Novel Idea (Part II)
In my omnipotent omniscients, I have decreed that I would start an entire blog as the character in my novel. So I did. I have one post so far. It is my hope that, by posting once a day (*no matter what* -said like the hot British Orbit chick), I'll soon be able to post as my character with ease and grace. Additionally, since I'm making all this stuff up, his blog can be completely no-holds-barred, heart-on-sleeve openness. There's no one to get me into trouble! because there's no one who would care! Everyone's made up! I think that's exciting! What does that mean for you? Perhaps shorter posts on this blog? Perhaps fewer? But every time I post on the other blog, I can feel like I'm working on my novel, because I plan on including blog posts in the completed book. Perhaps I'll even be including the URL in the completed version of the novel... so that curious folks can check out the blog, see what posts were cut (or whatever they want) and even post comments on the book or the post! Hell, if someone posts a comment while I'm still writing the book, maybe I'll include it in the novel! I'm just that crazy!

The Amazing Human Mind!
I got this in an email from my dad. You can read it, I promise. Check it out!
"I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at CmabrigdeUinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?"
This sets a record for the most misspellings in one post in the history of this blog. Ncie.

Historical Landmarks... That's The Chicago Way!
I have some interesting (at least to me) news that I just found out this morning. I was looking in the NFT Guide to Chicago today when I found a little interesting factoid (definition #2). It seems as though my friend Adam lives basically right next to the building that used to be Elliot Ness's "Untouchable" headquarters. I've been down there dozens of times (was even there this past weekend) and I never thought it was all that historically important an area. Yeah, with a name like "Printer's Row" I figured it was a good place to look for books... but I never thought anything exciting had happened there. The NFT Guide even says that Ness had Capone sent to prison from the Dearborn Train Station... which is still standing today. I've SEEN it. I think it's either been converted into a Bar Louie, or it's right next to one (upon doing research, the bar is IN the old train station. Don't believe me? Check this out). Wow! The Untouchables... right at my fingertips! Now you can see why that movie is on my Amazon.com wishlist, huh? Send one of his to the morgue, indeed!

Night Shopping
I was hit with the not-so-sudden urge to go grocery shopping at about Midnight tonight. I had been bitching to Chelsey about wanting doughnuts for a very long time (to which she wisely told me to shut my face or she'd shut it for me)... and I finally broke down and went to Dominick's. I love that I have a Dominick's Card, it saved me $35 the last time I got a lot of groceries! And tonight it saved me about $7... which is awesome. Awesome things are awesome. Regardless of my p = p statement, my point was that I wanted doughnuts and I got them, by gum! I didn't get Dunkin Doughnuts (like I had been coveting), but I did get Krispy Kreme. A word on Krispy Kreme doughnuts, if I may. It doesn't matter how fresh they are (although the fresher the better), the first one goes down before you even know you're eating one. I don't know of any other food that's like that (unless maybe chips or something... but you normally notice that you're eating something crunchy). But, seriously, when one starts eating a Krispy Kreme, one knows that they're eating something good, but it's gone before you really realize what you're eating (ESPECIALLY when they're warm). Chris Rock had a little bit in his act about them. He said that (and I'm paraphrasing because I can't remember it ver batim) if Krispy Kreme came out and said they were made with crack, no one would be mad. The doughnuts are so good, we'd all just say "I knew there was something about them."
Speaking of crack, there's something appealing about going grocery shopping late at night. It's so much more relaxed. It's as if everyone is saying "Not right now, man... it's too late for a fuss." And you get interesting characters who are buying interesting things. I'm sure I looked weird, with my doughnuts, milk, cereal, bagels, and bathroom soap. I bet it looked like I was REALLY worried about what was going to be happening in the morning. And the woman in front of me looked like she was on some kind of recreational drug... with her Cheetoes, doughnuts (she was buying doughnuts too!), and candy. She was also absolutely STARING at something right behind me while we were in line... back-turned to the line, completely captivated by something going on behind me. I didn't look.

Legos, Thai Food, and Important Emails
I spent a great deal of time (read: more time than I'd like to admit) finishing Lego Star Wars yesterday. Like I said before, it's a cute little game but not at all difficult. However, I see this game easily being enjoy by children and adults alike as a not-too-frustrating break from reality.
Perhaps because I had finished the game (or because I felt I needed something to cheer me up after the game was done), I got Thai food for the first time in ages last night. The man who answered the phone was one of the most unpleasant I've ever encountered at my favorite place for Thai: Garlic and Chili, Healthy Thai Cuisine. "Now, what for food?" was my question after answering who I was, where I wanted it (take out this time), what my phone number is, and whether or not I was qualified to masticate without assistance. "I'd like an order of the Chicken Curry Noodles."(my personal favorite) "Anything else?" was the quick response, before I had even had time to continue. "Um... yeah. I'd like an order of the Sweet and Sour Chicken." (something I had never had from this place before. I was trying something "new") "Anything else?" inquired the voice. An appetizer might be nice. "Anything else?"... but that was it. "Any rice?" No thank you... but I realized that his lack of English expertise had made 'anything else' the phrase he says after every item ordered. It was at this point that I realized how Dude, Where's My Car's "And then... ?" is pure writing brilliance. Don't believe me? You're smarter than you look.
Yesterday, I received a package from my dad. It included NFT Guide to Chicago and the Newcomers Handbook to Chicago. The NFT Guide is amazing... it includes maps of each section of the city that have everything from gas stations and grocery stores to bars and restaurants. Incredibly informative. The Newcomers Handbook probably would have been interesting to me two years ago when I moved here... but not so much now. I think Chelsey would be interested to read it, though. We'll see.
And now for two emails of importance. I received an email from the company that owns the building in which I live, PPM. My plead to talk to someone about moving has, apparently, been answered. My email has been forwarded to the Lakeview office and the email I received told me that I would receive a phone call today. Notice the time of this post... I'm not holding my breath. I simply hope to hear from them this week sometime so that I can be looking at apartments next week.
Another email I received today was about a Copy Editor/Paid Intern position for which I applied. They want me to complete a "test assignment" wherein I write a 300-350 word article about (get this) Lake Mary, Florida, real estate. I have until Tuesday to complete this assignment. Am I looking forward to it? No. But, the fact is, I need a job. Even a part-time job like this. If it takes squeezing the creativity out of my writing (they want a FACTUAL article with "no cliche" fluff), then so be it. One needs to eat. And one does what one has to do. And so it goes...

