ended Moore's career because he's a big, thuggish baby. Has Moore skated since the incident in 2004? Yes. Has he played NHL hockey? Not even close.
Bertuzzi is the one driving the guy's face directly into the ice. In case you didn't know.
Repercussions? Since 2004, Moore has sued the shit out of Bertuzzi: he was charged with Assault (pleaded guilty, by the way... as part of a plea-bargain); there was a lawsuit; there was a civil suit; there were angry words by me. I wouldn't mind if Moore got every penny Bertuzzi makes in the NHL for the rest of his career. The NHL suspended Bertuzzi for the rest of the season and playoffs (which amounting to a whopping 20 games... ooo, harsh) and he didn't play the next season (which was the strike season in which no one played). When the NHL came back from the strike, so did Bertuzzi. I remember when the incident happened, many sportswriters (including Mike Wilbon of PTI) thought Bertuzzi shouldn't be able to play again until Moore can play again. The ol' eye for an eye argument (Exodus 21:23-25 for those of you scoring at home)... and I felt it fit in this instance. Bertuzzi's hit was malicious and, frankly, criminal.But now he's a Red Wing. We lose the beloved Captain Steve Yzerman this year to retirement and we get this f--kin' guy. Come playoff time I'll still root for my team... but I hope the Wings fans boo Bertuzzi every time he hits the ice. Detroit is better than an asshole like this guy... and, frankly, SHAME ON KEN HOLLAND for thinking we're not. So I'll ask a personal favor of Miss Laura Jeannine... please, please, PLEASE make "Boo Bertuzzi!" shirts for everyone you know in the Detroit area... and boo the shit out of that bitch every time he hits the ice.
The new face of the Red Wings!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Chief Illiniwek's Last DanceLast night was the last time University of Illinois mascot, Chief Illiniwek, will be mascoting at a school function because of the, frankly, racist nature of having a Native American caricature as a mascot. But, you see dear children, I have already started down a slippery slope. While the caricature of Chief Illiniwek (and having white dudes dance around in face paint... in a Sioux costume, by the way) is racist, I don't feel that the school's nickname--The Fighting Illini--is, even though the 'fighting Illini' refers to a Native American tribe (the Illini being an Anglicanized version of the Native "Illiniwek" [oh... it all comes full circle]). The state name, Illinois, derives from this native people, and I actually kind of like the idea that the mascot of the state school would be the people from which the state was named (like the Virginia Royal Bastards, or the New York Stuffy-Shirts).
There is a larger issue here, not necessarily condensed into the College sphere. Specifically, professional sports teams who use Native American names and caricatures as mascots. The short list of offenders is not limited to a specific sport, though some are worse than others:
NFL
The Washington Redskins are BY FAR the worst team mascot offender in all of professional sports. The Redskins are not only racist, but they're basically a racial slur of the particular race that they're using as a mascot. This would be the same as the New Jersey Fightin' Wops or the Boston Drunken Micks... It's NOT cool.
The only possible course of action is for Washington's team to change its name. Fortunately for them, I have a number of wonderful possibilities, based specifically on their city. Firstly, as everyone knows, Washington D.C. is the capital of this great nation. We also all know that the name Capitals is taken by their hockey team, so it couldn't just be the Capitals. We also know that Washington has a very high homicide rate. I suggest a name change to the Washington Murder Capitals.
No good? Okay, one more. Washington has a number of famous monuments. How about the NFL team changes it's name to the Washington Penis Monuments?
The Kansas City Chiefs. While not as blatant as the Redskins, this team name could be considered offensive. However, like the University of Illinois now that Illiniwek is done, the Chiefs have no offensive personification of the mascot name. So while the Chiefs might be a no-no, at least they don't have a silhouetted Native American as their mascot. Or, worse, a cartoon caricature of a Native American. Just like...
MLB
The Cleveland Indians are clearly the worst offender in Major League baseball. What upsets me the most is that Cleveland's nickname could easily be changed. How about the Cleveland Rocks? Too close to the Colorado Rockies? Fine... but anything is probably better than this mascot. Even I'm offended by that cartoon face, smiling the big smile of early twentieth century racism.
The Atlanta Braves. Like the Kansas City Chiefs, I can't find anything specifically offensive about this team... 'braves' being a general term for any Native American warrior besides being an admirable adjective. Perhaps the Braves would be okay... if they didn't do that damn "Tomahawk Chop." Face it, Braves fans... you're being racist and looking/sounding pretty stupid at the same time. Stop it. And tell the Florida State people to stop with you. You look like morons when you do it. Seriously.
NHL
The Chicago Blackhawks. One of the original six in the NHL, the Blackhawks have had the same name and logo since their inception in 1926 (75 years, baby). But, since it is 2007, perhaps they should consider a less racial mascot (see photo). How about simply changing the image on all merchandise to that of a hawk who is black... and still keeping the name? Or we could scrap the name altogether and go with something a little more meaningful for those who live in Chicago. How about the Chicago Inconsiderate Drivers?
NBA
The NBA is probably the best American league not to use Native American caricatures. I only found one and it's not really upsetting or controversial anymore.
The Golden State Warriors. Originally referred to a Native American Warrior, though the original Native American mascot has been replaced by some... weird-looking... thing.
BORDERLINE RACIAL OFFENDERS:
NHL has a couple of teams that I'm borderline on whether or not they are a little racist. While the Montreal Canadians may be as harmless as the the New England Patriots or the South Dakota United Stations, but what about the Vancouver Canucks? I was told at an early age that Canuck was a slur for a Canadian. After looking it up on Dictionary.com, their definition for Canuck is "noun Slang: Sometimes Offensive. a Canadian, esp. a French Canadian." Is it cool to have a racial slang word as a mascot? Redskins isn't cool... why should Canucks be?
WHAT IS THAT?! A whale coming out of the letter "C"? HUH??!
