FOOTBALL Weis Given Contract Extension
Not even a full season after being hired by Notre Dame, head football coach Charlie Weis received a ten year contract extension today. Perhaps I didn't make myself clear... a TEN-YEAR extension! Now I don't mean to play the devil's advocate, but I'm going to. As this is Weis' first season as coach, he's competing-basically-with Tyrone Willingham's players. Additionally, Willingham went 10-3 in his first season with Notre Dame in 2002. He did it with Bob Davie's players, but he didn't even get a hint of a contract extension. In fact, I believe he's the only coach in Irish history to not be allowed to coach out his first coaching contract. This is not to take anything away from Coach Weis... who I think is brilliant and is bringing the old "glory" back to the Notre Dame program. But to give a coach a TEN YEAR extension after only 7 games? (going 5-2?)... I don't know. Especially considering that the program has no idea how well Weis will recruit! Now I've been checking online and Weis already has a commitment from 5-star RB James Aldridge, who would be the first 5-star recruit since 2002 (WR Rhema McKnight and DT Derek Landri). So maybe Weis IS the guy... maybe he CAN recruit, he CAN coach, he CAN motivate, he IS the right man for the Notre Dame job... but where is the proof? And why does Weis get a 10-year commitment from ND when Willingham did not? I hate to say it, but signs do certainly point towards racism. Granted I DO think Weis is the right man for the job (a Notre Dame alum; Super Bowl winning coach), and I DID NOT think Willingham was (he's struggling up there in Washington--going 1-6 so far this season), but how can one avoid the fact that the African American coach didn't get to coach out his contract, even though he went 10-3 his first year (21-15 overall)... and Weis, the white alum, coaches 7 games and gets a ten year extension? Again, this is just me playing devil's advocate... as I love Coach Weis and ND has gone from a .500 team the past two years to having people talk about ND in a BCS game. The echoes have been awoken under Coach Weis... so congratulations to him on the huge contract extension.

SOX The World Series: You Can Put It On The Board... YES!
The World Series is over, and this year the White Sox reign supreme. I could not be happier for Chicago, specifically Chicago's South Side and Chicago's "Second Team." The now cliched moniker of the White Sox as "The Second City's Second Team" could not be more true. I don't think people who live outside of Chicago truly understand how Sox fans are made to feel. Think about it... the Cubs OWN the city's biggest newspaper, the Cubs OWN the city's TV Superstation [WGN], the Cubs OWN the city's radio stations. Additionally, most of the media members who are on the local ABC/CBS/NBC/FOX DON'T live near the Cell. If anything, they live up near Wrigley Field. Most of the local sport during the summer is "The Cubs lost again... blah blah blah about the Cubs... let's feel bad about ourselves. Oh! And the Sox won 5-2. Back to you Jerry."
Personally, I haven't been a Sox fan long. When I got to Chicago, it didn't take me long to realize that this is a baseball town. As impotent as the Chicago baseball teams have been in the past century, this is still a baseball town. Once I realized that this was a baseball town, I started rooting for both Chicago teams. Furthermore, I couldn't understand why Chicago is so VERY DIVIDED between it's baseball teams. You are literally either a Cubs fan or a Sox fan in this town... and you HATE the other. I couldn't understand why! The Cubs and Sox are in different leagues, they might play each other three times a year (certainly not enough to HATE another team), and both teams have been so bad for so long--I figured why not root for both?
Then when Chelsey moved here, started her job, and went to a White Sox game with her office acquaintances all in her first week... the White Sox became the team we both followed together. And she and I started loving this team and these players together. We have had conversations like: "I don't think I'd like A.J. [Pierzynski] if I met him. [Aaron] Rowand I think I'd like;" "Why do they call him 'El Duque?';" and "Joe Crede is my boy!" That last one was me. Crede is my boy... and was my pick for World Series MVP. If there was a "play-off" MVP, I think it should go to Crede. Konerko and Dye had great bats throughout the playoffs, but Crede had the bat and the leather all playoffs long. Joe Crede is my BOY!
But, in all seriousness, when I think of how long the Sox fans have waited for another championship... my grandfather's didn't see the Sox win the World Series in their lifetimes, my father never saw the Sox win... it is NOT lost on me how long ago 1917 was. And, to think, there are White Sox fans who lived and died without ever seeing their team win. THAT, my friends, makes me all teary eyed. Go Go White Sox!

