My "vacation" plus dinner at Goose Island
Tonight starts my week-long 'vacation' from Second City classes. Why is vacation in quotation marks? Because I really don't get a vacation from anything. I've still got my Coldstone problems and I still have my writing five memorization responsibilities. The funny part is that I spent most of the evening running errands with Andrea. How is that funny? It's not. It's the truth... and I didn't get much of a "night off" or "vacation" or however you want to phrase it. And it wasn't even necessarily fun errands... we went to Office Max and Kinkos. Is that fun? I can't even tell anymore. We did go to Goose Island, which is a brewery that makes the beer of the same name. I had some kind of chicken chipotle salad... which was good, but not filling enough (unfortunately). I don't know what it is... but some days I could just eat and eat and eat. Today is one of those days. I don't know what it is, I think it's the working out.

Stupid Counter-Strike!
So I bought Counter-Strike and Return to Castle Wolfenstein yesterday for my half-birthday... and I stupidly stayed up until 3 last night/this morning playing Counter-Strike! I couldn't help it... it was just what I was looking for: a short/violent first-person shooter. I'm dyin' here waitin' for Halo 2. And Counter-Strike is right up my alley because I can play a short game whenever I have time, and I'm not so good that I never die, but I'm not so bad that there isn't a point in playing. It's a good thing... Oh Martha!
Last night in my writing class, we went and saw two Level 5 Conservatory shows. Once you hit level 5 of the Conservatory, you perform every Monday night... and that's when other directors can come and ask you to be in their shows (or whatever). So last night we saw two of them... and my assignment for the week after July 4th is to re-write one of those scenes as I would write it. Basically, it's not plagiarism... but it's damn close. I'm using an existing scene and "making it my own". I think it's a pretty sweet assignment. Way better than trying to create something from someone else's stories (because no one I know has stories... or something).
That's all I have for now... today should be a pretty busy day, even though I won't have class tonight. It's a great day for ice cream!

My Half Birthday!
Today I'm officially 23 1/2 years old. What happened in the past half of a year? Not much, actually. I think that I've successfully coasted through an entire half a year, basically on auto pilot. I don't know that I've spent much time at all thinking about where I want to be or if I'm happy or whether or not I should even keep going... I just have kept going.
Whatever... in celebration of my half birthday (and in conjunction with my new salaried position) I'm hoping to go to Dave and Buster's tonight and waste a large amount of money. Hooray!
Tonight is also my last night of class for a week. We get a "summer" break which consists of the week from Tuesday the 29 until Monday the 5th. What does that mean for me? That I don't actually technically get a week off... since I'll have class tonight and then a class on Tuesday the 6th. But I guess it's the thought that counts. And I don't have play rehearsal on Sunday the 4th... so that's cool. I'm going back and forth between wanting to go to Brandon's in Mason for a day or so... and just wanting to stay here and see what Chicago has to offer on July 4th weekend. July 4th being a Sunday, we're going to have to staff the crap out of ourselves... just to be ready for a busy day. Hooray!
In addition to all that stuff, I have yet to start to write my scene for tonight. I haven't even started... how crappy is that? And my scene for review is due tonight, and I'm still rewriting it. Wish me luck... >sigh<

Have to be completely memorized in two weeks! AHHH!!!
Tonight was the last rehearsal for two weeks (we get July 4th off)... and we tried to go through the entire show, but we haven't blocked everything yet. Suffice it to say, it was rough. Plus... Joe Janes had to re-arrange the set list just so I wouldn't have 14 scenes in a row. He's still got me in about 7 in a row... but that's way better than 14. I'm only not in 3 or maybe four scenes, I think. This is going to totally/completely tire me out. We'll see what my energy's like after the show. Additionally, we perform at 10, the second writing five show of the night. The good news is that people should be able to make it to Chicago on a Friday by 10 PM. NO EXCUSES... heehee!

