PERSONAL On The Road Again...
Hey kids... it's your ol' pal Crazy here in sunny Las Vegas, Nevada. Chelse and I are half-way through our vacation and have been spending some quality time with Mr and Mrs Staff Sergeant USA. Their house on base is very nice... and their hospitality has been even nicer--we've seen the strip; hiked the Red Rock Canyon; cooked our own pizzas; and been introduced to some fun board and card games. I'm particularly a fan of Sequence... which is basically connect four with cards and a partner.

This leg of the trip, however, has been particularly hard on me. I've been to Las Vegas three times before and never have I felt as bad about my self image as I have on this trip. The fact that I was in a rut before I got out here could be a contributing factor... but, regardless, it has been particularly hard on me to see the thin, tall, tanned, muscular men who walk around Vegas with that same smug, shit-eating grin that seems to be shared by all these college frat boys. It's not like I want to be like them... I just want to look a lot more like they do. I wonder if I would have to give up my fantastic wit and charm and modesty as well--if I'd have to succumb to being a vapid, beer-drinking yuppie. I would certainly have to change my life-style. I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Ken used to be someone--one of the few people--I could talk about video games with... but now he's into being married and cooking and owning a house. You know, adult stuff. Part of me thinks that I'm too old for the time and energy I put into the ol' XBox--I'm once again the kid who didn't recognize he was too old for trick-or-treating until he was standing on neighbors' porches in his Batman costume, watching younger kids half his age walking up and down the neighborhood, and finally he turns to his father and asks him "Can we just go home now?" It's probably time for me to move on to the next stage in my life... to grow up and settle down; to choose the right path or be left behind.

I've been talking a lot to Chelsey about my want of the NextGen consoles coming out this year, and her response mostly seems to be something to the effect of "When you get your job, you can do whatever you want to with your money." But I know that's not entirely true. When I get a job I'll be doing my share of the bills... we'll get a bigger apartment with bigger bills; and she'll want me to put something into savings or set up some kind of investment. It's almost as if this vacation (and the subsequent job search) marks the end of my extended childhood. And I know me, it won't be a gradual change... I'll decide that I'm done and I'll be done. I will effectively kill that part of myself and start over. Maybe that's what I need, though. Maybe I need to start from the beginning, create a healthier existence for myself. I don't know. But I do know that it's late in my best friend, the WAR VETERAN's, HOUSE and I should get to bed because I wouldn't want to wake up his WIFE. It sure feels like everyone is growing up but me... and does that make me the boy who never grew up?