PERSONAL An Impromptu Homecoming
Today I'm headed home. I've got a list of things to do when I get there... and I have to be back in Chicago Thursday night by 7 for class. I'm not exactly sure what my parents are thinking... there are certainly things for us to talk about when I get home, so I guess I'm actually a little nervous about this trip.
I really want to get back to posting when I get back... so one of the things I'm hoping to get from this trip is the metaphoric "reset." Oh, and money. Hopefully lots of money.

FOOTBALL I Want Sherman Gone, And I Mean Now
In the Metrodome, against a Vikings team that historically clobbers us when they're at home, my Packers were up by 17 at halftime. Favre was on fire, going 16 for 19 with two touchdowns in the first half... and it looked like the Vikings couldn't do a damn thing right. Then came halftime. During halftime, good coaches make adjustments so that the second half is different and their team is better. Mike Sherman, however, decided his half-time adjustment would be to have his team come out looking like shit. Nice one, Mike. The Packers came out in the second half looking terrible; just horrible. And the Vikings, down 17-0, came out from halftime looking like they knew they were going to win. Mike Sherman is one of the worst halftime-adjusting coach in the history of the Packers... he makes no adjustments what-so-ever, making the opposing coach's job all-the-easier. Against a team in as much termoil as the Vikings, our strategy should have been to bury them early in the third quarter... and coast to the end of the game. But, again, Sherman's halftime adjustment must have included "Have everyone get injured"... because that's what happened. Now the Pack have games against Cincy, Pittsburgh, and Atlanta coming up... so look for the Packers to be a horrible 1-8 after ten weeks of this season. They should have beaten the lowly Vikings... but not even the horrid Vikings are bad enough to lose to my shitty Packers. They SUCK... and if Sherman sticks around, don't expect the Packers to be better than .500 ever again, until he's fired. Which I hope is soon... as I have never been impressed by Sherman.

FOOTBALL What A Weekend Of Finishes!
On Friday I said that it was going to be a weekend to watch for in college football and, boy howdy was it! Little did I know, when I made that proclamation, that the NFL was going to have great/fantastic finishes as well. But let's focus on college, shall we? Where do I begin? Let's start with what I messed up:
MSU/OSU--I was wrong because Michigan State blew this game. Big time blew it. They could have/should have won, and all State has to show for it is an eleven point loss. As the first half ended, Ohio State blocked a State attempted field goal, and returned the blocked kick for a touchdown. Even if State had just flat out missed that field goal, they go into half-time up 17-7. That swung the game, and State crumbled at the end of an away game. What the deal with getting kicks blocked this weekend, BTW? That will be a running theme, you'll see.
Wisconsin/Minnesota--Minnesota, as a state, sucks. In the closing seconds of the game and up 34-31, Minnesota was set to punt the ball away from the shadow of their own goalposts. The snap was bad, but the Gopher punter decided to try to punt it anyway. That punt was blocked and Wisconsin recovered for a touchdown with 30 seconds left in the game to go up 38-34... what would prove to be the final score of the game. Had Minnesota taken the safety, they would have still been winning 34-33 with 30 seconds left in the game... that's the smart play. The reason they didn't go for the smart play? Minnesota sucks. Ha ha! Go Big Red! Oh yeah, I was wrong about this game, BTW.
Mich/Penn St--But I was not wrong about this game. It didn't go down quiet the way I thought it would, but what a miracle finish for the conceited bastards at Michigan, who scored a touchdown with no seconds left in the game to win 27-25. Hail to the Victors, indeed. Can you say Lloyd Carr just saved his job? I think I just did.
ND/USC--I got this game right, too... unfortunately. In fact, the 34-31 final score was but one point from my predicted 35-31 final score Friday (check Friday if you think I'm lying, bitches). Bias aside, this was the best regular season college football game I've seen in almost a decade... and perhaps the best college football game I've seen since the Fiesta Bowl, Miami/OSU, in 2002. The atmosphere of the ND/USC game certainly felt like a championship game. Do I think the Irish got robbed? A little bit. USC certainly played well enough to deserve the win, but I went from wished Matt Leinart doesn't get hurt this season (before the season... remember I was hoping he would get more players to stay?), to hoping that his stupid face falls off. Leinart is cocky... and I hate that in a player. Speaking of cocky, how about that Reggie Bush, huh? He is an NFL stud already... but that doesn't mean he can slow down on the way to the end zone. I just wish the green-clad Zbikowski would have knocked his head clean off. Do I think the green jerseys were a big much? Yes, yes I do... but I also thought they looked kick ass. Gold numbers on green jerseys?! For years I've thought the Packers should embrace gold instead of the ugly, loud yellow they have in their jerseys. How cool would the Packers look if they were literally green and gold? (answer: VERY) All in all, I'm sure after next season, when the seniors Quinn and Samardzija and the junior running back Darius "Doak" Walker head to USC to smash the Leinart/Bush-less Trojans, I'll look back at this game and say "What a great game that was." But, to paraphrase Lou Holtz, it's only a great/classic game if your team wins it. As such, let's not talk about this one for a while, shall we?

