FOOTBALL Bears Good? Pats Stink? Hell Frozen?
Well, well, well... the Chicago Bears are 8-3 and the New England Patriots are 6-5. We've had to hear all season that the NFC North is a terrible division full of terrible teams, but has anyone mentioned the AFC East in that discussion? The Pats are the division leaders of the AFC East and they're only 6-5. Guess who else is 6-5: The Minnesota Stupid Vikings of the "terrible" NFC North. And what about the NFC West? Take the 9-2 Seahawks out of that division, and the NFC West is clearly the worst division in football. I'm sick of hearing how bad the NFC North is... and sick of not hearing how bad other divisions, with teams with worse records, are in comparison. If you, as a commentator, are going to take the time to tell me that the NFC North is terrible, at least take the time to say that the defending Super Bowl champs, and the rest of their division, are bad. And, hey, guess what else... You heard this here first... The Green Bay Packers, if Brett Favre stays next season, will be 12-4 next year. Mark my words. The defense has been better than advertised... even without talent. And the offense is okay despite having all of our "skill" position players go into the game and instantly fall down dead. If the Packers can have a good draft (which they should, considering how bad their record will be), AND get all their skill players back from injury, they'll surprise everyone next year. Everyone but me.
FOOTBALL Irvin Arrested
Will wonders never cease? Yesterday I saw that one of my least favorite players of all time, and the person who's moronic commentating has stopped me from watching ESPN's Sunday morning football programming--Michael Irvin--was arrested in Texas. Yahoo!News reports that Irvin was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia. Personally, Irvin and moronic Steve Young's feud of the simple minds has driven me away (in a stock car... that's fast) from ESPN's NFL Countdown on Sunday mornings. When Sterling Sharpe was commentating (sorry I'm a "homer"), I loved the show... and I could even stand Steve Young's idiotic, I-Only-Went-To-BYU-Because-I'm-Related-To-The-Founder, drivel. But Irvin just inflames Young... and I used watch as Berman and Jackson (who I both like very much) sit dumbfounded by the annoying contrived "arguments" that are tossed back and forth from Irvin to Young and back. Regardless, I hope Irvin gets fired... but doubt he will.
FOOTBALL Mariucci Fired
I was somewhat delighted to see that Steve Mariucci, former Lions head coach, was fired yesterday after his team's terrible showing on Thanksgiving and his personal early yanking of Joey Harrington in that game. Short of an offensive line and defensive backs, the Lions have had the players to be a team which should, at the very least, be a .500 club. My dad thinks that it's the ol' "attitude of losing" thing which plagued the Bengals until Marvin Lewis became the coach. The Lions need someone who's going to come in, crack skulls, and say "Listen to me and this team will win games." I don't know who that would be... but I don't doubt that he won't be the next Lion's coach--who will be someone I've never heard of. Hey... how about Steve Young? He's probably right in Matt Millen's wheel-house of moronic coaches. Charming.
FOOTBALL... KIND OF Super Bowl Half-Time Show: The Rolling Stones. Two People Cheer
Hey... I can't wait to see the rock band of my parent's generation (or maybe my grandparent's generation) at half-time of the biggest game of the year. I've heard that the Rolling Stones "transcend age-groups" and is, as such, a pretty good draw... but I don't think so. Could I name a Rolling Stones song? No... unless "The One That Sucks" counts as one of their titles. Why am I even upset about this? I'm not, really... I'm not going to be paying attention to the half-time show. I'll be getting food or imbibing adult beverages or vomiting at the people who are singing along. But I just have a deep philosophical problem with a band playing at the Super Bowl that started making music before a lot of the players playing in the GAME ITSELF were even BORN. The Super Bowl, excuse me, is and should be about the game itself... people who think it's about the commercials or about the half-time show, frankly, disgust me. You want to watch commercials? Watch whatever's on the other channels. Don't bastardize my beloved NFL by talking during the game and then watching the commercials, pre-game show, and half-time show. *Shakes head*
NATIONAL NEWS Supreme Court Building, Sensing Where Court Is Headed, Pre-Emptivly Decides To Crumble
Here's a story about chunks of the US Supreme Court building breaking off. I'm not going to say anything here that I haven't said in the title, but I will say that I'm still very anxious about the Supreme Court "situation" and hope that new Chief Justice Roberts will rule fairly and justly based on individual cases, case precedence, and everything that doesn't involve special interest groups (groups which include Republicans AND Democrats).

