PERSONAL On The Road Again...
Hey kids... it's your ol' pal Crazy here in sunny Las Vegas, Nevada. Chelse and I are half-way through our vacation and have been spending some quality time with Mr and Mrs Staff Sergeant USA. Their house on base is very nice... and their hospitality has been even nicer--we've seen the strip; hiked the Red Rock Canyon; cooked our own pizzas; and been introduced to some fun board and card games. I'm particularly a fan of Sequence... which is basically connect four with cards and a partner.

This leg of the trip, however, has been particularly hard on me. I've been to Las Vegas three times before and never have I felt as bad about my self image as I have on this trip. The fact that I was in a rut before I got out here could be a contributing factor... but, regardless, it has been particularly hard on me to see the thin, tall, tanned, muscular men who walk around Vegas with that same smug, shit-eating grin that seems to be shared by all these college frat boys. It's not like I want to be like them... I just want to look a lot more like they do. I wonder if I would have to give up my fantastic wit and charm and modesty as well--if I'd have to succumb to being a vapid, beer-drinking yuppie. I would certainly have to change my life-style. I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Ken used to be someone--one of the few people--I could talk about video games with... but now he's into being married and cooking and owning a house. You know, adult stuff. Part of me thinks that I'm too old for the time and energy I put into the ol' XBox--I'm once again the kid who didn't recognize he was too old for trick-or-treating until he was standing on neighbors' porches in his Batman costume, watching younger kids half his age walking up and down the neighborhood, and finally he turns to his father and asks him "Can we just go home now?" It's probably time for me to move on to the next stage in my life... to grow up and settle down; to choose the right path or be left behind.

I've been talking a lot to Chelsey about my want of the NextGen consoles coming out this year, and her response mostly seems to be something to the effect of "When you get your job, you can do whatever you want to with your money." But I know that's not entirely true. When I get a job I'll be doing my share of the bills... we'll get a bigger apartment with bigger bills; and she'll want me to put something into savings or set up some kind of investment. It's almost as if this vacation (and the subsequent job search) marks the end of my extended childhood. And I know me, it won't be a gradual change... I'll decide that I'm done and I'll be done. I will effectively kill that part of myself and start over. Maybe that's what I need, though. Maybe I need to start from the beginning, create a healthier existence for myself. I don't know. But I do know that it's late in my best friend, the WAR VETERAN's, HOUSE and I should get to bed because I wouldn't want to wake up his WIFE. It sure feels like everyone is growing up but me... and does that make me the boy who never grew up?

PERSONAL/VIDEO GAMES My Thoughts On E3
E3 is over. After watching hours of seemingly repetitive E3 coverage ("Let's go to Adam and Morgan" who then say "Let's go to the floor" and that person says "Let's kick it back to Olivia and Kevin" who banter for two minutes about nothing and then say "Let's kick it over to Adam and Morgan" and so on), here are my thoughts on the Electronic Entertainment Expo 2006--lovingly referred to as E306.

My big winner: Nintendo.
Nintendo's Wii: Stupid name, great system
Even though Wii is the dumbest name in the universe, I'm beyond excited (did I just pass excited? Oh no, turn around!) to get the motion-sensitive Wii-mote into my hands. From the games that use the controller to emulate sporting equipment (tennis racquets and baseball bats) to the shooters that use the controller like a light gun (or Red Steel, which uses the Wii-mote as an actual sword--Can a Star Wars Lightsaber game be far off? Nerdgasm times three billion), the Nintendo Wii looks like the next generation of interactivity. Yes, the graphics pretty much suck compared to the 360 or PS3, but game makers might be learning a valuable lesson soon--we just want to play FUN games... we don't care how pretty they look. Additionally, even though Nintendo didn't give us a launch date or price, they've promised that the Wii will be least expensive NextGen console. If you thought all that was good, don't forget that you'll be able to download every fun game that Nintendo has ever made (for the NES, SNES, and N64, that is) onto your Wii! They also promise toGenesisome Sega Genisis titles! Fun!

Furthermore, Nintendo seems to have such a firm grasp on the handheld market that I'm seriously considering purchasing a Nintendo DS. From everything I've heard, they've taken the stylus capabilities and added to the gameplay experience that way. Also, they've released some of my favorite old-school games on the DS like Super Mario Bros (and the "New" Super Mario Bros... which is supposed to be a new game just like the really old one) and Excitebike. Oh, hours of my childhood was spent playing Excitebike... building my own courses and jumping hills.

