HAPPY AUGUST!
Bill Maher: I'm Swiss
Saturday night I spent sitting, watching Bill Maher's new stand-up HBO show: I'm Swiss. I use "stand-up" loosely as his routine is more like a lecture than a comedy routine. Yes, I agreed with a lot of the stuff he said, but I got the impression that he was standing on stage because a soap box was too small. He definitely needed to be above his audience, because it seemed like he was talking down to his audience through most of the routine. It was as if the whole time he was saying "Look at what only I'm smart enough to have figured out. Isn't it funny? Oh I'm so embarrassed by my country that I'll say I'm Swiss. Aren't I clever?" It also felt as though his show was a funny political rally rather than a political stand-up comedian. Know what else showed me that he's not really comfortable doing stand-up? He was laughing too much. One of the things I've learned about stand-up comedians, is that they'll laugh a bit to get the audience laughing too. A very good comedian (Jimmy Carr comes to mind first, for some reason) never laughs at his/her own stuff. I laugh at my own jokes. What does that tell you?

Kidz Bop 8
While watching Green Day perform "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" on Saturday Night Live this weekend, I had a flashback to a commercial for Kidz Bop 8. On the aforementioned Kidz Bop album is the aforementioned "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" song. First of all, is this the kind of song that we want kids singing along with? We want our kids feeling melancholy and feeling alone? Granted, as a child, I would have loved that song (and I do)... but aren't the point of those Kidz Bop albums to give kids something mindless and happy to keep them sedated? I think so. Secondly... um... there's a certain word in the song we're talking about. A certain "F" related word. What did they do with that lyric? It's my hope that they didn't change it, but they just left that section edited... so it comes out sounding like "Read between the lines. What's f--ked up and everything's alright." I would find that hilarious. I also find whoever put the CD together hilarious. If hilarious meant the same thing as a "moronic."

Weird dreams
Over the weekend, I've had some weird dreams. I, unfortunately, have forgotten a couple of them, but here's some that I do remember. I had a dream where I was watching Brett Favre on Jay Leno. He was playing guitar, for some reason... and when he strummed it sounded like a guitar, but when he picked the strings it sounded like a banjo. I guess the weirdest part was that I knew what he was going to be playing before he played it... even though he was playing an original song. Neat, huh? No? Fair enough.
How about this then? I had a dream that I was in a HS gym with Chelsey. She was getting money out of an ATM, with her back to the assembly. I was watching whatever weird assembly was assembled. The principle or whoever told everyone to start singing. Just to start singing whatever came to mind. So I decided to underscore everything with some wicked vocal percussion beats. That was pretty much it. Not cool either? How about this...
This morning, I was awoken because I felt like I was being talked to by a woman. The woman's voice was so loud in my head that I woke up to see who it was... I was actually cognizant enough to know that I needed to wake up to see who was talking. When I woke up... it was 5:30 AM, and I was all alone in my room. Kinda freaky, huh? I wish I could tell you what the woman was saying, but I actually don't remember. Sorry kids. Let's just hope my room isn't haunted.

There's no better segue away from ghosts than sports... I guess...
MLB Trade weekend... kind of
Over the weekend, the Tigers traded Kyle Farnsworth to the Braves for two right-handed pitchers: Roman Colon and a minor-leaguer Zach Miner. From the stats on these two players, I'm not sure why the Tigers pulled the trigger on this trade. I guess the Tigers wanted starting pitching in exchange for relief, as they tell me Colon might develop into a starting pitcher. He, however, has a 7.71 ERA as a reliever this season, which is where the Braves had him pitch. Additionally, this Miner guy hasn't been pitching very well in the minors: 2-7 with a 4.23 ERA. That will not translate well to the majors. But, whatever (I guess), as the Tigers seem to have given up again this season.
The Cubs made an acquisition this weekend. They acquired Matt Lawton from the Pirates. Lawton's name was shopped around all throughout the trade talks, and I'm pretty excited that he landed with the Cubs. However, Lawton (who is 33) is just one of the many not-so-great players who were being shopped during this trade season. One of the GMs (maybe Theo Epstein of the Red Sox) said that this trade season was like paying "$100 for a gallon of milk." There just weren't great players available, as it looked like everyone was trying to buy and no one was willing to sell. Regardless, Lawton will fill the lead-off void left by a disappointing Corey Patterson... and I've seen Lawton around the bases--even at 33, this guy can fly. Which should give the Cubs an unfair advantage... as he'll never be tagged out. Because of the flying. Regardless (again), the Cubs BEST trade deadline move is yet to come: Activating Nomar from the DL. Moving on...

NHL Craziness Starts Today
The NHL's a league in transition. Literally. As the Free Agent signing period starts today (Monday), I would easily say that at least a third of the entire league isn't signed. This means that we could see the largest swaps of team production and talent in the HISTORY of major sports.
Let's look at some people on the list: Samsonov, Joe Thornton, Kiprusoff, Cole, Thibault, Aebischer, Hejduk, Tanguay, Arnott, Zetterberg, York, Luongo, Koivu, Theodore, Elias, Gomez, Kozlov, Langenbrunner, Poti, Havlat, Hossa, Gagne, Pronger, Lecavalier, Morrison, and both Sedin brothers. And that's just Group 2! (Right to match or draft compensation)
Group 3! (Unrestricted, 31 or older): Martin Lapointe, Foote, Forsberg, Modano, Zubov, Joseph, YZERMAN, Robitaille, Niedermayer, Rafalski, Stevens, Burke, Claude Lapointe, Andreychuk, Domi, Leetch, Mogilny, Nieuwendyk, Roberts, and Naslund.
There are some huge names on these lists... and that, as they say, is not all. There are TONS of names on these lists of free agents. This should be the hugest sports story ever in the history of stories about sports! Any team willing to put up some cash and structure deals effectively could be a contender this year (even Pittsburgh!)! But this story is not even in the national spotlight... why? Here's my theory. The NHL doesn't need to win over the fans. The fans will be back/are coming back. The NHL needs to win over the media. That's where the real fight is. The media needs to give the NHL some airtime again... that will bring that "casual fan" the NHL is looking for into the stadium. So I'd like to send a plea to the media (this means you ESPN): Put my hockey back on! Tell me what's going on! PRETEND you're interested! For me... for the love of God! I'm coming back to hockey, and I want YOU with me.
I was telling Nate that the Blackhawks are so desperate for fans that a lot of their tickets are going to be $10 this year. TEN DOLLARS! I've been compulsively checking their website to see when Hawks/Wings tickets go on sale, because I'm GOING to an NHL game this year, damnit! I also wouldn't mind seeing the Hawks play Colorado or someone else I hate (Tampa Bay? San Jose? Rachel Ray? (huh?)). Hey kids... let's give it up for hockey, and the most interesting sports story in years. Even if the sports writers don't see it as such.