SPORTS Sox Trade Rowand For Aging Thome
In terrible sports news, the Chicago White Sox (2005 World Series Champions) have traded the amazing fielding centerfielder Aaron Rowand for the aging, injury prone, Jim Thome. I can understand getting Thome as insurance, just in case they can't resign Konerko... and I can understand wanting Thome as a DH... but Rowand was just starting to garner golden glove respect for his play in centerfield... and was a key part of the Soxs' defense on their way to a World Series. I'm always hesitant to trade youth for age, especially as Rowand was starting to really make a name for himself defensively. *shakes head* I'm upset with this trade... and wonder who the Sox will put in center next season.
FOOTBALL Lions Suck... No One Surprised
Yes, even though the Lions got smoked, I'm still mad at how Joey Harrington is being treated. After not even a full half, Harrington was yanked for Jeff Garcia. Harrington was NOT the reason why the Lions were losing. He was actually being booed by the Lions fans at the game (hey! let's boo the home team on Thanksgiving on national TV. Classy). It is my hope that Harrington gets a shot to actually play someplace else next year... as I think he just needs a new start somewhere. Arizona? New Orleans (or wherever they will be)? Dallas? Baltimore? Washington? Hell... how funny would it be for Harrington to end up in Chicago and do well? This situation reminds me very much of certain (bad) college football teams. If Mariucci (who I'm quite sick of) wants to go with Garcia... just grow some balls and start Garcia. If you're going to give Harrington the start... at least let him finish out the first half. You're killing this young man's spirits. Keep your head up, Joey. You'll be on a better team next year.

PERSONAL Another Writing Five Rehearsal; Anger Ensues
Monday night I had yet another rehearsal for my new writing five show. The hilarity ensued when discussing a potential rehearsal next Monday, a day which was not scheduled to be a rehearsal date, because of the Training Center's Thanksgiving break. Coincidentally, it is also the day which is the Packers/Vikings Monday Night game. Needless to say, I can't go to that rehearsal (my dad gave me the tickets), not that it should be a problem--as there shouldn't be a rehearsal that day. See where I'm going? Well, in this rehearsal, the director asked if everyone (sans me) could make the "rehearsal" next week. Apparently everyone else could... everyone who wasn't me. The next thing I knew, the director had cancelled the impromptu rehearsal, citing my absence as the reason why we couldn't meet. So now I'm the ass... even though there shouldn't have even been a rehearsal to cancel. Could I possibly have a rehearsal without being angry afterwards? (hint: no)
PERSONAL Does "The Boy Friend" Get Rave Reviews? Find Out Below
Tuesday night Chelsey and I saw a show at the famous Chicago Theatre. The show we saw was called "The Boy Friend," and is an early 1900s British musical. While watching it, I couldn't help thinking how antiquated the show is. I am almost certain that it doesn't take itself seriously... but I'm not completely sure. Regardless, the song about a woman needing a boy friend to have a meaningful life, compounded by the main character singing stuff about knitting and cooking while "her man" sits and reads... leads me to believe that this show is either horribly antiquated or it hopefully realizes it's antiquated. Unfortunately, I didn't see enough poking fun/not taking itself seriously to think that it understands how out-dated it is. Regardless, the dancing, costuming, and the orchestra was good (as it is in most musicals)... the lyrics and dialogue laughably bad (as it is in most musicals)... and the show became mindless entertainment (as I have found is the case with most "bad" musicals). It was worth the money, however, just to be in the Chicago Theatre. The theatre itself is HUGE... showing/reminding me of the way theatres used to be built; large and ornate... if not for modern lighting and amplification, it would be difficult to imagine seeing and enjoying a show in the way we enjoy a show now. It was a beautiful theatre... and well worth the $14. If you get a chance to see a show that cheaply (Katy), I recommend it.
PERSONAL SLIGHTED! Euphonics Show No Crazy Love!
Now I know what will be the initial backlash, so let me try to set an impartial background for everyone before I start ranting. Okay. Last spring, I got word that the Euphonics were going to be one vocal percussionist short for their recording session and, as such, I was respectfully asked to fill in. "No problem," I said, "I'm happy to help." Now, performing a cappella music with a new group is analogous to playing football with a new team: sure you know how to do your thing, but unless you practice with everyone else, it won't matter how good you are (or think you are) you're not going to know what's going on. As such, I wasn't all that great... but it was only due to my lack of rehearsals. I needn't make excuses... but it should be noted that I put myself out there, let myself look kind of shitty, and "took one" for the "team." I asked for nothing in return for my time, gasoline, and talent, just the knowledge that I helped the group I co-founded continue. But I think there is an implication that, at the very least, a small acknowledgement somewhere on the CD jacket, or on the back cover, or in the "thank yous" is polite and completely called for. I know I have an ego, this is not the question... but I don't think it's too much to ask to have someone say "Hey, thanks for recording as the only vocal percussionist on three songs and for helping on several others even though you never rehearsed with us and some of these songs you'd never even heard us sing before." Now it sounds like I'm being ungrateful for the opportunity to record... but, now that I think about it, they were pretty ungrateful to use me for the CD without acknowledging me. So, if you're reading this and it upsets you, go to the Euphonics website and let them know you're not happy... and that I'm the greatest Euphonic member in history (have them start a poll).