Nintendo DS owns the hand-held market... and your souls

My big loser: Sony.
Sony announced the launch price of the PS3: low-end $500, high-end $600... before taxes and accessories. Yes the PS3 looks great, but you've had over a year since the 360 was launched and the PS3 doesn't look good enough to replace it. Moreover, the PS3 will play Blu-Ray DVDs (the powerful and expensive as-yet-not-released disks) whereas XBox 360 will sell an HD DVD attachment (everyone knows what High Definition is all about... pluse, they're less expensive). Blu-Ray DVDs will probably hold around twice the information as an HD DVD (25GB to 15GB for single-layer or 50GB to 30GB for, what I assume to be, a double-layer), but who needs the extra 10 or 20 Gigs if I have to pay twice as much money every time I buy a movie? (I found an incredibly interesting article on Blu-Ray vs HD DVD at Macworld here. The Porn industry may be who decides which format lives on. Weird, huh?)
I'm sorry Sony, I just don't have the money to play games or watch movies on your system when I could get both the XBox 360 and the Nintendo Wii for roughly the same price. I need PS3 to Wow me at E3 2007 before I get serious about saving up that kind of dough.

VIDEO GAMES Prepare For A Nerdgasm… Here Comes E3
Sony's PS3 Peaks Interest in NextGen Consoles at E3 2006
If my life had a magic rainbow, the Electronic Entertainment Expo would be at the end of that rainbow. Every year, Los Angeles is host to, basically, a very large, week-long, video game expo. All the big hardware companies are there with large booths where Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo will strut their console and hand-held stuff. All the major software companies are there, too: Rockstar, Electronic Arts, LucasArts, Sega, Bungie, Valve, Ubi Soft, Activision (I could keep going… but I think I’ll stop there)... showing their new games for multiple platforms.

Basically, one who enters the expo gets to walk around and view new game cinematics, play any playable demos, and see what the next year’s gaming technology will be before everyone else (everyone who isn’t at the expo, that is).

But this year… this very year, my pretty friends, G4 will be broadcasting shows LIVE from E3. They will have three hours a day dedicated just to what’s going on inside E3. I’m hoping that my favorite G4 show, X-Play, somehow shows previews or even reviews the booths! Oh, I can’t wait!!!

What I want to see at E3? Sony’s Playstation 3, Nintento’s NextGen Wii (formerly the Revolution), anything they can tell me about Halo 3 (sure to be a 360 only release… as Microsoft realizes that the PS3 is destroying it in sales [because it will], they’ll pull some “You can only get these games on the 360!” bullshit and they’ll toss lots of money to game developers to develop just for the 360. Just you wait.), and Prices! Prices! Prices! How much are the PS3’s going to be? Are they going to be $700, like I hear they might be? And, as such, how will I afford to purchase a PS3, an Xbox 360, and an HD TV good enough to handle all the incredible graphics? I want E3 to explain to me how I’m going to handle the cost… explain yourselves Electronic Entertainment Expo! I can’t wait. And E3 starts tonight, May 9, on G4. Check your local listings for time and channel *commercial*

Nintendo's Wii Controller... Looks like a Remote Control, tastes like a candy bar

PERSONAL LA Bound
Last night I had my first rehearsal with my new, completely improvised show. The hot topic at rehearsal is the fact that our show has been asked to perform at IO West on June Ninth in some kind of improv festival. Where is IO West, you ask? Well, the smart kids who get gold stars today have already put the title together with what I’m talking about. For those who aren’t getting stars today, here it is: I’m headed to LA! For one night only (unless I get a hold of Adam and Susan and make it two or three nights), I’ll be in Los Angeles for the first time in my life. I’m so excited!
And you want to know the best part? The reason we're going out there is the best part. We were asked to be part of the 4th Annual LA Improv Festival! For realsies... check out their website here. It's famous people from SNL, MadTV, Upright Citizen Brigade... and us! How psyched am I? (Hint: Very)
But that excitement is quelled by the fact that I’m still learning this particular long-form improvisation… form (rehearsal did not go particularly well). I’ve only got a handful of rehearsals to figure it out… but if I keep myself under the same amount of pressure I’ve currently got myself, I should be able to learn the whole process soon enough. I’m still learning *pushes up glasses*.

