The big Two Three
Wow... well... the game went well. I can't even accurately describe the atmosphere in Lambeau field near the end of the Packers game, when we had heard that Arizona had pulled off the miracle win over the stupid stupid Vikings. The Cardinal win and the Packers' blowout win moved the Packers from perhaps missing the playoffs (due to a Seahawk win and a Cowboy loss... it's complicated) to winning the NFC North Division and getting to play a home game next weekend (which my dad and mom will be at... stupid them having money and me having none)... in a matter of seconds. It was electric... it was magic... it was one hell of a cosmic birthday present.
I also had SUCH a great talk with my sister on the way there and back. It was so good... and it's obvious that we'll be close for the rest of our lives... even if I'm in stupid Chicago and she's somewhere else equally stupid. >sigh<
I wanted to thank Nate, Jason, and Amber for sending me birthday greetings... and give a special thanks to Mr. John Sellers, Karen, Sarah, Rhea and Jean, and Jim (who needed a little reminding) who called to wish me a happy birthday. Unfortunately, none of you were the first to do so... Amie was (which is weird if you're following this at home).
And, while I thank everyone who did wish me a happy birthday, I'm a little upset at those who didn't do anything. I mean, there are people who I sent cards to, or even bought gifts for, on their birthdays.... and nothing on mine. I guess there isn't anything that better indicates who your real friends are than those who purposefully do nothing on your birthday (I assume it's purposeful... I bitch constantly about having a birthday so close to Christmas... everyone who has ever talked to me, or gotten close to me knows this).

Anyway... I talked with my manager Andrea tonight. She wished me a happy birthday, gave me a raise, and asked me if I was looking for something with a little more responsibility (key holder or even a managerial tract). She was also pretty surprised that I'm "only" 23... which was weird, as she knows (or I thought she did) that I just graduated. So I told her that I was going to have to think about it... as I have been thinking as of late that I really don't want to work there anymore. I mean... I might as well be a "keyholder" because I'm one of the more responsible people who work there anyway, I might as well have a title to go with my anal-ness.

Whatever... I'll have a few days to think about it. I'm headed back to MI tomorrow morning, and then to Saginaw for New Years. I want to wish everyone a Crazy New Year... and I'll probably post a "best of 2003" and maybe some "New Year's Resolution" things as well. That would be fun. Speaking of fun... sleep is fun, and something I hardly do anymore. So goodnight all.

Happy Freakin' Birthday
This will be the first birthday of my entire life when I'll wake up without my family there. I know that sounds like a stupid reason to be unhappy... but my birthday's three days after Christmas for God's sake... I'm always home, and they're always around. I was thinking about that when I walked home from work tonight, was stopped by some black dude, asked by him if I needed any "pot or anything", then asked if I had a couple bucks (a weird approach... ask me if I need drugs and then ask me for money... I gave him the change from my tips [$0.79]).
But, I'll see my family soon enough, as I'm going to drive up to Wisconsin today, pick up my sister, and head to the Packers' game. And, speaking of which, I have to be on the road in 7 hours... so I'm going to bed. If you feel so inclined... feel free to wish me a happy birthday. If you feel so inclined... feel free to wish me a shitty birthday... whatever, it's not going to matter. Goodnight all

What???... but I thought... but you... oh well...
So what the hell happened? Why am I still here? or, in the immortal words of some dude who said it... "Why won't you die?" Well... my dad and I called Dell today (the 26th) and they're going to send me a new hard drive for me to install myself. Neato, huh? So, when I'm back in BR on December 30th... I'll have to take care of my laptop, in addition to a haircut and some banking, and some seeing of My Kenny. Speaking of BR...

Could you disgust me more? CrazyJohn on BR's KFC:
Yes... they could. Three words: Long... John... Silvers. GROSS!!! Nothing says "Fine dining" like being able to smell both fried chicken AND fried fish. Puke!

Thanks for taking two seconds to clean off your car OR I really wanted shit from your car to come flying at me on the highway, thanks
For the love of GOD... just clean the snow off your car! Even if the snow floats off the car, I'm heading at it at seventy-some miles per hour. Now imagine, instead of snow, it's ice coming off your car... and onto mine. Now I know what you're thinking... "I don't need to clean my car off... all the snow will fly off while I'm driving on the freeway." You are a selfish bitch. You care nothing for the well being of others and are only interested in yourself. I hope you die after a long and lonely life. Either that, or you're not paying attention... which makes you a woman. (oh yes... that's right)

The loot, the loot, the loot is on fire?!!... Oh shit!
Christmas came and went... and most of my Christmas presents aren't worth mentioning (unless you're interested in anal lube). BUT... I received a Brian Urlacher Chicago Bears jersey from my dad. It must have killed him to buy that... KILLED HIM! His ONLY SON... in a BEARS' JERSEY! His father must be rolling in his grave. But I can't wear a Packer's jersey in Chicago... I'd die, or worse be expelled. What the Harry Potter? But I feel bad for my daddy... but I like the jersey... I like Urlacher... he's good.

In other news... I'm tired. I wanted to rant about how stupid people are to get ice cream on the day after Christmas, but I'm too tired... so you'll just have to know that I made thirty dollars ($30!) in tips tonight.
I've only got one more day of work before the Packers' game!!! on my Birthday!!!!!! And then just one more day at work until I get to go back to BR and then on to Saginaw (that's right)!!!
Have a great night everyone... I'm tired and hungry :P

Probably the last post for a while-
To all those poor suckers who have never driven through Chicago at night during Christmas time... with ALL the lights... I feel sorry for you. I'm sure my drive tonight will be beautiful.
I wonder what it feels like to go to bed thinking that your only son is 4 hours away, only to wake up with him sleeping in his bed downstairs. Well... I guess if I'm really interested, tomorrow I can ask my mom :)
From CrazyJohn and all of Chicago... have a Crazy Christmas everyone.