TOYS The Coolest Thing In The History Of The World
With Christmas coming up, it's our job at Rantings to let you know this year's hot toys. Fortunately for you, this will be a short article... as the ONLY hot toy this year will be: Star Wars Transformers. The perfect melding of two of the greatest things in the history of the world... this will not be like pizza ice cream! SWT are a can't miss! If you click on the link and look at the pictures, you'll see that they make more realistic vehicles than they do robots/personages; but that's the way most Transformers are constructed. Mmm... Transformers.
SPORTS See What Happens When You Leave Detroit? You Eventually End Up In Columbus
In hockey news, the Columbus Blue Jackets have acquired former Mighty Duck (and Red Wing) Sergei Fedorov. The 35-year-old, million time all-star, who didn't come back to the Wings because of money (as far as I'm concerned) will now toil in shame on the Blue Jackets. I find this hilarious, personally... as I liked Fedorov only because he was a Red Wing. This 'pretty-boy' Russian, who always put himself ahead of the Wings, will now be the ONLY player worth anything on his team (unless you count Adam Foote). Additionally, since he's now in the Central Division again, I hope when he next plays the Red Wings that Yzerman checks the crap out of him. I wouldn't mind of Yzerman gets some kind of penalty for the hit... he owes Fedorov a really bone-jarring check.
SPORTS The Pistons Remain Undefeated... No One In Chicago Even Knows
From what I hear, my Pistons are undefeated so far in this NBA season. Unfortunately, I have no idea. All we hear of basketball in Chicago is the baby Bulls (but not necessarily about them playing) and/or the new dress code. From what I hear, the Pistons are on fire! The offense is scoring over 100 points a game and the defense hasn't lost any of its intensity. Scottie Pippen (of all people) predicted that the Pistons would win 70 games this season. I don't know if that's true or not... the season is long and anything can happen, but if Darko steps it up and the Piston's bench is solid, it might be possible. Who knows? (Hint: No one in Chicago)
WORLD NEWS First Human Case Of Bird Flu Reported In China
According to Yahoo! News, the World Health Organization reports that there has been a case of bird flu in humans in China, causing at least one fatality. If I was living in BR or Albion, I wouldn't be worried about this... because what would be the chances of something like this finding its way into those tiny burgs? (hint: 600,000 to 1) But, living in Chicago... the chances still are quite remote. Do I think this might be a global government conspiracy to give people the bird flu in order to keep them in line and/or buying new medicines, pleading with the government to save them? Perhaps. Probably not. But I do find it interesting that a human could get a bird flu... I find it interesting that there could be a fatal flu that can't be medically treated... I find it interesting that someone could actually "predict" that it would wipe out more than half the world's population... I also find it interesting that "pandemic" seems to only refer to widespread epidemics, and not just things that are widespread in general. In summary, don't forget to wash your hands and get plenty of orange juice... I have no idea if this will aid anyone in not getting a fatal bird flu. I've got nothing.

PERSONAL Dominoes, Raking, and Malts! Oh... What?
In the story first published on Crazy Rantings, this weekend was spent in Indianapolis. Chelsey and I left Chicago fairly early Friday morning but hit traffic just outside of Chicago, in between Chicago and Indiana, and just before Indianapolis. As such, we arrived in Indy about five-ish local time. Just in time for supper. Chelsey's grandma asked if I was a "hugger" when we met, to which I wisely responded "I guess." Not my most charming. Oh it gets better (that's not sarcasm... it does, in fact, get better). After supper, Chelsey's grandma took us to Menard's because she needed some shelving guides for shelving units she was having put in her laundry room. When we got back from errands, Chelsey's grandma said "So... what do you want to do?" Now I had mentioned to Chelsey on the drive down that I would love to play board games. It had been months (maybe even a year or more) since I last played a board game... and I was very much into playing any board game at all. We ended up playing "Aggravation," which is a marble game. I didn't want to get uber competitive... but felt comfortable sticking it to Chelsey as the game progressed. Then we played a dominoes game called Mexican Train dominoes. It's dominoes, using numbers up to 15, and with a couple different rules. I enjoyed it very much and, quasi-unfortunately, cleaned house. I don't know how polite it is to be the guest and to own at a game that you're playing... but I was just trying to do my best. The domino game took us, basically, to the end of the evening. I was given my own bedroom (which was nice), but Chelsey and I had to switch the mattresses first. We moved a mattress from "my" bedroom into the master bed and vice versa. I learned how to make hospital corners (kind of), and we all made the beds together. Aww...