Why I keep going
I went to the gym on my own today (in between work and work) and I hopped on the elliptical. Thad wants me to do 40 minutes... which I think is insane, especially since after about fifteen minutes I felt like I had had enough. And then... a miracle happened. That miracle is the human female posterior. Yes... that's right all you people who think women should be loved for their brains (which INCLUDES ME [no it doesn't]), the only reason I kept going was that a woman with a nice buttocks started using the machine in front of me. She actually left about ten minutes before I decided to stop... which means I was only using her for motivation for about ten minutes total. But she was still fantastic motivation.

Speaking of motivation, I ordered thai food tonight to celebrate my raise. First of what I assume will be a few celebratory purchases (I think a couple CDs or a video game is quite in order). But tonight I'm going to eat thai and work on the script which I'm going to need to hand in on Monday to be evaluated. I'm actually going to rewrite my scene from last week... which got more laughs than I thought it would. The bad news, unfortunately, is that I still have to write an entire scene for Monday in addition to the rewrite. The scene for Monday has to be based on someone else's stories... which is terrible for me, since I don't ever pay attention when people talk. But I'm sure everyone who knows me thinks they have that one funny story I'm looking for. If so, prove it. Leave me a comment with a funny story... or just email me what you think is your funniest story. That'll really help me a lot. Thanks!

THE Raise
I have now completely resigned myself to the shittyness of my Improv class. Don't get me wrong, my teacher is awesome. Jen Bills is fantastic! That actually makes things worse... as I would be growing so much in my improv if I had a more one-on-one kind of situation. Not one-on-one per se, but if there was only 6 to 8 of us and Jen could focus her attention on us... that would be so invaluable. Jen is incredible at characters and characterization, and I would really benefit from her knowledge if she actually got to spend some time talking about me and what I could personally do better. Stupid stupid class >shakes head<.
I just saw a commercial for Fahrenheit 9/11, which I didn't think was going to be coming out in the States. But I am most definately going to go see it... and I'm sure it'll be playing somewhere in Chicago. My friend Adam Traum, actually saw it... and Miss Amber Buck saw it too (amazingly enough there are moving talking pictures in Muncie).
In response to recent events, I must retract a previous statement. Ken is not a wuss... for now. Until he wusses out on something else. And he's talked to her, but he still hasn't asked her out. So he's just on the cool-guy side of wuss.
The NBA Draft was this past Thursday. The Pistons had almost the last pick in the draft, and got a rookie from the fightin' Kaiman's who may or may not help this season. Basically, we've still got Darko to come in and make a difference next year... so, in essence, the Pistons really do have a top draft pick coming in next season. A team that really helped themselves who even I'm excited about is the Chicago Bulls. The Bulls got Gordon, Deng, and Duhon who will probably be starting 2, 3, and a back-up to Hinrich respectively. Now, if Eddie Curry and Tyson Chandler would actually play like NBA stars instead of like High Schoolers drafted three years ago... then maybe the Bulls could hit .500 this year (which, in the East, is probably good enough to get you into the playoffs [but, having said that, Detroit, Indiana, New Jersey, Miami, Cleveland, Milwaukee, and probably New York will all make the playoffs next year {baring serious injuries} so that really doesn't leave much room for other teams {the Celtics may or may not be able to get their act together enough under Doc Rivers to make a playoff run... so watch for them, too}]).

And now, for the big news. I finally got a raise. Not just any raise: THE raise. I am now a salaried employee of the High Focus Group. I'm not going to talk numbers (because that would be bastardly), but I will say that I'm going to be getting roughly about twice as much per paycheck... and I won't have to worry about writing down my hours or what counts as work and what doesn't. I can simply focus on the company and what I need to do to make everything work (which is my job... making EVERYTHING work).
Speaking of which, two nights ago I was up until about 2 in the morning downloading tons of stuff for work. Additionally, I need to be an Excel genius to figure out Coldstone's labor scheduling Excel spreadsheet. I'm very close to being an Excel genius... but I'm not quite. This is the unfortunate side of my job: If I'm supposed to be the person who can figure this stuff out, and I can't... then there's no one for me to go to so that I may learn how to figure it out. I just have to figure it out myself. And, before I was salaried, I felt guilty (Catholic) when I would take company time to figure out how something as simple (relatively) as an Exel spreadsheet works when there are people just upstairs on the stone busting their asses to satisfy customers. So hurray for salaries, because now I don't need to feel guilty about doing any of my miscellaneous useless/random tasks!