Last night... Today... and then lots of Random Stuff
Last night... I started working with Julia at about 5... and, happily, 6:30 started a "rush." And, by rush... I mean that neither Julia nor I had a break from simply serving customers from 6:30 until 10 when we closed. It was just her and I... and a constant line that reached the door. That... sucked... a lot. Not only because I could have used a break... or some food... or a break... but also because I didn't get a chance to chat up Julia. It's ok, though. I wanted to because I knew she was in college (so I figured that she was, I don't know, not 12 years old)... but she's a freshman. And she's a bit annoying, in a "I'm too mature to think that you're funny... even though I would've found that funny about four months ago" way. So that sucks. And I'm seriously thinking about looking for another job (or just a different job... but this is a different story).
Speaking of girls who are too young... I spent six hours at work today with Emily, a 17 year old young lady. Do you remember High School? Because I got a HUGE dose of it today... the stupid relationship issues, the gratuitous swearing, the whole "binge drinking and smoking is cool"... high schoolers are lame. And, what's more, I think she was trying to flirt with me... a lot. I don't understand you women... the more obviously annoyed I was with her... the more apathy with which I conversed with her... the more she seemed to like me. You fucking stupid women... it's like you're looking for men who treat you like shit and don't care about you. What is that??? Are you all idiots... or is this just a phase you all go through in High School? >sigh< Girls are dumb.
And so... to combat all the female stupidity that surrounds me... I would like to venture into the deep and philosophical world that is Huxley's "Brave New World."
So Brave New World is a book about a created world in which children are no longer born... but are created by science in a lab. And, for added spice, all the "children" are genetically altered AND are further Pavlovianly conditioned (I know that's not a word... but it communicates meaning, so it's just as good as a real word). I'm only three chapters in... but I think it's good so far. So far in the book, we've been introduced to the process by which children are born: They are genetically altered to be either an Alpha, Beta, Delta, or Gamma... and these Greek letters designate the class system of the new society. Alphas are the upperclass... and are giving every advantage. Gammas, on the other hand, are starved of oxygen at points before their birth... are repeatedly subconsciously told they are not as good as the others... and they are conditioned to hate books (using electric shocks... yes! I can't believe it either!).
I know that the book will eventually get into how this is wrong for society... and everyone will learn a valuable lesson... but let's think about why this form of society isn't that bad (at least for me). Just think about how easy it would be to grow up in a society where you already knew what you were going to do when you grew up... think about how little pressure there would be. When you're young, you know exactly what you're going to do when you grow up... so you can free your mind to think about other things, or to do other things. I know what you're thinking... "but you might not be happy in that life, John... what about that?" Ok, kiddo... the thing is that they condition you to love where you're going to end up in life. You're conditioned to love where you are... what you're doing. Currently... this seems like a good system to me, as deciding for myself isn't really working that well. And the pressure that I feel... the pressure of my potential and the pressure of the invenstment made in me by SO many people... the pressure I've put on myself... it's just overwhelming. All that pressure would be gone if I didn't have a choice... if I had to follow some pre-destined path.
Speaking of destiny... let me tell you one of the overlooked reasons why the Lord of the Rings is a great movie trilogy (forget the books... I'm only going off the movies, k?): The story of Aragorn... the King of Men. The story of Aragorn is the story of fulfilled potential... of facing and living up to ones destiny. It's exactly the kind of story I am really interested in... not the stupid "against all odds" storyline of Frodo and the ring... how trite is that shit? "Oh... I'm going to root for the underdog"... Bullshit! Let's write stories about infinite potential... and using, not wasting, that potential. That's Aragorn's story... and I'd like to see more of that. But, unfortunately, Aragorn's story has the added element of "knowing one's destiny." That is interesting... but I'd really rather have a story with potential and no clear destiny... let's have a story about someone who can do anything, rather than "pigonholing" someone into one job. But I guess I'm just projecting my own wants... whatever... I'm a writer, I'll write something just for me.
Speaking of me... I love football, and I've been playing Fantasy Football since I started college. This year is the first year I won't win the league... and I think it's ok because Fantasy football has really ruined my enjoyment of football. I can no longer root for the people/teams I like nor can I root against the people or teams I hate... I have to root for the guys on my team, even if I hate them. I think I might not play next year... just so I can enjoy football again. I don't know... we'll see.
Speaking of football, the Packers are my favorite team (obviously)... and Brett Favre is my favorite player. He lost his father to a heart-attack yesterday... and he's playing tonight. And he's not just playing... he is OWNING the Raiders. I can't imagine doing ANYTHING the day after my dad died... much less working and performing at a VERY high level. He is an incredible man... and he and his family will be in my thoughts.
I don't want my dad to die, either... just so you know.
PS Fake snow in commercials pisses me off. Don't you think I know what real snow looks like??? Don't treat me like I'm an idiot... I've seen snow... I've lived in snow... I'm made of snow... wait, that was Jack Frost. Nevermind....
I don't know when I'll be able to post again, as I'm going to need to send my laptop in to get a new hard drive... SO, Have a CRAZY Christmas everyone... and a Crazy New Year.

A little more
The Office Max holiday commercial is the worst commercial in the history of things.
Plus... I think Amanda Peet might be a good Susan in the movie based on my life. What do you think?

Feces... meet air circulation unit
So I was awoken early this morning by a REALLY weird sound. Upon walking around my room... I found the sound was my computer. Yes... my computer was saying "My hard drive is fucking up... I'm going to give you a message when you restart me that says you should save all your documents and send my hard drive to the company to get it repaired." Isn't that great?
So I've got to worry about somehow sending my computer in (it's no doubt still under warranty)... so I don't know how often I'll be online or blogging from now until it's fixed. Sorry everyone... hope you all have a great Christmas... as this one continues to be marred by crap for me.

More highlights... still late... still tired
~It took me a full hour to feel warm this morning... I woke up freezing, and not even a hot shower could make me feel better.
~My manager treats me like I'm an idiot... she told me I was holding the spades wrong and that it would "hurt my wrists". So I spent the rest of the afternoon doing it her way... and my wrists are KILLING me.
~Was surprisingly busy at the store today... I was literally the only one helping customers for almost my entire shift, as Hannah had a billion (yes, a billion) ice cream cakes to make.
~Met another person at work, Julia, for the first time today. She is hot. She's not overly thin... she's got a very voluptuous figure to her... and she's really attractive. Made her laugh a couple times... and felt all goofy. Have a little boy crush on her (little boy crushes are "I'd really like to kiss her"... as opposed to teenage boy crushes: "I'd really like to get her into my car and fool around with her" AND Man crushes: "I'd like to fuck her brains out, whenever I see her, and in front of whomever happens to be there").
~Felt REALLY tired after work, but still went to Megans. Met Ben... made Christmas cookies and frosted them... played Uno with Ben, Megan, and Maddie (who's long hair makes her remind me of Katie... it's weird).... and played the longest game of Trivial Pursuit EVER as Megan, nor I, could roll the die and get the right amount of spaces to progress (even though we kept answering questions).

But I had a lot of fun... and I'm REALLY tired now... and I had a lot more to say, but most of it I'm forgetting. Remind me to comment on Lord of the Rings, and on my Christmas/New Year's plans, and on Fantasy Football (maybe), and on stuff at work (and work in general). For now, I'm going to bed... goodnight all :P

Highlights of the night (quickly as it's late and I have to open tomorrow morning)
~Finally got my schedule over the holidays... moron that later.
~Some dude ordered Twenty-One (21!!!) BUCKETS of ice cream for a party he was throwing for over a hundred people... he spent $207 and gave us no tip.
~District "inspector" showed up and inspected the store... gave us a 97/100 which is fantastic!!! Far better than the scores of the previous owners. My manager was happy for us all.
~Night was so slow that we were able to close in just over an hour (as opposed to the hour and a half or two hours it seems to normally take).
~Went to "dinner" afterwards with Abby from work at Michael's North (Ken... wish I had known about this place when you were here... it's open 24 hours a day and the food is great. Like a Dennys... only edible).
~Walked Abby home through a "shady" part of the neighborhood... but found a beautiful Catholic church (St. Michaels if memory serves). Still felt scared... even though I had sanctuary.

That's pretty much it... my hands got as dry as they've been since I moved here because of all the dishes I had to do tonight (a dude ordered 21 BUCKETS!!! Come on! There were dishes!)... and my back hurts whenever I do dishes... I have to slouch or something, I don't know why.

I need sleep... I'm tired. But I'm excited to go make Christmas cookies tomorrow at Megans!!! And it sounds like she's going to have Jason Worms and Maddie there too (since we're getting a huge fuck-off 15 foot sub from Subway... or something), so that should be fun... it'll be like a Christmas party with people I actually want to hangout with. Weird, huh?
Gotta get to sleep... Did I tell you about the dream when I was being chased by Vampire Zombies? It even started out with me saving people from a burning building... but it ended with me wielding a shotgun. I hate dreams... yes, Ken, which is why I'm in Chicago. Goodnight

A Response to The Angry Feminist
"Of course, the Angry Feminist commentary fails to recognize that, in reality, Santa would be using the male antlerless deer as they are INFINITELY more streamline and aerodynamic, thus being the better choice for speeding in a worldwide dispensation of goodness and coal.

So how do we explain the current misrepresentation of Santa's deer as female deer?

The fact that most pictoral representation of Santa and the reindeer show a collection of female deer betrays the real culprits behind the misinformation... that of a subversive, misinforming, Santa-immasculating matriarchy. Why would men choose the less aerodynamic (and thus inferior) female reindeer? Why would men choose to make Santa a fat man in a red furry suit? Indeed, that representation is the culminating step of a power-grab undertaken by the modern mass matriarchy. They have made Santa
fat and dress him like a freak.

Seriously, what self-respecting man wears red and fur like that?

To further illustrate how the matriarchy is responsible for the current mischaracterization of Santa and his reindeer, consider this: Where do we find pictures of Santa and antlered deer? In classrooms, on Christmas cards, and the Hallmark channel. Who is generally in charge of those classroom decorations? Female elementary teachers. Who buys and sends Christmas cards? Women. Who watches the Hallmark channel? Yeah, you guessed it...