A Novel Idea
For years I have heard from various writing teachers that "It doesn't matter what you write, as long as you're writing something every day." And, like anything repeatedly beaten into your head, I have worn down enough to believe it to be correct (think McDonalds' "bah-dah-bah-bah bahhh... I'm lovin' it" really makes anyone think of food? It does after wave upon wave of intense marketing crashing on our brains). But, recently, I've been barraged with the thought that I should write a novel. Basically I've let Stephen King's "On Writing" permeate my mind and seep it's poison (good and bad) into my subconscious. It's gotten to the point where I had to wake up to write something down last night (that's when I know things are bad... when my writing wakes me up). I suppose the problem I have is that I've never been motivated to undertake such a monumental task before. I talk about writing screenplays and full-length plays... but so far it's just been that: talk. I can't motivate myself to actually start anything that huge. When I think about it, I get overwhelmed and I feel like I'm being crushed under the weight of in my own ambition--drowning in a sea of my inertia. I also haven't written because I don't want to waste my time on something not relevant. Fortunately (or unfortunately), something--relevant or not--is set to burst the dyke in my mind, and she's not going to like it (Zing!).
I finally broke down and sent my building's management company, Planned Property, an email this morning. They're supposed to know from me whether or not I plan on staying in my current apartment. I told them that I'm not planning on staying here... so as of September 30th I'll be moving out, whether I have a place to go or not. I'd like to say that I'm not scared. I'd like to.
Speaking of scary things, there was a Helicopter Crash on 294 this morning. An IDOT (Illinois Department of Transportation) helicopter crashed on 294 near 83rd street this morning, smashing itself into the 'sound wall' which is in between the interstate and people's houses. They say that it looked like the helicopter was trying to land on the other side of the wall (the people's houses side), where it could have crashed on someone's house or in someone's backyard. How is that not scary? That's quite scary. No one died though... the injuries are not life-threatening. Perhaps one of the scariest thing about this whole thing, however, is that the pilot decided to crash in a neighborhood rather than on the interstate. I don't know what this says about human nature. Were they trying to save lives by not crashing on the interstate, but more than likely landing on or killing families and/or children (they showed pictures of the crash site... and kids were playing outside on the other side of that wall)? I don't know. I suppose the best possible scenario happened... with the chopper hitting the wall, avoiding the traffic and the houses. AND no one died. Incredible. They'll have the best meals of their lives tonight... being quite happy to be alive. Maybe that's the way I should eat my lunch... but I don't think that'll actually happen.

See You At The Crossroads
Well, it looks like I've finally got people commenting again! And all it took was making outrageous claims with absolutely no basis in facts and with a very limited base of empirical evidence. But horse riding isn't a sport... I don't care what anyone says. You might have to have some athletic skill to do it, but I've seen (parts of) Seabiscuit... not impressed. Plus, Randi is short. So there.
This weekend I headed out to Keith's to mess around in the Basement. He, Adam, and I talked big plans, upcoming shows, and what we've been up to over the past month or two. We later headed out to downtown Naperville to check out this theatre that Keith thinks we could get some major stagetime in: the Crossroads Theatre. This is in a fabulous part of that town and NO ONE knows about it. There seems to be a great opportunity here for us to get into a theatre and really do something new and exciting in that area.
Miami Dolphins
There's a Miami Dolphins press conference on ESPNews as we speak. Apparently, Ricky Williams has reported to Dolphins camp after his year of losing weight, smoking weed, and wasting his money. If I was Nick Saban, would I take Ricky back? Yes. But Williams would be my second back. I would tell everyone on the team that Ronny Brown would be the starting tail-back, and that Williams was going to be the back-up. There are so many injuries in football that I don't think you can toss Williams away, especially when you could get some production out of him in a back-up roll. And, with Williams as a back-up, none of his teammates will think of him as being there to try to save the team or trying to carry the team... Saban can just get whatever he can out of him without a lot of pressure. However, if teams want to trade for Williams, I would start looking around at what you could get for him. I doubt any team wants him... but you never know.
Lego Star Wars
I rented Lego Star Wars from GameFly and just started it yesterday. It is a very VERY easy game, but there is enough interesting stuff in it--enough things hidden for one to find--that I would probably recommend it. There's a co-operative element to the game, which is pretty sweet, and I think the game is easy enough (the controls easy enough) that almost anyone can play it. Additionally, because the graphics are all Lego based (and are therefore "simple"), the game can be quite long: You can play through Episodes I-III. It's a cute little game, which Star Wars fans will forgive for being quite easy.
Chicago Heat
I just heard on the news that three people in the Chicago area died yesterday and it may have been due to the heat. Yesterday was terrible here. I felt miserable from the heat, and I spent much of the day in my apartment in the air conditioning. Even though the air conditioning was on, I still felt hot most of the day (some times in the day even thinking to myself "I should turn on the air conditioning" only to realize it was already on).
Wal-Mart Drops Singles Night
Apparently a Wal-Mart in Virginia--always innovative in new ways to show how trashy it's shoppers are--has dropped the brilliance that was "Singles Night." Well, being the investigative reporter that I am, I decided to get to the bottom of this myself. I went to my local Wal-Mart to see what I could find out. I talked with one of the employees there, a Mr. Martin Stevenson. He said "They don't know I'm talking to you. Listen," and then he got closer and began to whisper, "they're genetically engineering us to make us all asexual so that they'll never have to hire another woman! Oh no, I've been spotted!" He left very quickly. Unsatisfied with my first interview, I decided to head right to the source and see if I could interview a shopper. I was able to catch up to a thirty-something woman who was shopping. I asked her if she was upset by the canceling of Singles Night. All she would respond was "Always low prices. Always low prices." She continued to grab things from the shelves and put them in her cart. When I tried to get ahead of her, she grabbed my pen and put it into her cart. Unable to keep interviewing, I decided that the answer was simple: No one in Wal-Mart is paying attention to anyone else. They're all just trying to get the shopping done so that they can pass the empty shells of buildings that used to house the "mom and pop" grocery stores while sticking their middle-fingers out at anyone who might still be trapped in those decaying stores. Busy busy.

London goes crazy
This is the last thing I plan on posting about London for a while (at least I hope), but this needs to be said. London is frankly going crazy, and (once the people I care about are safely out of the way) I think it's hilarious. For decades they've wagged a condescending finger at us Americans. They called us bigoted, simple-minded racists... saying we, more than any other nation, didn't know how to deal intelligently with other cultures. Now, after the poop has hit THEIR fans... and it's not IRA bombings, it's not people who "look like them"... now we see how they're reacting. A Brazilian man who probably had nothing to do with the attacks was gunned down by police. There have been anti-Muslim protests... because obviously all Muslims are to blame. Do you see what happens when people get scared? We're not a culture of bigots, we're just scared. We've been scared for a long time... ever since World War II ended with all our young boys dead, and we entered an extended period of isolationism... we have stayed under the covers of nationalism with the soft blanket of isolation pulled up to our eyes. And when people scared us, we lashed out. Now the same exact thing is happening in England, and I look forward to seeing what (if any) backlash occurs over the new-found British insanity.
Like I've said in the past, no nation has had to embrace so many different peoples and ideas as the United States. As such, it's been a lot easier for "hate" to breed here in between different peoples with different ideas (because there are so many). I will be interested to see what happens in the homogeneous countries of Europe like England. Yes, I think I can say with some sense of authority that England is homogeneous. Europe, which thinks itself so liberal and forward thinking and modern, has never had to deal with embracing other cultures. The British stay in England, the French stay in France, the Germans... you know where I'm going with this. But my point is still valid, I think. While those countries may have to deal with each other's vacationers... they haven't had to live with each other. Their biases have grown and festered for centuries... to the point where you see what happens when Europe tried to unite? Some countries had nothing to lose and were for it, other countries said to phuk off. Imagine, if you would, a United Europe where each country was merely a state in the union. Now Americans don't look so bigoted, do we?

From that, to this... with as little segue as possible.
Armstrong Wins Seventh Straight Tour
Lance Armstrong won his seventh straight Tour de France today, sparking an intellectual sports question the kind which I love to ask: Is Lance the greatest American athlete ever? I've heard arguments that he is, I've heard arguments that he isn't... but basically the arguments that he isn't are missing the point. All the arguments that he isn't the greatest are about him riding a bicycle... that the bicycle is more of the athlete than he is. Everyone who knows me knows I've had some arguments about "sports" the masquerade as sports... but I don't think bicycling is one of them. I think fake sports include things where the human isn't doing anything physical (hint: auto racing and anything with horses [EAT it, Randi]). Lance's endurance is incredible... that cannot be doubted. What we should be talking about is this: The Tour de France is only one race. It would be as if we called Pete Sampras America's greatest athlete if Wimbledon was the only major tennis tournament played. Lance is good at mountains. Would Lance be able to beat everyone if the cycling was on flat, level pavement? Who knows? But I do know we can't proclaim him the greatest American athlete of all time if the only thing he's done is win the same race a bunch of times in a row (how about Jim Brown? Jim Thorpe? Jim Shilander? Was the last one a stretch? Thought so).