VIDEO GAMES Kingdom Hearts 2 Song... Like A Siren In The Ocean Of Gaming
I do not have a Playstation 2. My lack of a PS2 upsets me whenever I think about three games: Guitar Hero; God of War; and the Kingdom Hearts series. Kingdom Hearts is an action RPG that combines Japanese Anime with classic Disney characters. I know that sounds like an interesting and potentially terrible marriage, but from everything I’ve heard, the first Kingdom Hearts game was amazing and fun and combined the two genres incredibly. Now there’s a new Kingdom Hearts game out, which has new Disney characters (Captain Jack Sparrow anyone?) and has a haunting commercial song. Every time I hear the song, I stop whatever I’m doing and watch the commercial. The commercial is almost all cut-scenes (but they’re beautiful) so I can only guess what the actual gameplay is like… but I anxiously await the launch of the PS3 because the price of PS2s will drop and I can finally be a Guitar Hero. And maybe I’ll take some time out from my guitar to help Mickey with a sword in the shape of a key.

MUSIC Faktion Album Online
I get a lot of friend requests from bands on MySpace. A lot equals about four per day. Most of the time I don’t even open the page and look at the band’s site… I just leave them on my friend request page to rot. One of the bands that I did look at and add was Faktion. They have been all over MySpace… adding billions of friends and putting trillions of things on their page. However, one of the cool things they’ve done is to upload their entire new album so that fans (or potential fans) can listen before they buy. I listened to almost the whole album… and I think they have a chance to be the next big thing. Or they just have a chance to have me buy one of their albums.

PERSONAL 11-Month Anniversary--Breakfast And A Gratuitously Violent Movie
Near the end of April, Chelsey and I celebrated our 11-month anniversary. That weekend Sarah and Eli were in Chicago, so we headed to Navy Pier to meet them for a fun-filled romp. Err… no romp atall. Whatever. Anyway, we met Eli and Sarah at Charlie’s Ale House—which is quickly becoming one of my favorite bars/restaurant in Chicago. Chelse and I ate with Ken and Abi there and anything I’ve tried there is good. That’s Charlie’s... and they’re paying me to tell you how great they are (not really… no one pays me).
After eating, we walked around Navy Pier and I finally took Chelsey on the Ferris wheel.

She’s wanted to ride the Ferris wheel since BEFORE she moved here, but for some reason we never made it up there. That reason could be my great discomfort with heights. I don’t want to say “fear”… because it’s more of an anxiety than a fear, but let’s just say I don’t feel comfortable with the thought that falling from wherever I am will kill me. Regardless, we all enjoyed our 7 minutes of Heaven (the ride was 7 minutes).

After the ride, we went to Hagen Das to celebrate the fact that I’m still alive. Chelsey and I split some Rocky Road thing… it looked like this.
It was as good as it looked. After ice cream, when everyone was happy and full I decided to ruin it by taking everyone to see Silent Hill. I wish I was kidding. Silent Hill is probably one of the best video game to movie movies I’ve seen in a while. However, if given a choice to see it with Chelsey after knowing what’s actually in the movie… there’s no way I’d go to see it again. Without getting too much into it, there are some gratuitous torture scenes in the movie and that really disturbs her.
It was far too late at night, after the movie was done, to make amends. I needed to do something, however, and so in the morning I decided to have a great large breakfast for us. Chelsey wanted it to be something that we did together, so I drove her to the grocery store, she picked up some food and we came back to the apartment to make it. A million eggs, thirty-three pounds of bacon, and four cinnamon rolls later and look at what we did!
It was the best breakfast I’ve had since I left college (you know, three years). Chelsey and I had a very relaxing and wonderful anniversary, and I look forward to the year anniversary in May (we’ll be on vacation… I hope to blog from the road).

