Useless Facts
I also got this website of random facts from Fark. I'm going to share my favorite ones... starting from the bottom of the page. Maybe, if you're lucky, some will be presented with "Crazytary":
The average person laughs 15 times a day. (I'm personally forcing someone somewhere not to laugh ever to keep the balance. I laugh a lot)
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave. (the Batmobile cannot make right turns)
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. (unless you've been punched in the face)
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. (so it's special when I lick you)
It's against the law to slam your car door in Switzerland. (how is that prosecuted?)
In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow. (this fact would be perfect in a poem. Nick, work on it)
Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food. (also good for a poem)
Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark. (The Earl of Sandwich was afraid of Subways [this one is such a stretch, I don't think even I get it])
The State of Florida is bigger than England. ('bigger', not 'smarter')
You're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206. (OMG... where did my bones go?!)
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. (not as special as you think, is it?)
Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee. (and, from the University of Franklin, Peyton Manning)
Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite. (that's why we get all those warnings "may contain peanuts")
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. (this is one of those facts that makes you go: "interesting, but that makes sense")
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. (from the "tough to test your theory" file)
Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7 ("Any leads on finding my briefcase?" "Yeah... there are four of us. Working in shifts" *Police Officer laughs... The Dude puts on sunglasses and drives away*)
Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3 (they own us, too)
Percentage of mammal species that are monogamous: 3
Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80
Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50
Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58
Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85
A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous. (hey, I'll take light and frequent!)
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women. (from the "in your FACE John" file. But it is understandable why women would have to invent the bullet proof vest. Yogurt! [still working on replacing 'Zing'])
If you were to spell out numbers, you would you have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter "A". (from the "too much time on our hands" file)
In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell. (pass me that banana cologne, would you?)
Moisture, not air, causes super glue to dry. (from the "don't blow on it!" file)
According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg. (that answers that question definitively)
A baby is born without kneecaps. They appear between age 2 and 6. (why Terminator 2 featured no babies)
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate. (I sometimes wish I was a ferret)
A blind chameleon still changes colors to match his environment. (trippy!)
Mark Twain was born on a day in 1835 when Halley's Comet came into view. When he died in 1910, Halley's Comet was in view again. (Mark Twain: the first member of "Heaven's Gate")
A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down. (and in a toilet)
If you know a millionaire who happens to be married, what is the most likely profession of his wife? She's probably a teacher. (I'm in the wrong profession... and I also shouldn't be a man?)
In 1998, more fast-food employees were murdered on the job than police officers. (well, at least I'm not in THAT profession)
Point Roberts in Washington State is cut off from the rest of the state by British Columbia, Canada. If you wish to travel from Point Roberts to the rest of the state or vice versa, you must pass through Canada, including both Canadian and U.S. customs. (am I the only one who really wants to go there now?)
It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is "shake" and the 46th word from the last word is "spear". (Most Obscure Fact Ever! We found it!)
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M - 1, named so because it was the first paved road anywhere. (see? all you people from Detroit? You're good for something)
65% of Elvis impersonators are of Asian descent. (nothing I could say could make this funnier)
Ted Turner owns 5% of New Mexico. (disgusting)
Montpelier, Vermont is the only state capitol without a McDonald's. (this won't last long)
Pope John Paul II is the world's Scrabble champion in the over-70 category. (Represent PJPII!)
All polar bears are left handed. (they die earlier than grizzly bears, which are all right handed)
The Bible has been translated into Klingon. (again, the "too much time on our hands" file)
The National Anthem of Greece has 158 verses. ("we've been here for three days! Is the song done yet?")
Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton Look-Alike contest. (she lost to her boobs, which came in first and second, respectively)
The chance that you will die on the way to buy your lottery ticket is greater than the chance of you winning the big prize in most lotteries. (they're 'government issued securities')
Albert Einstein never knew how to drive a car. (who's smarter now, Einstein?)
The UK's best selling hiking magazine published faulty coordinates for descending Scotland's tallest peak (Ben Nevis), and recommended a route that leads climbers off the edge of a cliff. (another example that Brits hate Scots. Go Albion!)
In a nod to astronauts, Texas is the only state that permits residents to cast absentee ballots from space. (or maybe it's because, while he was governer, W. really thought he cornered "the Martian vote")
We forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday. (wait... what was that statistic?)