Bears Camp
Speaking of sports, today is opening day of the Chicago Bears Training Camp. I have no doubt the Bears will be better than last year (as long as there are no major injuries), but they will not be better than any of the other teams in the NFC North. On pure talent alone (just looking at the rosters), they're the worst team in the Division... it'll take luck, injuries, and luck for them to surpass anyone in the NFC North. Although you never know with the NFL... that's one of the reasons I like the league so much. As long as the Patriots suck (and the Vikings collapse), I'll be happy.

Edible Bacon
This is why I wouldn't want to be famous. Apparently, when you're famous, the entire country is privy to your fears, no matter how phuked up they are. Here's an article about how Kevin Bacon fears that his dog will bite his genitals whenever his dog ever sees him naked. Hilariously, he apparently says "This is not a rubber chew toy!" whenever the dog sees his phallus. I have myriad questions, but the most burning being: Why is he walking around naked in front of his dog? I guess if you're Kevin Bacon and can make horses jealous (yes, like that... I've seen Wild Things) you just walk around cock flapping in front of animals whenever you can. It's much the same way I walk around naked in bakeries. "You think THOSE rolls are good," I say (this is a fat joke).

You Got Served Europe
See how good you are at European Geography with this drag and drop map of Europe. I got 34/45 on my first try--with an average error of 86 miles (40/45 on my second try--error of 47 miles)... and it's harder than you'd think because of all the tiny countries. Plus, it depends on what country you get first. My first country was Slovakia... and, with no frame of reference, I just kind of put it someplace. It's nice to see how well Americans know other nations (or how well we DON'T). Europe we SHOULD know... but short of the larger, vacation countries, we really don't (After about 5 tries [including a 43/45 where my average error was 8 Miles], I got 45/45... it does depend MOST on which countries you get first).
Additionally, to further expand my mental horizons, I'm watching that fabulous expose on plot and character development that is "You Got Served." I've seen the end bit about four times now (because I like the dancing)... but I caught about five minutes near the beginning. What did I see? More dancing. I don't know if this movie has a plot or not. I do know that the spiky-haired white dude is the bad guy. How do I know that? He's the white dude. It's that easy. I also know that "La La" from "MTV" is "irritating." She's using slang that I've heard... which makes it dated and lame.
And I just had an idea. What if political debates were decided "straight streets." What do I mean? "You know how I like it... straight hood." I think a hilarious (and short) scene would be to see Democrats and Republicans dance to see who the next Supreme Court Justice would be. Don't steal my idea! I'm just getting started working on that scene.

London
Yesterday morning I heard that there had been new attacks in London. I HAVE already talked with Rose, who is, again, shaken but fine. I don't think these hit her as personally as the last ones... but they don't need to have hit her to shake me up. And now I hear that there's a manhunt to find some dude who shot a guy in a Tube station today. Can you believe this poop? It's as if people in England are going insane, all of a sudden. Not to be a party-pooper, but come home soon, Rose.

HBP
I finally finished the Half-Blood Prince. I will not spoil the ending (when Voldemort blows up the world, leaving the seventh book completely in space), but I will say that I believe J.K. Rowling to be a truly brilliant writer who, unfortunately, may not be able to write ever again after this series. I mean, if she WERE to write a different story, it would have to be so VASTLY different as to touch a different audience completely. Otherwise everyone will bitch and moan that it's not the "Harry Potter" books. Or she could just be a very rich woman for the rest of her life. Whichever.

Last Class of Level 2
Thursday night was my last class of Level 2 at the SC Conservatory. I celebrate this, not because I'm excited that I'm closer to being finished, but because I survived Gellman again without any major emotionally break-downs. The first few weeks of class I wanted to jump off something tall onto something spiky... but I feel like he genuinely wants us to succeed.
Also, I can't believe how close I am to finishing the Conservatory considering how bad I still think I am. I should be a whole lot better at this by now... but, alas, I'll only realize the true gift of this education when I'm older and wiser. Education is wasted on the young, they say (they being old people).

Mr. T
This morning I saw Mr. T hocking Hanes Double-Thick socks on Cold Pizza. I couldn't stop laughing when he went on and on about socks. I can't possibly do it justice... but just imagine Mr. T... with his voice and the quick pace of his speech... saying "Hanes Double-Thick socks! They're double thick in the heal and the toes... Most socks you only get one or the other!" (By the way, Mr. T is 5' 10" and about 220 lbs... sound like someone you know?)

Hello Hockey! Welcome Back
With a slew of new rules and rule changes, professional hockey--that great mistress of all sports--is back in the United States. One change is that there will be no All-Star Games played in years during Olympic competition. While I suppose that's fair to the players, that sucks hynie for the fans. I thought you were begging us to come back to your game... but you're not even going to have an All-Star game? Way to sell that one to us!
Another rule change going into effect is the elimination of the Center Line. I'm not exactly sure what this will do besides eliminate the two-line pass. I suppose it will lead to more break-always? Or that's the thought, anyway. But what if the effective counter-strategy becomes leaving a defenseman back to stop the possibility of a break-away? Doesn't that just further hurt the lack of offense in the league?
Finally, I've already talked about how the new Shoot-out overtime rule is stupid. I continue to think it's stupid. It might be exciting for one year... but after this season's over, everyone else will think it's stupid too. Trust me! Hockey fans like ties! We don't mind them! We've come to expect them... we're hockey fans! *deep breaths* I'm done with this.

Two Other Articles
Here's an article from the BBC about a man who advertises on his forehead for a company that purchased that forehead space in an auction. He auctioned off his forehead and then got a tattoo for the company that won. Interesting question... how much would it take to sell space on YOUR forehead? Personally, my forehead is almost priceless. I'll never get acting jobs with a forehead tattoo. My price, then, $100 Million for a forehead tattoo. I'd never have to work again with that much money, and could be a writer for the rest of my life.
Lastly.... like I've been saying for years, this article proves that Husbands own their Wives hair in Michigan. I TOLD anyone who would listen that it's a weird Michigan law that hasn't been revoked. And this is why, if I were to get married to the lovely Miss Wagemaker, it would be in Michigan. So that I would own that beautiful, long, flowing red hair. Mmm... red hair. *drools*

BTW
I'm 100 pages (Chapter six) into Half-Blood Prince and it's as interesting as any of them so far. I just wanted to add that I got an email from my dad this weekend (Saturday afternoon) saying that the Harry Potter books made him think of Laura. He, at that point, said he assumed Laura was already finished with the book. After reading Laura's LJ, it seems as though he was right. I find this hilarious. Laura's proficiency in reading was something I found highly annoying while we were dating--but only because I was so jealous of her amazing talent. Now I realize that she and I were meant to be friends, as I will eventually blatantly use her talents to read quickly for my own dark writing purposes. She'll use me to, of course, for whatever things at which I am good. Perhaps driving. Perhaps complaining. Regardless, friends use each other just as acquaintances do... and that's nothing of which to be ashamed. It's a simple fact of life that Ken uses me to reach the cookie jar on top of the fridge... or the towel off the rack... or doorknobs. And I use him to duck under things or transport things quickly on foot. The moral of this story is: Use your friends. Use them like rented mules.