Happy Nine Month Anniversary, Blog!
If I had impregnated my blog with my seed of knowledge and wit, then right around now my bastard child of cleverness would be born. It just so happens that I did spread my semen of joyous intelligence upon the entire world wide web, hitting it in the eye of truth and smacking it upon the ass of injustice. Nine months later, and my seed has been sown in such locations as New York, Las Vegas, Albion, and even right where I am in Chicago. Do I feel responsible for these other blogs? Yes... and like every responsible parent, I check up on them to see how they're doing. But I don't get so involved as to hamper them from growth.
It is odd to me that what started off as a way for me to vent steam has become such a mindless constant update machine. I guess the good news is that I really don't have much to vent about... I mean, it's not like things are going perfectly, but I'm fairly content with where I am. I've got a routine (not a set one, but it's a routine), I've got more people than I can shake a stick at, and a job with potential for growth (moron this later). I guess I'm doing okay.
Speaking of growth at work, Andrea and I had an "honest discussion" last evening. I stated fairly bluntly that I thought I did about twice as much work as Seth (in charge of development... but also very nearly getting fired), and that I really wanted his salary. Basically, I said what she and I had both been thinking for a long time... and she's stressed about all the new decisions to be made as President and, at one point, she referred to me ventingly as a "son of a bitch". Probably because I make her pick up her cigarette butts, and she wasn't going to, so I went to pick it up and she exacerbatedly referred to me as a "son of a bitch", and picked it up herself. I just want clean streets... is that too much to ask?
I'm putting this in my blog just for me: This morning I was making breakfast burritos and I dropped my large glass container of salsa which, of course, shattered. Why do I add this to my blog, you ask? Because in a month or two, I want to be able to recall why I just cut my foot on something in the kitchen. It's because you didn't clean up all the broken glass, stupid! (Sidenote: I already cut myself near the wrist. I was on my hands and knees... and I must've missed one, because I put my hand down and it got me at the back of my hand, right near my wrist. Fun, huh?)

Writing Level 4 Submission
Tonight in my writing 3 class, we were allowed to bring in the scenes that we were going to submit for level 4. I brought in my satire scene... which I spent some time on Saturday rewriting. Up to this point, I thought this was my best scene... but we read it in class and Joe simply said "I wouldn't submit this". First of all, ouch... and secondly, I had no idea what I'm going to do for next week. I could spend some time re-writing another scene, or I could write something totally on my own, or I could panic and cry like a little girl. Any of those is a distinct possibility. And, in addition to the submission, we have another actual assignment due next week. So, basically, I'm screwed any way you look at it. What a fun night!

