Welcome to September (September 1st, that is)
I just want to say Happy Birthday to Laura. Laura is as awesome and intelligent as she is beautiful and elegant. Happy Birthday to a fantastic lady. Too bad you drive me fucking nuts after only three minutes of actual conversation... *sigh* what could have been...
In honor of Laura's birthday, I finally completely sold myself out. What? you ask, could possibly push me over the corporate hump? Is there anything... anything at all that could make me any more of a sell-out than I already am. Anything, that is, besides changing my name to Randrew Jackson County Heatherman Memorial Stadium? ZING! No... what I did was I finally bought myself a head-set for my cell phone. Honestly, now that I've got it, I can't imagine driving safely without it. I can even chop up filthy humans, hands-free!

And now, thanks to Ken's need to know everything about Fantasy Football, here is my latest Fantasy Football draft, Pick by Pick (aren't you lucky?). I had the very first pick this year, so keep in mind that after the that first pick, I picked back-to-back. It doesn't really matter that I took Harrison over McNabb, for instance, since they were taking by me back to back. Here we go:
1. Priest Holmes RB Chiefs - I didn't want the first pick in the draft. I really REALLY didn't want the first pick in the draft. But I got it... so I went with the guy who has been THE fantasy football stud for the past few years. Even if his season isn't as good as the past few, that will still make him one of the top five backs in the league. And, honestly, I don't see the Chief's offense slowing down this year.
2. Marvin Harrison WR Colts - Marvin Harrison has been my #1 WR for years. I LOVE Marvin Harrison. I find it very easy to root for him, and he's very consistent (which I found is key in head-to-head leagues). Oh yes, consistency is key to a head-to-head league... which is why I stay away from the Mo Williams': the guy who will get you 14 points one week and .5 the next. Marvin Harrison is simply the best wide receiver in the NFL and, for some reason, one of the best kept secrets in the NFL. The rest of the league knows how good this guy is, but I don't think the casual fan knows who he is. He. Is. Awesome.
3. Donovan McNabb QB Eagles - This one was pretty easy. He's got TO. That means more passing. He's got no running game. That means MORE passing. Could it mean more INTs? Yep... it could. But the Eagles are supposed to be good... and Andy Reid passes all the time. Ergo, I think McNabb is a great pick.
4. Tony Gonzalez TE Chiefs - As Nate said, the "only TE worth anything". Gonzalez will get you WR numbers all season. As a TE, that's just a huge bonus. He is the best TE in the league, by far.
5. Brett Favre QB Packers - I had to do this. I had to. I normally don't take Favre because I want to be able to bench my players if they're sucking, and I could never bench Favre. But all the talk from Packers' camp is about how much better his WRs have gotten, and how much more dangerous he'll be once the Packers establish that they're one of the most dominating running teams in the league. Give the ball to Ahman Green... Favre's numbers might diminish... but that also includes INTs. He'll easy get me 25 TDs this year... maybe even thirty, because that's what he does. I had to do it.
6. Duce Staley RB Steelers - Anybody who's been following the Duce Staley story knows that he left the Eagles to run the ball more. He came to the Steelers because they promised they'd get back to "Steeler football" (running the ball and playing hard defense). What does this add up to? An above average season from Duce. Plus, by this point, most of the RBs were gone. Yahoo's pre-rankings have all the RBs first. So, if you're not there to draft your team, you're going to end up with 6-8 RBs and only two crappy crappy QBs (like Zack did).
7. Isaac Bruce WR Rams - "But John," you say, "Isaac Bruce is old... he's lost it. Bad pick." Hold on a second. You haven't heard about the offensive rule changes this year. They're enforcing the 'no contact' rule, wherein a defensive player has to keep his hands off the WRs. What does this mean? Quick receivers, like Bruce, will basically be able to run free all around the field. Bruce won't have a Pro Bowl year, those days have past, but he'll have a more productive year than last.
8. Chris Chambers WR Dolphins - Chambers is always one of my sleepers. He's the featured wide-out on a Dolphins team that has no running game. Even when they had Ricky, he was the only player on that team that could catch. With the addition of Marty Booker, will he get more balls or less? Less balls thrown his way, but he might be open more often if Booker's still any good. Less catches, more TDs this year for Chambers.
9. Kevin Jones RB Lions - What's this about John? Well... I had Kevin Jones ranked pretty high on my draft board (draft board? It's dorky... but you're all at home or school or wherever believing that I would do something like that), and he was still around. This pick was more about getting someone so that no one else could have him than anything else. I don't think this is the year for Jones, but I also think he'll do about twice as well as previous Lions running backs. Especially since Nate can't see the games this year. Bwa ha haaa...
