"What've you got?", "Dead dog", "I didn't do that"
It's been a month and a half since I was fired, and I'm finally feeling like me again. I noticed this a few days ago... I'm just generally a lot happier than I was two months ago. I might actually describe myself as content: my first year of classes is almost over; I'm getting asked (not auditioning for, just getting asked) to be in shows; and I've got some pretty nice, loyal, and fun friends here. I no longer worry about taking my phone with me everywhere because I might get a business call... I don't worry about making sure I'm accessible, just in case there's trouble at work... none of that. I can be as reclusive as I want... and I want to be reclusive. Sound good? All right.
It also marks the month and a half since I was made to feel truly crazy for the first time in my life. And, because I didn't feel like I was crazy, but other people thought I was, I've been thinking ever since then: who decides what/who is crazy? I mean, what kind of criteria exist for sanity. Wednesday night on the red line, there was a woman talking very loudly about her "babies", her "loved ones"... and she would say the same thing about four times... pause until the next stop, then, as we were stopping... say the something else about four or five times. "Need to make an important phone call"... "They's my babies... my loved ones"... "I gave birth to them... a little boy and a little girl, my babies, my loved ones" and so on. I sat and listened to her, and I thought to myself "In her head, this conversation is necessary." To me, that's the most interesting and scary part: a "crazy" person doesn't know they're crazy... everything in their head makes sense. "When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading Guns and Ammo, masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go 'Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am'?" (Se7en) I think about what we know now about germs and sanitation, or space travel... then put one of us in the dark ages and we're crazy, right? Even though germs make sense to us in our head... we can't prove it, and few of us could even accurately describe it. Which makes me think, is there a sanity relativism like a moral relativism? My moral relativism example: Killing someone is wrong, unless they're attacking you or your loved ones, etc. So, perhaps, certain things are "crazy," unless we understand the circumstances. Talking to yourself is "crazy"... except we don't think Tom Hanks has gone insane in Castaway, or do we? We recognize that he's spent years by himself and it is then okay for him to talk to a volleyball, to feel like he's having a normal conversation. All I'm saying is that maybe we don't always know everything...

180 degrees later... here's something nice. I met with Keith, Dave, Amy, and Adam on Tuesday night. We went over everything that we'd need to know to get our loot together for our show opening in January. We even came up with a name: BASICALLY AWESOME! I think that name is five shades of sweetness... and I think there's marketing to do with shirts that say "We're Basically Awesome." We also might go with a Dr. Seuss theme to the marketing... as it has to do with one of our sketches. And everyone loves Dr. Seuss... he's the guy from that musical. What's it called? Cats, I think. At any rate, I honestly can't wait to perform (this one's the Sunday night one... just keep that in mind).

Wednesday, I went to Best Buy in the afternoon and I bought Halo 2. After one day of craziness (that's relative, of course), I had no problem at all waltzing (trust me) in and out of Best Buy. I was even able to get the Halo 2 collector's edition... they had two left. How smart do I look now? Huh? Just a little patients goes a long way. Remember that, kiddies. In ADDITION, because I got the collector's edition (or maybe because I bought another controller... I don't know), they gave me a $10 gift certificate. Just gave it to me... how weird is that? So guess who's getting Eminem's new CD next week for damn near free?! Me, bitches, me!

Wednesday night, after rehearsal, I went to Kasey's Tavern to celebrate Casie's 21st birthday (the joke has already been made and beaten to death, don't even think about it). Casie, though I love her like my own, is one of those people who drinks to "forget." You know what I mean, too... they drink until they're drunk, thinking that they'll forget about why they started drinking when they're drunk, only to keep TALKING and TALKING about it when they're drunk. In her defense, if what happened to her happened to me... I'd be sloshed times two on my 21st birthday. She had two best friends: a male best friend and a female best friend. The male best friend killed himself, and the female best friend was killed by a drunk driver (all of this happened pretty recently, from what I could gather). Yes, the irony of the drunk driver killing her friend and then she, herself, was drunk was pointed out... by Casie, herself (herself herself). I think it was probably just something else she told herself to feel shitty... that's what drunk people do, I hear... and as if she wasn't feeling shitty enough all ready. Thank God for her that she had Kelly there. Kelly is one of those amazing friends who will take care of you, no matter how stupid you've been. Kelly's awesome... and they left together and Kelly walked her all the way home.

Thursday I went over to Adam's and Chip, Adam, and I played multiplayer Halo 2 for pretty much the entire night. I mean, I ate there--Chip bought those chicken kicker things from Domino's... because we're all addicted--and we just kept killing each other. It was fun... and made me miss nights with Ken and Jason in my basement... not killing each other, but just killing Ken because he's a tool.
Speaking of killing me, I woke up this morning to the sounds of my neighbors having sex. Yes, this is a first. And it doesn't make sense that they would be engaged in such an activity on a Friday morning at around 9:30. Shouldn't one of the two of them have work on a Friday? Now that I think of it... I may have heard them once before, but I just figured I was hearing things. I WAS hearing things... and that commonly-used phrase doesn't actually make sense. Huh. But, at any rate, I feel bad for the young lady because the noises didn't last very long. I felt like going over and knocking on the door and asking "Ready for round two? This one'll easily last longer than four minutes, I promise."

Finally, this afternoon is the moment I've been waiting for an entire year for... my Conservatory audition at The Second City. I am SO nervous... I don't even know where to start. I've seen some pretty crappy people go through the program... so I feel like I shouldn't worry; but I've also seen some 'good' people not get roles and do really poorly in auditions here before. I'm just really nervous because, if I don't do well, that means another couple months in this city before I can audition again. There is no way I can handle that financially. I am going to have to get another job in January, regardless of what happens in the audition... but I'll have to find holiday work (yuck!) if I fail this audition process. I can't help but think that everything I've been working for rests on this audition. That's probably not a good way to think about this. Good thing I'll have Adam with me... he can calm me down, keep me loose and upbeat. *shakes head* This is it, kids. Wish me luck.

Now it's time for the useless fact of the day: Jake Gyllenhaal is only nine days older than I am (9!). While Elijah Wood is exactly one month younger than I am. One month... and look how much more he's done with himself than I have. Son of a bitch.