What about teams like the Boston Celtics? They've mispronounced 'Celts' forever (check against them)... but they decided on Celtics because of the large Irish population in Boston (check for them). Is this image offensive? Not to me... and I'm more Irish than the mascot (who doesn't even have red sideburns... look at that jet black hair! Historically inaccurate!). Although, put a Guinness in his hand instead of a basketball and you've have the most horribly stereotyped Irish caricature ever.
And there's always The University of Notre Dame's Fighting Irish. Just look at that picture. I know that's what I look like when I stand still... but it's probably not, on the whole, accurate. I think one could probably be upset by Notre Dame but I'm Irish and I'm not complaning. Does that stop it from being racist? No. And maybe that's the problem. I suppose if we're going to take racism out of sports mascots, we had better take it out of everywhere. Possible mascot change for Notre Dame? The University of Notre Dame Golden Domers. No joke here... that would probably work.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
FAT TUESDAY
For those non-Catholics out there (notice not "Recovering-Catholics"... that is me), today is Fat Tuesday. Today is the day before Lent begins, the day before Ash Wednesday. The way I have always understood Lent is that the 40 days of Lent represent the 40 days that Jesus spent fasting in the wilderness being tempted by the Devil... as such, we spend 40 days being tempted by whatever it is that we decide will tempt us best (that is, whatever we "give up").
Now the slight misnomer about Lent is that the Lent period is longer than 40 Days. Lent doesn't actually include the Sundays during Lent, and this Lenten period this year--from Ash Wednesday to Easter--is actually 47 days. Normally I continue to 'give up' whatever it is that I decide to 'give up' even over the Sundays in Lent.
Now, seeing as I have taken Fat Tuesday to mean Fat Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for the past two years... I'm going to give up "sweets" this year. If I could, I would love to give up eating altogether... but that's not going to work. Hopefully I can just give up the unnecessary fat from my diet and I'll start to slim down a bit. If this doesn't work, I'll stand in the sun until I melt like a candle. Doesn't work that way? I've never been smart.
Additionally, this Lent I will be finishing the novel I started last week. I bought a kit that supposes to help you finish writing a novel in one month. After a week of writing, I've already got about 9,000 words on 31 pages (roughly finishing up the 6th Chapter). I think this is a great idea for me... writing a novel or screenplay every Lent. It gives me clear starting and stopping points... and it's something constructive to do with that time period.
So I would like to wish everyone a Happy Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras! Eat as much as you possibly can today... do it for me.
For those non-Catholics out there (notice not "Recovering-Catholics"... that is me), today is Fat Tuesday. Today is the day before Lent begins, the day before Ash Wednesday. The way I have always understood Lent is that the 40 days of Lent represent the 40 days that Jesus spent fasting in the wilderness being tempted by the Devil... as such, we spend 40 days being tempted by whatever it is that we decide will tempt us best (that is, whatever we "give up").
Now the slight misnomer about Lent is that the Lent period is longer than 40 Days. Lent doesn't actually include the Sundays during Lent, and this Lenten period this year--from Ash Wednesday to Easter--is actually 47 days. Normally I continue to 'give up' whatever it is that I decide to 'give up' even over the Sundays in Lent.
Now, seeing as I have taken Fat Tuesday to mean Fat Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for the past two years... I'm going to give up "sweets" this year. If I could, I would love to give up eating altogether... but that's not going to work. Hopefully I can just give up the unnecessary fat from my diet and I'll start to slim down a bit. If this doesn't work, I'll stand in the sun until I melt like a candle. Doesn't work that way? I've never been smart.
Additionally, this Lent I will be finishing the novel I started last week. I bought a kit that supposes to help you finish writing a novel in one month. After a week of writing, I've already got about 9,000 words on 31 pages (roughly finishing up the 6th Chapter). I think this is a great idea for me... writing a novel or screenplay every Lent. It gives me clear starting and stopping points... and it's something constructive to do with that time period.
So I would like to wish everyone a Happy Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras! Eat as much as you possibly can today... do it for me.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Setting The Debate To Rest
I know this has been the question on everyone's mind and I just wanted to take the time to finally put it to bed. Okay, fine, here it is:
I'm Anna Nicole's baby daddy.
Phew. I'm glad that's off my chest. You don't know how much keeping that secret inside had bothered me at night... keeping me awake, thinking about my baby's dead, vapid, huge-breasted Texan mother.
Additionally: When did "baby daddy" become part of the American vernacular? Did American media forget how to articulate "father of her child" or "her child's biological father"? It's four words at most! We have 24-hour news channels covering the "news" of Anna Nicole's death and we're worried about the extra 1.2 seconds it takes to say two more words? Come on! It makes our media sound like complete morons (and like we really need help in that department).
I know this has been the question on everyone's mind and I just wanted to take the time to finally put it to bed. Okay, fine, here it is:
I'm Anna Nicole's baby daddy.
Phew. I'm glad that's off my chest. You don't know how much keeping that secret inside had bothered me at night... keeping me awake, thinking about my baby's dead, vapid, huge-breasted Texan mother.
Additionally: When did "baby daddy" become part of the American vernacular? Did American media forget how to articulate "father of her child" or "her child's biological father"? It's four words at most! We have 24-hour news channels covering the "news" of Anna Nicole's death and we're worried about the extra 1.2 seconds it takes to say two more words? Come on! It makes our media sound like complete morons (and like we really need help in that department).
Sunday, February 04, 2007
The Last Minute
There's nothing like waiting until the last minute to talk about the Super Bowl. But, here I am, doing just that. Here are the teams (keeping in mind I've been forced to see Bears games all season):
The Bears Offense--Grossman does suck, we've had that checked out. But, if the Bears great run game gets going (a combination of the highly under-rated Thomas Jones, and the guy everyone on the Bears can't stand Cedric Benson)... then a quarterback who can throw the ball down the field, like Grossman, is perfect. The Bears offense could actually hurt the Colts defense if they can get the running game going. If Bob Sanders has to come down into the box to help with the run, then the deep ball is going to be available to Berrian. Key to Bears Offense: Pounding the football right up the gut. X-Factor: Thomas Jones.