Sidenote: I can't imagine being able to see my favorite team (the Packers) every Sunday of my life growing up, and then suddenly not being able to see them. That sucks... and I'm feelin' ya, Nate. I'll honestly tape the Lions/Bears game and send it to you, if you want. I guess I just got used to watching Lions games; and, since they were so bad recently (sorry), even rooting for them. Football is football, and I'm going to love watching it regardless of who I'm watching. It looks like another year of watching Bears' games for me... but I don't mind too much. I'll see two Packers' games and two Lions' games on TV, plus all the Monday Night games and Thanksgiving. And I'll get to root hard-core against the Vikings every week of the season.
10. Tiki Barber RB Giants - I missed that Tiki was still around when I picked Jones. Tiki isn't as good as he used to be, but he's still good for about half a dozen points a week. It sounds like Tom Coughlin wants to use Ron Dayne (Wisconsin!) as a "featured" back. We'll see how long that lasts before the newly svelt Dayne wears out. Barber returns punts and kick-offs and, like I said, is good for about 5 or 6 points per week.
11. Seattle Defense - This was one of my bigger steals in the draft. I don't think anybody knows how good Seattle's defense is going to be this year. Ray Rhodes, as bad as he was as the Packer's head coach, is a very talented defensive coordinator. Keep in mind, Seattle will have four games against the Cardinals and the 49ers, who will both suck big time this year. If the Seahawks can win a game or two on the road, they're in the playoffs deep this year. Too bad Matt Hasselbeck is a little bitch.
12. Adam Vinatieri K Patriots - Mr. Clutch. Need a big-time kick, he's your man. I have a feeling, even though I hate the Patriots (stupid Tom Brady) that they're going to be scoring TONS of points this year. Here's the man kicking the PATs. Nuff said.
13. Rod Smith WR Broncos - Rod Smith is easily one of the most underrated WRs in the league. He seems to always lead the Broncos in receptions, but no one has ever heard of him. Again, I went with consistancy... as Smith will get 5-7 catches a game and somewhere under 100 yards per game (50-70, probably). He's not much for scoring touchdowns, he'll get less than 6 this year, but he'll be a good bench player and maybe a third receiver or I could put him in the WR/RB spot if needs be.
14. Mark Brunell QB Redskins - Forgot about this guy, didn't you? Well... if Joe Gibbs knows one thing, it's how to win with ANY QB. Brunell will win if he can get Gibbs' system... and his numbers won't be spectacular, but they'll be steady. He's a good bencher on my team and maybe even trade bait.
15. Ryan Longwell K Packers - He's been my kicker ever since I started playing FF. This is kind of a traditional pick. And Longwell isn't a bad kicker. He was, for a time, the most accurate kicking in history. Then he changed his kicking form to make kick-offs longer, and that messed him all up. He's still a solid kicker and I will most definitely find it easy to root for him.
16. Atlanta Defense - I was actually going to take the Chicago defense, but they were selected right after Longwell went off the board (nice pick Jason). Then I was going to take Deion Branch, but he was taken right before this pick (nice pick Jason). So I took my next choice: the Atlanta defense. I know the Atlanta defense sucked ass last year, but their offense didn't help them at all. Remember two years ago when they were the first team to ever beat my beloved Packers in Lambeau in the playoffs? Yeah... that's what we're looking for from that defense this year. They've got my former defense coordinator (Ed Donatell) who always had the Packer defense playing tough, physical, let's-get-the-ball-back-cuz-Favre-threw-another-interception football. Atlanta might be right up near the top in take-aways this year.
17. Green Bay Defense - Like the Longwell selection, the Green Bay defense is WAY easy to root for, and something of a traditional pick for me. That's basically it. The Packers' defense doesn't stop anybody, but they will get a few INTs and some defensive TDs. *shrug* I like mah defense, what can I say?
18. Donald Driver WR Packers - Oddly enough, the featured receiver of the Packers' offense went 11 rounds below the second receiver (Javon Walker). While I think Walker will have a break-through season this year (it being his third season), Driver is still the 'go-to' guy in Green Bay. He'll ride my bench much of the season, however, unless he can prove he's better than some of the other guys I've got.
19. Kyle Boller QB Ravens - I think this was an awesome pick near the end of the draft. No one knows how good this kid could be this year. Most people are talking Super Bowl for the Ravens, which means Boller will have to put up some above average numbers. I see this as a "no one else can get him" pick, as well as potential trade bait, if Boller's having a good year.
20. Dallas Clark TE Colts - This was Mr. Irrelivant of the FF draft. The last player drafted was Dallas Clark. Why did I draft him? 1) to back-up Gonzalez at TE, and 2) trade-bait. Clark is better than any of the TEs left out there... and he's probably better than some of the TEs who got drafted ahead of him. Besides, Peyton seems to be getting more and more comfortable with Dallas, particularly in the red zone... so look for Dallas to get about 6 TDs this season. And look for me to try to trade him the week after he gets two TDs in a game (it'll happen).