FOOTBALL Favre To Return: Packers Sign Woodson To 7-Year Deal
Yes yes... just like me, Brett Favre is making a triumphant return. Unfortunately, looking at the free agent moves of the Packers this off-season (or lack thereof), only leads me to think that the Packers' management didn't want Favre to return. I mean, let's think about it: Favre took a long time deciding because he wanted the Packers to really bring in some talented free agents... which didn't happen. And it's not like we didn't have the money... or that the talent wasn't out there--we had tons of money under the cap, and we missed out on talented free agents Vinatieri and Arrington (who could still be a bust for the Giants).
But now we've made some headway, both with Favre and with Free Agency. Two days ago, this article surfaced about the Packers signing uber talented and oft-injured CB Charles Woodson. Woodson, if you'll recall, won the Heisman trophy (beating out All-World Peyton Manning) while playing for the University of Michigan Arrogant Bastards. Woodson was, easily, the most versatile, dangerous player in college football in 1997. He could return punts, line up on offense, and could shut-down one side of the field on defensive... and he helped lead Michigan to a shared National Title (remember the days before the BCS?). I have always respected Woodson's talent... and I hope that he can stay healthy enough to make an impact defensively this season. Now the Packers only need to draft AJ Hawk (or, God willing, Mario Williams); move Tauscher from Tackle to Guard and start Kevin Berry; trade Javon Walker for a D-Lineman or Guard; address wide receiver and D-Line need in the draft... and we've almost got ourselves a ballclub. That sounds pretty easy to me. Go Pack!

PERSONAL Mystery Shopper Extraordinaire!
This week I agreed to do some mystery shopping for a friend of mine from the SC Conservatory. It involves, basically, going to bars and ordering a specific drink with bourbon and seeing if the bartender (or wait staff) recommends a particular brand of bourbon. If they do, great! I'm done! If they don't... I end up spending five minutes trying to look like I'm not interested in other brands until they hit the right one. What I found out Monday is that they sometimes don't get it right, even after five minutes. I also found out Monday--in my zeal to get a headstart on the week--that four drinks in an hour and a half is probably my limit. It's probably over my limit. It passed my limit and asked it for ex-girlfriend's phone numbers on the way. Regardless, I was able to call Randi from the second bar (Happy Birthday!) and I told her that mystery shopping is probably right up my alley. I get to act and improvise... I get to be overly critical... and it allows me to feel like I know something that the other person doesn't--all these things point to the fact that I'm petty. Wait... that's not where that sentence was going. All those things point to the fact that I'd be good at mystery shopping as a job (not a career, just a job)... if there are such people as professional mystery shoppers.
Randi said that her new horse is so good, if they lose at all this season it will be because she, Randi, messed up. Can you believe that? Sure, she says that now... but what happens after that first loss? It'll be "the sun was in my eyes" this, and "you were shooting at me" that... she won't blame herself.

PERSONAL Speaking Of Jobs...
You are being written to by the Second City Training Center's new Writing Program Intern. Of course it's an unpaid position! but that doesn't mean I'm any less excited to continue to be a part of that magical place. I am hoping that I can create a relationship with some of the writing instructors there and maybe they'll let me know of other places in town I could take writing classes... or maybe they'll have some opportunities that I don't know about to write for contests and things of that nature. Additionally, the internship will allow me to take another class at Second City FOR FREE!!! "What's left to take", you ask? Well, I've wanted to take the Musical Improv classes for a while, but haven't wanted to enough to pay the $250 every two months or whatever. But now, since they're free... I'll most probably learn how to do musical improv! I'll be so awesome then! Everyone will think I'm the greatest. I'll push it to the max (I feel a song coming on... excuse me whilst I sing)...

PERSONAL Lazy Days
Jim Gaffigan, the comedian, has a bit about what I call "lazy days." To paraphrase, he says "You ever have one thing to do all day and you just can't do it? 'Oh I have to go to the post office... but then I'd have to put pants on. I'll do it next week when I'm not so busy'." That was me yesterday. I had, essentially one thing to do (go to bank--deposit check and change my address with them)... but I just couldn't get around to doing it. "Oh I'm going to have to shave first," I thought... or I would say "It's noon... the bank's probably really busy." Noon could be substituted out and whatever the time was could be substituted back in.
And, in all honesty, those days have made up pretty much the entirety of my last year and a half. Even this morning, I find myself waking up at 10:30... when all normal people have already done stuff--been productive. So this morning brings with it a renewed sense of anger towards myself, because I haven't done anything and continue to do nothing. This is partially based on my viewing of "Walk The Line" last night (which I loved). Cash laid everything on the table and said "This is what I want to do, and everything else in my life is secondary." I really haven't done that... I really haven't done anything, to be honest. I took "classes." Big deal. I'm not doing a regular show on my own. And I'm certainly not making money at it. Hell, I can't even afford to take my girlfriend grocery shopping.
And then I just realized that, what started out as anger towards not having a job became--morphed into--being angry because I'm not doing shows and getting paid--That I'm not a professional actor or improviser. How very interesting. I wonder if this is how everyone who completes the Training Center feels like if they don't have a regular gig waiting for them. Huh. *Pause* I need to shave.

POLITICS So Good, I Wish I Had Said It
Here's something my dad sent to me today:
On March 1st in Annapolis, Maryland, a hearing on a proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage was taking place.
Jamie Raskin, professor of constitutional law at American University's Washington College of Law, testified as to why the amendment should not be passed.
At the end of his testimony, Republican State Senator Nancy Jacobs, stood up and shouted: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"
To which Mr. Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."
The room erupted into applause.

PERSONAL Turn The Page
The title of this post refers to two major chapters in the novel that is my life: 1) I have successfully completed all of my training at The Second City Training Center; and 2) I have completely moved out of my old apartment. Yes, last week was my final Second City Conservatory show. Rather than tell you all about it, you can view it in its entirety here. The link will only work for a couple of weeks, however... so check it out now. Below is a picture of my group, Jamaica University!
Look at how funny we look! No? You're probably right... but tell me the last time you had a unicorn in a class picture. Go on, tell me. That's what I thought. Now who's funny?
I use the metaphor of page turning and chapters because this time does eerily feel like a clean break with the past and a movement forward. It is a very odd time for me, mentally and emotionally. Everything I have known up until this point (except for the people), will be different. A different location, no Second City classes to speak of, and living with someone else for the first time since my senior year in college (which you don't think was all that long ago, but we are talking about three years).
Speaking of living with someone, Chelsey and the apartment are great. We got lots of help from my friend Rob and Chelsey's co-worker Carmen two weekends ago... and my parents helped me with a couple loads of boxes---all in all a pretty painless move when I think about how expensive it could have been. Chelsey and I spent much of last week cleaning my old apartment and organizing this one for both of our best friends from out of town visiting on the same weekend (weird! but true). I'll take/post pictures of the apartment soon. But, for right now, I actually have a business date/meeting tonight. A friend of mine and I (the aforementioned Rob) have written one show and look to write another. We've got four or five solid scenes and are looking to put up a two-man/35-40 minute show within the next couple of months. I'm excited. It's one of four or five projects that I'm looking into now that I'm opening a new chapter in my life. I hope this one is finally called "Adulthood."

USELESS FACT Set your clocks!
Here's something my dad emailed me this morning: "This coming Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. This won't happen again for another 1000 years." As such, I know it sounds lame... but I will most probably be up at 1 AM, just to celebrate this historically useless tidbit of knowledge.
Additionally, it's time to replace the phrase "As American as apple pie" with something more historically accurate... like "As American as the trampoline" or "As American as the fortune cookie." Viva revolution!