PERSONAL Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich!
As Chelsey and I were walking from Chipotle to Millennium Park yesterday afternoon, we passed a swank Chicago downtown hotel (The Hotel Burnham). Chelse and I have started having lunch together downtown on Tuesdays. I figured Tuesday was a good day because, by Wednesday, you're already thinking about Friday and the weekend. But nothing good happens Tuesdays... that is, until we decided to eat lunch together. Regardless, Chelsey and I were walking from Chipotle to Millennium Park and while we were passing the Hotel Burnham, I noticed a man in blue jeans on a cell phone. When he turned to me, I almost gasped aloud: John Malkovich. He had about a day or twos worth of stubble, which was white and sparse... and his head was shaved but had the same amount of stubble up top as well. But, sure as the sunshine, it was Malkovich. I told Chelsey to look, but when she looked back, she didn't see him. In retrospect, we think we should have been annoying and asked for autographs and pictures... but we didn't do either. We did, in fact, spend the next three blocks trying to convince our girlfriends that we had just seen John Malkovich. And by "we" I mean "I."
PERSONAL Writing Five Show Number Three Begins
Monday night was my first rehearsal of the new writing five show in which I was cast. This is the first writing five show that I've been cast in which isn't being directed by Joe... and I think I already miss him. For some reason, other directors (my current director makes two that I've seen) who direct writing five shows think that improvisation has something to do with the show. Um... no, it doesn't. As a matter of fact, improv has the complete opposite of something to do with writing five shows (read: nothing). Writing five shows are all about performing the scenes with the exact words these writing students have spent a year and around a thousand dollars crafting. Yes, some of them still suck... they're good ideas trapped by bad language, stale characters, or cliche... but these people spent a thousand dollars, basically, producing this one show. It's their show... I'm just a vessel for it: good or bad. Regardless, I find it interesting that the first hour of our rehearsal Monday night was spent doing improv games and songs. I guess the cool part about it, however, was that the director had the writers play along with us. That was pretty cool... as it wasn't six people doing stupid stuff in front of six-eight people just sitting there. FYI, the writers are a REALLY close group. It's very interesting to see... but they seem like they'd be much happier putting on the show themselves, sans the training center and the professional director. I think this will be an... well, an experience which I will most probably find interesting, regardless of whether or not it really is interesting. This show won't open until January, so look for me to rave about it in the coming months. Thanks.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL Huge Football Weekend for the NCAA
This Saturday marks the huge #9 Notre Dame/#1 USC game. It seems like everyone is picking Notre Dame as their "upset" pick. A wise man once posed the question, "If everyone is picking one team, how can it be an upset?" Well, I'll pick the non-upset team then... I think USC wins this game. I think USC will come out guns blazing, get a large lead... and Notre Dame will chip away at that lead for the rest of the game, but will run out of time. The score will be in the thirties, I think... 35-31 USC.
But there are two other games that aren't getting much hype, even though they might be good ones. #16 Michigan State @ #15 Ohio State... Ohio State has disappointed me this season, and I think MSU's offense should actually be able to handle OSU's vaunted defense. Look for MSU to blow out OSU if Drew Stanton gets hot and, if not, MSU still wins a close game. Also #8 Penn State @ Michigan... The big house isn't as intimidating as I always would think it should be. However, Michigan NEEDS this win to salvage their 3-3 season. Michigan will come out focused, and Penn State will be exposed as a fraud. Look for Michigan to win this game perhaps on intensity alone... and look for Mike Hart to have a big game because he's a stud.
Other games to watch for: #23 Wisconsin @ #22 Minnesota--people in Wisconsin hate people in Minnesota and vice versa. Even though I love Wisconsin, I think Minnesota wins on that terrible Metrodome turf; #24 Colorado @ #2 Texas--Texas might have a let-down after the Oklahoma game, but they're too good to lose to Colorado; #11 Florida @ #10 LSU--I think both of these teams aren't as good as they think they are. Florida ends up winning this game, but it will be ugly.