The Half-Blood Prince and Shut the Phuk Up!
Today I received, in my hot little hands, the sixth installment of one of my favorite (read: my favorite) book series: the Harry Potter series. They are J.K. Rowling's wonderful masterpieces of children's (read: human) literature. Just holding this book brings back memories for me. I began reading them to mock them, actually. As is my custom, I often times in my life get involved with the hot popular culture items (i.e. Boy Band music, Survivor, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers [that's right], YuGiOh!) so that I can have a better understanding of why they're so popular... and so I can make fun of not only the item, but the people who are so head-over-heals about them. But, like with most of those listed above, I only found my own fanaticism with a closer examination of the Harry Potter books. The seed of mocking began to grow into a tree of pure admiration for the skill and craftsmanship with which these stories were written. I borrowed the first book from my sister and finished The Sorcerer's Stone in about two and a half days--which was at the time a record for me reading anything. I then borrowed and subsequently devoured Chamber of Secrets and Prisoner of Azkaban (which might be my favorite because I love how tightly everything seems to fit in the end... and I love time travel). Often times I would be about a hundred pages from the end of the book--dead tired--and then read something that kept me reading until the very end. I lost at least two nights of sleep finishing those first three books. I then bought book four, The Goblet of Fire, for myself in hardcover to take with me on my trip to New York (this was when the choir sang at Carnegie). Within a span of a month, I had read all the Harry Potter books which were available at the time and was completely hooked. Each story a self-contained masterpiece... yet, each story obviously part of a larger picture. I feel like it should be obvious that Rowling knew the entire story before she started writing any of the books... which works out well if you can do it, but causes some books to seem forced with the jackhammer of plot (thank you Mr. King). When the Order of the Phoenix came out, it seemed to be the first book which was not self-contained... and I think it will, therefore, stick out in fans' mind as a "weird one." But we reached a point in the bigger picture in Book 5 which called for it to be a more continued plot. Harry is inundating himself into wizard life... no longer does he have long summer vacations completely devoid of wizard culture. Allowing Harry, in the first few books, to be separate from the fantasy world of wizardry let Rowling push a kind of reset button with the next book. At the end of one she would say "Harry went back home" and the beginning of the next she would start with "It was time for Harry to go back to school." But, by Harry growing up and inserting himself more into the culture, Book 5 was going to be more of a continuation book than any previous volume. Additionally, if you think of the over-arching plot to all the books, Book 5 had to be the "Heroes fall, as Evil rises" edition. I fully expect Book 6 to show us a build in Voldemort's power so that all might seem lost (but Rowling will subtly show Harry's power growing as well). I also expect Rowling to stop beating around the proverbial bush and have someone start dating someone else. Additionally, it's time for someone major to die, I feel. My pick all along has been Ron... but I fear that in either this volume or Book 7, Rowling is going to have to kill off Dumbledore. I don't want to say it, but you know it has to happen. And Dumbledore doesn't necessarily have to be killed, he could die from old age or something, in a Yoda kind of way. All of this is speculation, of course... and she needn't do anything I say. It's my hope that she allows the story to tell itself enough that she wouldn't have to kill off anyone (else), and she could have all the heroes win like in Star Wars (Harrison Ford wanted Han Solo to have to sacrifice himself in Episode 6, but Lucas would have none of it. As a result, all the good guys survive!).
Additionally (and kind of besides the point), Book 5 is almost 900 pages, and I feared (at the rate she was going) that Book 7 would be 3,000 pages. It's good to see that Rowling shaved a few pages off Book 6 (it's about 650). And, this may have nothing to do with anything, but I really like holding the book in my hands. I love it's weight... I love it's smell... I love the sound of turning crisp, new pages or the thuds of beating your fingers on the thick, heavy book... and (even though I'm not supposed to) I love the cover.
To make a long story short (too late), I'm about to dive into Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. And if anyone says anything about it before I'm done reading, I will honest-to-God end you. Thank you and happy reading!

I to the MAX! Watching Six Stories of Willy Wonka
This was a very interesting weekend, as Miss Katie and Miss Chelsey spent the weekend in Chicago giving the apartment they might move into a 'test-drive.' They arrived with special guest Miss Allison, on Thursday night... so I headed up to their place after class. The apartment being in the Roscoe Village area, it was quite a hike up to their place from Old Town. When I got up there Thursday night, I was given a quick tour of the apartment (huge compared to mine... just enormous!) and proceeded to sit, catch up, and watch a little television before I had to get going. The Brown Line stops running south of Belmont after a certain time (Midnight, I think), so I had to make sure I got a train before the Brown Line stops running completely to be able to transfer lines and make it back to my place.
Friday morning I had to finish sending out some applications before I could do anything. Do you remember how I felt overwhelmed earlier in the week? Well, having Chelsey here finally seems to have given me the motivation to get started on important things like the job hunt. Some possible good jobs I'm applying for include: IT tech; data entry at a law firm; and managerial assistant at a bank. I see that the Moody Bible Institute is looking for a full-time tech support assistant, so I'm thinking about applying there as well. If they pay enough, I could try to work something out with my building (potentially) where I could stay here instead of moving. That'd be nice. If nothing else, I know the area and I enjoy the MBI people a great deal.
Friday afternoon, I headed back up to the Roscoe Village area to spend some time with the ladies. They had walked around the area and gotten a feel for what was around them. Additionally, they had a Not For Tourists guide to Chicago which is something I wish I had when I moved here. It shows some detailed maps which include what is in the area... and each section of the city has its own maps. Very informative!
That night we went to the Navy Pier to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at the IMAX theatre there. I was surprised to find that the IMAX theatre there has assigned seating (as if we were going to a theatre show)... and further surprised to find that I had acquired handsdown the the worst seats available. We were in the front row to the left of the screen. The entire movie was spent (by me) slouched down in my seat to see the whole screen, and craning my head to the right. Regardless of the high level of uncomfort felt by me (slouching also didn't work so well as there were metal bars in front of our seats which kept digging into my legs), I thoroughly enjoyed this movie! It was amazing! I think Jim is right in that those people who are saying that Depp is playing Wonka like Michael Jackson are pretty idiotic. Those people are missing the point. And one of the points being that Wonka is the voice of reason... he's just hidden under a shiny candy wrapper. Enjoy my metaphors? This brilliance is FREE... you should enjoy it. Anyway, I noticed that there is an element of the movie "Se7en" in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Every other character (besides Charlie) seems to be a personification of one of the deadly sins (Gluttony, Pride, Greed, Wrath)... and they all end their trip to the factory by indulging those sins. Depp's performance is interesting and hilarious in a "dark-comedy/Tim Burton" kind of way. I have to admit that I wanted Depp to sing while everyone is in the large "eatable" room... but no singing for Depp. The songs now, performed by the Oompa-Loompas (actually performed by Danny Elfman, the composer) are awesome. Elfman gave each song a completely different genre and feel... and the Violet song is probably my favorite because it's funky. Made me want to dance... almost as much as "Footloose."
Saturday I was treated to the free Lincoln Park Zoo for the first time. Yes, I've been here for almost two years now and I've never been to the zoo. I guess I'm not much for zoos... and it's not that I have some high and mighty, holier than thou opinions on caging animals, I just think I read body language well. And when we went to see the large apes (my favorite!), I came face-to-face with Jojo the silverbacked gorilla who was sitting, leaning his head with his hand, looking quite bored. And, before you can say "He was an animal, how do you know that you're reading his body language correctly", I will say "You should have seen him." You SHOULD have seen him... before you pass judgment on my skills. He looked generally disinterested in the "room" in which he was kept. So, yeah, no offense to the zoological community, but the zoo's not really my bag of nuts. Well, I do go back and forth, because I learned a few things too... and it was nice to see Seals swimming underwater, or to see how arrogant an ostrich seems to hold himself (I was surprised about that one... Ostriches walk with a lot of arrogance), I just wish they could be caged for a bit and then freed. But that's not practical, I know... leave me alone, I want everything to be perfect all the time.
After the zoo, we headed back to Katie and Chelsey's to make dinner. Some alcohol and burnt spaghetti later and we were ordering Chinese take-out (which was quite good!), and watching The Work and The Glory, the Mr. Alexander T. Carroll project. It was the third time I have seen that film... and I enjoy it every time. It makes me think of the first time I saw it in South Barrington in a theatre all to myself which, looking back on it, was an amazing and incredible experience. I was allowed all the freedoms of watching a movie at home; while enjoying the theatre-going, big f--koff room with the pop-corny smell, darkness, loudy bits. (Just watched Eddie Izzard... sorry about all that). That memory will probably always be great.
Sunday was a day of good-byes (as Sunday seems to have become) and I spent the evening at rehearsal, playing a character who I call the "back-up quarterback." That was fun, too. I have yet to receive my copy of Harry Potter (which is waiting for me at the Post Office), and I have the sneaking suspicion that I really should reread Order of the Phoenix before diving into the new one, but I know I'm not going to. But, for right now, I need to get going so that I can pick up my book, fill out some more applications, and get started reading. Cheers kids!

