*Nods* Yes... I actually got drunk for the first time in my life. And none of you saw it
"I'm drunk... let's talk about it.
Okay... so I'm officially drunk. And I drunk called Laura, because she used to drunk call me all the time. I also drunk called Chelsey Wagemaker... I'm surprised I didn't drunk call Karen Green, honestly.
To Corcoran's with half the cast... a Bass and a Jaeger bomb. A weird party with Jim and his girlfriend Christine... had two beers and a screwdriver.
some weird bar... MORE beers. Hitting on a girl named Jessica who taught the first grade. She reminded me a little of Colleen Kelly, which is probably why I was SO in love with her.
I honestly can't see straight... and everything's dizzy. I'm going to bed. I still spell really well, thought... kind of like Laura. Ha!"
Yes... that's what I wrote, ver batim. I made no changes to that what-so-ever. And, no, I don't think my mis-spelling "though" at the end was a joke; which makes it all the more ironic. If the irony is lost on you, you were probably born in Evart. Get it? I bet you don't! By the way, this is the kind of format with which I start all my posts. If you'll notice the second paragraph is more of just little notes to myself to help me fill things in later, rather than just writing through something and maybe forgetting some of the steps. It's interesting to see that I was "SO in love" with a random girl I met at the bar. What a douche bag I am.

"Well, poopsicle stick, John... what made you get drunk?" you ask. "Poopsicle stick?" I reply. "Yeah... all the kids are saying it. Hey! You're trying to avoid the question!" you retort. "Okay okay... let's start with last night and work from there." Last night was opening night of my writing five show, Mankind: And Other Oxymorons. This, I was hoping, would get my mind off the fact that I got a pile of feces as a review for my Basically Awesome show. Um... that didn't work out too well. For you see, when one opens a show, it is customary for others to attend aforementioned show. This was NOT the case Friday night. We opened to a house of six. SIX! 6!!! The people on stage equaled the people in the audience and at the end when the writers came out to bow, we (obviously) exceeded the audience members. I guess I wouldn't have felt so bad if the actors hadn't just poured their hearts out. I saw how they stepped it up... I could tell. And I felt terrible for them. So I decided to buy anyone in the cast a drink if they wanted it (job or no... these poor actors deserved alcohol, damnit!).

So after the show, I went to Corcorans with Nick, Sean, Jill--from the cast, and Jim, his girlfriend Christine, and Heidi--my fellow writers. We sat around a table, ate some crappy bar food, drank some beers, and told stories. I told them that I thought they did a very good job, even if no one was there to see it. After two drinks (plus the drinks I got the actors), I had spent all I wanted to for the night, and I was ready to go.
I was going to call it a night after we dispersed from Corcorans, but I was walking home with Jim and Christine because they live near me... and Christine was going to go to a friend's party. I normally want nothing to do with parties (or fun), but I could tell that Jim wanted nothing to do with it too, it looked like he could use a friend there, it was only about 10:30, and the party was about a block from my apartment... so I went. The good news: the beer was free. The bad news: Christine goes to one of the fashion schools in Chicago... so the party was filled with "trendy" people. But I didn't give a fuck... so I mingled a bit and then played aloof with Jim: standing, drinking, and making fun of everyone we saw.
THAT was fun... and after the five drinks (and the screwdriver was mostly a cup of vodka... he may have actually tried to squeeze an orange in it, because their was almost no orange juice in it), I was DEFINITELY going to call it a night. But Jim wanted to go to a weird bar down the street, and I had been having so much fun at the stupid party that I thought "what the hell? Why not?" I wasn't going to buy myself anything, I was just going to stand there and hopefully make fun of some more fashion yuppies. But Jim bought me a couple beers, and I drank them alright. And then he started trying to hook me up with this girl that was standing next to us. And I don't know what happened, but I was the complete opposite of smooth with her. Oh yes, I do know what happened... I was dumping toxins into my body at a rapid rate! That's it! She did look a little like Colleen Kelly... but, sadly, I am not in love with Miss Jessica. Ah young love... burns so bright, but never long enough.

Then I finally came back to my apartment (after making two ill-advised calls) and typed up the above... only to pretty much pass out two minutes later. When I woke in the morning, I was still drunk. That's never good. What did I learn? Two things: 1.) Alcohol dehydrates your body. This I knew. But I forgot that there's no way to get the poisons out of your system if you don't drink fluids like water. 2.) When you feel like puking, you probably should. I felt like it and didn't, and the toxins had no place to go but to stay where they were.
My parents called in the morning, too. I got just a little paranoid that I would sound like something was wrong with my voice... but then I realized that I always sound drunk and slur my speech and mumble... so it didn't matter.

This afternoon was a Mockupations rehearsal. We rehearsed on the Skybox stage... which is always awesome. The stage is, honestly, nothing special... but the more I rehearse on it, the more comfortable I feel when I'm acting on it. And it's always in such high demand... because it's only usable for like 6 hours during the night on weekdays. The show feels pretty tight, and I feel pretty good about it even though the scripts are nothing to write home about. Unless the people in your home really like testicle jokes.
After rehearsal, I watched the Jets/Chargers game & ordered myself some Dominos! It was a good game... with the Jets doing everything they could to give the game away. I feel bad for the Chargers... I don't think that they thought they could win. Too bad. But the pizza tasted great! And I found out that I really like the combination of ham, pineapple, and jalapeno peppers.

#8 Post of 2004 - A Conversation with Myself (May 11) Even though this one is only eighth, it's the post that inspired the "best posts" list. As I was reading through my blog from the past year to compile the best and worst list, I read this post again... and I laughed out loud at it. I don't know why it gets me, but it will probably get me EVERY time. I guess I just visualize myself on stage with myself... performing it as if it was a play (it's written in standard play format... kind of). I also like that you can pretty much tell which John is speaking by the end of the conversation... which is something Bob AuFrance used to tell us that we should be able to do: that we should be able to write without writing down who's speaking... because each of the characters should sound differently. *big shrug* And I think it's funny.