Ultimately, the misinformation comes from the matriarchy, not the patriarchy, and the bastardization of the Santa mythology has been largely due to that matriarchy, whom I suppose undertakes to twist and manipulate the myth because of childhood bitterness about not getting that Barbie they'd always wanted... And whoever said there was a Mrs. Claus? Where is that in the song? Where is that ANYWHERE? Since when did a man have to be married to be successful? Is it possible that Santa is a BACHELOR? Fromwhence do you suppose the alleged Mrs. Claus arose? Aye, the modern mass matriarchy... Talk about perpetuating gender inequality."

I DID NOT write that... but I have been advised by my legal counsel to keep the writer's name a secret so that he may live a long life... and not get killed by every woman ever.
I thought it was clever, screw you.

On an unrelated note...
Time-travel: Back to the Future and Donnie Darko... a mental exercise
I just bought myself the Back to the Future Trilogy on DVD... because BttF was one of my all-time favorite movies growing up. When I was a kid (WAY BACK) I loved that movie. I wanted to learn how to skateboard and play the guitar... and I wanted a hoverboard SO BADLY when I was a kid. Everything that Michael J. Fox did was the coolest thing ever! Oh man... he was the coolest. (By the way... the flying cars were only 2015... WAY off)
And, in the same vain, Donnie Darko is one of my all-time favorite movies of the present. What do they have in common? Time travel! That's right, kiddies... you're so smart!
Anyway... This leads me to my post, and today it's a question: If you could travel back in time... in your own lifetime (and only your own lifetime), what would you prevent yourself from doing or force yourself to do? What would you do differently?
While I'm absolutely fascinated by time travel, I don't think I could answer that question just yet. I'm going to have to think about it... but there isn't anything that stands out as something I would like to have changed.
I DO have ideas on how to make my life WAY different.... but I don't know if they'd be better. I could go back to the summer before high school and tell myself not to be in band (that would have stamped out my music/singing career before it started)... I could force myself to have stayed involved in drama in high school... I could have decided to go to a different college... I could have not filled out the application to be on the "academic" floor in Wesley at Albion (that would've made things different)... I could have rushed a frat (I had two opportunities)... I could have left Albion after my second year like I had been planning... I could have gone somewhere different after I graduated... and so on. The possibilities seem endless... and it's interesting to imagine how things would have worked out differently if your choices had been different.
But I'll spend some actual time and think about when I really would like to go back to talk to myself and tell myself to do something differently.... I think it's a neat way to pass my time.

In other news, I've been off work for a while, but I start again tomorrow (Friday) night... and I'll be working for five days in a row (and maybe six... I still don't know). I had a great day with my sister... and we talked about things... and our lives parallel and intersect and it's weird, but that doesn't comfort me. It seems like, recently, nothing does.... no matter what people say to me, they can't possibly understand the intersection of all the crappy things that have happened separately which have combined to bring me... here. This place... right now. Some people understand new, big cities, but not the loneliness... some people understand the loneliness, but not the uncertainty... some understand the uncertainty, but not what it's like to be in a new place... and so on.
"I miss the way things used to be with certain people." Cryptic and vague, yes... but applicable to so many people and for so many people. It's why I like thinking about going back in time... but it's also a reason why something from LotRs: Return of the King hit me so hard (as I saw it today). I'll post the actual quote when I find it... but it was basically about moving on with life, despite the hurt that remains from the past... and the longing for the good times from the past as well. It was a wonderful phrase... far better writing than that of which I am capable (DAMN the Latins for not being able to end sentences in prepositions!!!).
Whatever... it's late and you're getting "Rambling!John." Hope you are all having a good break... at home... where love, memories, and happiness should reside. Sweet dreams...

"A temporary separation... might cause your imagination to soar out of control and conclude that your friend no longer loves or wants you. Don't do this to yourself - not at this time of year, anyway! The planetary alignment implies that separations right now can be tougher than they usually are. Hang in there, stay in touch by phone, and keep yourself busy. You also need to relax!"
So... I'm going to relax with my sister today. We're going to see if we can get our mom something for Christmas... and we'll probably go see Return of the King. That sounds like relaxing to me.

Also... I received a rant to combat that of "The Angry Feminist"... I'll post it soon. Have a crazy afternoon :)

In a failed attempt to make me feel better...
Here are some more people, cast in the movie based on my life...
Nate would be played by Daniel Radcliffe (Mr. 'arry Potter 'imself)
A certain lovely young internet woman would be played by Miss Jenna Jameson (but we wouldn't know that until the end of the movie... it would make for a great "reveal"... and, besides, I really only know both of these chicks through the internet... but they're both way hot).
Mr. Brandon Bartlett Blackburn-Dwyer would be played by John Rhys-Davies (better known as Gimli, son of Gloin).
And, keeping with the Lord of the Rings theme, if Mike Myers doesn't want to play me in my movie, then I hear that Sean Astin would probably make a pretty good me.

And, before I forget, Stan Lee (of comic book creator fame) was born on my birthday in 1922... I just found that out. Add him to Denzel Washington, Maggie Smith, and former President Woodrow Wilson... and I'd say I'm in some pretty good company.
But not here... as Rhea has left and I'm alone again. Whatever... I'm too tired to be depressed over my current state of being. have a night...

CrazyJohn stands corrected... but remains seated:
"After reading your reindeer posting, I'd like to correct you on a small matter. While you stated that Rudolph's nose was sure to win him quite a few female admirers, I'm afraid you are mistaken. You see, Rudolph was FEMALE. Male reindeer lose their antlers in the late fall (Nov. and early Dec.) while female reindeer keep their antlers until spring. You might want to read this article: http://www.juneauempire.com/Archive/December98/122498/stories/122498/Loc_reindeer.html

This example is just another case of our hegemonic patriarchal culture taking a story of female power, erasing the gender distinctions, and rewriting the story as male. Pretty typical. Just goes to show you what a sexist tradition Santa Claus is in the first place. Mrs. Claus does all the work, presents shipped in a sleigh all over the world by a group of female reindeer, and who gets the credit? Yeah, that's right, the funny-looking guy in the red suit who didn't do a damn thing and gets to eat all the cookies. Bastard. And you bought into it John Steeno; way to perpetuate gender inequality.

As far as evolution vs. puntuated equilibrium goes, unless male reindeer were particularly attracted to a female with a red nose, I'd say the trait went nowhere and was just an isolated mutation.

Anyway, that's my comment on the matter. Hope you have a good day.

Sincerely,

The Angry Feminist"

Well, The Angry Feminist, you make a valid point... but, as you are a woman, I will easily dismiss it as your "special time," as we all know that is the only time when women can have opinions. Have a crazy gender :)

Addendum:
"Close then open everyday? So either you're working all day....or you're working two shifts a day (open and close). Otherwise you wouldn't be able to open then close everyday. It would be more like every other day. If neither of these two options above apply to your work scedule (sic), then respond...and thus admit that you're an ignoramus."
Well then... I work Friday night, then Saturday afternoon, then Sunday night, then Monday afternoon, then Tuesday night. How's that? Now no one is confused about my work "scedule." So I am closing one night and then opening the next day... to be precise. Isn't that great? Have a nice night :)

Your dog hates that thing you put on it...
or Why do you hate your dog that much?
You live in Chicago... your dog does too... but that doesn't mean you can put some stupid-ass sweater on your dog. I mean, get a long haired dog if you're going to live in someplace cold like Chicago. And, if you for some reason can't buy a long-haired dog... just don't dress it up... let the dog tough it out! They were made, they evolved to be outdoors... in the elements... so don't be stupid! Please! You are embarrassing your dog!
Speaking of evolution... I've got something I was thinking about for a while to share with you all... and here we go:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer: Pro-evolution or Pro-punctuated equilibrium? You decide.
So... Rudolph's freakish nose saves Christmas. Well... since Rudolph's nose is such a "good trick," I'm sure he'll get lots of female reindeer pregnant... thereby passing his "good trick" on to generations of red-nosed reindeer who can subsequently save future Christmases. Is the song trying to say that the red-nosed reindeer are the evolved form of normal reindeer... better suited to life in the foggy North Pole?
Or, does the song subscribe to Stephen J. Gould's punctuated equilibrium? Reindeer have been moving along at the same level for so long... and then >BAM< a new kind of reindeer is born... a better reindeer. Now Rudolph... who is the greater reindeer, will take over all the other reindeer and will become what we know as "reindeer".
Either way... watch out Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixon, Comit, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen... your ass is grass... and there's a new reindeer in town. You're obsolete... Santa's lovin' himself some Rudolph.