NHL, Harry Potter, and Birthday Wishes
The National Hockey League, in its new incarnation, has proposed some rule changes. One of these rule changes is to decide overtime games using the one-on-one battle best described as the most exciting play in sports: the penalty shot. I haven't looked at the rule change, so I don't know how the penalty shot would work (although I'm assuming it would work the same way as it does in Olympic competition)... but I have to completely disagree with this proposed change. I think that this proposed change is something that a panicked league is trying to do to bring in the non-Hockey fan audience. Hockey fans, true hockey fans, know that a tie is okay in hockey. A tie is nothing to be feared. But, recently with the 4-on-4 overtime rule change and the everyone-gets-a-point for going into overtime regardless of who wins in the end rule change(which I actually think is a good idea), hockey fans have seen a panicked NHL trying to reel in the non-fan. Let's face it folks, people who don't watch hockey aren't going to watch hockey... there are too many other sports. You are not going to get the casual fan audience to watch the NHL... it's just not going to happen. So, instead of catering the league to the casual fan, let's try to focus the NHL's energy on making the game the best it can be for the actual, true fan. As such, putting a penalty shot element at the end of every overtime contest (so that there HAS to be a winner) will significantly cheapen the exhilaration of the penalty shot. One of the reasons it is SO DAMN EXCITING is that we hardly ever see it. We have no idea what's going to happen... and even the true, hardcore fans don't know if Datsyuk has a good enough move to take Giguere every time, or if Jean-Sebastien might guess correctly once or twice... we don't know. And I think what's worse is that, with a penalty shot situation potentially at the end of every overtime game, the teams with the five best players or the best one-on-one goalies will get more points and have better records than teams which might be better teams overall. I mean, having a goalie with good one-on-one skills doesn't mean you have a good goalie, because how rare is it to have a one-on-one situation during actual gameplay? (Hint: quite... and that makes that situation as exciting as a penalty shot) So, if you would, please join me in politely asking the NHL to reconsider using something like a penalty shoot-out to make the game "more exciting." To real hockey fans, just having the game back is exciting enough.
Harry Potter Book 6... in Braille. On CNN Headline news today they were talking about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince coming out in Braille. Apparently, the Braille versions of all the Harry Potter books have been released, but normally the Braille version comes out long after the text version is released. This time, for this book, the text version was released to a Braille publishing company early so that the Braille version of the book could come out almost at the same time as the text version. This is perhaps the feel-good story of the day... as they were interviewing blind school children who were talking about how alienated they felt when their friends were talking about the new Harry Potter book and they couldn't participate in the conversation. As far as the Half-Blood Prince is concerned, it looks like all children will be able to talk about it in class at the same time. Good for them.
So, Robot Chicken... that's a hilarious show. If you can ignore the annoying end credits song, or the fact that the show is only about thirteen minutes, you're in for the most ridiculous, random, and hilarious show ever. That's really all I have to say about that.
Hey... I wanna wish a Happy 21st Birthday to Miss Karen Rose. She's over in London, so it's not as if she hasn't been able to legally drink alcohol up until today... but 21 is still a fun birthday to have. It is, of course, unless you have food poisoning from mall Chinese food and you are laid up until and including your first New Year's Day as a 21-year-old. Hey, listen to me bitch as if you care.

A Shift In Focus?
When I got back from New Hampshire, there was plenty of irritating and annoying stuff waiting for me. This week I have been inundated by CareerBuilder postings that my dad sent me. I think he's sent at least two dozen postings to me in the past day and a half. While I appreciate the help, I am very easily becoming very overwhelmed by the job search. I have an interesting problem facing me: get a job that won't take over my life but that will pay for everything I need so that I can lead that life. I can't simply take a job like Coldstone again... I'm going to need to take something that will actually pay the bills and the rent. I find myself in yet another transitory period... where I sit on the precipice of a move, a job, and what will most probably be a major step forward in the seriousness of my infant relationship.
Oh... mentioned the relationship again, did I? This is new for this blog, isn't it? I hope not to become schmoopie and whipped like someone I know (hint: Ken) on this blog. I hope that I'm above that... but I know I'm not.
But speaking of that relationship, since it started I've been getting a heavy dose of therapy on the phone. What does that mean for you? That means I haven't had to pour myself out onto the jello-mold of information superhighway only to chill and conform myself to irregular shape of aforementioned internet. So, basically, I haven't needed to write.
And I find myself unable to write anything since I haven't been writing here. Basically, I'm telling myself that need to go back to writing here often... even going back to the days when I would just keep typing until something ridiculous and slightly moronic was written. I haven't done that in a long time... but, hopefully, look for that to change. Hopefully.

"Once Tasted, Never Forgotten"
AHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!!

Moron London
I just wanted to say two more things about the London bombings and then we can all go about our business. In looking at a map of the damage, I became quite aware, and quite surprised at just how CLOSE the bombings were to where I stayed while in London. Here's a map of the attacks. Notice where Regent's Park is... in between blasts 3 and 4, blast 4 being near the Euston Tube stop. Well, the stop right before Euston--close to Regent's Park--is the Great Portland Street stop. That was about two small city blocks South of our hotel. From what I can gather, Rose lives a few blocks further South of the Great Portland Street stop (and I have no idea where she works). To say that these attacks effected me personally would not be too much of a stretch.
Secondly, I am disgusted by THIS. It seems as though, because of the bombings, there were thousands of people stranded in London. As a result (and out of the kindness of their hearts), London hotels doubled, and even tripled, the price of their hotel rooms. And the British say we're heartless, money-grabbing, immoral capitalist bastards! What is this?! I would think, at the very least, if this happened in the States our hotels wouldn't double rates. Sure hotels might raise the rates a bit... but doubling or tripling?! That's horrible! If you scroll down to the bottom of the article, some of the public are crying out for the hotels to be publicly named and shamed. I feel like this would be a good compromise... let Londoners know who is there for them in a crisis, and who is just looking to make a profit.