Where did I go?
Thursday morning, before I left for Big Rapids, I was doing errands in the greater Chicago-land area. On my way to CostCo (yeah... the one on Clybourn... you know the place) I saw a homeless guy in Packer hat. It wasn't just any Packer hat, either. It was the Super Bowl XXXI Champions hat... a hat that I own. And there was something so hauntingly personal about that particular homeless man that it just crushed my heart. For the first time in my life, a homeless man was just like me... he was someone who could have been someone I knew, or saw at a game, or talked to. I'm not totally naive, I understand he could have just found the hat and started wearing it, having no particular allegiance to the Packers whatsoever... but there was something about him--pushing his cartful of belongings, not begging for change but minding his own business--that I took very personally. >sigh< The city is just too hard sometimes.
I worked out Thursday, too. Thad and I worked mah legs... and I think I might have actually impressed him with a 270 lbs leg press. I think we had done 200 last week... and there's probably something about moving up 70 lbs in a week that's impressive. I'm not sure what it is yet. Anyway... Thad is forcing me to look in the mirror again, to make sure my form is 'good'. As some of you may recall... I have fought the demons that are the mirror, but this is different. It's not just me staring at myself... it's me, staring at myself confused and not very good at something. This unlocks a whole new set of problems for me... as I'm a perfectionist and hate it when I'm not very good at something. Being forced to watch myself do it is, in a word, torturous.
Thursday night, I drove home. This was made easier by my two lengthy phone conversations... both of which were very nice. Except Ken totally wussed out and didn't talk to this Missy girl, because Ken is a total wuss. And I'm going to keep calling him a wuss until he talks to her. Because he's a wuss.
I got home around quarter to 2 AM Michigan (Eastern) time. My mom is a notoriously light sleeper, so just my opening the front door woke her up. We sat and chatted for a bit while I had a sandwich, and that was pretty much it for the night.
In the morning, I got my haircut by Jo at A Cut Above (on State Street, you know the place). Jo is like a second mother, which is why I keep going back there... she's always interested in what I'm doing and, I guess, she sees a lot of her own son in me (or vice versa), so she's always interested in how I feel and what I think about things. That's always nice, isn't it? (Hint: yes)
Apparently work can't go a day without me, because Andrea called. To say she sounded panicked would maybe be an exaggeration, but I could sense that she was nervous/anxious about something bigger than what she was talking to me about. The problem was the ice cream base and its availability/location... which was all taken care of by me and so there wasn't really a problem. It was just a "John takes care of this, but he's not here... what's going on?" kind of thing... the kind of thing a simple phone call can solve. I just found it humorous that I wasn't even gone a full day, and Andrea already had to call me in a quasi-panicked state (Illinois).
Friday night, the whole family went to Bennigan's (the one on Perry Street... you know the place). Almost immediately after I entered the restaurant, I saw someone I recognized... and he was kind of like "hey!" It took me a minute to figure out who he was (and I had to cheat and look at his nametag for clues), but it was Phil Neumann from my high school marching band. He's working as a bartender there... and he came up and asked me how Second City stuff was going. I was brief, perhaps even unnecessarily dismissive... but I was kind of intrigued as to how he knew I was in Chicago. I figured he must have talked to someone that I personally told, because that's how naive I am. As he kept talking, I learned that he had heard I was at SC from Heath Houghton (who I did not tell, and haven't talked to since, probably, our sophomore year in high school)... and Heath had heard it from Brian Samuels (who I've talked to maybe once), who heard it from Kelly Samuels (who I've never talked to ever). I was left thinking "what just happened here?". It was, honestly, my first taste of how small Big Rapids is. People I don't even KNOW are talking about me. Don't they have something better to do? As I was recounting this story to Andrea last night... I told her that it seems like the best thing you could ever do in Big Rapids is leave.
Friday night, my sister and I went to Rhea and Jean's for a while. Jean gave me a copy of the song she wants me to sing in her wedding. To say I'm nervous about it would be a huge understatement. A wedding is an event which (at least) two people will remember for the rest of their lives... and I don't want to be the guy who everyone remembers as sucking at the song during the actual ceremony (I don't mind if they remember me as the dude who sucked at the wedding reception, that's different). So I've already listened to the song, "I will be here", about 10 times... and I've got a lot of the lyrics down, I'm just worried that I'll forget them or rearrange them or somehow fuck it all up. >shrug< I guess that's just me.
Speaking of me... on Saturday we celebrated my Dad's birthday. I got him Monk season 1 on DVD and a picture frame for the Packer's painting my sister got him. We had two cakes as well... it was ridiculous. One was a Coldstone cake (which Andrea let me steal [how does that work?]), and one was from BRs very own Cakery... which is a totally awesome cake store. Basically, we vegged and ate and ate and didn't do anything. It was great.
Speaking of birthdays, Sunday was Ken's birthday. He is a wuss.
Speaking of work (huh?)... guess who's got a new job title. When I got back from Michigan Sunday afternoon (first I went to play practice and then) I had a meeting with Andrea. Over the weekend, she was given control of the company (the High Focus Group, LLC... like on my business cards). She is now the President and CEO of High Focus Group... which makes me the assistant to the President of the company. Pretty neat, huh? And all I had to do was... um... nothing! I was gone, I didn't do shit. Hooray for placing yourself in a position for growth! The things we talked about included placing me on a salary (I still don't think they can afford benefits yet... but it's something to work towards) and a New York trip. The trip to NY would be to check out the high volume Times Square location to see how a Coldstone can effectively run an entertaining high volume store. It would also be a good time for me to catch up with former roommates who might be living in the area at the time! HOORAY! Suffice it to say, if I thought I was busy before... I "ain't seen nothin' yet".
For the next two months, I am going to eat, sleep, and breathe Coldstone, Jean's wedding, my writing 5 show, and the gym. Everything else is going to have to wait. Sorry.