PERSONAL I Feel Poopy... Oh So Poopy
It's not schmoopie how poopy I feel! (Poopy I feel)
And I would be any one who isn't me today! (La-la-la-la-laaa la-la laaa la-laaa)
I've finally succumb to an illness. My first of the "season," as it were. A nagging cough will most probably follow me throughout the rest of the calendar year... but yesterday marked the first day of my first illness of the winter months. For those of you who know my illness cycle (which I don't know who that would be), the first day is always a "Huh, I think I'm getting sick" feeling... and then the second day [today] is a "Oh I feel horrible" feeling. After day two, I will get progressively better until all that remains is the aforementioned nagging cough. Last night, the lovely and talented Miss Chelsey took care of me. She crammed cough drops into my mouth, bought me medicine from the store, and reminded me that nobody likes a big whiner pants (which is what I was wearing). All of the care for me must have been too much for her, as she fell asleep while I was watching "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story." Laughter is the best medicine. As such, today I watched "AVP" [get the segue? It's such a horrible movie that it's funny?!] while drinking tea. People who know me know that I don't drink tea... but I did it because Chelsey wanted me to. See? Even though I'm the most block-headed man I know... I can still be trained. Like a dog. Speaking of dogs... ???
PERSONAL Be Careful For What You Wish
Almost five years ago I fell in love with the most beautiful head of red hair I have ever seen. It was long, it was curly, and it was meticulously well-maintained. It was heavenly. I wanted to smell it, touch it, and--when no one was looking--put it in my mouth. ("Gross!" I know... but you know me. You know it's true) Now, about five years later, I'm dating the girl whose hair is still long, red, well-maintained, and gorgeous. But here's something I, being a balding man with short hair, didn't know: women's hair sheds. It sheds like dog hair because it gets all over the place. There's red hair on my floor, on my bed, in my bathroom, in my kitchen, sometimes even in my food (somehow)... it's everywhere! Sometimes I still put it in my mouth, I won't lie. But only when Chelsey's around and only when she's paying attention so she can say, "John! Gross! Stop it!" Heehee... I'm evil and insane. Regardless, there's enough hair in my apartment right now to make my own Chelsey wig. *nods* I'm thinking about it. *coughs* I'm sick! Be nice to me and let me make a Chelsey wig! *pause* Thanks.

SPORTS "Controversial" Call Gives Sox Game 2
If you haven't seen it yet, you will. In the bottom of the ninth inning of the Sox/Angels game tonight, A.J. Pierzynski struck out swinging for the third out. But the Umpire didn't call A.J. out because the pitch possibly hit the dirt before being caught. On plays like that, the batter can run to first and won't be out. A.J. ran to first while the Angels started walking off the field: A.J. being safe at first. The controversy arises in the fact that the replays make it look like Angels catcher Josh Paul caught the ball out of the air. So Pierzynski should have been out. Here's where I stand: A.J. took advantage of the fact that the umpires are human and that humans make mistakes. The umpire made a mistake, but I can most certainly understand why he thought the ball was trapped. It's a very close call to begin with, and Paul caught the ball with his glove downside-up... making it difficult to tell if the ball hits the glove then the ground or the other way round. If baseball doesn't want human beings to factor into the game, they should work some kind of replay into the game. If they're not going to look into replay, they can't claim that any call made by an umpire is "unfair." Umpires, like all referees in all sports, make mistakes. Tonight's umpire mistake is completely understandable... and it's the Angels fault for not following through a routine play by tagging the runner on what might have been a trapped pitch. It happens all the time... even when the ball seems to be caught, the catcher tags the batter just to make sure. Paul should have tagged Pierzynski... he didn't follow through. Now, I fear that like Buckner (NOT the last game of the series [Game 6]) or Bartman (NOT the last game of the series [Game 6]), this call will be blamed if the Angels lose this series. That's a shame, as the Angels have up to five more games to overcome this "controversy." If the Angels lose this series, they only have themselves to blame. Regardless, Buehrle pitched an AMAZING complete game... and deserved the win. Let's hope the Sox can get three more. Go Sox!