And I'm lovin' myself some... uh... me? I don't know... it doesn't matter. FINALLY got my schedule for next week... I'm working Friday the 19th through Tuesday the 23rd... every damn day. And I get to do my favorite (sarcasm) thing... which is closing one night and opening the next. I do that every day... close then open then close then open. Crap... that's what that is. Mmwah to all who are having more fun than I will be (which is everyone)... have a good night :)

Saddam Hussein Captured: A CrazyJohn expose
Well, kiddies, it looks like we finally captured Saddam Hussein... the "most evil man" in history. Hmm... I hear that, in the end Saddam was "not terribly brave." Wow, Rumsfeld... would you like to pick on little children who can't defend themselves too? Let's slander a man who looks old enough to play Santa Claus, just to make ourselves feel better.
And, is "We got him" the most profound thing we can think of? Was the guy (or woman) who writes the speeches off for the day? "We got him"??? Wow... I am captivated.
And our president says "A dark and painful era is over." Well, thanks W, but I still don't have a girlfriend... so my dark and painful era is still in full swing, thanks :)
Can I break this down for a minute, in all seriousness? What did he (Saddam) do? He was a dictator... and I'm not sure that isn't a good way to go. Have you ever SEEN some of the people who vote in this country? Have you talked to them? Have you SEEN our president? Perhaps a dictatorship is the right way to go... if it's someone who's smarter than everyone else... like me.
Secondly... he killed his own people. Lots of his own people. What leader doesn't have his or her own people killed? Bush led many, many Americans to death. AND, have you ever seen or talked to people? It's not that bad, I feel, to kill a whole bunch of people... as I've been stuck in Chicago (and Detroit) traffic before. The world has too many people... lets get rid of the lot of them, ehh?
What else did he do? Say Americans are stupid? Who hasn't done that? Americans ARE stupid! Have you ever talked with anyone in this country??? Let's kill the lot of us!

Sigh... So Saddam was captured and the Republicans are heroes. Exactly what I wanted for Christmas... maybe it'll justify the whole "war"!!! Or it'll just make me roll my eyes at the stupidity of this nation and planet.

In other news... I still don't know my schedule for the next couple weeks... so I still don't know how/when I'm going to see my family on Christmas... and I don't know where I'm going to be for New Years (or even if I'm going to be anywhere).
So... while you are no doubt with your family relaxing, enjoying home cooking and heat and your dog or cat... think of me... still stuck in this city... by myself... at work... giving stupid people ice cream in the cold. Yeah... without enough money to even buy my parents a present... or my sister something nice... or groceries.
December's not going so well, so far... but I'm only half-way done... so there's plenty of time for it to get worse. I mean better! It doesn't matter... hope you're having an apathetic night.

The first real Chicago snow of the year fell last night... and it's more beautiful in the morning, outside my window, lightly dusting my parking lot... even than it was while it was falling last night. And, oddly enough, eating ice cream in the snow isn't as cold as you think it would be. Weird...

That girl has amazing timing... my horoscope:
"This is a good day for tapping into your guardian angels, dear Capricorn. Even if you are not a religious person, you could sense some spiritual help around you today. You might feel inspired to think about your life and your relationships in a new way. A spirit of healing and peace will be in the air. Try to apply this energy to your life. Maybe you can declare a truce with someone."

So, in that vain... plus the fact that a certain someone wondered what's with all the "woman" references in my away messages... PLUS the wonderfully sappy message left by Mr. James P (sappy, but very nice... you cute, cute man)... PLUS the fact that my back is KILLING me and I could really use a back rub... has led me to this...

CrazyJohn... a Chronology through relationships:
I started dating Jessica when I was 16... in Winter of 1997 (before my birthday, of course). How we met: I met her because two of my friends were interested in her and I wanted to know more about her. Interesting, huh? It's like I won some kind of "race" for her affections. I hate it when that happens.... whenever it happens, as I'm sure it happens a lot. Why we broke up: Um... well... she was Mormon, and was against "tongue" kissing. Yeah... so basically my teenage hormones broke up with her for me, almost a year later in September/October of 1998. What I learned: It's really hard to break up with someone who you actually like. Also, it's ok to break up with someone if you're unhappy about something, even if that something is the amount of being "physical."
And I was only single for a couple months before I started dating Claire, late November of 1998. How we met: I met her because she was dating my best friend, Nate. From this... you know where the story goes, don't you? Why we broke up: Nate was more important to me than she was... that simple. I couldn't stand not having him as a friend... couldn't stand it at all. It was one of the worst experiences in my life, period. So I broke up with Claire just over a month later, around New Years... while she was on vacation in Arizona (another of the studipest things I've ever done). What I learned: No girl is worth losing your best friend. Stay away from your friends girlfriends, because bad things could happen. Don't let bad things happen with your best friends' girlfriend.
The next summer (of 1999) I met Amie during the production of "Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum". We didn't start technically dating until February of 2000, but I wanted to... and we saw each other a lot. How we met: I gave her a ride home from play practice once, just because she needed a ride and I was really into driving that summer (as my car was brand new and I spent most of that summer driving around Big Rapids at night... a fantastic summer... I loved that summer)... and then I gave her a ride again... and she showed me her trampoline... and that means that we made out... a lot. Why we broke up: For reasons that are personal to her, I won't go into it... but she broke up with me. She broke up with me in the summer of 2001... right after school got out, and right after I returned from one of the greatest trips of my life (to New York, to sing in Carnegie Hall with the Albion College Choir). What I learned: Having someone dump you hurts. Long distance relationships CAN work... if you work at them. I love being around women who make me feel young... make things fun that I would normally feel stupid doing. I treat people terribly if I think they're not as smart as I am... and I usually I think people who are younger than I am are stupider than I am (thanks to Amie, this has been something I've been working on ever since).
Then Laura and I started seeing each other the next winter, February of 2002. How we met: Danielle Harsh's directing scene. Then she went to Italy, got drunk, emailed me... and it was pretty obvious she was interested. Then there was the "keeping her hands warm" during Lord of the Rings... which led to the New York Rangers hockey game... which led to meeting her dad and wanting my death to be swift and painless. Why we broke up: We both gave up... honestly. We both gave up, I was unhappy... she was preoccupied... things got too serious... we were looking ahead too much to an uncertain future. Timing, too, was key... as we were both getting to a selfish period in our lives, as we prepared to move on.... and I don't think either of us wanted to worry about what the other person would be doing after we graduated.... so we broke up in December of 2002. What I learned: It's really hard to break up with someone who you actually love. You have to be in the right place in your life to be serious in some relationships... we weren't too serious, we were too serious for the time in our lives. I want a family... a wife and children... a house... you know, a boring and normal life. So, I'm already looking for a wife... not just a "girlfriend" (maybe this isn't the right thinking... but it's where I am, I know it).
And then, I met Karen. How we met: Technically, we met during "The Seagull". But we "met" when I took the time to listen, and she trusted me enough to talk... on a long walk back to Wesley. We started dating in January of 2003... at a fantastic ACTF. Why we broke up: I'm still working on this... I guess it's still too close, and the wound still not scabbed over. It had something to do with distance... and her not being "strong enough"... and some other things I won't go in to... but have to do with things in her life that she has to deal with (or has already dealt with). But she broke up with me during the summer of 2003, right after school, right after I came back from one of the greatest vacations of my life (with my "son" to Vegas and all points West). What I learned: So much... and I'm still learning new things. I learned that I really love people who dream, people who are optimistic, people who can see the beauty in the world... as I want to be able to do all of that, but just can't for one reason or another. I learned all sorts of things about love, loving someone, emotions, and letting myself be loved (as that was a problem that I didn't know I had).