The Bears Defense--The loss of Tommie Harris and Mike Brown cannot be emphasized enough. Yes, the Bears defense is still good... but with those two guys still on the field, the Bears defense was dominant. Since they're both gone, the Bears defense is a little vulnerable. Both the Bears' safeties (Todd Johnson and Rookie Danny Manning) are the weakness to this defense... meaning the tight ends of the Colts could have a field day. Fortunately for the Bears, they are very deep on the Corners... going four deep with Tillman, Vasher, R. Manning, and Hester. Those guys can match up well with the Colts wide receivers. A defense is best when it can make an offense one-dimensional. If the Bears can stop the run and force Peyton to beat them (oddly enough... that's what they want), then the Bears defense will dictate this game. Key to Bears Defense: Stopping the run. X-Factor: The Middle Linebacker responsible for following the running backs... oh, it's Brian Urlacher.
The Bears Special Teams--Much has been made of the record-breaking Devin Hester. Here's the thing with Hester... he's young and he'll try anything to make a play. This could mean fielding a punt inside the ten-yard line... this could mean reversing his field on a kickoff to try to get around the defense... but it WILL mean that he will do something stupid in this game. However, much like the 'Favre rule', if he makes one mistake, he'll make one spectacular play. If you watched the Colts/Pats game, you saw the Patriots kick returner Hobbs go crazy and bring the noise and the funk, giving the Pats great field position. If the Colts cover team is that vulnerable, Hester could give the Bears huge field position. On the other hand, as good as their punter, Brad Maynard, is... kicker Robbie Gould is unproven. We don't know how good Gould (pronounced "Gold"... which is wishful thinking on the family's part) can be. Key to Bears Special Teams: Playing Smart. X-Factor: Devin Hester.
The Colts Offense--Everyone knows how good Peyton is. But I worry, with the bye week, that Peyton is studying TOO hard. He may be over-thinking this game. So long as Peyton can keep focused... he'll be the Peyton we all know and love. However, Peyton can't win this game alone. If you watched the Colts/Pats game, you saw how the Colts can physically wear down a defense. If the Colts can run the ball and control the clock (like they did against the Patriots), then it won't matter how good the Bears defense is. The combination of Addai and Rhodes have to control the clock for the Colts to win this game. Addai may be a better pure runner, but Rhodes can catch the ball out of the backfield better, and is smarter/more experienced. Key to Colts Offense: Keep running the ball. X-Factor: Dominick Rhodes.
The Colts Defense--Everyone slammed the Colts D during the season. Then the Colts came out and shut down the Chiefs and the Ravens. Did Bob Sanders make that much of a difference? In short, yes. He is the heart of the Colts D... and he can stop the run by himself. Something you may not have thought about is the fact that the Colts defense is built to pressure the quarterback. And, if ever there was a QB to pressure in the Super Bowl, it is stupid stupid Rex Grossman. Grossman will throw at least one INT in this game... and the Bears will have to overcome his one or two mistakes. If the Colts D can actually stop the run, the Bears and Grossman won't have a chance. Key to Colts Defense: Stop the run. X-Factor: Bob Sanders.
The Colts Special Teams--Vinatieri is the single reason why the Colts shouldn't worry if the game is close. Vinatieri could make a 48-yarder in his sleep. I know you couldn't name the Colts kick returner if I paid you (Terrence Wilkins). Wilkins needs only catch the ball and fall down to do his job. Hunter "the Punter" Smith may have the hardest job of all special teamers. He has to make sure to avoid punting the ball to Hester in a way that allows Hester to work his magic. So long as Hunter can keep the ball from Hester, the Colts special team should be fine. Key to Colts Special Teams: Keep the ball from Devin Hester. X-Factor: Adam Vinatieri.
Overview--Anyone who thinks this is going to be a high-scoring game is way off base. This is going to be a grind. Perhaps the best offense will be the offense that plays the most relaxed. I don't know which team that will be, as I feel like both offenses are going to be tight (Grossman might play loosest because he doesn't know better. He is a stupid man). Grossman will throw a TD and a pick or two, Manning will throw a TD and a pick... and Thomas Jones will get a touchdown as well. Also, I think the Bears defense will bend and not break, forcing the Colts to kick multiple field goals. Three field goals, actually... including the game winner with no time left. Final score: 16-14 Colts. MVP? Could we see the first kicker MVP in Vinatieri? If not, the man Peyton threw the touchdown to... either Marvin Harrison or Reggie Wayne (whoever can go crazy on the Bears defense).
Sidenote: My least favorite player of all time, Michael Irvin, was elected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this weekend. Which just goes to show that off-the-field issues, whether it's cocaine possession, marijuana possession, or firearm possession, does not affect your HOF eligibility. But, if you push-off on cornerbacks every play of your career... then maybe you'll make the HOF, if you're on a good team with a great running back, dominant offensive line and good defense. Irvin still sucks... and I hate listening to his annoying opinions on ESPN. Nice tie Michael... try buying one that isn't as wide as your head. (It's a very wide tie... and it's ugly) (I hate Steve Young, too... just thought you should know how disappointed I am with ESPN)
There's nothing like waiting until the last minute to talk about the Super Bowl. But, here I am, doing just that. Here are the teams (keeping in mind I've been forced to see Bears games all season):
The Bears Offense--Grossman does suck, we've had that checked out. But, if the Bears great run game gets going (a combination of the highly under-rated Thomas Jones, and the guy everyone on the Bears can't stand Cedric Benson)... then a quarterback who can throw the ball down the field, like Grossman, is perfect. The Bears offense could actually hurt the Colts defense if they can get the running game going. If Bob Sanders has to come down into the box to help with the run, then the deep ball is going to be available to Berrian. Key to Bears Offense: Pounding the football right up the gut. X-Factor: Thomas Jones.