PERSONAL My New Show
Every once in a while I’m fortunate enough to be privy to a new comedy show before other people are. This usually means that I don’t have to audition for the new show. That makes me insanely happy, as auditioning for stuff is my least favorite part of the “business.” So imagine how excited I was when I heard from my friend Gillian, who emailed me and asked me if I wanted to be a show she’s in. The show, Bad Review, has been performing for weeks now but they’re looking to add another member for a run in the Skybox. I was asked to be that other member… I mean person. I was asked to go see the show (which I did a couple of weeks ago), and I’m currently awaiting my first rehearsal with them.
What’s the show about? The show takes the worst theatre review from the past week and improvises an entire new play that the reader would have liked. You heard me right, it’s an entire improvised play. This is something I’ve been waiting to do for months, nay years! (No… really months) I don’t know if I’m ready for a fully improvised show… but I will continue to not know until I do it. And that’s why I’ve got to do this show—I’ve got to see if I can do this. Look for me in the skybox with this show in mid-June.

PERSONAL I'm Breathing Right!
A couple of weeks ago, Chelsey woke me up because I was sleeping funny. You see I have sleep apnea, which, if you follow the link, is a sleeping/breathing condition wherein the person momentarily stops breathing during sleep… and then that person has to “catch up.” As such, Chelsey caught me in one of my “non-breathing” moments and was scared for me. I didn’t like the thought that I was making Chelsey worried, so I thought I would try to figure something out that could help. My first solution was to try Breathe Right strips. The first night I tried it, I was instantly amazed at how easily I could breathe in through my nose. It felt like my nasal passages were opened as wide as I think they are when I point at them. Unfortunately, since one has to apply these strips to oneself, I think there were a couple of days in the past week or two when I didn’t apply them correctly. But last night I know I did it right again because the air is coming so easily! I’m a big commercial today! (The funniest part of the box is that it says "Drug Free"... like I'm really concerned about all the drugs used in a product which is an adhesive strip with two plastic bands on it. Thanks for easing my concerns)

SPORTS Pistons Advance; Wings Let Me Down
When this postseason started for the NBA and the NHL, I was pumped. For the first time in the history of the universe, one city had the best team in both basketball and hockey. New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago… they’ve all never done it before: it was Detroit, baby. D-Town entered the postseason with the Pistons having the best record in the NBA and the Red Wings winning the Presidents cup. Before I get into the Pistons win over the Bucks, let’s talk about the Red Wings.

One year ago, hockey left me. Hockey left us all. In all honesty, I don’t think anyone in Chicago even noticed. And, unfortunately, I’m one of those people. Even when hockey came back this season, there was no way for me to watch any of the hockey games. Chicagoans like to pretend that the Blackhawks don’t exist… and, as such, don’t get to see the Blackhawk games on TV. Furthermore, I don’t get FOX Sports Detroit or any Canadian channel (where the hockey comes from), so I was unable to see the Wings play all but a handful of games this past season. And that reminds me, I didn’t know that hockey was on NBC until fairly late in the season (because I don’t really watch NBC)… and I was lucky enough to find the playoff games on OLN only because I was looking for them. OLN? Who the hell watches OLN? I guess I did. I watched five of the six Red Wing playoff games (not as closely as I would have liked, however)… and I’m not the least bit surprised that the Wings lost. I think I only actually saw two of the Wings goals the entire series. It seemed like whenever I would turn the game on, the Oilers were scoring. And Red Wings playoff hockey is SO INTENSE! I watched all of game 2 and was so MAD when the game was over that I said some pretty mean things. There are only three sports teams that REALLY get my juices flowing, particularly when they lose—but with Red Wings playoff hockey (unlike my Packers), I get mad after a loss. Packers losses make me depressed, not angry. Red Wing losses make me absolutely furious! I know how talented they are as a team… and I feel like, if the Wings lose, they’re losing because they’re not working as hard as the other team. They have the talent… they just need to work harder and smarter… and that’s why I get mad. The Edmonton Oilers WANTED it more. They wanted it and they got it. It didn't look like the Wings wanted it... and want is key to NHL playoffs. More than any other sport, 'want' will beat out pure talent in the NHL 9 times out of 10. Now what for the Wings? Is this the year we see the mass exodus? When we see Yzerman, Chelios, Shannahan, Lang, Lidstrom, Draper, and Maltby all retire? Will Detroit fans murder Manny Legacy, as it seems they always do with goalies who don’t win cups for the Wings? Will the Wings realize that, short of Zetterberg (who REALLY came on in these playoffs!) and Datsyk… the Wings have no good, young players? What will happen to Jiri Fischer… will he ever play again? Interesting questions swirl around the Red Wings this off-season… and hopefully it will entice me back to hockey.