Wow... what has this gratuitous venture into the past taught us, kiddies? Well... This (currently) has been the longest time I've gone without a girlfriend, or even a prospect of one, since I started dating. Also... if you're dating me, watch out for the month of December! And... I should avoid going on vacations right after school ends if I'm dating someone, because they apparently choose when I come back to break up with me. We've also learned that every relationship teaches us something about ourselves... so relationships are good... and many relationships are good too.
What else have we learned? Well... it seems like I'm almost always dating someone in the month of December... so this month is difficult too. And it's been a long time... and I'm lonely. Although I didn't have to go through all this to say that... I could've just started it by saying that I was lonely.
And it's three thirty in the morning and I open tomorrow, so I'm going to bed. "Bloodsport" is a fun movie, by the way.
Hope everyone has a crazy evening... and is having a great weekend... because I'm not really... but I sort of am... but not really. Oh well... bye for now, kiddies.

Note from guest
anyone who wants to email me, please do, I mean really please do, my new email is jimshilander@yahoo.com

Another guest rant from another actual guest... Mr. James P. Shilander
Ok, I'm watching the Lakers- Mavericks game with Mr. Steeno, who has been kind enough to let me sit here and watch his cable (wow, precious cable) television, when I realized that Shawn Bradley, who I actually got to watch get drafted, really needs to be on steroids now. Then I realized he's a Mormon, and so if he can't have caffeine he probably wouldn't use steroids. I also must say the following, while looking at the NBA retro jerseys about an hour ago, I realized just how nice the old Laker jerseys were, with the classic combination of navy and sky blue and white. Very classy
This city is a hard one to live in without money and people who love you. I would have gone mad by now if I didn't have my family, John and the greatest girlfriend in the world as my support. I could never thank them enough, and I know I will never be able to thank Karen Marie for all of the joy she has put in my life.
For anyone who wants to know, my Journalism classes have been going well, and not to sound arrogant (which I know I can be) they've almost been too easy. I just feel so disconnected, it hasn't been like Albion, obviously the size of the city is an important difference, but all of my classes are one day a week and are at night, so I've been worried bout things like getting and now holding a job (which is another subject altogether, if you have friends who are hiring in Chicago call 734-717-3247), and not my classes. I'm also the youngest person in my classes by far, which I was maybe very naively thinking would not necessarily be the case.
Roosevelt as an education is a good one, and my professors are all experienced in journalism and in teaching, so I have learned a lot.

I agree with John that this can be a hard city to live in. I sometimes feel completely swallowed up, and there are so many people here with those stereotypically big city attitudes that can generally browbeat me if there is a confrontation, which I always try to avoid at all costs. I miss Albion, I miss all of those people, I miss lunches in Baldwin with Susan, Nick, Andy, Mike and Steph, I miss walking down to Herrick as the sun is setting, I miss late night walks to Goodrich for Euphonics and noon time gatherings for choir. I miss going over to the PSA or Burns for girls' night out, which somehow included me, and I miss being 45 minutes from the love of my life. But this is a situation, a place, that forces you to mature. I know I will come out of this, having to live alone, having to fret over my monetary situation, as a character building exercise, as an exercise to make me a better man, husband and father. I hope that everyone reading this will send me their best with my finals coming up and with the Christmas rush at the UPS store. I want you all to know how much I love you all and hope the best for you. Hopefully I'll talk to you soon. Wish me luck.

Random post: CrazyJohn earns his keep
Yesterday was the most boring work day ever. More people came in for gift certificates than for the actual ice cream... and a lot of the people who DID come in for the ice cream, wanted a pint or a quart to go. No one in the greater Chicagoland area was actually eating ice cream yesterday... except for me! The day was so slow that I finally sampled every ice cream that we sell (except for coffee because that's gross). I can say that all our flavors are really REALLY disgustingly good. Disgustingly... good.
Speaking of disgusting... we put a plastic shield over the ice cream at night. Apparently, two nights ago the shield broke and shattered over the ice cream... so we couldn't sell that ice cream, but it was probably still good. So I was able to bring home a whole bucket of strawberry and banana ice cream yesterday. That was cool... a whole bucket!!!
Speaking of cool... I created a Laura Kraly special ice cream last night. I call it "Badass in Black" (the more you make badass sound like "back" the better) and it consists of Double Dutch Chocolate Ice Cream, Black Cherries, Brownie, and Fudge. You could substitute chocolate chips or Oreo... but only those mix ins, as the point is to keep the ice cream as dark as possible... because Laura only wears black... like a big lameo :)
Speaking of lame... Coldstone got "retrofitted". Instead of yellow wallpaper, we've got red wallpaper and BIG pictures with people's faces and ice cream and it's scary. SCARY! They look all psychotic over the ice cream... and their eyes have those colored contacts which make your eyes look like they have fake color. Right... that's for lame people who don't have pretty baby-blue eyes like mine :)
Speaking of reasons to kill me... I was almost late for work yesterday. And the reason I was almost late was... my elevator. That's right... I waited for at least five minutes to get into my elevator yesterday (have to... as you can't get to the ground floor from the stairs... security thing, I think). When I got into the elevator, finally, I saw my apartment manager who said simply "Something's wrong" and I hesitantly entered the elevator... Embracing the horrific death that I was sure to come.
Speaking of longing for death... I remember a time when I REALLY wanted to have to wake up before I wanted to. And, now that I have stupid work, I have to wake up before I want to... on days that I work. But today I was able to sleep in until almost noon and it was great! That's why it's important to have to do things that you don't want to do, so that when you're able to do whatever you want, you really appreciate it. So... yes... remember the Yin and Yang, the balance to the universe... whenever things aren't going well... just remember that things will come back around. Unless, of course, you've had a great beginning to your life... in which case you need to have 22 years of crap to balance your life. Hmm... see how I was able to take this from positive to negative? I'm very good like that.
Hope you're having a crazy week :)

"Capricorn

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
Today, dear Capricorn, you probably aren't going to feel very friendly. You are most likely to want to sequester yourself at home, without seeing or speaking to anyone. If the need for solitude is that strong, indulge it. You won't do yourself any good by forcing contact with others. You might feel a little out of sorts physically, so it is especially important to eat right and get lots of Vitamin C."

So leave me alone or give me an orange!!!

Here... The Onion is funnier than I am:
"Chicago Out Of Names For Subdivisions
CHICAGO—According to city planners, Chicago has run out of new names for its subdivisions. "It was bound to happen sooner or later," Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley said at a Monday press conference in front of City Hall. "Oak Dale Springs, Whispering Pines, Stonewood Creek... We have used every tree, body of water, and living thing in the almanac. You don't have to drive all the way out to Kevin Acres to know we need a new naming system." Daley announced that, beginning in 2004, all new housing developments in the Chicago area will be numbered with a positive integer."

Improv round one: finished... Looking back
Yeah... I'm done with my first term of Beginning Improv at the Second City Training Center here in Chicago... and it doesn't seem real. I was telling a friend on the phone earlier tonight (hi Mike) that it was anti-climactic... and I really don't feel much better at anything than when I started. Was it fun? Yes. Was it almost $300 worth of fun? Shit no... that kind of fun can only be had in Vegas (hi Ken).
Some noteworthy improv games: Dr. Know-It-All, Whirlwind, and anything where people got to do the voices for other people who were acting out a scene.

Something completely unrelated that I heard: "Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit." -Aristotle
Boy, that Aristotle and his dualistic correlations!