A Rose... Gone And Back Again
I received the news of this morning from London in much the same way I received the news of the New York attacks. "Um..." a calm voice said waking me, "There were explosions this morning in London." I was first rushed back to that fateful September 11th when a calm voice told me "A plane crashed into one of the towers in New York." However, this morning was different. This morning was personal. My first thought was to contact Rose. I had two avenues that I knew of: her flat phone and her parents' house. Unfortunately, my cell phone reception in Jim's apartment is terrible, so I had to dress to make the phone calls. I tried Rose's home in Birmingham twice (to no avail. Avail = answer) and then tried her London flat phone from a pay phone across town (which I couldn't call because I'm still an idiot)... and then I gave up and walked back to Jim's. I had far too much time walking across town to think from the phone to Jim's. In that time, I had lost her forever. I had allowed my imagination to think the worst. It was heart-breaking... and I tried to simply forget it, or ignore it because there was nothing I could do. I felt (and was) helpless. With no way to reach her, and no way to know for sure that she was alright... What could I do? Nothing. Isn't that the definition of helplessness?
When I got back to Jim's, however, he was talking online to Rose. Just so everyone knows... I have talked with Karen Rose. She is shaken... but for all intents and purposes is fine and safe and, most probably, headed to Ireland tonight. She is not only safe... she's headed to a Mecca of sorts.
Michael Joseph called me this afternoon, wondering if I had talked with her. He and I talked a little about it... and London feels quite personal. All, or at least most, of the places and Tube stops described were places we were earlier this summer. We walked around those places... we were on those trains... it was us, standing, looking shocked on the TV that I saw this morning. Even moreso than 9/11. And, in a way, these attacks are far scarier than the 9/11 attacks. How so? Well, you have to believe that a LOT more than 33 people should be dead from three or four blasts on subway trains. In a way, this seemed even more of a threat than attacking the Towers. At least, with the Towers, you know they got what they wanted to hit. With these attacks... what was the objective? To simply scare people into knowing they weren't safe.
So, today, if you know Karen Rose or anyone else in London, please email them and let them know that you love them. It's the least we can do. Now, aren't you glad New York didn't get the Olympics? (poorly timed... but still true)

Hello To The Spirit Of Male Competition... Good-bye To A Friendly Spirit
June 12-13
I mention this weekend because Chelsey spent that weekend in Chicago. We toured the Second City, walked around Navy Pier, and ran into Bridget, who is now in the greater Chicago area. It was a great weekend, much MacGyver was watched (she bought me Season Two... SO sweet!), and much laughter was... laughed. Hmm... I used to be better at talking.
And now, here's a fun article that made me think of Miss Chelsea. It seems as though there might be something genetically inherited about human beings that makes men produce better sexually if they think they have competition. I thought it was a fun article, myself. Not impressed? Okay... how about this?
In the spirit of MySpace, I now have a page on Thefacebook.com. Wanna see it? Go here. Don't have a facebook account? Then you're completely useless like your mother.
And, in very very sad news... Rest In Peace Mr. Dana Elcar. Best known for his role as Peter Thornton on the popular TV series MacGyver, Elcar faced glaucoma which lead to his eventual blindness... and which was written into the show (further proving how brilliant the MacGyver writers were). Peter Thornton was always a lovable sidekick and companion, especially considering the fact that he often had to be the voice of the confused, bewildered, and--most of the times--lost audience. You'd think after all the years they spent together that he'd stop asking Mac what he was doing when he was doing a "MacGyver". But, Peter never stopped asking... never seemed smart, but never let MacGyver down (in the true spirit of friendship [aww]). Thanks for the memories, Dana.

Miscellaneous Updates from June!
I'm going to start with a little review of a movie I call Ocean's Twelve. I include this here because I watched it with my family while I was home after England... and because I feel the need to warn everyone against watching this movie. For those of you who have seen this movie, you know what I'm talking about. For those of you who haven't seen this movie, it includes the WORST plot "twist" of ALL TIME! Throughout most of the beginning of the movie and into the middle of the movie... I was with it. It is clever and fun just like the first. THEN--and I'm including this spoiler because I seriously don't want anyone who hasn't seen this movie to waste their time--the writers fell in love with themselves. They thought they were SO clever that they could get away with anything. What am I talking about? About half-way through the movie, Matt Damon's character, Linus, suggests that Julia Roberts's character, Tess, looks a lot like a celebrity. This was a perfect opportunity for the writers to take a shot at Hollywood and make Julia Roberts pretend to be, oh I don't know, Julianne Moore or someone even more clever. But no. Do you know what they did? Do you KNOW what they DID? They had Julia Roberts's character, Tess, pretend to be... Julia Roberts. Um, what? How lazy... how unoriginal... how in love with the writer's own cleverness is THAT?! I didn't find that part funny or clever... that part of the movie took me right out of the movie. And I never got back into it. I was done with the movie 3/4 in... and 3/4 of a movie is not a movie worth wasting your money or time watching. Stay away from this movie like the plague!
What you should do with all that extra time is watch a little CNBC show that I like to call Mad Money with Jim Cramer. If you've never seen a grown man absolutely screaming about stocks on the most inexpensive set money can buy... you really owe it to yourself to watch the show for about two minutes. I won't blame you if you can't stand more that two minutes... but watch for two minutes and you'll have a new appreciation for my relatively harmless madness. I, personally, love the show... even though I don't much care for the stock market.
Now, let's look at some articles, shall we?:
June 4th
I found this link to some funny Credit Card pranks on Erik Love's blog (which you should all check out! Link to the right!). Check out prank pages One and Two. A man one day noticed that no one was checking his signature when he signed his name on credit card receipts. See how far he went to be creative enough to get someone to notice. These two pages are hilarious... and it's well worth reading everything and looking at every picture. Do it!
Oh! Only in Chicago can a marathon be too long without anyone noticing. Chicago apparently set a record for marathon length... on accident, as the route was a full mile too long. Nice, huh?
I, personally, am not going to live as long as an optimist will. That makes me depressed. There's an article about how depressed people are more likely to die earlier than someone who, I don't know, has life easy. I hate those people. I think we depressed people should unite and make sure we kill all the happy people before they outlive us. How happy are they now? Ah ha ha ha!!!
June 5th
Here's an amazing picture of a SciFi Tie Fighter Mod. Is it a Tie Fighter? or is it a desk?! The world may never know!
June 6th
And, for anyone who has experienced Jet-Lag before, there's the science!
Speaking of science, here are two fabulous studies that show young, British girls want to eat healthy and be whores... I mean, models. Perhaps those two things are more closely related than I think... but I just found it odd that both these studies came out right around the same time. I also find it funny that the British think we care what they think. Go back to Africa, British! Wait...
June 8th
This story is amazing to me. Scientists have found Ice Volcanoes on Saturn's moon, Titan. They're like normal volcanoes except, instead of molten lava... they shoot the complete opposite. Yeah.
And now, in the spirit of what Sesame Street is doing to Cookie Monster, McDonalds now looks to change Ronald's image. Someone needs to say this because it always comes up: Where are the parents? Is it MacDonald's responsibility to tell children to stop being so damn fat? No! It's not! Ronald was created to sell MacDonald's crappy food. He's doing that... it's ridiculous that they feel any pressure to have Ronald do anything besides sell crappy food. Geez!
Hey! Take the Celebrity's Real Names Quiz!

