311's New Album
On August 16th, 311's eighth major studio album hits stores. As I have grown so, too, has my favorite band from Omaha, Nebraska. I fell in love with their self-titled album while listening to it scores of times while doing math homework in high school. Transistor mellowed me out when I leaped head-first into my "hard rock/death metal/I'll never be happy" music phase (which some would argue that I'm still in), and became a favorite 'drive-around' tape for my car. Soundsystem arrived at college almost the same time that I did... and it's positive no-matter-what lyrics made it quickly my favorite album. "No matter how hard college is", the album seemed to say, "you'll be just fine." From Chaos hit me in a time when I needed support, right after Amie and I had broken up. It's song, "You Wouldn't Believe" seemed to be written just for me (and is still probably my favorite 311 song). "And he's got a head full of ideas" it said. "And he's got a heart made of pure gold," it continued, "You might think he's a jester because he'll make you laugh til' you cry... Better come with your best if you test him, Unless you're ready to die." Hell yes! I thought... they're talking about ME! A song like "I Told Myself" told me to be strong and not give into the temptation of calling Amie and begging for her to come back... and songs like "I'll Be Here Awhile," "Champagne," and "Uncalm" have become favorites of mine to sing to the ladies to get them into an amorous mood. And, like more divine intervention, Evolver was released at one of the low points in my history--the summer of '03. Having just graduated with no plans and just been dumped big time, Evolver told me that because my life "Seems Uncertain," I should "Reconsider Everything" and look "Beyond the Grey Sky." Frankly, with my life the way it is now, I'm looking forward to seeing if the rude boys from Omaha, Nebraska can work their magic one more time.
Hey... anyone seen my Omaha Sessions CD? I seem to have misplaced it.

Major NBA Trade
The largest trade in NBA history, 13 players on five teams, was announced last night. As a public service to you, the casual fan, I will now explain the trade with some of that infamous "Crazytary." Now, short of going straight to ESPN.com, one cannot get a straight line of who got whom and what got where. Yes, it's just that confusing. Here we go with the winners and losers in this historic trade:
JAZZ: (In Techni-Color? Yeah... I'm trying something new. Sue me) Acquire Greg Ostertag (MEM); Lose Borchardt, Lopez, and Snyder.
The Jazz are clearly the bitch of this trade. Giving up the young point guard Lopez (who I think will be an above average player when healthy), the second-year guard Snyder (the jury's still out on Kirk), and the young 7'0" Center Borchardt (whose numbers do not impress, but 7 feet tall or above always translates into playing time in the NBA regardless of how un-athletic that man happens to be) in exchange for the ancient Ostertag is a joke. Ostertag, frankly, is a joke in and of himself... and was indicative in the late 90s of everything I didn't like about the Jazz--slow, lumbering, unexciting basketball. But, like I said before, height will get you playing time in the NBA, regardless of whether or not you deserve it. In this instance, height will get the Jazz an average of 20 minutes per game from Ostertag. Trade Grade: D-
HORNETS: Acquire Rasual Butler (MIA), and Kirk Snyder (UTA); Lose draft rights to Duenas.
The Hornets, very quietly, got a very good deal. They acquired two young players in exchange for a player, Duenas, who was drafted in 1997 by the Bulls, traded in 2001 to the Hornets, and who never put on a Hornet uniform. They, essentially, got two players for nothing. As I said before, the jury's still out on Snyder... who didn't impress nor necessarily disappoint in his rookie season with the Jazz. But I have been impressed with Butler, particularly in this past season with the Heat. Could that be the presence of Shaq in the middle making everyone else better? It's certainly possible. But Butler's scoring (especially from three-point range where he shot nearly 38% last season) make me think that he is capable of producing bigger numbers when not having to come off the bench. While we're going to have to wait and see how well Butler and Snyder do... I definitely think they got a good deal by doing almost nothing. Trade Grade: B
CELTICS: Acquire Qyntel Woods, the draft rights to Albert Miralles, two second round picks (MIA), and Curtis Borchardt (UTA); Lose Walker.
While we might scold the Celtics for giving up Antoine Walker, it is obvious that the Celts are in one of those "transition" phases we hear so much about. Walker, a three-time All-Star, was drafted way back in 1996... and, while he still has some time to make an impact with the Heat, the Celtics got a lot in return. A lot of talent? I didn't say that. We've already talked about the height that Borchardt will bring, regardless of whether or not he's any good. Miralles, a Spaniard, has been playing in Italy for the past three years, and smacks to me of the kind of European talent that all the teams are trying to find. Unfortunately, a lot of that talent isn't very talented (Hint: Darko... sorry, I love ya, but honestly). We also have Woods, who is so good that he got waived by the Trailblazers last year before Miami picked him up. The Trailblazers? They'll let anybody play... this does not look good. Add to this pool of... players (didn't want to say talent) are two second round, who-gives-a-phuk picks. Basically? Not impressed by the Celtics haul on this one. Trade Grade: C-
GRIZZLIES: Acquire Eddie Jones (MIA), Raul Lopez (UTA); Lose Williams, Posey, Emmett, Ostertag.