MOVIE NEWS Daniel Craig: The New Bond. Thousands Of People Collectively Say "Who?"
It looks as though they've cast the new James Bond: Daniel Craig. Yes, we all know that we don't know him... but I do actually recognize him. I remember him from Tomb Raider ("I love Tomb Raider cause it's gots the boobies"). He played Alex West, the "bad" tomb raider who Lara Croft hates to love. I affectionately refer to him in that movie as the "ugly guy." Yeah. I spent much of the first tomb raider movie wondering why super hottie Angelina Jolie would be interested in "that ugly guy." Now the infamous Bond women will be all over the "ugly guy." *shakes head* Just because he's actually British!

SPORTS Chicago Media Breaks Collective Ankle Jumping Off White Sox Bandwagon
Well, the White Sox of Chicago lost the opening game of the ALCS (by the final score of 3-2) to the Angels of wherever they're from. It should be said that, while he was given the loss, Jose Contreras pitched a very good game: 4 Ks, 0 Walks, and he held Vlad Guerrero to an 0-4 outing. Had Contreras not given up the home run to Anderson in the second, he might have pitched well enough to get a win. The problem is not with Sox pitching but, rather, base-running of all things. Two runners caught stealing, and inaccurate bunting killed potential ralleys... leading to Chicago sportswriters (like Mariotti) saying that the Sox were "out-smallballed." Okay, I will grant that the Sox manufacture runs very well, but it's not all they do. We're talking about a White Sox team which was fifth in the American League in Home Runs this season (200). Yes, they were also fourth in stolen bases (with 137; the Angels were first with 161); and yes, they like to get players on, steal some bases, and manufacture a run... but we're talking about a White Sox team that can REALLY hit the long ball. Perhaps the Angels were running on pure adrenaline last night... leading to a huge let-down tonight. We'll see... but, regardless, one game is too soon to give up on the team. Go Sox!
FOOTBALL My Packers Destroy A Team Already Destroyed By Katrina: Or This Week America Hates The Packers
This weekend, my Green Bay Packers finally got off the schnide by destroying the Saints 52-3. I'm sorry, I don't think y'all heard me. My previously 0-4 Packers beat another NFL team FIFTY TWO to THREE! Granted, the Saints aren't very good... and they'll never be comfortable this season, as their "home" games are anything but home games. But I have to give my Pack some DAP... the defense finally showed up. The Packers' defense, who I would argue is the least talented defense in the league, may have finally figured out new Packer defensive coordinator, Jim Bates', system.
Unfortunately, the injury list of the Packers' roster got larger... as Davenport has a great game, two touchdowns, and then broke his leg. The roster now looks like a who's who of who? The defensive depth chart is full of first-year players. The offense isn't much better. Center Mike Flanagan was out, and both offensive tackles are on the injured list; the Packers may have to start third-string RB Tony Fisher ("Oh, Fisher. He's Notre Dame, huh?" my mother would say); the Packers' top two wide receivers are fine, but after them... there's not a lot left. Even though my Packers are a much better 1-4 (remember they were 1-4 after five games last year and then won the division?) than 0-4, I don't have much hope for this year. This year will most certainly test Mr. Favre's resolve and it's my guess that he'll not be "into" waiting around while the Packers rebuild. This season will probably be Favre's last. *shakes head*... Let's hope we can at least get back to the playoffs for Favre's sake. Go Pack Go!