The Bears Defense--The loss of Tommie Harris and Mike Brown cannot be emphasized enough. Yes, the Bears defense is still good... but with those two guys still on the field, the Bears defense was dominant. Since they're both gone, the Bears defense is a little vulnerable. Both the Bears' safeties (Todd Johnson and Rookie Danny Manning) are the weakness to this defense... meaning the tight ends of the Colts could have a field day. Fortunately for the Bears, they are very deep on the Corners... going four deep with Tillman, Vasher, R. Manning, and Hester. Those guys can match up well with the Colts wide receivers. A defense is best when it can make an offense one-dimensional. If the Bears can stop the run and force Peyton to beat them (oddly enough... that's what they want), then the Bears defense will dictate this game. Key to Bears Defense: Stopping the run. X-Factor: The Middle Linebacker responsible for following the running backs... oh, it's Brian Urlacher.
The Bears Special Teams--Much has been made of the record-breaking Devin Hester. Here's the thing with Hester... he's young and he'll try anything to make a play. This could mean fielding a punt inside the ten-yard line... this could mean reversing his field on a kickoff to try to get around the defense... but it WILL mean that he will do something stupid in this game. However, much like the 'Favre rule', if he makes one mistake, he'll make one spectacular play. If you watched the Colts/Pats game, you saw the Patriots kick returner Hobbs go crazy and bring the noise and the funk, giving the Pats great field position. If the Colts cover team is that vulnerable, Hester could give the Bears huge field position. On the other hand, as good as their punter, Brad Maynard, is... kicker Robbie Gould is unproven. We don't know how good Gould (pronounced "Gold"... which is wishful thinking on the family's part) can be. Key to Bears Special Teams: Playing Smart. X-Factor: Devin Hester.
The Colts Offense--Everyone knows how good Peyton is. But I worry, with the bye week, that Peyton is studying TOO hard. He may be over-thinking this game. So long as Peyton can keep focused... he'll be the Peyton we all know and love. However, Peyton can't win this game alone. If you watched the Colts/Pats game, you saw how the Colts can physically wear down a defense. If the Colts can run the ball and control the clock (like they did against the Patriots), then it won't matter how good the Bears defense is. The combination of Addai and Rhodes have to control the clock for the Colts to win this game. Addai may be a better pure runner, but Rhodes can catch the ball out of the backfield better, and is smarter/more experienced. Key to Colts Offense: Keep running the ball. X-Factor: Dominick Rhodes.
The Colts Defense--Everyone slammed the Colts D during the season. Then the Colts came out and shut down the Chiefs and the Ravens. Did Bob Sanders make that much of a difference? In short, yes. He is the heart of the Colts D... and he can stop the run by himself. Something you may not have thought about is the fact that the Colts defense is built to pressure the quarterback. And, if ever there was a QB to pressure in the Super Bowl, it is stupid stupid Rex Grossman. Grossman will throw at least one INT in this game... and the Bears will have to overcome his one or two mistakes. If the Colts D can actually stop the run, the Bears and Grossman won't have a chance. Key to Colts Defense: Stop the run. X-Factor: Bob Sanders.
The Colts Special Teams--Vinatieri is the single reason why the Colts shouldn't worry if the game is close. Vinatieri could make a 48-yarder in his sleep. I know you couldn't name the Colts kick returner if I paid you (Terrence Wilkins). Wilkins needs only catch the ball and fall down to do his job. Hunter "the Punter" Smith may have the hardest job of all special teamers. He has to make sure to avoid punting the ball to Hester in a way that allows Hester to work his magic. So long as Hunter can keep the ball from Hester, the Colts special team should be fine. Key to Colts Special Teams: Keep the ball from Devin Hester. X-Factor: Adam Vinatieri.
Overview--Anyone who thinks this is going to be a high-scoring game is way off base. This is going to be a grind. Perhaps the best offense will be the offense that plays the most relaxed. I don't know which team that will be, as I feel like both offenses are going to be tight (Grossman might play loosest because he doesn't know better. He is a stupid man). Grossman will throw a TD and a pick or two, Manning will throw a TD and a pick... and Thomas Jones will get a touchdown as well. Also, I think the Bears defense will bend and not break, forcing the Colts to kick multiple field goals. Three field goals, actually... including the game winner with no time left. Final score: 16-14 Colts. MVP? Could we see the first kicker MVP in Vinatieri? If not, the man Peyton threw the touchdown to... either Marvin Harrison or Reggie Wayne (whoever can go crazy on the Bears defense).
Sidenote: My least favorite player of all time, Michael Irvin, was elected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this weekend. Which just goes to show that off-the-field issues, whether it's cocaine possession, marijuana possession, or firearm possession, does not affect your HOF eligibility. But, if you push-off on cornerbacks every play of your career... then maybe you'll make the HOF, if you're on a good team with a great running back, dominant offensive line and good defense. Irvin still sucks... and I hate listening to his annoying opinions on ESPN. Nice tie Michael... try buying one that isn't as wide as your head. (It's a very wide tie... and it's ugly) (I hate Steve Young, too... just thought you should know how disappointed I am with ESPN)
Friday, January 26, 2007
The Fire
Tonight, Chelsey and I walked to the local Chipotle. As we were getting ready to leave, we heard at least half of a dozen emergency vehicles (a far too common sound in the city, I'm afraid). I made some off-hand comment about how close the location of the emergency probably was.