Memphis got the most unusual end of this deal. Sending big names Williams and Posey, and getting a lesser point guard and an older guard/forward in return. Perhaps we need to remember Williams' blow-up at a reporter at the end of this past season to see why the brilliant Jerry West pulled the trigger on this deal. In trading Williams for Jones, West got IMAGE. We shouldn't forget that West traded away trouble-maker Bonzi Wells earlier this off-season to get the classy and talented Bobby Jackson from Sacramento. West may have lost pure talent, but he's gaining classy individuals like Jackson and Jones. These are two guys who "play the right way" as Larry Brown would say. I think the worst part about this deal, however, is the loss of James Posey. I've had a love affair with Mr. Posey since he was the best player on those AWFUL Nuggets teams (pre-Carmello). As your go-to guy, Posey can't carry a team... but as a role player, Posey is a pure gem... shooting nearly 42% from the field over his career. While Jones and Lopez will be nice, quiet, respectful additions to the Memphis organization, the loss of talent and of Posey is too much to give this a better grade. Trade Grade: B+
HEAT: Acquire Antoine Walker (BOS), Jason Williams, James Posey, and Andre Emmett (MEM), the draft rights to Roberto Duenas (NO); Lose Jones, Woods, Butler, draft rights to Miralles, and two second round picks.
The Heat got the big names, that's true. The Heat got the talent, that's also true. Did the Heat get the right pieces? I'm not so convinced. The Heat got rid of old talent (Jones) but also lost young talent (Butler). Did they make up for the loss of young talent with Emmett? Not hardly. Emmett played a whopping EIGHT games last season, averaging 3.5 minutes per. Duenas, as we've said, is a complete non-factor. So, in essence, the Heat traded winning later for winning now. Not a bad idea, however, with Shaq getting up there in age. Walker will be almost a perfect compliment to Shaq with his height and outside shooting. I can also foresee unselfish Superstar Dwayne Wade passing the ball up to Walker, rather than forcing something up himself. With Shaq's presence in the middle and Wade's ability to slash to the basket, Walker can park himself at the three-point line and shoot threes all day long, if he'd like (and he probably will). Posey, as I've mentioned earlier, will be the surprise addition to the Heat. He'll be better than expected... not necessarily in numbers, but in the way he fits into the team. I expect him to become, perhaps, a defensive specialist in the Bruce Bowen mold... using most of his energy on defense and waiting at the three-point line to get his shots (which will go in as often as Bowen's). Here's what I don't get: Jason Williams. I'm not at all sure where he fits in on the Heat. If he's there to only pass the ball, then he fits in perfectly. But that's not the Williams I've come to know. I can see him imploding because of the Miami nightlife... I can see him exploding in arguments with new teammate Walker (both "hot headed" guys)... and I could see him being crushed under the media's constant pressure, as he is now the primary ball-handler on the team which will be the NBA Championship favorites. I am tempted to give this trade an A+ based on everything else, but I'm not convinced that Jason Williams is the point guard that Miami was looking for. Trade Grade: A

Overshadowed NHL Player Movement
Under the heavy shadow of the NBA trades, MLB pennant races, and NFL mini-camps, the NHL's players are moving around like Kansas mobile homes during tornado season. All-Star defenseman Chris Pronger was traded to Edmonton for three younger defensemen (Eric Brewer being the only one of note as far as I'm concerned). Pronger is 30, and this is another All-Star age/for youth trade... although I don't know why Edmonton thinks they should load up to make a run. Saying that, though, I guess this year's Cup is anyone's guess. Why not, Edmonton?!
In the "WHA?" category, Adam Foote--formerly of Team Bastard--signed with the Columbus Blue Jackets. Yeah. Your guess is as good as mine there.
In a "God bless them, the Penguins are actually going to try this season" move, Pittsburgh signed scoring defenseman Sergei Gonchar to a five-year deal. Good for Pittsburgh... I'd like to see them do well this year. Screw Nashville.
My heart sank, though, with news of other signings. The Flyers signed Darrien Hatcher from the Wings (as well as Mike Rathje from the Sharks) ending his very short tenure with the Wings. That didn't make me feel nearly as bad as this: Darren McCarty signed with the Calgary Flames. A member of Detroit's famous "Grind Line," McCarty will always be inextricably linked in my mind with a hard-working, gritty Detroit tenacity. I will always remember the playoff goal, while being hooked, that sent him spinning--arms in the air in exaltation--against (God, I hope it was) Patrick Roy. McCarty's departure marks the beginning of the end of an era for me, personally... I see Yzerman inked to stay in Detroit. When I lose him, I will weep.