PERSONAL Update Volume Two
The past few weekends have been busy for Chelsey and me. Two weekends ago I effectively gave my best friend away at his wedding. It was a quick, pleasant, and emotional service... and I found it very interesting to stand close enough in the service to pretend that it was I being married. I watched the doors swing open and Abi walk down the aisle... close enough to Ken to be touched by the spectacle and emotion of the moment. Yeah... I had to stop myself from crying when Abi started walking down the aisle, sue me. As the ceremony progressed, I found myself needing to stop myself from laughing at the faces Abi was making at Ken. She was making faces at Ken during the ceremony! She caught me looking one time, too... so I couldn't help but giggle like an idiot. I smiled like an idiot through most of the ceremony, to be honest. I was happy for Ken... stupid Ken! Ken looked quite excited... as happy as I've ever seen him. So, overall, a successful ceremony, I felt. Plus, I absolutely pelted him in the face (and in the ear) with some confetti. Serves him right for getting married. I was also able to see Abi's older brother Jon, who I had forgotten how much I liked and now miss.
That evening was also my first ever "best man" toast. It was a very big deal for me... as I didn't want it to mess it up, nor did I want to keep it free of charming craziness. So I was between a rock and another rock... in cleavage, as it were. Isn't that clever? That's the kind of clever stuff I wanted to include in my toast. But I also couldn't wrap my mind around the enormity of the situation enough to write something before hand. As such, I mostly improvised my toast... allowing the emotion to take me wherever the winds may take me. Huh? You know what I meant. The toast went well, I think... and my dad gave me a little card with a "10" on it as if he was judging my toast. This is good... unless the scale was out of 100. Oh God... what if the scale was out of 100? I have nothing!
All in all, a very good weekend. I reconnected with friends, got rid of stupid Ken, and played Halo in a church. What?! Yeah... I said it. Before Ken's ceremony, he and I were melee attacking each other probably about ten feet behind the large cross that rests behind the alter. Yeah... I said it. And there's probably a very special place in Hell for people who do that... but it was worth it, and it settled him down before the ceremony. Yes, take that moral compass! And that's all I'm going to say about that.
BTW Jon Heder did not impress me on SNL. Horatio Sans did not impress me on Weekend Update. Ashlee Simpson will never impress me. And the SNL writing seems to be even worse then it's been in the past few years... which I didn't think was possible. Oh well... all the easier for me to get a job then, I suppose.

PERSONAL New Obsession
Last week on Tuesday night, Chelsey introduced me to a daily puzzle printed in the Red Eye. It's called a Sudoku puzzle, and I'm sure you've either seen or heard of it by now. Chelse and I did the first one (a two star difficulty out of five) in what seemed like an hour or so... trying to figure it out and seeing if there were any shortcuts. It was something fun for us to do before supper... but I didn't think much of it. On Thursday morning, I took the train into downtown with Chelsey and picked up my own Red Eye. I completed the four star Thursday puzzle in just over two hours (it took the 'expert' an hour and 52 minutes)... and am now getting the hang of it. It is more of a logic puzzle than it is a mathematic puzzle... and I enjoy it, as my logic is undeniable. Regardless, I'm hoping to pick up a book of those puzzles this weekend or early next week so that I can further prove my awesomeness. Or so that I can further waste time and money in Chicago. Which is awesome and logical.