Random useless stuff (which is both this post, and what my job consists of)
My Improv Class Tuesday night was, again, combined... and it's really starting to piss me off. No offense to anyone in the other class... they have some great improvisers. There's John, Nate, Katie, and Ben who are really good, not to mention the two people (Mike and Sam) who were going to switch to our class anyway. What bothers me the most is that, instead of running through an exercise twice, like last term, we only get to do it once because the class is now so large. So that really upsets me, because the first time you play a game there are a lot of things about it that you don't know... and you could do it "better" if you got to do it again. Last term we did get to do it again, but this term not-so-much. Stupid communists. (huh?)
Today, Thad and I worked my arms and back. And he felt as though it was time to try free weights... yikes. Basically, instead of doing a shoulder press at like 110 or whatever I was lifting before, I was like "Oh God... 15 pound weight. Can't... do it". And that's always cool... to look like a huge wuss. I think I was doing like 130 on the chest press machine, but we learned very quickly that anything over 90 is too hard for me to bench in reps. Long (boring) story short, I felt humbled by the fact that lifting weights, and doing so in a way that makes it look easy, is extremely hard to do. And squats are hard too, but that's another story.
Today was Adams birthday (Adam from work and class). He called me tonight from Kamehachi... so I went and met him and his roommate Chip. I have never had sushi before, so tonight was a first. I got some kind of sample plate thing... with salmon, tuna, whitefish, shrimp, some kind of egg thing, some kind of octopus thing, and some kind of tuna roll thing. Was it good? Yeah... sort of. While I was eating it, I just kept thinking "I think I'd like this more if it was hot". And I probably would have... because that's what I was thinking the whole time (duh). I think that I had a hard time mentally feeling as though my stomach was being filled since the food was cold. As we all know, eating is 90% mental.
After my sushi experience, Chip, Adam, and I went to Dave and Busters. Now... Dave and Busters is a place that is awesome. There's no other word to describe it. It's two levels of bars, pool tables, and video games. We basically could have stayed there all night, but it closed early for some reason, and they kicked us all out a little after 12. The good news is that Dave and Busters is honestly like a block from my house... and they card you at the door, so you don't have to keep getting carded by the bartender. A man could spend days there... days.