I mentioned to Chelsey that, short of the Wings, I would much rather watch the NBA playoffs than the NHL playoffs. Furthermore, now that the Wings are done, I’ll probably stop paying attention to the NHL playoffs altogether. I’m really into the NBA playoffs this year--partly because the Pistons are so amazing… and partly because the playoffs are so interesting this year. This season, more than any in recent memory, produced competitive match-ups in the first round. Now the Dallas Mavericks (who are sitting pretty in the West) completely destroyed the Memphis Grizzles in 4 games… and the Pistons struggled little against the rising Bucks (who are about one more big player away from being a very good team… Michael Redd could be a star in this league in a different market [Knicks anyone?]), but besides those two series, the other six have been good. And just like I used to feel passionately about the NHL teams that I hated (Colorado, New Jersey, and Dallas come to mind), I now have NBA teams that I hate. I hate the Lakers; I hate the Spurs (I like Tim Duncan and Michael Finley, but hate Tony Parker and Manu “Run-Straight-Into-You-And-You-Get-A-Foul” Ginobli); I hate the Heat (even though I like Shaq and Wade individually… figure that one out); I hate the Pacers and don’t really like the Nets… I love, love, love my Pistons, and I’m cheering for the Bulls, the Cavaliers, and the Clippers (why not the Clippers? and former-CMU star Chris “The Hair” Kamen?) and this all equals my passion about the NBA. The NBA… I love this game *commercial music*

NATIONAL NEWS Newsweek Unveils Top 1,000 High Schools In America
Newsweek magazine released its top 1,000 high schools this week. The schools are ranked thanks to an index which is (basically) the ratio of AP tests taken over the number of graduating seniors. If the ratio isn't 1.000, the school didn't make the list. This is the way Newsweek thinks it is fair to judge high schools. I don't necessarily agree, but I can't really think of a better system. If you follow the link below, you'll notice they also mention the E and E % number. That's the percent of seniors that passed at least one AP (or International Baccalaureate--which must be a test big in other part of the country because I've never heard of it) test. This might be a better measure of whether or not those seniors taken all those tests are actually learning anything. But maybe that's just me. Notice the #2 school in the nation according to their numbers (a school in Alabama) only had 50% of their seniors pass an AP or IB test that they took. Should they really be the number two high school in the country?
Here is the complete list... thanks to the generous people at MSNBC. Let me know if your school made the list. Big Rapids High School, surprisingly enough, did not make the list. In other sarcasm, I was surprised to see that East Grand Rapids HS made the list (668). Fill up the comments and let me know if your school made it. Or just kill time looking over the list like I did.

FOOTBALL NFL Draft... Packer's Style
As some of you may know (read: hardly any of you), this past weekend was the NFL Draft. Some time in either middle school or high school, my dad and I went to Lambeau Field for the draft... and we were able to watch the draft from the Club Boxes (it was a draft-day thing). This year, my dad and I decided to go to Lambeau Field again for the draft. This year's draft was to be held in the Lambeau Field atrium... complete with door prizes and autograph sessions. My dad is historically on the ball with Packer “fan” stuff like this, so we got tickets months ago. Additionally, in the way only my dad can do his dad things (What?), he had emailed someone in charge of the event and suggested WiFi access. It should be noted that people actually listen to my dad (unlike me…) [does that mean people don’t listen to me or I don’t listen to my dad? We’ll never know].
Regardless, we were headed to Lambeau Field, computers in tow, ready for the Packers to select AJ Hawk (unless they blew it and drafted Vernon Davis). My dad didn’t figure their would be a lot of people at the event, so we didn’t leave all that early. For once, he was wrong. If there’s one thing about Packer fans (let’s be honest), they aren’t doing anything better than whatever the Packers have planned for that day. Is that because they aren’t important OR is that because the Packers are the most important thing in these people’s lives? I’ll leave that up to you. But you should know that two lines formed leaded up to the atrium… both snaking their way in circles. While in line, from the outside, it didn’t look like we were going to be able to find a place to sit… but that was foolish. Once we got inside, we realized how right we were.