As we left the building, we noticed a few people on the corner looking up at a high-rise building a block away. When I looked up, I saw a fire had burst open windows on the seventh or eight floor of the building. The fire was lapping at the window above it, yet seemed fairly contained to the one, corner apartment. My initial reaction was to go try to help... I'm not sure how I would help, but that was my first thought. "Someone's in trouble," I told myself, "I should help." Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending) there was a cop directing traffic (including foot traffic) away from the road leading up to the building. There were also two more fire trucks and a few more cop cars down the road, on their way. There was nothing I could do, but I certainly wasn't about to stand there and watch like the people on the corner. As we turned the corner, we approached a bus stop. Since it's naturally a place where people stand, I wouldn't have normally thought anything of the literal crowd waiting at the stop. However, tonight it seemed the crowd was all looking up: looking at the fire. That's when I started to get angry. I understand human curiosity... but this is someone's home! You're standing and watching someone's whole life burn as if it was the Friday night movie. And it relit my fire of hatred for the city--any city. Not that people wouldn't stand and watch in a small town (because they would), but simply because standing and watching is something that humans do and there are SO MANY of them in the city.
Also... it felt really good to be passionate enough about something to get my blood pressure up and really get mad. Moron that later. Happy 2007, InterWeb audience.
Tonight, Chelsey and I walked to the local Chipotle. As we were getting ready to leave, we heard at least half of a dozen emergency vehicles (a far too common sound in the city, I'm afraid). I made some off-hand comment about how close the location of the emergency probably was.
As we left the building, we noticed a few people on the corner looking up at a high-rise building a block away. When I looked up, I saw a fire had burst open windows on the seventh or eight floor of the building. The fire was lapping at the window above it, yet seemed fairly contained to the one, corner apartment. My initial reaction was to go try to help... I'm not sure how I would help, but that was my first thought. "Someone's in trouble," I told myself, "I should help." Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending) there was a cop directing traffic (including foot traffic) away from the road leading up to the building. There were also two more fire trucks and a few more cop cars down the road, on their way. There was nothing I could do, but I certainly wasn't about to stand there and watch like the people on the corner. As we turned the corner, we approached a bus stop. Since it's naturally a place where people stand, I wouldn't have normally thought anything of the literal crowd waiting at the stop. However, tonight it seemed the crowd was all looking up: looking at the fire. That's when I started to get angry. I understand human curiosity... but this is someone's home! You're standing and watching someone's whole life burn as if it was the Friday night movie. And it relit my fire of hatred for the city--any city. Not that people wouldn't stand and watch in a small town (because they would), but simply because standing and watching is something that humans do and there are SO MANY of them in the city.
Also... it felt really good to be passionate enough about something to get my blood pressure up and really get mad. Moron that later. Happy 2007, InterWeb audience.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
ROCK STAR
Last weekend my latest Donny's Skybox show opened here in Chicago. I had been worried about it because the writers/director decided to change the running order two days before the show (and after our last rehearsal). Needless to say, I didn't tell anyone about the show (and I don't think the other actors did, either)... so I wasn't expecting much of an audience. I was quite surprised when the director emailed us the day of to tell us that we had already sold out (for a Skybox show opening?? Quite odd).
The show went much better than expected. Long after the show, I would tell someone that the crowd "spoiled us" by laughing harder than they probably should have. Immediately after the show, the cast was on cloud 9... we felt like we could do no wrong, and it didn't help our egos that we were asked to come back on stage after the show. It turns out that an entire women's basketball team from a small college in Missouri had attended the show--and aforementioned basketball team wanted us to come back on stage and take pictures with them. It was the first time I was asked for my photograph from someone who wasn't legally blind. And, even though I felt insanely awkward, it was nice to feel like someone that other people want a picture of, just to commemorate your performance.
A WORD ON THE BCS
This year, I feel the short-comings of the BCS are most apparent... and the ease of correction is also fairly apparent. My solution? A 4-team playoff. That only adds one game to the season (which is already in place this season!), and would be fairly easy to figure out this season: Ohio State, Michigan, Florida, and USC would all play each other for a spot in the Championship game. But John, you say, what about LSU? I think USC is a better team than LSU... and every year, with only four teams, you'll have the same "Who's #4 and who's #5?" B.S. that we have with #2 and #3. But, really, the further from #1 we get, the less it will really matter who number 4 or 5 is.
Alternatively, we could have an 8-team playoff between the Big 10, Big 12, ACC, SEC, Big East, and Pac-10 with two "at large" spots (which this year would be Michigan and LSU). This means each of the four big bowl games (Rose, Fiesta, Sugar, Orange) is part of the playoff... but it also means adding two more weeks instead of just one. I think it's doable and only the WAC, MAC, and Conference USA would be upset (although they could be 'at large' spots as well). Sound good? I think that makes lots of money and sense... so call your local congressperson and let's get on this!
Last weekend my latest Donny's Skybox show opened here in Chicago. I had been worried about it because the writers/director decided to change the running order two days before the show (and after our last rehearsal). Needless to say, I didn't tell anyone about the show (and I don't think the other actors did, either)... so I wasn't expecting much of an audience. I was quite surprised when the director emailed us the day of to tell us that we had already sold out (for a Skybox show opening?? Quite odd).
The show went much better than expected. Long after the show, I would tell someone that the crowd "spoiled us" by laughing harder than they probably should have. Immediately after the show, the cast was on cloud 9... we felt like we could do no wrong, and it didn't help our egos that we were asked to come back on stage after the show. It turns out that an entire women's basketball team from a small college in Missouri had attended the show--and aforementioned basketball team wanted us to come back on stage and take pictures with them. It was the first time I was asked for my photograph from someone who wasn't legally blind. And, even though I felt insanely awkward, it was nice to feel like someone that other people want a picture of, just to commemorate your performance.
A WORD ON THE BCS
This year, I feel the short-comings of the BCS are most apparent... and the ease of correction is also fairly apparent. My solution? A 4-team playoff. That only adds one game to the season (which is already in place this season!), and would be fairly easy to figure out this season: Ohio State, Michigan, Florida, and USC would all play each other for a spot in the Championship game. But John, you say, what about LSU? I think USC is a better team than LSU... and every year, with only four teams, you'll have the same "Who's #4 and who's #5?" B.S. that we have with #2 and #3. But, really, the further from #1 we get, the less it will really matter who number 4 or 5 is.