The New York Times reports that in February 2004, 62% of all e-mail was spam. (I hate SPAM)
In the film Forrest Gump, all the still photos show Forrest with his eyes closed. (interesting film trivia... makes me want to see it again)
Amusement park attendance goes up after a fatal accident. It seems many people want to ride upon the same ride that killed someone. (and they call ME crazy?!)
World War II veterans are now dying at the rate of about 1,100 each day. (that's terrible!)
George W. Bush is probably going to be the eighth president in US history to have completed a term in office without ever having issued a single veto. (when asked to comment, Bush said "Everyone seems to be doing a pretty good job writin' those laws and stuff.")
Hostess Twinkies were originally filled with banana filling. The filling was changed during World War II when the United States experienced a banana shortage. (on a related note, before WWII Twinkies used to be everyone's favorite smell [see above])
71% of office workers stopped on the street for a survey agreed to give up their computer passwords in exchange for a chocolate bar. (in a related story, a terrorist organization has just bought Hershey's)
David Bowie thinks he is being stalked by someone who is dressed like a giant pink rabbit. Bowie has noticed the fan at several recent concerts, but he became alarmed when he got on a plane and the bunny was on board. (David Bowie has been watching Donnie Darko repeatedly)
When Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen turn 18 in mid-2004, they will take official control of a company worth more than the gross national product of Mongolia. Their earnings in 2003 topped $1 billion. (that is so disgusting. I hate capitalism)
On average, 40% of all hotel rooms in the United States remain empty every night. (remember that if you're traveling someplace without hotel reservations... hotels are FAR more likely to stick you in a room late at night, even if you barter with them for a lower price)
20% of Americans think that the sun orbits around the Earth. (the latest census shows that 20% of Americans live in Texas. Coincidence?)
The IRS admits that one in five people who call their help line get the wrong answer to their question. (*shakes head*)
So far, Congress has authorized $152,600,000,000 for the Iraq war. This is enough to build over 17,500 elementary schools. (no comment)
If you hook Jell-O up to an EEG, it registers movements almost identical to a human adult's brain waves. (also if you hook Jell-O up to an EEG, it is still delicious)
In 2004, one in six girls in the United States enter puberty at age 8. A hundred years ago, only one in a hundred entered puberty that early. (who's up for lowering the age of consent?! Nobody?... well then this fact is just sad then)
Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all. (the latest census shows that 7% of Americans live in Kentucky)
In 1985, the most popular waist size for men's pants was 32. In 2003, it's 36. (I'm popular again!)
A chef's hat is shaped the way it is for a reason: its shape allows air to circulate around the scalp, keeping the head cool in a hot kitchen. (not to get chicks? interesting)
Al Gore's roommate in college (Harvard, class of 1969) was Tommy Lee Jones. (this is easily a Second City scene. I'm working on the script)
Each year, more people are killed by teddy bears than by grizzly bears. (Roosevelt should have shot that bear!)
La Paz, Bolivia is the world's most fireproof city. At 12,000 feet about sea level, the amount of oxygen in the air barely supports a flame. (so, if you're ever on fire, hold your breath. Wait... that's not the point)
Oprah Winfrey and Elvis Presley are distant cousins. (They are part of the "Disgustingly Wealthy" family)
If the recent U.S. election was held in Canada, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush in a landslide - 64% to 19%. (this just in... John Kerry has just been elected the President of Canada)
Mel Gibson has personally earned almost $400,000,000 from his movie "The Passion of the Christ". (take THAT Jesus!)
George W. Bush, who presents himself as a man of faith, rarely goes to church. Yet he won nearly two out of three voters who attend church at least once a week. (take THAT Jesus!)
A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the -ahem- debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night! (all I have to say is this: How old do you think those beds in Albion are? Good night, indeed!)
90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border. (They want to be us... hello?!)
The day after President George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site averaged about 20,000 visitors each day. (from the "I would have done it if I had thought of it" file)
More than 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year from using products that are made for right-handed people. (stupid rightys! I just want to use some scissors!)
The time spent deleting SPAM costs United States businesses $21.6 billion annually. (I HATE SPAM!!!)

(and finally, MY PERSONAL FAVORITE) 60.7 percent of eligible voters participated in the 2004 presidential election, the highest percentage in 36 years. However, more than 78 million did not vote. This means President Bush won re-election by receiving votes from less than 31% of all eligible voters in the United States.