In the morning, I was awoken to Chelsey's promise of french toast. Little did I know, C Dubs is a vacuum for french toast. I was still working on my first piece when she was reaching for more... calling me "slow." I'll show her slow! Wait... nevermind. After breakfast, Chelse and I raked leaves. Yeah... we did yardwork for her grandma. There were a billion leaves in her yard and, after about three hours of work, we hadn't even gotten to the front. If we hadn't had to get back to Chicago, I would have loved to finish the yard. You see, in my family (and extended family) I have the reputation of being spoiled, lazy, and useless. Not that this isn't based on empirical evidence, but I am very much looking forward to creating a new reputation with a new family. So I raked like a madman... hoping to be considered a useful, constructive person. Hopefully my scheme worked. Mmwah ha ha haaa! Whatever. After raking, Chelse and I got about a million pounds of food from Boston Market for about three dollars... further proving that if one buys food at Boston Market for thirty people, it's actually LESS expensive than if you were to purchase food for one. Regardless, Chelse and I ate with her grandma and her uncle David... and were off back to Chicago before we knew it. The visit went well (I think), and I look forward to seeing Chelsey's grandma again. Aww... (shut up)
PERSONAL Crazy Acts; Gets Hit On
Last night I had my second performance of TNG at Midnight. The show seemed a little flat to me, but perhaps that was because I was exhausted from a day of yard work and driving. Although I don't think all of it was me. My friend Fernando came to the show and he said that the audience was a little flat, too. He said that the audience didn't seem to be laughing much. Perhaps, had the audience laughed more, I would have been more into the show. I know that's the opposite of the way it's supposed to work (I'm supposed to be the one bringing the energy regardless of what the audience does), but I was so exhausted that I brought as much energy as I could muster. I feel like it wasn't enough... and I was pretty disappointed with myself when the show was over. As such, I went to greet my girlfriend (and whoever else saw the show) in a kind of funk. In the lobby, Chelsey was beaming (as usual) and Fernando said it was good but kind of flat. I was then introduced to three of Heather's friends from the bar at which she works. One of them, Erin, was far too happy to see/talk to me. She was drunk (of course) so don't worry about my ego getting too large... but she was very awe-struck to be talking with me, and I was (needless to say) flattered. After she left, I said "Well I haven't been hit on that hard in a while." And Chelsey was upset. I do, indeed, flirt when I shouldn't (particularly in restaurants)... but I don't think talking with someone who's saying very nice things about your acting is necessarily flirting. And there was certainly not intent on my part--I certainly wasn't attracted to her--so what's so wrong with being nice to someone who is nice to you? Especially when this woman had been introduced to your girlfriend (as "Chelsey, John's girlfriend") and when my bio in the program says that I'm "happily off the market." I can understand her being upset at the woman... but she transferred that anger to me, and that's just not cool. But don't you worry, dear reader, everything has been talking through and worked out... and, in the future, I won't be polite to any female who I'm never going to see again. Take that, nuns!
FOOTBALL Bears Try To Play In A Wind Storm/ Packers Decide To Win For Once
Yesterday (Sunday) was as windy as poop in Chicago. Poop with wind in it. I watched the hilarity ensue as Chicago and San Francisco both tried to play special teams in the windiest conditions in which I've ever seen a game played. Robbie Gould's first field goal attempt literally got caught by the wind and thrown sideways... if you watch it, it looks like the ball stops midair and goes straight sideways. It was unbelievable! But--keep this in mind kiddies--the Bears are supposedly a good team, the Niners supposedly not. The wind played INTO the Bears strength--forcing both teams to run and working right into the hands of a strong defense... and STILL the Bears barely won. They could have lost. This leads me to believe (which is always my belief) that the Bears aren't as good as they think they are. And the Bears still have two more games against the Packers. Oh the Packers aren't any good? Well... not so fast, my friend. It has taken a 1-7 start for me to finally be positive about my team. Yes, the Packers are 1-7... but they're the only team in history to outscore their opponents with a 1-7 record. They're not losing by much... and if they had their skill position players back, guess how much better they'd be. And the Packers horrible defense isn't as horrible as I thought they'd be. They're learning Jim Bates's system... Bates of the terrific Miami defense fame. And, guess what... the Packers defense, almost completely devoid of playmakers (sans Nick Barnett), is playing very well. The only thing the Packers need is less interceptions thrown (Oh Favre!), and a big play or two on offense, and we're talking about a pretty good team. Now, even if the Packers have a terrible rest of the season... I'm hoping they're high enough to draft Reggie Bush (good-bye Ahman Green, the fumble machine) and then Hello Packers! next season.