On a different note... it has come to my attention that I'm in a rut. Part of this has to do with the fact that I was supposed to write a sketch a while ago, and am now down to writing the whole thing in one day; part of it has to do with the time of year (Christmas and the forced euphoria); part of it has to do with the city; part with not meeting anyone really exciting or interesting; part with an irregular work schedule; part with money; part with not having food here; and a whole lot has to do with women, past and present (but no future). Am I going to get into any of this? No... do you think I'm someone who shares things??? (>scrolls down page< "shit!")
I'm just really tired of everything... I don't know how else to put it. I guess I'll just go to bed.... sounds like a plan. Goodnight...

CrazyJohn: The Ken Chronicles
Yes... it's been a while kiddies and I know you've missed me so... but I've been busy with an actual guest! Senior Airman Kenneth John Huhtala of the United States Air Force.
Thursday: Silly me, I forgot the Thursday, 3 in the afternoon traffic in Chicago! I'm so stupid sometimes (this is a joke). I left my apartment somewhere around quarter to three... and, because of traffic on 94 and on 55, I arrived at Midway Airport sometime around five or five thirty. Yes... it honestly took me over two and a half hours to go something like 20 or 30 miles. One of the reasons I hate this city.
Anyway... so I picked Ken up and hour and a half late... but he didn't seem to care. It was drizzling and Ken hasn't seen rain in months. So he was happy to be waiting outside in the rain... and that put me in a better mood after the long and stupid drive.
We got to my apartment and I showed him around, where everything was, etc (this took ten seconds). Then we hit the city... I figured that I'd show him the Magnificent Mile first, since it's close and it's a Chicago "tourist" thing. We walked down Michigan looking at all the stores and the people in an early December Chicago rain. Ken seemed to love it... and his positivity rubbed off that night... It was the first time in a long time that I was able to walk around see all the Christmas, excuse me, "holiday" decorations... and they are beautiful.
And after walking around, we had some real Chicago deep dish pizza from Lou Malnati's. Upon entering the establishment, we were brought through all the tables and chairs and into a back room. I was assuming we were going to be beaten... but no... apparently our punishment was to watch the Wings/Blues game. Now Ken and I don't know lots about hockey, but we know what we like (the Red Wings) and we know what we don't (everyone else... especially Colorado). But we were able to have a nice conversation while watching the game and eating pizza, regardless of our semi-ignorance. We had sausage deep dish, but I might as well say that the pizza had us, as it was avenging it's death in the form of methane the rest of the night. But, it didn't really matter, because the rest of the night was us shooting things (after a quick tour of where I work and go to class).
Friday: Tourist day number two... Ken and I headed downtown and went up in the Sears tower. We went up to the Skydeck just in time to see the sun setting. It was beautiful... and I really wanted to share it with someone, but I couldn't figure out who I could call just to say "hey... I'm looking at the sunset over Chicago and I'm up high enough that the clouds are below me... and it's brilliant". I did try to call my parents... but apparently it's difficult to get reception from the tallest building in the world. Hmm... who knew?
We then proceeded to check out the famous Billy Goat Tavern of "Cheezborger" fame. Are the people really that rude to you? Yes. Are the burger's good? Yes. Is it worth checking out? Only if you don't look like someone that has a lot of cash on them.
We also checked out the Navy Pier Friday night... it has the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre and some interesting shops and things to do. It was neat to walk around... but also the windiest that this city can get (as it's right on Lake Michigan).
After the Navy Pier experience, we headed to an Irish Pub that Ken had found online. It's called "fado" and one of the letters has an accent over it and I don't know which letter it is, so deal with it. So... fado is an Irish Pub on two floors on the corner of some street and some other street (do you REALLY need to know?)... so upon entering the establishment from the street, we were surprised to see that it was impossible to stand or move in this pub. Yep... on a Friday night I understand, but at 7 o'clock? Weird! Luckily, it IS two floors, so we went upstairs, to find every seat occupied. Now, if it was just me, I would have left... bars aren't my thing, people aren't my thing, drunk people are the complete opposite of my thing... but Ken wanted to stay, so we did. Besides... he was buying. And, what do we get when someone else is buying, kiddies? That's right! Something from another country! I decided to try Guinness... even though he was trying to stop me from getting it by telling me it tastes like drinking bread (which it kind of does). But some dude who sounded really Irish who looked like he played rugby was the bartender... so I knew the place was ok. When I got the Guinness, I was hesitent (as my sister says it tastes like rubber bands [which it doesn't])... but I was being Fun!John... so bottom's up!
I really liked it. A lot... really really. I like the taste, I love the way it looks in a glass, and I love that it's as Irish as I am (even more so... but Guinness doesn't have bright red sideburns, does it?). But I really do like the way it tastes... which surprises the shit out of me... as it's an alcohol (which I historically have hated) and people really don't like it (because they don't). So we had our pints... I listened to a few "drinking stories"... and we left to shoot more things!
Saturday: WORK! AHH! I came into work at 11:58 (I normally like to be earlier than two minutes) to have my manager, Andrea, open the door for me. The first thing she says is "do you know anything about computers?" "Finally!" I thought to myself... as I have been under the impression that Andrea thinks I'm an idiot. So I said "yeah... I do" playing it all cool. So I went downstairs as she was telling me the problem, and I checked everything out with the connections first... and it turns out that our store has the weirdest looking surge protector ever... which you had to press and hold the on button for it to work. So that was the problem... so she thanked me and I went back upstairs to help open. About five minutes later, while I'm trying to set out the waffle cones/bowls, she comes back upstairs. There's another problem... this one is bad. I went downstairs and tried everything I could think of to get Windows to boot (as it wouldn't)... I checked the bios and the computer booted from the CDROM which I thought was weird... apparently the company has all the stores set up with the same computer configuration for ease of data transfer store-to-store. So we called the computer tech support of Coldstone (some other company), and Andrea handed me the phone because I "knew more about computers" than she did. After talking with the woman for a while about what was wrong... I heard a familiar beeping and I said "I don't mean to pry, but are you getting into a car?" and she said "no... I'm actually getting out of a car". Wow! Computer support from the road... she's good. At any rate, my store's going to need a new computer (or at least a new hard drive)... so the rest of the work day was unusually stressful, as we were worried about the registers and the payroll and the money for a new hard drive or male pattern baldness or whatever we had to worry about.
Ken showed up a little before I was done, ordered a Mudpie Mojo which I made for him, and we were out. On the way back to my apartment, we stopped at the Old Town Pub and had a couple pints of Guinness. I apparently drink it very fast, as I was done with my second one when he still had about half of his second left. Life's not a race, I know... and he was busy talking about how hot the waitress with the indiscernible accent was (we think Romanian? or at least one of the Baltic States... perhaps she's from Georgia [Go Bulldogs! {that made no sense}]). But that's why I love Ken being around... because, without Ken, I just sit there and I say "that's my waitress"... but Ken says "oh... she's hot" and then I have to think about it too and I'm not just sitting there being anti-social to my waitress, I'm being nervous around an attractive waitress. Much better. Anyway... two is most definitely my limit, as I felt very full afterwards (because it is like drinking bread).
After the Guinness, I called Laura from the street and pretended to be way more drunk than I was (sorry for deceiving you dearest, but you'll believe what you want to believe). Ken was also accosted by that guy who's given me the same "Hamburger Helper" story now three different times. Ken gave him money... I'm sick of hearing that story as it is, no doubt, a lie.
The rest of the night was dedicated to hitting things over the head with the butt of a gun. Seriously.
Sunday: GAMEDAY! Wake up early... ick... and drive from Chicago to Green Bay (only about three hours, I was surprised). But it was a good trip, if early, and we listened to all sorts of punk and other bands that I normally probably wouldn't be exposed to. So that was cool... and then we got there... and I could tell that Ken was really excited because there was jumping up and down. Yeah... but we quickly stopped jumping and got brats and they were delicious... mmm... brats. The game started... things looked pretty shitty for my Packers... Ken and I started saying funny stuff and the guys around us started joking with us too. It was fun... there weren't any REALLY drunk people within earshot of us (like at the Philly game), so it was a pretty fun atmosphere. My Packers DID end up winning, mostly because Ken and I called the "interception returned for a touchdown" play right before that happened. Yeah... it was weird, but I know I have that much influence, so I'm fine with it.
After the game, we just drove back to Chicago and hung out the rest of the night.
Monday: The last day... I got up just early enough to go to work... Ken met me at work and I took my break so I could walk him to the station to say goodbye. It was a "man" goodbye... only quick enough to say we'd see each other again soon and not long enough for either of us to be emotional about it. Then I proceeded to have a crappy "want this day to be over" time at work... and I went home.
Upon my return, I noticed that Ken had put his "MDW" luggage tag on my wall of pictures. It was sweet... and I teared up just a little. I think I'll probably leave it on my wall... as it seems to fit with everything else. Then I remembered that he wanted me to post a magnetic poem he had been working on... so I went to the fridge and saw another poem. First I'll post what he had been working on while he was here:
"shall you tempt yon villianly wicked breast
perhaps she quencheth thy wanton codpiece
get thee hither curse'd woman
thy torment be my death"
Tres good, no? I know you love it. But it wasn't the best thing that he wrote... because when I went to look at the poem, I saw this:
"I loathe nothing more
than saying farewell to a love'd friend"
and THAT's when I started crying. I couldn't help it. It's been a long time since I've seen some of my old school crew... and I'm getting pretty sick of meeting new people... I just want people who know and understand me, not people who say "I can't tell if you're joking or serious" every five minutes.
And, for the first time since I moved in, my apartment feels lonely, empty. The space on the floor that was my bed for four nights is now just a space on my floor... the dishes have piled up since there were two of us... and the air is light and quiet.
My apartment is too small for two... this city is too big for one.