12,000 hits? Good for us!!!
Dreams and Inward Journeys... The Non-Plagiarized Title Edition
Thursday, June 2nd
June second was important for a couple of reasons, which is why I'm including it here. But let's start in the morning, when I woke up from two weird dreams. The first I will call the King Lear: The Musical dream. Now I have NEVER had an "Actor's Nightmare" dream before... where I don't know the play and 'oh no, what do I do?' I've never had one of those. Apparently until now. My dream started with me backstage for King Lear. I believe it was Miss Mann who told me that I had five minutes. I asked her until what, and she said until we did King Lear. Instead of freaking out, I kind of just asked "Why are we doing King Lear? We haven't rehearsed it in a year." Yeah, apparently it didn't really both me that we hadn't rehearsed in a year. And I knew that I had time before I needed to go on, because Mike and Andy's song was first. That brings a "what?" to normal, waking John... but sleeping John was still trying to figure out my first lines. I've always thought that if you can remember your first lines to a play or scene, all the other lines will fall into place. So I spent some time trying to think about what my first line was... and as Mike and Andy's song ended to thunderous applause, and I was shoved on stage, I still hadn't figured out what I was supposed to say. And the set wasn't the King Lear set, it was the On The Razzle store set... kind of. And Brittany, the really nice young lady in the Euphonics, was there in a yellow dress... and she ordered some turkey. I, being the great store clerk I am, said I would get her turkey and then handed her chocolate. I then sang her a turkey song (a musical, remember?). I wish I could remember the lyrics... but I forgot them almost as soon as I wrote down that I had this weird dream. I do remember that I had a southern accent for no reason... and that the harmony for the song came from off-stage (it sounded like Chelsey singing).
Speaking of Chelsey, I left that dream and had what I call the Dirt Bike dream. Chelse was watching a tv in what looked a lot like my parents' TV room. I told her that she could see everything from the monitor... and then I walked out the door onto a dirt bike course. What followed was some smack talking by the leaders to two rival dirt bike gangs (I was not one of the leaders... I was probably a toady) which ended in a bet: the race would be "winner take all!" I know this sounds lame to the max (gang sign), but I was asleep... give me a break. I don't remember much of the race, but I do know my team won (I didn't win, but my team/gang did)... so the dream ended when I went back to Chelsey in that room and was trying to figure out what to do with the other gangs bikes. I don't know why I told you that.
When I woke up, I was interested to see the Scripps National Spelling Bee on ESPN. Now, bitter John of old hated all these kids for being smarter and better than he was. For some reason, older less-bitter (really?!) John rooted for everyone. EVERYONE! (at first anyway) The first thing I noticed about the contestants was that many of them had four or five names (instead of what I thought to be the common three). Is this to what parents are now reduced? The only way to separate their children from everyone else is to give them ridiculous and long names? Please! But I didn't blame the kids for that... I actually pitied them. Poor, soon-to-be-beat-up-daily kids. And, when they got down to only four spellers I had a different thought: Where are the white kids? Um... no where to be found near the end of the bee. Let's face it, fellow crackers, everyone else is better than us at everything. What do white people still have? Golf? Hello Tiger and Vijay. Hockey? Those are Canadians, and barely count. White-Collar crime? Ha! We WROTE that book! Regardless, I was rooting for everyone except for the smart-ass little seventh grade kid who was trying too hard to look smart (Oh I ALWAYS get the French words... Boo Hoo!). Then something funny happened: The "S" fell off the board. It became the "cripps National Spelling Bee." This is funny for two reasons: 1) The name of the bee is now misspelled; 2) I don't think that the Crips would sponsor a spelling bee. The Blood might... they've always been the more philanthropic of the two gangs.
Anyway, I wanted to share with you a whole list of fun words I learn from the bee. Cool, huh? Here we go: Peccavi - A confession of sin.
Onomasiologic - (relating to onomasiolgy - the study of names or naming; also, a branch of semantics concerned with related words and their meanings)
Hodiernal - Of this day; belonging to the present day.
Onychophagy - The habit of nail biting.
Epideictic - Serving to show forth, explain, or exhibit; -- applied by the Greeks to a kind of oratory, which, by full amplification, seeks to persuade.
Fun stuff, huh? NO?! How about making fun of me for something else. Like this...
Mock me, will you? Here is an article about how Sherlock Holmes is being written by modern-day American authors and is appearing in new books. With a couple of novels already commissioned by the Conan Doyle estate on the way, Sherlock Holmes is set to make an American comeback. Could this new interest be a sign of things to come? Could this finally mean that I get a chance to mock Holmes myself in a hilarious and outrageous parody of my own creation? Could rhetorical questions come from me in rapid succession as if I actually cared what you were thinking? The world may never know.
And now, the real reason I'm posting about this day: My first Level 2 Conservatory class. My instructor for this level is the same as my Level 1 class: Gellman. Now, if you'll recall, Gellman gives it to you straight. Perhaps too straight, at times. And, seeing as I hadn't actually done improvisation in one full month, I was rusty. And I got it. I got it handed to me. Improv is NOT forgiving... and neither is Gellman. I will give him one thing--in this level more than the last--you can tell that he's not going to ALLOW us to fail. He approaches the teaching with the desperation of someone who thinks that he will fail if we fail. While that's refreshing, I wasn't mentally (or physically) prepared for how hard it was going to be to be back doing improv. It basically kicked the living sh*t out of me for about two hours and fifty-seven minutes. At the very end of class, Fernando and I did a scene where he found a bottle in my room. I had just quit drinking... but what was this bottle doing in my room? I had to admit to him that I needed his help. It wasn't a funny scene, but it was the first "good" scene I had done in a month or two.
Epilogue: John was awarded three dirt bikes in winning the challenge. He sold them all to pay for his new-found musical habit.
All children from the Spelling Bee were beaten up right after the competition, as they ran into the National Bully Convention in the next ball-room over.
The Level 2 class continues to kick John's ass.

Live Free Or Die
Here I am, talking to you from beautiful, warm New Hampshire near the shore of picturesque Lake Winnipesauke. Mr. James P is winning bread and finding bacon to bring home, so I thought I would write you all and let you know I miss you. Aww... please make all checks payable to: CrazyJohn c/o Blogger...
Kidding. I must say, though, that my flight was quite nice (if delayed an hour because of weather). I flew Southwest... was treated to a nice, leather seat (take THAT cows)... and, furthermore, the plane wasn't full, so I got a window seat without anyone sitting right next to me. The only way to fly, in my opinion. I spent most of the take-off and landing looking out the window at the ground below. For some reason, even though I would classify myself as afraid of heights, I love looking out of windows in planes and I love rollercoasters. I don't get it either. But I noticed a lot of above-ground pools in the greater south-side of Chicago area. Who do you all think you're kidding?
Back to today... I spent the better part of the morning and the afternoon walking around this cute little town and do you know what I found? I found a vibe similar, but not completely akin to Las Vegas. Allow me to explain. Places like Wolfeboro, Las Vegas, and even Orlando (which is someplace in which my sister lived for a time) all feel like they were created just for vacationers. It doesn't feel, in all these places, as if anyone actually lives there. And, if I were to live in any of these places, I would grow to resent everyone I saw. Well, at least in Wolfeboro the town is small enough that you could actually know the people who actually live there. But in Orlando and Vegas... pretty much everyone I would see would disgust me. "Ugh" I would think "Go back from wherever you came."
But everyone here has been very nice. Especially the people at a little place called the Yum Yum Shop. Yes, that's right... Yum Yum Shop. I will post pictures when I get back to Chicago. Additionally, C Dubs would be so proud of my manners. I've been excusing myself whilst walking through stores, and pleasantly smiling to all passers-by. It must be something about the lily-whiteness of New Hampshire (from what I hear, the second least diverse state in the union [Second to Maine, my sources say])... maybe it's because this is a resort town and people are in a, generally, good mood... or maybe this is a kinder, gentler John (not likely), but not even the heat--which lead to a constant, and disgusting sweat--could dampen my mood.
I'm not exactly sure when I'll be able to post again (probably an hour or two when I finish a post from before), but I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm safe at Jim's... and looking forward to the rest of the week.
One more thing... there's still hope for me thanks to this article. Yet another thing in which I am above average. I'm not exceptional... but I'm definitely above average. Enjoy that mental image... unless you want me to post a picture.