Pistons... WOW!!!
That was an awesome series. And the uninformed Laura is right... the Pistons won as a team. I think it's an incredible step FORWARD for basketball to have these Detroit Pistons as champions. Maybe their win, coupled with the Spurs' continued success... will lead to a renaissance in the NBA: Back to the great "teams" of the 80s. And, I hate to admit it, but I love the way LeBron plays... and I think he can bring Cleveland up to the level of the Spurs and Pistons. I would LOVE to see Kobe leave the Lakers so that his new team, and the Lakers, both SUCK next year. I honestly can't wait to get a poster of the new Pistons... this is from a boy who grew up with TWO Pistons' posters on his wall (one was a poster of a Detroit Free Press headline "Bad Boys Again"... with Isiah Thomas holding the trophy in the locker room. The other poster I LOVED... had Microwave, Worm, Spider, Zeke, Joe D on it... with pictures of the players underneath their nickname. I used to stare at that poster just thinking about how great Detroit was... all my heros [yeah... even Rodman at the time]). Maybe I'm not from Detroit like SOME people >points to all the people from Detroit who I didn't know liked basketball<, but the Pistons are my BBall team... and I love this team that just won. They're great players, and they're great UNSELFISH players. Laura and I had a talk once (after the Wings lost) about whether or not I felt that my team was always superior and deserving of a win. At the time, I told her that I always felt like my teams were good, but that deserving was never a word I would use. Until now. These Pistons DESERVED this win... especially over a selfish juggernaut-of-a-team like the Lakers. Take THAT selfish-ego-centric NBA!
In other sports news...
Packers sign Couch... finally
After months of courting Tim Couch, former number one overall pick in the 1999 draft, the Packers finally signed him to back-up Brett Favre. The bad news: Couch is only signed for one season, which he most likely won't play, because Brett Favre is invincible. The good news: Good-bye Doug Pederson, the most useless back-up in the history of people backing up for other people. The better news: Cleveland gave up on Couch a few years ago, when Holcomb played so well... I think the new start is exactly what Tim needs. Besides... just think about how great the Packers are at raising Quarterbacks, I think Green Bay is just what Tim Couch needs to show everyone why he was the number one pick 6 season ago.

In other, awesome news, I fell down some stairs today at work today. My entire right forearm is scrapped and I hit my elbow and wrist pretty hard. Fun, huh? I'm totally awesome. And, speaking of me being awesome, I wore my "Feminist chicks dig me" shirt today. However, when Andrea saw it she simply said "Is that supposed to be ironic?" and I responded "yes... it is ironic" and she asked "How is it ironic?" to which, I had to explain the 'joke'. Any comedian knows, if you have to explain the joke, it's no longer funny. And she wouldn't drop the subject either, my explanation wasn't good enough... so I'm never wearing the shirt in this town again (basically). Thanks for ruining my fun, boss.
Speaking of ruining my fun... look at you. You're great. And scene. (huh?)

Well... today sucked
I'm actually not even sure why today sucked so hardcore... but it did. I woke up early to work on a script: a script which I had no ideas for subject or how I could make it funny. And this weekend wiped me out so much from the Art Festival... and Andrea told me Sunday about some changes that are going to be made in the next few weeks that are going to be stressful and tiring and lots of work. So it was one of those days when you wake up, think about what you've got to do that day... and are already too tired to deal with it. In addition, it was the kind of day when you try to lie down for a half an hour nap, and the phone rings on three separate occasions, so you just turn it off and say 'poo on this nap'. At any rate, I had to go from having no ideas for a scene, to a full written scene in one day. I hate that. So most of my day was spent trying to figure out what I was going to write... and writing crap just to have something written.
I'm also in a bad mood because of the QSCE report. For those of you who don't speak "corporate bullshit" (this means everyone but Randi), our QSCE is basically a way for the corporate Coldstone to check to make sure that no one is being fed feces instead of ice cream (a more common problem than you'd think). And the guy came the day after the busiest weekend that we'll have all year... which is just further proof that someone in our area hates us... and wants us to look bad. Bitches.
In addition, my writing class tonight was difficult emotionally. We had to make a list of the 10 most embarrassing/humiliating moments of our life... which we then read to the class. There was actually one memory that I had suppressed until I starting thinking about everything embarrassing and shitty in my life... and then it came flooding back (how awesome is that?). An exercise like that tends to put one in a good mood... and the best part is that our assignment for next week is taking one of them and making it into a scene. How awesome is that??? I can't wait to put something humiliating that happened to me on paper. I promise I won't cry (but then again, my promises don't mean anything >_< )
But, then again... it could be worse.

