THEATRE When is Improv NOT Funny?
This past Thursday night is the answer to the above question. We did an exercise in class where three people went up on stage... and did a scene. Just like that... no suggestions, no locations, no hokey-cheap humor. Tim wanted us to do it the right way... REALLY spending some time trying to figure out what had just happened before the scene started. There were some interesting, kind of heavy scenes... and then my group went up. It was Thomas, Mark, and I. Thomas and Mark are very talented... so I figured that we would be fine no matter what we said and where we went with the scene. Well... we WERE fine, but not because it was funny. As the scene unfolded, it turned out that the three of us has just killed my uncle, a pedophile who had molested all three of us when we were growing up. As we progressed through the scene, it became apparent that Thomas liked killing him a little too much, and I was the only one expressing regrets that we had killed a member of my family. And I was playing, in my head, with the thought that I loved him... that I not only loved him for the first baseball game he took me too, or the fact that he had taught me how to throw a football... but also that I loved the attention he gave me. I loved how attractive he made me feel. I mean, I REALLY didn't want the other two guys to know that I was thinking about how much I ENJOYED his disgusting sickness. What resulted was a very conflicted performance... which I was much better at acting out physically than I was articulating. I talked with two of my classmates after class, and both of them told me how good that scene was. It felt good to do "real acting" again. I kind of forgot that I even knew how to act: it's been so long. I'd like to try to do some "real acting" again, I think. But I always do this. I get bored with making people laugh, and I'd like to make people cry for a while. Then I'll get sick of being depressed all the time, and just want to make people laugh. I flip-flop so much I could be the democrat's next Presidential candidate! Zing! No? I forgot what my political orientation was for a second, I'm sorry.
MOVIE The Aristocrats
Last night I went and saw the documentary "The Aristocrats." For those of you who don't know, the idea for this movie came from the mind of Penn Jillete--of Penn and Teller fame. It is a documentary of a joke. One single, dirty joke. The dirtiest, most vile joke I've ever heard. Here's the deal. The set-up for the joke is always the same: A family goes into a talent agency, claiming they have just the act he's looking for. When the talent agent asks of what their act consists... the comedy ensues. The joke always has the same punch line... which is, as they say in the movie, a let-down after the rest of the joke. I enjoyed the movie... but the most important part for me, personally, is that they're looking for someone to tell the joke to be on the DVD. There's a contest... if you win, you'll be on the DVD (telling your version) and you'll win some cash ($1,000). Ever since I saw the movie (last night), I've been thinking about of what my version will consist. Mmm... I really want to work on this dirty joke. If you don't hear from me in a few weeks, it's because I'm writing a dirty joke. Yeah. That's nice.
NEWS AND NOTES Trying to Be More Like Fark
In an effort to be more like Fark (but, honestly, for readability sake) I'm trying out this color-coded headline system. I was talking to my friend Katy who said that she sometimes skips the football/sports sections of my blog. I'm not offended, it's cool, and that's actually why I started using the bold headlines in the first place. But the color coded system should be easier for people to skip what they want and read what they want. Let me know what you think.
FOOTBALL Grossman Injured... What Will Bears Do?
I actually heard this first on Jim's blog. Rex Grossman, the Chicago Bears third-year Quarterback, got injured AGAIN this preseason. I remember the Grossman draft, and how he was being talked about going to the Packers to replace Favre (glad we didn't take him). Grossman was injured in game three of last season (after he beat my Packers in Lambeau), and the Bears spent the rest of the season trying to find a replacement. They did find a likely candidate in Chad Hutchinson, a vagabond quarterback/baseball player from Stanford by way of the Dallas Cowboys. He spanked the Vikings last season in early December, and then proceeded to lose four games in a row (the last four games of the season). But, even though he lost 4 of his 5 starts, he was still light years better than any other Bears Quarterback last season. In the off-season, the Bears drafted Kyle Orton, the three year starter from Purdue... who I told everyone who would listen (at the time) that he was only good because he was a three-year starter in college. Anyone, I claimed, will be good his senior year after starting in college for three years because of his familiarity with the system and the high turnover rate of his opponents (meaning he was playing against other men in school who didn't have the kind of experience he had). Well, after seeing him throw at the Hall of Fame game, I might have to readjust my thinking. He threw the ball EXTREMELY well against the Dolphins, granted it was their second or third stringers at the time. The point being that he can (as the cliche goes) "make all the throws." I'll be interested to see what Lovie Smith does with his QBs, but won't be surprised if Orton gets the job outright to start the season.