Meet The Parents
Friday, May 27th
After having successfully met my parents, it was my turn to be put under the hot lights of parental scrutiny. The fun part was that I had a long time to think about the meeting on my way from Chicago to Grand Rapids. The even more fun part was that I wasn't meeting Chelsey's parents at her house... I was meeting them in a scary, backwoods cabin! What could possibly go wrong? *whines*
I picked Chelsey up around lunchtime and we headed to a Wendy's. This became the last time of the day during which I was able to breathe semi-normally. After Wendy's, I was able to easily and quickly hyperventilate on command.
What would possibly lead to my abnormally fast or deep respiration? In addition to the fact that I was meeting Chelsey's parents for the first time, I was meeting them in a hunting (hello!) cabin in White Cloud (HELLO!). For those of you who aren't acquainted with White Cloud, consider yourselves lucky and RUN! Save yourself! I'll hold them off! Look... people of White Cloud... I have something shiny! It is called a MIR-OR... and if you defy me, I will steal your soul and put it in my MIR-OR!
That should have done it. No need to thank me... the smiles of the children are thanks enough. What? I don't know. Where was I? Ah yes... headed to White Cloud. The drive to White Cloud seemed to take forever... and I got more and more worried as time went on, because I knew I was getting close. And I knew I was getting very close when the paved road became a dirt road. Ugh! Dirt roads! My poor car! My gratuitous whining!
Chelsey was being very confusing as we got closer. She would tell me that her dad is fine... and that I shouldn't worry about him, and then she'd tell me something I shouldn't say or do. It really wasn't as bad as that sentence just sounded... but in my hyper-sensitive state, it seemed worse. Fortunately for me, we arrived at the cabin while her dad was mowing the lawn... so he was going to be busy for a while. While he was preoccupied, Chelse and I went for a walk around the cabin with her mom.
Chelsey's mom put me at ease. I knew that Chelsey had the same kind of relationship with her mother that I have with my dad... so I figured that her mom would at least pretend to like me for Chelsey's sake. But, honestly, Moms love me! I can't think of a mom that doesn't like me... moms think I'm awesome.
But dads... ooo... dads are another story. And Chelsey's dad is a lovely combination of the quite intimidation that was Karen's dad, and the fabulous love of firearms that is Laura's dad. With Laura's dad, he was personable, outgoing, and very nice to talk to (if I could get over the fear); and Karen's dad didn't scare me... I just didn't know what he thought of me because he wouldn't talk, or react. Ahh but then there's Chelsey's dad. Yes, picture an ex-Marine who, after he mowed the lawn, and while I was in the cabin with his daughter and his wife, came in... washed his hands... didn't acknowledge my presence... talked a bit with his wife... and left the cabin again. I was like, "Um... what?" To this scenario, Chelsey leaned over to me and said "You passed." And that made me go "Huh? Whah huh blable?!" (that's a direct quote).
To keep me from saying something stupid, Chelsey took me for a walk at this point. Good for her... as, by the time we came back, it was time for dinner. The pickings in White Cloud are slim... so we decided to go to Big Rapids to eat. Never before in my entire life has Big Rapids been a step up from wherever I was. That was a new experience. And, speaking of new experiences... I had never driven from White Cloud to Big Rapids before, and Chelsey's dad's truck made short work of the dirt roads in between the two locations. My widdle Grand Am didn't like the dirt roads... and I didn't want to go any faster than I had to. As such, they got WAY ahead of us. I don't want to say that we were lost, but I didn't know where we were and neither did Chelsey. So I just kept going blindly forward like an American consumer (zing!)... and, we ended up eventually coming out near the 'new' high school--our eventual destination being Pizza Hut. Now I haven't been to Pizza Hut in years... but I have a whole lot of memories as a child eating there. Remember those star stickers you got for reading books in elementary school? And then you could get a free personal pan pizza? Yeah... stupid memories like that came flooding back... but there was my new girlfriend, making the entire experience quite surreal.
Now I know that one is not supposed to eat finger food when trying to make a good first impression (I know SOMETHING about manners, even if I don't have any)... but I thought that eating wings with Chelsey's dad would get me more brownie points than not. So we shared some spicy (not really) wings and then had pizza... and it was good. Chelsey and I discovered our favorite kind of pizza is the same (that's nice).
And soon our dinner was done, and Chelsey and I decided to drive around BR for a while before I dropped her back off in WC. Now I have given my tour of Big Rapids a few times before, but I don't think anyone has ever been as interested in everything I said and every place we went as was Chelsey. She even listened to my huge rant on the geographic placement of the tennis courts at the 'new' high school! How much could I honestly say in that rant? Well, we were there for a while... that's how much! And then, before I wanted to, it was time to drop her off. No lie detector tests were taken... no cats were harmed in this meeting of parents. Heehee. I don't necessarily think they trust me yet... but at the very least they don't DISlike me. So... that's good. And, hopefully, I'll get back up to speed on everything soon enough!

What Will Be The Currency?
In an attempt to get California prisoners to kill each other, California has begun a ban on tobacco products in all their prisons. Yes my children, the day of using cigarettes to get out of uncomfortable man-on-man love are over in California. Those days are now long gone to be replaced by days of... Contraband cigarettes. Yeah, I honestly don't know how this is going to work. I think smoking is probably one of the only things that keeps prisoners sedated... and from killing each other. Have you ever been around someone trying to quit smoking cold turkey? Imagine that times thousands and in tight, enclosed spaces. OUCH! Someone's gettin shived before the night's through. Although, what's the worst that could happen if someone's caught with tobacco? Will they be put into another prison? Please. The very least we can do for these people is give them something to keep them relatively calm. I say, if tobacco's no good, we should allow prisoners to smoke pot in jail. Keep them all nice and calm and relaxed... hell, they might even stop being so violent and, instead, write poetry about dogs wearing glasses and driving trucks. It's true.

From the "Goodbye Anything Slightly Liberal" File...
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor is set to retire from the highest court in the land before October when the court reconvenes. Ah, how I will miss the first woman Supreme Court Justice--appointed by a Republican (Reagan! Will wonders never cease?!), but who wisely approached the work on a case-by-case basis. In the year 2004, this would be called "flip-flopping" but, to me, it's just a smart law practice. In addition, she has been called by many as court's the 'swing vote' on certain areas, "particularly in the areas of women's rights and abortion, but also in areas like environmental law and others" (that's a quotation from Jonathan Turley, a law professor at George Washington University... from the MSNBC story). I know someone in particular who should be interested to see who Bush appoints as her successor. I'll give you 10 to 1 odds that it won't be another woman. Will it be someone who wants to override the Roe v Wade decision? Only time will tell. This will actually be a very interesting appointment... particularly since Chief Justice Rehnquist's health has very recently become a question mark. Ooo! Isn't politics interesting?! (Hint: No)

Another Reason Why Ireland Is Better Than Scotland
Here's a story about who the Scottish are set to put on their five pound note: Jack Nicklaus. Don't get me wrong, I love the Golden Bear... but not enough to spend him. Nicklaus will be the first non-member of the British Royal Family to be honored by having his face on a banknote. And, yes, I do love him... he's a great guy, and he's been really good at golf for a really long time... but a golfer? Shouldn't it be a famous explorer, or Winston Churchill, or something? I guess this just proves that I have a lot to learn about banking and finance.