Here's another dead-on horoscope... weird to the max!
"Capricorn

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
Do not let other people's insensitive actions dictate your mood today, dear Capricorn. Your state of mind is your own responsibility, and you should work to come to a point at which you have full motor control over what you feel at all times. If something is not working out, let it go. This is not a good time to try to stick a square peg in a round hole. "

Yeah... so have fun doing that thing that you're doing... and this is me "letting go". Maybe we'll talk sometime... although you don't seem to respond when I want to talk. Have a nice night :)

Special Guest rant... from an actual guest-
"It's Martini Time - or - Why the windy city kicks serious ass."

My flight into Midway was 10 minutes early, so it made perfect sense for John to be 2 hours late, stuck somewhere in Chicago traffic. But it was okay, because for the first time in well over a month, I've seen continuous rain. Not flash-flood inducing, torrential, biblical-proportion, 15 minutes of rain. It's been raining since I arrived. Drizzling. I am simply ecstatic. You never really appreciate somewhere that has weather until you live in Vegas. The only weather we get is: hot, really hot, and pavement-melting hot, with the occasional chance of strippers. I've actually fried eggs and bacon on the sidewalk out there, just to see if I could.

So other than the weather, which is the most common and obvious difference, (Wonder why it's always a conversation starter? That's why.) there's the city itself. Apartment buildings instead of apartment complexes, office buildings instead of casinos, and there's not a slot machine to be found in the 7-Eleven. Buildings here are more than 40 years old. If a building in sin city is over 40, they tear it down. The taxi drivers are about the same, but everyone seems to enjoy honking their horn to an outrageous degree. Apparently honking your horn in Chicago can mean any number of things: "Cross the street, I won't hit you.", "Move your ass, you stupid soccer mom.", "Why are you attempting a U-Turn in the middle of the intersection?", or "It's a one-way street, jackass." Whereas most of the honking at Vegas is at strippers. Or unassuming tourists that are stopped in traffic gawking at strippers.

I've mentioned strippers three times so far. And, as John says, I am from Las Vegas, so... if you're offended, too bad. In Nevada, nobody seems to care, so I don't either.

But the windy city really kicks some serious ass because I found The Reverend Horton Heat's DVD at the Virgin Megastore. (If you haven't heard of The Reverend Horton Heat, look them up... some serious rock and roll.) I spent a week looking for that fricking DVD in Vegas, and it was nowhere to be found. But it's here, and it rocks.

Yeah. Now I'm going to kick John's ass at some Halo. No, really. I will. Seriously. Stop laughing.

- Ken

Well, crap, I'm going to start believing this stuff if it keeps being "on".
"Capricorn

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
If you find yourself tired and irritable at the moment, dear Capricorn, you should know that this is normal. You may have had a few months that were a little too studious. Would you like to continue on with the same rhythm? Be careful that your ambitions don't lead you to serious physical exhaustion. If you become sick, you will be even more frustrated. So, be wise and take care of your own basic needs."

I think the "studious" could just be "tedious" and then it would really hit home.

CrazyJohn on the first paycheck-
Good lord it's been a long time since I've gotten a paycheck. Get this, it was probably the summer of 2001 when I got my last paycheck. A sweet vacation, yes? No, you shithead... I wanted a job... I just couldn't get one.
Anyway... I feel good about getting paid, and that Ken will be here Thursday, and my apartment is a mess... and I need groceries... and I STILL haven't finished my writing proposals that are due tomorrow... and I'm really tired, as I didn't sleep much last night.
I'm still trying to figure out whether my post from Monday night was good or bad. I've gotten some supportive feedback, and I've gotten some quasi-panicked feedback... but I think depression is something that should be talked about a lot more openly than it is. No one wants to talk about being depressed... it's tres taboo.
Speaking of which... my knee is hurting again. "Must be a storm a'brewin'!" I don't know... it just hurts when I go from sitting to standing. Whatever... not a big deal.
I'm tired... so I'm going to bed (without getting all the shit done that I need to get done). Hope you're all having crazy nights :)

Addendum to last night
I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings with my post last night... and I was already awoken by someone whose feelings I had hurt. If anyone else was hurt by the post, let me know and I'll delete it.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone at Albion... and I don't mean to make it sound like I don't feel like my friends welcome me and make me feel like I belong. They DO make me feel welcome... I LOVE my friends and they are wonderful people. But there is nothing in Albion that makes feel like it stopped when I left (sans playwrighting circle... but that mostly died with Bob leaving).
And I DIDN'T mean to make it sound like I was suicidal last night. It was almost a month ago, when nothing was going right, and it felt like I had hit the bottom of the pool... but it's only a matter of time before the air in my lungs started naturally floating me back up towards the top.

In happier news, Mike Bohne would, obviously, be played by Joey Fatone. (Sorry Mike... but who else looks like you who can sing and "act"?)

And here's something to make me think:
"Capricorn

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
You may find it hard to get up and rolling today, dear Capricorn. More than likely, you may be caught up in some sort of gridlock between your mind and your heart. Be careful about letting this tension build. The most important thing for you today is to simply relax. Tackle things one step at a time and finish one project before starting another. You could get overwhelmed if you have too many things on your plate at one time. "

CrazyJohn on Belonging (Subtitled: The reason why I'm crying or the most depressing car trip of my life)-
Well kiddies... I don't know how to start this, so I guess I'll just say that it's 4 in the morning and I'm normally depressed when tired. Also, I've spent about 7 hours in the car today, so I've had plenty of time to think. Also, I saw an existentialist play about Hell and Damnation... so I've already been thinking a lot about life and life's meaning, purpose, personal decisions, and so on.