Alternatively, we could have an 8-team playoff between the Big 10, Big 12, ACC, SEC, Big East, and Pac-10 with two "at large" spots (which this year would be Michigan and LSU). This means each of the four big bowl games (Rose, Fiesta, Sugar, Orange) is part of the playoff... but it also means adding two more weeks instead of just one. I think it's doable and only the WAC, MAC, and Conference USA would be upset (although they could be 'at large' spots as well). Sound good? I think that makes lots of money and sense... so call your local congressperson and let's get on this!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I've Been Tagged... And Other Childhood Niceties
Like a month ago, my friend Katy sent me what she referred to as a "blog tag." The premise being that she makes a post and then I post the same list of ten questions and answer them (think: survey but with better title). So here it is in all it's glory.
Note: The fact that 'books' are the subject makes me feel a little self-conscious. As a writer, I always feel embarrassed by how little I actually read. My new belief (or my thinly-constructed justification argument) is that reading isn't mentally engaging enough for me (or mentally engaging in the right ways for my mind to stay occupied), but I'll get more into that later.
1. One Book that Changed My Life: As lame as this may sound, it may very well be "Dave Barry's Complete Guide To Guys." I read it in high school and, up until that point, I believed all books to be boring... one of the least entertaining mediums out there. But this book made me laugh out loud. It engaged me from the very beginning and kept me engaged. It may have been one of the first--if not THE first--book I ever picked up, read, and (most importantly) FINISHED in my life. It was one of those books that make you say "Hey... I could write a book like this," and I don't think HighSchool!John ever thought that before. Plus, it has a diagram of how men use public restrooms. Classy.
Honorable Mention: Stephen King's "On Writing".
2. One Book that You've Read More than Once: I think the Harry Potter series is probably what I'll go with here. I rarely read books more than once... and rarely watch movies more than once... and rarely play a video game all the way through more than once. It's nothing against any of these genres, I just feel I have a good grasp on everything that happened the first time I read/watched/played. But I think I read the Potter books (1-4) again before the fifth book came out.
3. One Book You'd Want on a Desert Island: Katy said the Bible... and that's actually a really good choice for me, too. It's a dense book, full of things to read and reflect upon multiple times. But I hate stealing answers, so my answer is probably the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I'll give you three reasons: 1) Dense book, lots to re-read and reflect upon; 2) If I ever get picked up from that island and have all the plays memorized, people will mistake me for someone who's smart; and 3) A book of plays means that I could have my own theatre on the island... with me playing all the different parts. How much fun would it be to be both Hamlet and Ophelia if there was no one there to mock how stupid you look?
Honorable Mention: The Dictionary. For reasons 1 and 2 listed above, plus it would take a REALLY long time to read all the way through.
4. One Book that Made You Laugh: Lots of books I read make me laugh out loud... so I'll give you the most recent one that I've read that really made me laugh hard. Katy was on the right tract by giving a David Sedaris book, but she gave the wrong one. The correct answer is "Me Talk Pretty One Day." Laugh out loud funny. I tried to read a section to my sister once and couldn't make it through it.
5. One Book that Made You Cry: My checkbook! HA! I slay me. In all honesty, it's probably the most recent Harry Potter book. Let's not talk about why.
6. One Book You Wish Had Been Written: It's not a book, but I'm uber pissed that I wasn't the one who created the Star Wars universe. Granted, I probably wouldn't have had the brains to create my own special effects company (and then video game company... Remember Maniac Mansion? Who doesn't!!!), but if I were to have written the prequels to my already successful franchise, I wouldn't have sucked so much ass at it. I mean, stereotyped new characters, horrible 'love scene' dialog, and a nonsensical leap through time from one new movie to the next (How come Anakin was the only one who got older?) AND from the new movies to the old (How come Darth Vader was so rusty with the lightsaber when fighting Luke?... I mean, just look at all the cool moves he had in the new movies, did he forget how to twirl the saber? Is it because he's more machine now than man? Twisted and evil?), and you've got the makings of a recipe to sink your franchise! If it wasn't for the amazing Knights of the Old Republic storylines (and the games in which you'll find them), the cute and clever Lego Star Wars, and the constant DVD updates to the originals, this would be a dead franchise indeed. I've got an idea... give me a few hundred grand and let me explore the darker side of Star Wars: How would a Boba Fett/bounty hunter movie strike anyone? How about a Knights of the Old Republic movie? The storyline from the game is almost good enough to be a movie anyway. I've already said too much about something that's not a book... and, moving on...
7. One Book that You Wish Had Never Been Written: In college, I was chastised by my entire class for hating Edith Wharton's "The House of Mirth." One of the things that pissed me off most about that 'discussion' (if you can call a group beratement lead by the teacher a discussion) is that I couldn't actually make it far enough in the book to have intelligent arguments. The best I could do is to say that I HATE any book or movie or anything that tries to tell me how hard it is to be in the 'rich' and 'upper-class' crowd. I find nothing more mind-numbingly boring than reading about how every move they make has to be calculated or else they'll be shunned by their "friends." I've, frankly, never been the type to care... so the book can not possibly speak to me on any level. Additionally, I hate the book for that one day in class where I ended up looking like the bad guy for thinking a book was boring. Excuse me!