NATIONAL NEWS Happy Birthday Marine Corps... Hoorah!
Today marks the Marine Corps Two Hundred Thirtieth birthday. If video games are any indication, the Marines will have space, aliens, and BFGs to look forward to. Happy Birthday, boys... and don't forget to cut the cake with your swords (it's true, it's tradition).
LOCAL NEWS When Not Telling Us That Artsy Movies Are Great And Explosions Stink, Roeper Gives Us All The Shocker
Here is an article by Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times. In it, he goes in depth as to what "the shocker" hand gesture means. BTW, if you don't know, are you sure we're friends? Ha ha! Seriously... if you don't know what it is, read the article. I just find it odd that Roeper has nothing better to do than write articles about obscene gestures from such pristine girls. They're not that pristine. What's their name? Claire. That's a fat girl's name. They're not fat! Well, not at present, but I can really see them pushing maximum density. *scene*
PERSONAL Anxious Weekend Visit
I suppose I'm the only one who's anxious about this weekend. Friday, Chelsey and I are headed to Indianapolis to visit Chelsey's grandmother. I've wanted to meet her grandma for a while now... but haven't because of various inconveniences. This is a pretty big deal, as far as I'm concerned. Chelsey used to spend summers with her grandparents, so I'm basically meeting her quarter-time parent. Doesn't make sense to you? Um... I'm meeting someone who was her parent for a quarter of the year. Why doesn't that make sense? Additionally, since it was over the summer and Chelsey wasn't at school, she probably spent MORE time with her grandparents growing up than even I give them credit for. REGARDLESS! I'm very nervous about this weekend because of the meeting. I've passed all the tests so far (including the scary father test), and I'm so close to graduating (to what? stupid metaphors!)... I'm nervous and jumpy. I guess all I can ask is for people to wish me luck.

PERSONAL I Still Have Connections
I don't, actually, still have connections... but every so often, I feel like I do. Today was one of those days. Today I got an email from Ticketmaster. Ever since my purchase of "Wicked" tickets this past summer, I have received emails from Ticketmaster. Most of the time, I look at the email they send me just to see if there are sports event tickets that are cheap (read: Blackhawk tickets). But this time the email contained complimentary tickets to a show at The (famous) Chicago Theatre. It didn't matter what the show was (The Boy Friend)... it didn't matter who was in it or who directed it (Julie Andrews)... I had the chance to take my wonderful and deserving girlfriend to a show in Chicago for next-to-nothing (after all the fees, still at least $75 less than we would have otherwise spent), and I took it. As such, next Tuesday night, Chelsey and I will be headed to The Chicago Theatre for a show. Isn't that exciting? (Hint: Um... It's a musical. I don't know about this one. Oh well... Chelsey will enjoy it, that's all that matters to me)

FOOTBALL TO Apologizes--No One Buys It
Yesterday, I had the fortune to see the Terrell Owens and Drew Rosenhaus press conference LIVE. My favorite part of the entire press conference is the fact that, FINALLY, no one believes them--either one of them. Rosenhaus came across (with all his yelling and his "I love this man")as someone who was absolutely desperate. And why shouldn't he? He should be (and probably is) losing potential clients with how poorly he's handling someone who is, arguably, the most talented player at his position in the league. If I'm a talented NFL player, I'm looking at Rosenhaus thinking "You really phuked this one up, Drew." Additionally, the Eagles are sending a great message: Talent isn't enough; You HAVE to be a team player... you have to play the game (in the words of Larry Brown) the right way.
