CrazyJohnSC on Bug-Related violence and it's place in society-
The next time you see some man tugging a dog's leash a little too violently, or throwing darts at a dolphin, keep this in mind: our society has been asking men to kill insects (or arachnids) for decades, perhaps even centuries... and we (men) have been asked to do so with swiftness and brutality. "Ahh! A Spider!!!" has been our call to arms and a rolled up newspaper our weapon of choice. But, my impressionable kiddies, what if the man doesn't want to kill the "bug" in question? Men can be afraid of spiders... can have pacts with cockroaches... can relate to the horsefly... these aren't necessarily our enemies, as we'd rather be killing the guy from the office who actually likes the Vikings or (gasp) the Colorado Avalanche. Their poor taste is their undoing... but what has the spider done? Some may say they are "trespassing", and I call those people Judges... but I have another idea. I think it is because the spider has "too many legs" or is "crawly" and looks "yucky". It is the aesthetics of the animal that grants it's death warrant... oh yes! The Spider is ugly... the cockroach misunderstood... the fly unloved... these are the REAL crimes for which they are put to death. Yes... and since beauty puts innocent animals to death, I know a few people who should get it (they are all, ironically enough, on Jerry Springer).
And I don't like killing spiders... because they kill and eat flies, which by nature are irritating.
Ah... good... my hypocrisy has made me feel better, thanks. Have a crazy day :)

Why being a professional "dog walker" would be a very lucrative career-
Well, it was move in day for me today, kiddies... and boy am I glad that I like dogs, because my apartment building is full of dogs. And not necessarily the nice, average lab-looking dog... oh no. My building is full of small yappy-type dogs or huge, f--koff eat-you-in-your-sleep dogs... nothing in between. And the yappy-type dogs would probably even try to eat you in your sleep... you'd wake up with a yappy-type dog gnawing on your ankle... "What are you doing, yappy-type dog?" you'd ask. "Ah... trying to chew the aura of your sock... look over there!" it would respond whilst running away. Clever little bastards, those yappy-type dogs.
So I moved in on a Saturday morning... which is apparently when everyone in the building takes their dogs for a walk. And you can't take the stairs from the first floor of my building... so everyone has to take the elevator. This made for some interesting trips up the elevator. Every trip was roughly the same: going into the elevator with a lamp, a chair, a mop, a bit of jam and a yappy-type dog gnawing off my sock. Either that, or: going into the elevator with a plunger, a microwave, toilet paper, canned toast and a huge, f--koff dog smelling my nuts (did I mention I was also carrying roasted almonds?).
But I like dogs... we understand each other because we're both only interested in food, humping people's legs, and chasing tail. And did I mention that we're both shallow? There's that too.
Hope you're having a crazy weekend :)

CrazyJohnSC on the superiority of Meijers' security-
Guess who was in Meijer's buying "High Fidelity" the other day, kiddies...
That's right... it was your old pal Crazy John... and I noticed a thing or two that didn't make sense (besides my shift in narrative).
First of all, the $9.99 DVD in question was under lock and key behind glass. Odd, since the complete fourth season of Buffy was on a shelf right next to it... out in the open... and worth five times as much money.
Secondly, there is no one around who can open the glass case. I went two aisles over where a woman was putting the new paperback books on a shelf and asked her... "Oh no," she said, "I don't have those keys... but I think >name of employee< might. She does pets and media." PETS AND MEDIA??!? And, sure enough, down ten more aisles there she was... stocking dog food.
"Can you help me get a DVD?" I asked her tentitively. "Oh yeah... I just need to get the key." And so we stroll to the (honest to God) island where they keep fish in tanks and the gerbils in not-so-wet tanks. This is where they keep the DVD key... of course!!! Stupid me would've had someone stationed in the SECTION of the store with the DVDs... but I obviously know nothing about business.
And, lest we forget, you don't have to pay for the DVDs in the section with them in the glass case... you can walk all around the store with them. Or even out a door, as there's really no one to stop you. COME ON! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD... EITHER GET RID OF THE CASE OR MAKE ME PAY FOR IT THERE!
Wow.... I feel better, thanks.
Have a crazy day :)

A new way to boycott Walmart if you live in Michigan:
Get this kiddies... if you're boycotting Walmart (which you should), and you live in Michigan, here's a fun little trick that I like to do to stick it to the "man".
Do not buy your carbonated beverages at Walmart, but RETURN your cans and bottles there. This not only keeps money at your favorite beverage retailers, BUT it also TAKES money from Walmart.
Hooray for that!
Sidenote... if you're returning more than $10 worth of cans a manager has to come and ok it. This can leave a few seconds of awkward time between you and the cashier... but, don't worry, if you're like me your cashier might ask you if they were "all beer cans". All beer cans??? What does that matter, lady? They are CANS, aren't they?
In addition, I'm so glad that my unshaven face and huge gut make me look like someone who could have OVER ONE HUNDRED BEER CANS LYING AROUND!
I feel better... thanks... Have a crazy day :)

Mad props to Miss Laura Jeannine for setting this all up for me. Apparently the two summers of being a computer technician did not qualify me to do something as complicated as setting up a Blog.
But I look a gift horse in the mouth... to see the length of it's teeth as old horses have longer teeth. I'm already ranting in an odd way... how great is that???!!!?
And I'm done... Ta Da!

Hope you all enjoy it! And here's over to John...

this is john's journal, and he was too frustrated to make it himself- so I did it! go me! L :)