8. One Book That You're Currently Reading: This is us getting back to what I mentioned in the introduction. The book I was most recently reading (just finished not too long ago) is called "Everything Bad Is Good For You: How Today's Popular Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter" by Steven Johnson. His book is a fascinating study of pop culture and, in it, he concludes that things such as Reality TV, Video Games, and even the internet have allowed more 'classic' forms of entertainment to become multi-layered and re-viewable. He said that reality TV has trained our eyes to look for non-verbal communication and honest emotion on television. Additionally, TiVo and DVD recorders/players compounded with internet chat-rooms/discussion forums have allowed TV and movies to become so complex that we have to watch and re-watch just to catch everything. I'm butchering his argument here a little, and I apologize to Mr. Johnson... but my ultimate point here is that books don't actively engage my mind in the way video games do. With a game, you are allowed freedom of movement along a narrative and even the freedom to drastically change the narrative almost whenever you want. It was this point (of his) that first got me REALLY thinking about why I prefer games to books. I think the book's fixed narrative is what turns me off. If I don't like where the book is going, there's nothing I can do besides stop reading. I have no recourse of action--I can't change the narrative if what I'm thinking is more interesting to me--everything's already taken care of. That's why, while the written page will always be around, I think a more interactive story-telling is REALLY the future of stories. And I think, right now, video games are the only place to find such a thing. We'll see.
9. One Book You've Been Meaning to Read: Up until recently, I would've said that DaVinci Code book (over-hyped!). But since I read the last "must-read book," now I don't know what all the kids are talking about anymore. I suppose I feel like I wasn't forced to read the "classic" books that everyone else seemed to have been forced to read in high school... so if I were to pick one book, it would probably be "Catcher In The Rye."
10. Now Tag 5 People: This is where Katy and I will differ. She actually tagged people, but I don't know five people who blog anymore. Had this been 2004 (the year of the Blog), I would've had plenty of candidates. But, as it is, people have been turned off to the voyeuristic thrill that is exposing your inner-thoughts to complete strangers on different continents. What has the world come to if I can't explain my fear of water to someone in New Zealand? For shame, America... for shame.
Like a month ago, my friend Katy sent me what she referred to as a "blog tag." The premise being that she makes a post and then I post the same list of ten questions and answer them (think: survey but with better title). So here it is in all it's glory.
Note: The fact that 'books' are the subject makes me feel a little self-conscious. As a writer, I always feel embarrassed by how little I actually read. My new belief (or my thinly-constructed justification argument) is that reading isn't mentally engaging enough for me (or mentally engaging in the right ways for my mind to stay occupied), but I'll get more into that later.
1. One Book that Changed My Life: As lame as this may sound, it may very well be "Dave Barry's Complete Guide To Guys." I read it in high school and, up until that point, I believed all books to be boring... one of the least entertaining mediums out there. But this book made me laugh out loud. It engaged me from the very beginning and kept me engaged. It may have been one of the first--if not THE first--book I ever picked up, read, and (most importantly) FINISHED in my life. It was one of those books that make you say "Hey... I could write a book like this," and I don't think HighSchool!John ever thought that before. Plus, it has a diagram of how men use public restrooms. Classy.
Honorable Mention: Stephen King's "On Writing".
2. One Book that You've Read More than Once: I think the Harry Potter series is probably what I'll go with here. I rarely read books more than once... and rarely watch movies more than once... and rarely play a video game all the way through more than once. It's nothing against any of these genres, I just feel I have a good grasp on everything that happened the first time I read/watched/played. But I think I read the Potter books (1-4) again before the fifth book came out.
3. One Book You'd Want on a Desert Island: Katy said the Bible... and that's actually a really good choice for me, too. It's a dense book, full of things to read and reflect upon multiple times. But I hate stealing answers, so my answer is probably the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I'll give you three reasons: 1) Dense book, lots to re-read and reflect upon; 2) If I ever get picked up from that island and have all the plays memorized, people will mistake me for someone who's smart; and 3) A book of plays means that I could have my own theatre on the island... with me playing all the different parts. How much fun would it be to be both Hamlet and Ophelia if there was no one there to mock how stupid you look?
Honorable Mention: The Dictionary. For reasons 1 and 2 listed above, plus it would take a REALLY long time to read all the way through.
4. One Book that Made You Laugh: Lots of books I read make me laugh out loud... so I'll give you the most recent one that I've read that really made me laugh hard. Katy was on the right tract by giving a David Sedaris book, but she gave the wrong one. The correct answer is "Me Talk Pretty One Day." Laugh out loud funny. I tried to read a section to my sister once and couldn't make it through it.
5. One Book that Made You Cry: My checkbook! HA! I slay me. In all honesty, it's probably the most recent Harry Potter book. Let's not talk about why.
6. One Book You Wish Had Been Written: It's not a book, but I'm uber pissed that I wasn't the one who created the Star Wars universe. Granted, I probably wouldn't have had the brains to create my own special effects company (and then video game company... Remember Maniac Mansion? Who doesn't!!!), but if I were to have written the prequels to my already successful franchise, I wouldn't have sucked so much ass at it. I mean, stereotyped new characters, horrible 'love scene' dialog, and a nonsensical leap through time from one new movie to the next (How come Anakin was the only one who got older?) AND from the new movies to the old (How come Darth Vader was so rusty with the lightsaber when fighting Luke?... I mean, just look at all the cool moves he had in the new movies, did he forget how to twirl the saber? Is it because he's more machine now than man? Twisted and evil?), and you've got the makings of a recipe to sink your franchise! If it wasn't for the amazing Knights of the Old Republic storylines (and the games in which you'll find them), the cute and clever Lego Star Wars, and the constant DVD updates to the originals, this would be a dead franchise indeed. I've got an idea... give me a few hundred grand and let me explore the darker side of Star Wars: How would a Boba Fett/bounty hunter movie strike anyone? How about a Knights of the Old Republic movie? The storyline from the game is almost good enough to be a movie anyway. I've already said too much about something that's not a book... and, moving on...