PERSONAL Update: Theatre And More
Well well, kids. I'm not exactly sure how to start this, so I'm just going to dive right in. I've noticed that, with Chelsey now in Chicago, I very much don't need to talk to my computer because I get to talk with her whenever I want (which is quiet frequently). But, very recently (as in the past couple of days), I've been in a foul mood. The reason behind this mood, it is my belief, is that I haven't been writing. Little did I know two years ago when I started my blog that it would be such an integral part of my emotional state.
As such, here's what going on with me. I auditioned for two writing five shows this past Monday night. I knew about the audition because two of the writers from the class came and saw "YFKIU" on the last Thursday night of the run. After the show, they both tracked me down and told me that they would love me to audition for their show because they had a couple of scenes they thought I would be really good for. I figured, with a personal invite like that one, how could I NOT audition? I had to audition... so I did. I arrived at the Second City around 7:20 PM, even though the first audition slot was at 1900. I was unable to reserve an audition slot when I tried to the week before, so I was hoping to sneak into an audition if someone else didn't show up. Little did I know, I ended up being number 7 on the waiting list. Two hours of waiting later, and I was able to go in last audition group. We were asked to introduce ourselves while pantomiming an activity that we were given. My activity was to set up a mic stand in a sound check. Easy enough, right? Ah... no. I'm pretty sure, as I wound the cord around the mic stand, that my hand went straight through the mic stand. I'm bad at miming... what? Regardless, we were then asked to sing one of three songs (Twinkle Twinkle, Happy Birthday, or something else). I sang Twinkle twinkle little star in the most ridiculous manner possible... even giving them the "Neil Diamond ending." We were then asked to sing whatever we wanted as a lounge/blues singer. I had to go first... and I didn't know what to sing, so I just started improvising a song. "This is a song I just made up" I said, as I took a drag of an imaginary cigarette. "Love... what is this thing we call love? Is it an ant-acid tablet? No. Bah do do do do... LOVE!" etc. There's something about improvising a song that puts me in a good mood. The rest of the audition was like any other audition until then end. The director said "Okay everyone. That was a great audition. You're all free to go except John [my last name]... who we want to read a monologue. So, thanks again for auditioning." I stood, agape, wondering why I was so blatantly singled out. As all the other actors left the room, the director handed me a script and told me to read it like my lounge singer character. So, after looking at the script for about twenty seconds, I looked up and realized that I was all alone in front of two classes worth of writers. Me, alone, in front of about twelve to fourteen writers who are there only to judge me. I don't know if I've been more intimidated in a long time. But I did the monologue and ran away as quickly as possible.
The good news? Two nights later, I got a call from one of the directors who asked me if I wanted to be in her show. She was a little too forward with information than I would have liked... perhaps leaning AWAY from professional... but I appreciated her candor (I suppose). So I'll be rehearsing on Monday nights for the rest of this calendar year. Pretty neat, huh? Except for my love of Monday Night Football, I have no problem rehearsing on Monday nights. Oh well... I'm happy to be in another show.
FYI The new Midas commercial with Fred Flintstone and Barney Rumble... have you seen it? Well the Midas man in the commercial is TJ Jagadowski, arguably the greatest improviser you've never heard of. I've seen him in Sonic commercials (for the restaurant)... which are semi-funny, but this Midas commercial has got to be nationwide. I'm so happy for TJ... as he is truly the most talented improviser I've ever seen (he's currently up at IO). I keep waiting for him to be used nationally in a better way, to prove how great he really is... but this is a start. Hooray! Go TJ!

CELEBRITY NEWS? Hotties Go Crazy!
Lohan In Car Crash
Here's a story about Lindsey Lohan crashing her black Mercedes. I knew that something might not be right about this story when they said that Lohan was leaving lunch when she got into this accident. Everyone knows Lindsey Lohan doesn't eat... so what was she REALLY doing?
Caution: Tuna Of the Dirt Brand Chicken May Lead To Divorce
In the "let's pretend rumors are actual news" file, here is an article about how Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey may be headed for divorce. I'm very torn about this story. I feel bad for Nick Lachey, as I think he's a very nice guy and I want him to be happy but, on the other hand, it's not like he's losing a doctor, physicist, or domestically-gifted woman... he's losing Jessica Simpson. *shakes head* I don't know... I just thought that Lachey seemed to love Jessica for who she was, and not for the fact that looking at her gives instant eye-orgasms. I don't know if Jessica will be able to find someone else who will love her for who she is and not her looks... and I find that sad. It is my hope that Lachey can find someone who will make him happy and, if not, will try to get 98 Degrees back together again. Hooray for boy bands!
Another Celebrity Sex Tape? That's Toxic
Well well well, the woman who everyone knew was a whore-in-training, and who swore she was a virgin, may have a sex tape "accidentally" going public. This article says Britney Spears "fears" a sex tape she made with her husband is going public. Yeah? Excuse me, but my bullshit meter is going absolutely crazy. Britney hasn't had a good album since... ever; and her and Cletus Federline's lifestyle has GOT to be expensive (mobile homes aren't cheap, y'all)... so my female intuition tells me that Britney and Cletus are releasing this tape themselves to make some money. Another reason I find this story hard to believe is that it poses this difficult question: how could anyone classy enough to bring us the "Pimps/Maids" tracksuit wedding be involved in something so vile? On that note, don't get your hopes up too much, kids. I've spent all morning trying to find the tape online to no avail (just kidding honey! I love you!) [for everyone else, I'm not kidding... I can't find it].