P.S.
After working out today, my right arm has been tingling all day. It feels like the time in my junior year in BR when I got tendonitis in my left shoulder from too much serving at tennis practice. It feels really weird.
In addition, we started doing squats with free weights. Guess what. Squats with a free weight is fucking hard. It's REALLY fucking hard. And my traps (huh?) are all sore from resting the bar on it.
Finally... I've got a scene due tomorrow... and I have no idea what I'm going to write about. I'm actually starting to freak out about it. I'm going to have to go from no scene to full scene in a day, and I HATE doing that. I hope something just comes to me (which it won't... sometimes it does, but it's not going to tonight). I have to go think about what I'm going to write. G'Night

Game four... WOW!
The Pistons are now up 3-1 and have a chance to close out the NBA Finals on Tuesday at home. They were able to stay in the game (for most of the game) with fast break points and free throws. If I were to vote for the Final's MVP (which I can using Verizon Wireless Text messaging), I'd vote for Billips. Billips KEEPS hitting hard shots... and it controlling the game beautifully. We actually saw Gary Payton show up and try his hand at playing some basketball in this series... on the other hand, Karl Malone decided to stay a bitch and sit on the bench looking like the whining bitch he is. Oh Boo-hoo, Karl. Why don't you just jump into someone and make the refs send you to the line? Like the first 35 years of your career. Speaking of whining, how often can the Lakers cry about not getting fouls? Just because we're not trying to cut Shaq's arms off, doesn't mean you should get foul calls.
I wish I could be in Michigan Tuesday... because, as if it was a defining moment of my life, I remember where I was when my team wins championships. Last time the Wings won, I was in Albion... with some great great people, having a blast. I remember when the Packers won Super Bowl XXXI... I was in Fond du Lac with my family and Grandma (who kept saying "We need an intercept"). And I remember driving home from Nate's after the Wings won the Cup... just enjoying every second of the dark drive home.
But I won't be in Michigan... until THURSDAY! Weee!!!! Hooray for Father's Day weekend! I'm going home late Thursday and I'll run some errands Friday and just spend some time with my family until Sunday, when I have to drive back to Chicago in time to head to play practice. I had practice today... and Joe wants us off book for two scenes by next week. I think I can do it, the two scenes aren't hard for me (except for one of the two... I'm still not sure what they want [I think it's because it's not very well written]). But I'm intimidated by the amount of scenes that we have to have memorized. It's A LOT of scenes. And I'm whining... just like a Laker (see how I bring this all back to the beginning? That's just good writing, bitch).

The Wells Street Art Fair, and the terrible feeling...
This entire week, we at Coldstone have been preparing for this weekend's 30th Annual Wells Street Art Festival. Every year, Wells Street is closed off from Division (close to where I live) to North Avenue (where the Second City is). There are arts, there are crafts, there are crappy things that are overpriced that people still buy because no one knows good art... and there are food vendors all along the street. As a matter of fact, there's a Jamba Juice right outside Cold Stone's front door. The good news with the Jamba Juice location is that it means we won't have to make smoothies (which are a pain in the ass). The bad news is that there are thousands of people walking up and down Wells... so potentially thousands of customers for Coldstone. We've honestly kept ourselves busy with this all week... making 1500 pre-packaged originals so that people could circumvent the lines and still buy our ice cream (this was my idea... am I brilliant or what?). And there were three or four additional changes made by yours truly on Saturday, to make things so smooth that you felt like you were licking butter when you walked in the door.
The result? $5600 in one day. That number means nothing to you. Okay... this was about what we did in a week in December. Not good enough? Try this: That is the highest single day total in the history of Coldstone Creamery on North Wells in Chicago! They never hit the $5500 mark last year... the highest they got last year was a Saturday (I think it was the art festival) where they did $4100. Yeah... we did $1500 more Saturday than this Coldstone has ever done in one day. I'd like to be modest and say it has little to do with me... but that's not true. In all honesty, if I hadn't been working HARD on this all week, there's no way that we would've been able to absolutely shatter the previous record for daily sales.
But look at me, talking about numbers as if I had no feelings. I'm such a man. What am I feeling, you ask? Well... this stupid festival seems to encompass my entire world... even though it's only roughly 6 city blocks long. It makes me feel so small. I just went on the Euphonics website, and I remembered how being in the Euphonics really made me feel like a rock star. I mean, it's hard to explain... but what I was doing felt like it made a difference, like we were entertaining EVERYONE (because, at Albion, we were entertaining the entire campus). Now what am I doing? I'm performing at the Second City's Skybox stage... for roughly 50 people at a time. It feels so insignificant, and I feel insignificant...