7. One Book that You Wish Had Never Been Written: In college, I was chastised by my entire class for hating Edith Wharton's "The House of Mirth." One of the things that pissed me off most about that 'discussion' (if you can call a group beratement lead by the teacher a discussion) is that I couldn't actually make it far enough in the book to have intelligent arguments. The best I could do is to say that I HATE any book or movie or anything that tries to tell me how hard it is to be in the 'rich' and 'upper-class' crowd. I find nothing more mind-numbingly boring than reading about how every move they make has to be calculated or else they'll be shunned by their "friends." I've, frankly, never been the type to care... so the book can not possibly speak to me on any level. Additionally, I hate the book for that one day in class where I ended up looking like the bad guy for thinking a book was boring. Excuse me!
8. One Book That You're Currently Reading: This is us getting back to what I mentioned in the introduction. The book I was most recently reading (just finished not too long ago) is called "Everything Bad Is Good For You: How Today's Popular Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter" by Steven Johnson. His book is a fascinating study of pop culture and, in it, he concludes that things such as Reality TV, Video Games, and even the internet have allowed more 'classic' forms of entertainment to become multi-layered and re-viewable. He said that reality TV has trained our eyes to look for non-verbal communication and honest emotion on television. Additionally, TiVo and DVD recorders/players compounded with internet chat-rooms/discussion forums have allowed TV and movies to become so complex that we have to watch and re-watch just to catch everything. I'm butchering his argument here a little, and I apologize to Mr. Johnson... but my ultimate point here is that books don't actively engage my mind in the way video games do. With a game, you are allowed freedom of movement along a narrative and even the freedom to drastically change the narrative almost whenever you want. It was this point (of his) that first got me REALLY thinking about why I prefer games to books. I think the book's fixed narrative is what turns me off. If I don't like where the book is going, there's nothing I can do besides stop reading. I have no recourse of action--I can't change the narrative if what I'm thinking is more interesting to me--everything's already taken care of. That's why, while the written page will always be around, I think a more interactive story-telling is REALLY the future of stories. And I think, right now, video games are the only place to find such a thing. We'll see.
9. One Book You've Been Meaning to Read: Up until recently, I would've said that DaVinci Code book (over-hyped!). But since I read the last "must-read book," now I don't know what all the kids are talking about anymore. I suppose I feel like I wasn't forced to read the "classic" books that everyone else seemed to have been forced to read in high school... so if I were to pick one book, it would probably be "Catcher In The Rye."
10. Now Tag 5 People: This is where Katy and I will differ. She actually tagged people, but I don't know five people who blog anymore. Had this been 2004 (the year of the Blog), I would've had plenty of candidates. But, as it is, people have been turned off to the voyeuristic thrill that is exposing your inner-thoughts to complete strangers on different continents. What has the world come to if I can't explain my fear of water to someone in New Zealand? For shame, America... for shame.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Um... BRRR!
It seems like just a short time ago when I was able to go outside and enjoy a beautiful day in the mid-70s or even a day with the temperatures spilling into the 80s. In fact, that was only one week ago. But yesterday's high in Chicago was 41... and right now it's only 39 (all temps Fahrenheit. Take THAT, rest of the world!). I suppose where this hits home the most is in my actual apartment. You see, dearest reader, my building lets its residents borrow an air conditioner unit which THEY even put in the window for you. What they don't tell you, however, is that they take the air conditioner units out on there own damn sweet time. So, while the wooden plank they set up seems to keep rain out when it rains... the wood most certainly doesn't keep the cold out. It has to be about 50 degrees in the living room, thanks to the freezing temps outside. The air conditioner won't be taken out until next week, which leaves me in an interesting situation: I could take it out myself, leaving an air conditioner INSIDE the apartment for a week; or I could man-up and fight the cold for a week. Manning up is fine for me, but Chelsey has problems with the "man" part. As such, I've constructed an interesting warm-up regiment. Since the bedroom has a door and can be closed off from the living room, that's what I do; then I turn on all the lights in the bedroom; and, finally, I put plenty of blankets on the couch and have some more on hand to put over them... and you've got a sure-fire way to fight an OPEN WINDOW to the COLD! Am I mad at my building management company? Certainly yes... as Chelse and I asked to have the AC out a couple weeks ago, when it seemed like the temps were going to get colder.
Speaking of cold, I look forward to watching Tigers playoff baseball in the freezing temps. Nothing makes me happier than seeing freezing cold baseball players. Check it out today at 4.30 Eastern.
It seems like just a short time ago when I was able to go outside and enjoy a beautiful day in the mid-70s or even a day with the temperatures spilling into the 80s. In fact, that was only one week ago. But yesterday's high in Chicago was 41... and right now it's only 39 (all temps Fahrenheit. Take THAT, rest of the world!). I suppose where this hits home the most is in my actual apartment. You see, dearest reader, my building lets its residents borrow an air conditioner unit which THEY even put in the window for you. What they don't tell you, however, is that they take the air conditioner units out on there own damn sweet time. So, while the wooden plank they set up seems to keep rain out when it rains... the wood most certainly doesn't keep the cold out. It has to be about 50 degrees in the living room, thanks to the freezing temps outside. The air conditioner won't be taken out until next week, which leaves me in an interesting situation: I could take it out myself, leaving an air conditioner INSIDE the apartment for a week; or I could man-up and fight the cold for a week. Manning up is fine for me, but Chelsey has problems with the "man" part. As such, I've constructed an interesting warm-up regiment. Since the bedroom has a door and can be closed off from the living room, that's what I do; then I turn on all the lights in the bedroom; and, finally, I put plenty of blankets on the couch and have some more on hand to put over them... and you've got a sure-fire way to fight an OPEN WINDOW to the COLD! Am I mad at my building management company? Certainly yes... as Chelse and I asked to have the AC out a couple weeks ago, when it seemed like the temps were going to get colder.
Speaking of cold, I look forward to watching Tigers playoff baseball in the freezing temps. Nothing makes me happier than seeing freezing cold baseball players. Check it out today at 4.30 Eastern.
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