I've now seen the TO press conference about three or four times. I don't believe a damn word he said... and he's reading the statement as if he's never seen it before (or had read through it once). I am giddy at how terrible Owens and Rosenhaus are looking because of all of this. It's my hope that Javon Walker (who, in my opinion, is injured because Rosenhaus told him to hold out of camp... didn't get the reps... and wasn't ready for the season) sees this and fires Rosenhaus. Wise up, J Walk... your agent is disingenuous, incompetent, and FULL of hot air.
PERSONAL Tag-Team Grocery Shopping
Last night, Chelsey and I went grocery shopping together. As much as I appreciated the company (and it made the time go more quickly), not even Chelsey's wonderfulness could stop my intense hatred of grocery shopping. As such, I had to figure out why I hate it so much. Let's explore this scientifically, shall we? *Music-underscored montage of John in laboratory, with clip-board and lab coat; he contemplates a lengthy mathematical equation on a chalk board; he measures different colored liquids then combines them in a large beaker... making notes on clip-board; he lets a bowling bowl and a feather go from a step ladder; he ignites an unidentified powder which sparks and lights his hair on fire; he dissects an earthworm; he finally goes back to the chalk board, answers with "x squared times 4x pie"* Basically, the reason I hate grocery shopping is that it's so damn expensive in the city. You can easily spend over $100 on stuff that you would consider to be "essentials." When I was working, I hated grocery shopping because it took too long, and it wasn't what I wanted to be doing with my free time. But now that I'm not working, I hate it because it costs so damn much. In a completely unrelated story, I love Best Buy... Chelsey and I also went there and I didn't get myself anything, even though I wanted to. Pat on the head goes to me.

PERSONAL Can I Have A Rehearsal Without Being Frustrated?
The answer to that question is, unfortunately, no. Last evening, I had the "music rehearsal" for my new writing five show. In every other writing five show of which I've been a part, the music rehearsal has been half of the 3-hour slot. This is what the music director of the show (who does music for Second City and IO) normally does for his writing five shows, as well. Apparently this is not how my current director directs. She set up the previous evening's rehearsal (the aforementioned rehearsal) so that the entire 3-hour rehearsal was music. This shows a clear lack of communication between herself and the music director as to how the musical rehearsal was going to work. Had she simply asked Joe (the musical director) how much time he'd like, he would have said he only wanted an hour and a half.
Think that faux pas was bad? Get this... since she set up the rehearsal to be just music, she didn't show up. No director! I guess if you set up a rehearsal so that someone else is doing all the work, you can just skip the rehearsal without telling the actors or the music director that you're going to be skipping the rehearsal. Nice work.
Additionally, to further prove that this director has no idea what she's doing, she staggered the call times for the actors. No musical director I've ever worked with likes to start a music rehearsal without a full warm-up. And none of them wants to warm-up a cast twice... so they'll want the FULL cast at the beginning of the rehearsal to warm up. You know, it's a good idea to warm up before singing... some people know that and some people don't (don't=my current director).
So what ended up happening last night was that the music director and I sat around for about fifteen minutes-chatting-then more cast showed up and we sat around-waiting-and we finally warmed up about half an hour after we were supposed to start. The music director took a very long time warming us up because, he said, "We're apparently going to be doing a lot of singing tonight."
Needless to say, I am not impressed with the director of this show and, as I was walking back to my apartment after a second straight week of frustration, I day-dreamed about directing the show myself. Yeah... I would do better, thanks. Hell, I'd actually BE there... that's better right off the bat.

PERSONAL TNG and Level 4 Show: A Weekend Of Shows
Saturday night TNG opened in the Skybox. For a midnight show, and without having postcards to promote the show, and for having it raining as hard as it was Saturday night, we had a pretty amazing turnout. Mostly girlfriends, parents, husbands, and close friends... but it was a good turnout considering. I was a little disappointed, however, in the response of the crowd, as I feel this is a really good show and didn't get the laughs we wanted. Such is life, I suppose. But I look forward to getting a large, mostly drunken crowd in there to see just how funny this show can be. Speaking of funny shows, kind of, this Sunday was my first Level 4 show. The other two classes seemed to have done sketches that they had already improvised through... because their shows were very organized. My class, however, improvised our entire show. The show was good, I suppose... we still ended up making un-funny scenes funny (which is good) and completely destroying scenes that should have been funny (that's not good). I think, all in all, our class is getting much better... but something happens to us while we're on stage. Some of us (three or four of us) pick up our game and really perform well. Others in my class (far too many for my taste) freeze up, or pretend everything needs to be important, or--the worst--go for EASY/LAME jokes that make me shake my head. I even called myself out in one scene Sunday. One of my classmates and I were both on the ground, picking up balls. I mentioned something about her having two balls in her hands and then said "But I'm not going to make a joke about testicles because that would be sophomoric and I went to a liberal arts school." I suppose that was funny... but I get very disappointed when I set something up like "I want you to take over the family business" and I get "But you run a prostitution ring!" I mean, come on! We're better than that. Let's see where this scene is going without trying too hard (which is what that obviously was). I was very proud of Katy's class, as their show was VERY funny and (in all honesty) made us look bad for the first time. Normally (in all modesty) my class shows up everyone else... but, yesterday, it was the Sunday class who came away looking hilarious, well-put-together, and like a true ensemble. I was very happy for them, but was upset with my class for not bringing our best. I hope our second level 4 show (in December) will be better.