FOOTBALL Favre Not Contracted to "Mentor Rodgers"
So I am currently (Saturday morning) watching the Packers/Chargers game (from Thursday night). BJ Sander might actually be the amazing punter that we were supposed to get last year when we drafted him... it just took him longer than everyone thought (a 46 yard average in the game!). Speaking of expectations, Antonio Chatman has returned punts this preseason just like he should have last year. The defense sucks a big one... and I fully anticipate my blood pressure to go through the roof this season. Ahman Green fumbled twice... which my dad has already emailed me about. He gave me a heavy, electronic sigh... as if we've seen this before. What I haven't seen much of before is Philip Rivers. He's the Chargers' second-year Quarterback from NC State. Rivers was also talked about as a possible replacement for Favre (along with Grossman and JP Losman and, if you're Jim, Bradlee Van Pelt--that whiny, stupid bitch [no, not Jim... Bradlee]). I've been impressed with Rivers as a person... but am still waiting for him to impress me as a Quarterback. Excuse me, but I think Brees is the guy in SD. Speaking of guys in San Diego, the Coolest-Name-I've-Ever-Heard award goes to Cory Lekkerkerker, Chargers' rookie offensive lineman. Say it... you'll be glad you did.
Let's talk a little about Favre for a minute, shall we? In an interview they played during the game, Brett said of the rookie Quarterback Aaron Rodgers "It's not my job to get [Rodgers] ready to play. It's his job." I actually heard about his from Sportscenter. This is another thing Brett's said this off-season that has been blown out of proportion. There's one thing about Brett that everyone should know: You don't talk to Brett about NOT playing. Don't talk to him about who's replacing him when he retires, because, as far as he's concerned, you'll have to pull that phuking football from his cold, dead hand. He doesn't think Rodgers will ever replace him because he doesn't think he'll ever stop playing. So, please, just don't talk to Brett about who is going to replace him.
Besides, I think everyone is getting a little ahead of themselves with this Aaron Rodgers thing. Even though he played a lot in this game, Rodgers will not even be the back-up QB this season. Everyone seems to be forgetting about Craig Nall. Nall has put in his dues... has regular season experience, played in NFL Europe... and knows the system! It's Craig Nall's job to lose... so don't talk to me about Aaron Rodgers being "the guy" yet... he's got at least a year before he competes for the back-up position, and will be third-string this season. (Hey! Remember Quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan? The Packers traded for him last season. What happens to O'Sullivan? Do the Packers carry four QBs for no reason [because Favre is as invincible as a redheaded woman]?)
FOOTBALL One Last Thing About Mr. Owens
Mr. Owens was interviewed during half-time of the Pack/Chargers game. Can, um, Mr. Owens... who is "a man," be interviewed without over-rated agent Rosenhaus? I mean, T.O. is smart enough to know that "my name is Terrell Owens" and that "my mom had me"... he seems to be smart enough to answer his own questions. Let him answer his own questions. Both Owens and Rosenhaus come across as whiny, immature babies... which is the real tragedy of this story. They are RIGHT about NFL contracts... if they went about it better, we'd be talking about how right they are instead of how bitchy they're being.
And I need to say something else. Donovan McNabb, who ripped Favre for calling out Javon Walker this offseason, is now passively aggressively attacking Owens in the media. Oh, I'm sorry, McNabb is saying he's going to keep things "in house" and that makes it better. McNabb, who I respect a great deal, IS coming across like the hypocrite that Owens called him. Excuse me, Donovan, if you really want to keep things "in house," you say "no comment" EVERY TIME you get asked the same questions. By even talking about it to the media, it's no longer "in house." Come on, Donovan... if you're going to bash a class-act like Favre for not taking the high road, then you HAVE to ALWAYS take that road. Otherwise, I'm sorry, you ARE a hypocrite.