There was no place to sit… no place at all. We had traveled all that way, and my first thought was to go back to the hotel and just watch the draft from there. But my father is the persevering one. He found one chair and then had to look around all over the atrium for another. We found a table that just had one, solitary dude. This dude came to the draft special by himself and wasn’t interested in getting drunk (which put him in the minority with my dad and I)… so I’m sure you’re thinking militia-member. And you wouldn’t be far off from the way this dude looked… but he turned out to be a really nice guy.

Thankfully the Packers pick came pretty fast… and everyone was excited about it. Historically the Packers have a way of destroying seasons with their first round pick. But this year we got the best linebacker *prospect* in the draft. I say prospect because one doesn’t know if draft picks will pan out the way they played in college. AJ Hawk was awesome in college… but who knows if that will translate to the next level?
And who knows if last year’s number one pick, Aaron Rodgers, will pan out? But I do know what he looks like up close. Look!
Up close he looks bewildered! Er... I mean confused. No... wait... anyway, like I said, one of the draws of this draft day event was the autograph sessions. Upon entry into the atrium, everyone was given one of four different cards with a time period on it. The time period, obviously, correlated with which players you would be able to see. Each time period had two or three players… and I was fortunate enough to get the time-frame with Aaron Rodgers. The picture above is of him signing my Rodgers jersey. I waited in line for about five draft picks to see him. I know that doesn't sound like long... but keep in mind that each team does get 15 minutes to draft in the first round. When I got up to him, Aaron seemed more interested in watching the draft himself than meeting with the fans. That's slightly upsetting, but I don't blame him.
When I will blame him is when, at the beginning of the 2007-2008 season, he's given the team and he struggles. "He had all that time on the bench to learn" we'll yell... and we won't understand just how much faster the game comes at you in the pros even than on the sidelines. "We want Brett back!" we'll scream. Oh poor Aaron. You want to be the guy after the guy after the guy... not the guy after THE guy.
VIDEO GAMES/TV The Problem I Have With "Cheat!"
I watch a show on G4 (formerly G4-Tech TV)[formerly Tech-TV] called “Cheat!” I watch “Cheat!” because it gives hints, tricks, and tips on popular video games. And, because the whole half-hour episode is generally only about one game, there are plenty of episodes out there (they usually show two back-to-back). But I have a huge, HUGE problem with this show. That problem is the host. Her name is Kristin… and I can’t quiet place my problem with her. Well, I can, I just don’t know why I feel this way. This way equals the fact that it seems like Kristin doesn’t play the games. It feels like Kristin doesn’t play any games. I get the feeling that Kristin has never played video games in her entire life. And something about that angers me to no end. Probably the fact that I could do so much better… because I know the games. Plus I wouldn’t tell lame jokes and think I was being clever (like she does). I would tell lame jokes and know for a fact that I’m not funny in the least. So aggravating! I don’t know why I still watch that show (yes I do… the hints, tips, and tricks).
TV The Problem I Have With $40 A Day
And that leads me to another topic. On one of my favorite channels, Food Network, there’s a show called “$40 A Day.” On that show, Rachel Ray travels around the country and eats in great, exciting places with only $40 in her pockets. I have two problems with this show. The most obvious problem is that Rachel Ray comes in with a camera crew… and you think she’s not going to get a little discount on her meal? (Sidenote: Have you seen some of the tips she gives? Barely 10%! What an uber-bitch!) The second major problem I have with that show is that Rachel Ray is not built like, say, me. She is tiny… and the amount of food she needs to be full is a lot less food than I would need to be full. This is the same problem I have with similar “You can eat for this much a day” shows or articles. I actually saw something in a magazine that was an article like this… which was written by a woman. I mention that it was written by a woman only because this next part wouldn’t make sense if I didn’t mention it. This writer actually ate breakfast by going to a supermarket and eating nothing but free samples. SAMPLES! Do you know how many samples it would take to fill me? (Hint: 3,472 samples). But this is the kind of thing Rachel does… she gets amounts of food that, frankly, wouldn’t work for me. So what good is a show like that to me? If I can’t actually eat and be full for $40 why watch the show? Ahh… so I don’t.