FOOTBALL My Worst Nightmare?
As the situation in Philadelphia with Terrell Owens becomes more inflamed, it's obvious that the Eagles are effectively done with TO. This situation has (correctly) reminded people of the Keyshawn Johnson/Tampa suspension a couple years ago. The Eagles will do everything they can, I feel, to get rid of TO in the off-season... but this situation gives me a new worry. My beloved (and terrible) Packers, with a depleted wide receiver and running back core is desperate for talent. Could my Pack make a move to bring in the player most hated by me--Owens--THIS season? I could see my team making a move to bring Owens in for the remainder of the season. He knows the system (Andy Reid having been a Packers coach), and--in a weak NFC North division--the 1-7 Packers still aren't technically out of it. PLEASE let us toil rather than making a TO move! (Brief Sidenote: With all the injuries to the Packers this season, it reminds me a little of the Panthers a couple seasons ago, or the Falcons when Vick was injured. The Pack will get high draft picks this year and then, next year, their biggest off-season moves will be getting Javon Walker and either Davenport or Green [probably not both] back. The Packer's defense are surprisingly keeping the Pack in the games, so they're better than I thought they'd be. And wouldn't it just be amazing if the Packers could get Reggie Bush in the draft? Favre plays one more season... and the Pack roll next year. How's that for optimism?)

PERSONAL November Forecast: Frustration With A Chance Of Anger
Well kids, it's officially November. And, if the first week of November is any indication, this is going to be a horribly frustrating and enraging month. It all started this past Monday night. I was recently cast in yet another Writing Five Show. This writing show is being directed by someone who I've never worked with before... and to say that her "style" of direction frustrates me would be an understatement. To understand why she frustrates me, let us explore my personal acting style, shall we? I've recently realized just what a pragmatic/utilitarian actor I truly am. With me, the writer's lines will be presented in the most positive, hilarious way in which they can possibly be presented. I will grant myself that bit of narcissism. However, if the "funny" isn't on the page, it ain't gonna be on the stage. Particularly in a writing five show, it's not my job to make your writing funnier than it is. It would be your job, as the writer, to write something funnier. Now, having said all this, it must be said that this is a very talented writing class. They are the closest writing five class with which I've been associated... as it appears like they've been great friends for years, instead of classmates for months. So it should be understood that my frustration does not stem from the words on the page, nor the ideas presented by the texts. My frustration, rather, comes direct-LY from the direc-TION of the direc-TOR. She has "allowed" us to improvise portions of the scenes, she asks the actors where they FEEL they are ("what are you sitting on?", "what do you see around you?", "what's in your way?", etc), and has repeatedly asked the writers to "work that out" and bring in rewrites. While this might be an interesting or even appealing way to direct any other kind of show at the Second City... this is certainly not the way I would want my words to be handled if I were a writer. Particularly if I were a writer who paid over a grand, in essence, for this one show (and over a year's worth of having someone tell you that you're not funny and your ideas are highly unoriginal). As of right now, I've held my tongue in rehearsal and after... but I'm going out with the writers after rehearsal next Monday and I may let it slip that I'm frustrated for them. I don't know... this is a very touchy political situation and, as we all know, I hate politics. I may just be my normal, bull-headed, stupid self. Hooray!