I hate this city. It only took me leaving the city for me to realize how much I hate it. A trip to Madison reveals to me how much better a town can feel... how great a vibe a college town can have over a huge metropolis. A trip to Big Rapids showed me how much I like being able to drive around a city... and how I don't like having my whole day consist of one mile of land... I like being able to drive around and feel like I'm covering some actual physical ground in my day. And a trip to Albion reminded me how much I miss having people know who the hell I am. Just having people be able to recognize me as "John" or "that guy from the Euphonics who made fun sounds"... it made me feel like I actually mean something... like I'm not just one of the faceless masses of a big city, but someone who's worth knowing. It's so easy to loose yourself with so many people... what makes me different from the guy asking me for change? What makes me different from the woman I pass on the street? I have no idea... they don't mean anything to me and I nothing to them. But, in a small town, people know you... you have a place... you're needed, wanted, important to that community. Albion was the last place I felt like I belonged... like I had a place where I was wanted and needed... where I felt like people would say "Man, I wish John was here" if I wasn't.
I don't belong in Chicago... and I doubt I'll ever feel wanted or needed in a city this big. So I went home over Thanksgiving... thinking that Big Rapids would be a place where I could feel that I belonged again. It wasn't. My parents are different... on a weird diet... working more and more and spending less and less time at home. And, what's worse, is that I can tell they don't want me there. Don't get me wrong, I know they love me... but I honestly think that they wouldn't want me to be there with them. They think I belong somewhere else, doing something else... and I can tell that I don't belong in my own house (Sidenote: If I have to listen to one more person say something like "well... you need to do your own thing" I'm going to lose it. You have NO IDEA what "my thing" is... because neither do I... so just fucking drop it). So I went to Albion today, figuring that it might feel enough like it did only 6 short months ago that I would get some of that "belonging" feeling back. But no. There are new people who I don't know... and everybody talks about things that don't involve me, and "that time" when something great happened and they all know about it except for me. No... life at Albion has moved on without me... just like in Satre's "No Exit" when the characters have been forgotten by the living and they can no longer see the Earth.
And I don't even know how to reconnect with anyone. The first question is always "How are you? How are things going in Chicago?", and I can't even be honest about that. The dishonest easy answer is "fine... I'm working on it" (which is partially true, as I am working on it, whether I want to or not). No one wants the REAL answer to that question, anyway... it would be too awkward. "Shitty, actually. I hate my life right now... I hate what I'm doing, I can't see the purpose to it, or anything for that matter... and it was only in early November when I was thinking about killing myself again." Kablamo... that would hit them like a ton of bricks, wouldn't it? And I have my doubts about actually posting this... as I may or may not become inundated with "maybe you should get some help" or pity... or something. And I don't need help, and I certainly don't want pity... or special treatment... or anything. That fact is that I just daydreamed about killing myself... how I could do it... whether jumping out of my window would kill me or just really fuck me up and then I'd balance whether or not it was better to be dead or just fucked up in a hospital... or I thought about cutting myself, but I really don't like knifes and I have a feeling I'd somehow mess it up and not cut deep enough or something... and I thought about giving a bum money to kill me somehow and make it look like a robbery, and then I'd get the whole "just such a tragic and senseless death" angle, which would be my sadistic and perverted way of making people remember me only in a positive light...
But, honestly, who hasn't thought about killing themselves? Everyone went through that phase in High School when they felt like it'd be better if they were dead... And last December was the first time I had thought about it since High School... but the thinking about it always ends the same way: 1) I love the people I care about too much for them to go through the pain; 2) I've always thought suicide was a "weak" approach to ones problems... and I have a fixation with always doing whatever will make me "stronger"; 3) I'm just too big of a wuss to actually go through with it.
Does this stop me from thinking about it? No... not at all... but I don't think about it all the time, either. It's just certain things that happen that make you think about it more often. For me, happiness doesn't come easily... so when I feel genuinely happy, and then that happiness is stripped away, it's easy for me to believe that I won't be happy again.
Currently, I've been struggling with finding a purpose to my existence. Questions like: What's the most important thing I can do? How can I make my mark on this world? How can I not waste the opportunity that is life? just plague my subconscious. I don't just want to be one of the faceless masses I walk past on the street everyday... I want my life to have MEANT something.
So I think about how I can achieve that goal. And, as I focus my search, I think about what I can do: I can make people laugh... and I hope to God that I can make people think. And, to me, that's a worthy existence. Here's the catch... I'm not doing that now. I'm here, in Chicago, not doing what I want to do... I've got these hoops to jump through, like Courtney, or Nick... I can see how I want to make a difference, but I can't get there yet. And, when I couldn't find a job... I just felt like such a burden to everyone I loved. So I'm left thinking "My life is currently without purpose and is, in this city, insignificant. So... what's better? A purposeless, insignificant existence or no existence at all?" And, honestly, I think the advantage is push... it could go either way.
And, another reason why you can't be THAT honest when people ask you how you're doing, is that chicks don't dig depressed guys. No one digs someone who's depressed... it's not sexy. Confidence is sexy... depression is lame. And, really, what's more important? Being honest about your feelings with people? or getting chicks?
Chicks! Obviously! I really miss having a girlfriend. Someone who give instant gratification to questions of purpose or significance because, to them, you are very significant. But, this whole "relationship" thing harkens back to a huge correlation between woman and importance that I created when I was younger... which I'm not going to go into... but it basically consists of having a woman validate your value as a human being... and I really don't want to go into it.

Didn't expect to see something like this, did you? Expected to see something about how I surprised old friends at Albion and had some laughs? Yeah... well... I am glad I went. The play was excellent... and I'm very proud of the director, stage manager, and actors. And it was nice to say hello to people, even though most of my conversations were about twenty seconds... and no one (ok... a single person) asked me what I was actually doing in my classes. It's like they all thought I was doing the same shit that you see on Saturday Night Live or at the actual Second City show. No... what I'm doing is FAR more boring than that. I did, almost, have a good conversation with an androgenously named person (a Miss Mann), but we kept getting interrupted by this or that... and the conversation never really panned out. I would have really liked to be able to stay longer than I did... but it was like "yeah... it's cool that you're here, but I've got so much work to do"... and I would just end up getting in the way.
Right... so... I'm really tired and the caffeine is starting to wear off... so I think I'm going to bed. I just wish that I had something to dream about...

More Casting:
Hey... I got "yelled" at for not casting more people in my life movie... so here's some more:
Laura would be played by the chick from the Princess Diaries, Anne Hathaway (duh!).
Jim would be played by Russell Crowe.
And I would, apparently, be played by Mike Myers. I guess it's a pretty good fit... I'm probably too close to be able to tell.
Have a crazy day :)

CrazyJohn on being understaffed (a far too common problem for me)-
Hey kiddies... I know I didn't write anything last night... and that's because we were one person short last night. We only had three, instead of the normal four people, and two of the three of us were new (me and Aaron [or Erin, I don't know how he spells it]). So I had only closed the store twice, and he had only closed the store once... AND we were only three people... AND we had a couple extra things to do since it was a Sunday night and we do a couple extra things on a weekly basis. So, if you're going to feel bad for anyone in this story, feel bad for Abby, the manager that night. She had to explain everything to two "new-bies" while being understaffed. Sucks to be her last night!
So, after my first weekend of work at Coldstone, I made over $20 in tips (yes, just for serving ice cream and being my normal smooth and interesting self)... and I still have yet to work with someone who I don't like. Saturday night was the best night, though, because the two other guys working can both really sing (one's a high tenor and the other guy's a low tenor or baritone) so with me singing bass, we sounded really good. We actually sounded good. And singing again was lots of fun! Oh... and we served ice cream or whatever :P

In other news, I'd like to comment on something mentioned on someone else's blog. In that blog, the writer mentioned being jealous of a young couple buying a Christmas tree. And, my comment is: Yeah... that does suck. I was on my way to work Saturday night and I had to watch young couples walk up and down the streets, walking hand-in-hand. I was stuck behind one couple who was walking hand-in-hand very slowly... and I found myself very jealous. Here I am, walking to work, and they're lazily strolling around the city in relationship bliss. After a few blocks, I couldn't take it and I sped up to pass them. But, yeah, the moral of this story is that people who are happy always suck.

Also, can I say that I love surprises? I DO! I love surprises!!!
Plus... Jim interviewed me about this very blog! So this blog is now world famous! (or just more famous than it was before)
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving... and it's nice to see people back online... not so lonely... yeah... Good luck with the last couple weeks of school, kiddies.