CELEBRITY NEWS? Nick Cage Wins The First Honorary "Crazier Than You" Award
Here is a story that will tell you why I decided to start a "Crazier Than You" award and why Nick Cage is the my very first winner of this award. His wife recently gave birth to a baby boy that they have decided to name (get this) Kal-el Coppola Cage. So much does Cage love his uncle (Francis Ford Coppola) AND Superman (his Kryptonian name being Kal-el) that he's willing to sacrifice his son to the gods of bullies-who-beat-up-kids-with-stupid-names-in-school. May God keep Kal-el Coppola safe while he goes to school... for his parents know not what they do to him.
FOOTBALL My Packers Are Stupid... Officially
Here is a story about my lowly 0-4 Pack who, by the way, impressed me by coming back in the game against Carolina... only to lose anti-climactically. Regardless, the article talks about the Wonderlic test... which is a problem-solving/intelligence test that NFL teams give all their players before the draft. My Packers have the lowest average score in the league: 19.1. The Wonderlic is out of 50 points... so a 19 as an average is pretty crappy. After reading this article, it finally makes sense to me that my Pack are so damn bad.
SPORTS HOCKEY'S BACK!!!!!
Oh Wow... it's been too long and now tonight, finally, the NHL is back. I think the hardest part about the long wait will be watching with all the new rules. I fully anticipate tonight's NHL games being difficult to follow--it feeling as if I was watching for the first time again. I'm not digging a lot of the new "offense friendly" rules... especially the shoot-out. But, hopefully, they'll get back to hitting enough that I'll be into it, even though the Wings lost a lot of talent and may very well suck like my Pack. Go Hockey!

SPORTS Sox Versus Sox: Baseball Playoffs Run Out Of Nicknames
Today starts the MLB playoffs. I find it ridiculous that, after 160 game regular season, the first series of the playoffs is only 5 games. You play 160 games to get into the playoffs and then have a best of 3?! That's, frankly, moronic. Regardless, I'm going to be stupid and say who I think will win based on little to no empirical evidence, and on silly things like mascots and team colors:
National League:
Saint Louis Cardinals/San Diego Padres--Even though the Pods are terrible and the Cardinals are a juggernaut, San Diego will still pull one game out. This is easily the biggest mismatch of the playoffs. CARDS in 4.
Atlanta Braves/Houston Astros--The Astros pitching will keep them in this series, but we're looking at the most balanced Braves team in their recent history. The Braves are a young team, so I wouldn't be surprised if they choke in this series... as I fully expect this one to go to five games. Even so, the Braves offense will manufacture all the runs they need. BRAVES in 5.
Cards/Braves--The Cardinals are too good to be stopped by anyone not in the American League. The Braves get one or two games at most... but nothing stops the Cards. CARDS in 5.
American League:
New York Yankees/Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim--Even though I hate the Yankees, it's the playoffs and they're the Yankees. Those two facts should be enough to get them through this level of the playoffs. YANKEES in 4.
Boston Red Sox/Chicago White Sox--I think that if the White Sox played the Yankees in the first round OR if these White Sox had more playoff experience, they would be headed to the ALCS. But they're playing the reigning champs... and Chicago's bullpen is not strong enough. The White Sox will stretch this series to the limits... but will choke. RED SOX in 5.
Red Sox/Yankees--Another great series between these two rivals, but these Yankees aren't as good as they used to be. RED SOX in 6.
World Series:
Red Sox/Cards--A repeat of last year's World Series, and the American League is still too strong. The Cardinals will revenge the sweep last year by getting a W or 2... but this one will not go 7 games. RED SOX in 6.
Post Script: Feel free to tell me I'm an idiot because, as I've said, these predictions are based on nothing. Go White Sox!