Tuesday night of this past week, I drove Chelsey to her apartment. I parked in her back parking lot, went upstairs (to the second floor) with Chelsey, put her laptop down, told her I'd be in the car, and went back downstairs. This could not have taken more than two minutes. As I came out, I found a tow truck had moved my car back to reach the front wheels. I yelled "No! I'm right here! Stop!" but the man backed his truck up and lifted my car as I opened my front door. Long story short, a five or six minute conversation with this man later (which sounded like this "Please put my car down, sir"; "Please get in the truck, sir, and I will drive you to the garage") and he frustratedly drove off with my door still open and my car unlocked. I was able to catch up to the car enough to close the door and quickly lock the car as the truck drove away. I wisely checked the truck before he drove off to see where this man was headed... a short, ten-minute walk in the dark, and $150 later, and I had my car back. To make things worse, Chelsey's phone had died, so I couldn't let her know that I was no longer waiting for her in her lot... AND I had a tech rehearsal just forty-five minutes from the time my car was towed. I could easily talk for hours about how this made me feel... and the stupidity of the parking laws that allow tow trucks to independently patrol/tow cars in whichever lots they service... but I think the most important two things to mention are as follows: No, things do NOT always work out for me... and YES, I have once again lost my faith in people in big cities. People here have no heart and no conscience... and it doesn't matter what anyone tells me about people being "good"--people don't need to be good as there is no accountability in large cities because I will never EVER see that tow-truck operator again. If we were in a smaller town, would he have towed me? Hell no! I would have said "We're just getting some clothes for Chelsey's work Wednesday... sorry Ted", "Well John, just don't park in the back lot here", "I'll leave now, sorry Ted" and so on. And, yeah, it's important to me to recognize that I hate the lack of accountability in cities and THAT means that I will NEVER be comfortable living in a city.
PERSONAL New Improv Class Showing Improvement
For the past month, I've been in Level 4 of the SC Conservatory. And, for the past month, I've left class happier than I've ever left a Conservatory class. Our new instructor, John, is the key reason to our new-found class love of... class. For the first time as a class, we have a feeling that we can actually entertain an audience with our own acting and writing. My entire class is excited to come to class, we're excited to see each other, and--most importantly--we're excited to get on the stage and do whatever John wants us to do. It's the happiest I've seen my class... ever. No offense to the other two guys who taught us, but we were frankly sick of the negative criticism... and it's a very nice change of pace to get someone who gives us constructive feedback for once. And John not only gives us good feedback, he makes us feel like our ideas are good enough to entertain a paying audience. And that confidence, my friends, is finally worth the tons of money we're spending on these classes.
PERSONAL My First Writing/Acting/Directing/Producing Project Close To Next Step
My friend Robert and I have been meeting every Wednesday night for the past few months. We have been meeting to write an idea I have for a show based on an entire day's worth of television programming; and we're so close to finishing the writing portion. This past Wednesday night we got rid of a couple (not-so-good) blackouts and replaced them with a hilarious "The More You Know" runner. And with that runner in place, we're so very very close to finishing that I end up leaving the weekly meetings with Rob very excited. I can't wait to rewrite my stuff based on his suggestions and then show him what I came up with. But, back on topic, we're so close to finishing that we've started talking about how we're going to cast the show. This is a very interesting problem... as I've now made so many contacts in Chicago that I can't possibly let everyone know about the show. If I did (and Rob did), we'd have a very long audition process. However, I hesitate to NOT have an audition because what happens when my contacts hear that I've written a show and didn't ask them to be in it? Again, politics! I can't get away from this baloney. Mmm... politics. I mean, baloney.
PERSONAL If Being Overweight Is Like Having A Spare Tire, Then I Own A Tire Store
Very recently, I've noticed that I'm starting to gain back some weight I've lost since my move here to Chicago. The culprit? It's my guess that it's my own contentedness. For the first time since my move to Chicago, I am content. I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. And, furthermore, I'm happy to spend my evenings and/or weekends reclined on a couch with my lovely girlfriend. It's true. Chelsey and I aren't really "active" people... and I have yet to find a group of guys that I can play football with (with which I can play football. Right)... or any outdoor sport, frankly. As such, I've come up with innovative ways to get my exercise. I'm still walking to all my classes and rehearsals, but I've taken to walking back to my apartment from my weekly lunch with Chelsey. It takes me only about half an hour to walk from downtown to my place. I would walk TO her place, but most of the time, I need to get there quickly and so I exchange time for exercise. I think another part of my problem is that I don't really care that I'm gaining weight. I mean, I do (obviously, as it's bothered me enough to write about it), but what's my motivation to do anything about it? I have a loving girlfriend who seems to be happy with the way I look. The only thing I can think of is that I should lose weight to give myself a better chance at acting gigs. However, there is a certain belief very prevalent in the acting world (however incorrect it is) that an overweight, balding man IS a funny man. I feel this is one of the reasons why a person like Chris Farley had NO motivation to lose any of that dangerous weight he was carrying around. That, and don't forget all the drugs. Right.