I'm a pervert, but not as big a pervert as other dudes
Pistons won again last night... looking incredibly awesome again. They shut down Kobe and even kept Shaq in check by forcing him to commit stupid fouls (he had five by the end of the game). Malone was a punk bitch, as normal... and Payton is REALLY showing his age. I think that the 'role players' of the Lakers haven't stepped up... because they don't know how to. The Lakers have always been about Kobe and Shaq... and the other players on the team don't know how to step up, because they haven't had to. Fisher could step it up... and Shaq is right when he said that Bryan Russell should get some playing time. But I think something encouraging is happening: all the sports reporters and the hype surrounding the finals has been focusing on how great of a TEAM the Pistons are. I hope that the Pistons can win so that the focus of the NBA goes back to how great TEAMS can be... when everyone puts the team ahead of the individual. It's the kind of focus that the NBA has been missing since the 80s, and something that LeBron surprised me with this year(how well he gets other members of his team into the game). TEAMS ROCK!
As I was on my way to the gym yesterday, a late forties looking man stopped me very close to my building. He was Russian (or some kind of Slavic nation) and his English is best described as hesitant. He started by saying "Do you live around here?". I, of course, am too much of a small town idiot to lie (which is what I probably should've done), and I felt bad for this dude who was obviously not from around here. So I didn't lie. He proceeded to ask me "Do you know where an X... X... X... store?" My jaw may have dropped... but I tried to play it cool. "Um... there's Bijou which is past the light and past a stop sign on this side of the street. You'll pass a bicycle shop and a pub... and it's right there." Okay, we're done, right? Well... the way to my gym is past Bijou. So we started walking the same way. And the dude keeps talking to me, like... he's trying to justify why he's going to the sex shop. "I have to pick up something for friend" and I just started walking faster. trying to get away from the pervert. the pervert who wasn't me. for once.

Speaking of which, it rained here almost all night last night. I was walking with Andrea last night, after work... and I started smiling. I don't know how to say this properly... but wet blondes can't help but being hot. And I mean hot. All blondes... all they need to do is get wet to be hot. It's true... you find me a blonde, I'll get her wet and show you a way hot hottie.
Which leads me to this... Miss Feder (whatever Feder) had an excellent post on her LJ recently. It's entitled "Feminism" and she makes excellent points about women being forced to see themselves in the media through men's eyes. Also about how everyone should be a feminist because feminism is NEEDED (For moron this, head here). But I would like to add this (as a collective breath is being held by everyone who knows how stupid I get when I try to talk). Let's not forget that women are inherently attractive and men are not. It's true... let's not forget to celebrate that women, all women, are beautiful... and that all men look like vomit. Except for Brad Pitt... we can treat him like a piece of meat, I'm fine with that. And Orlando Bloom is only attractive because he looks like a woman (it's true). So, don't forget to celebrate the beauty that is woman... all women are beautiful. Let a woman know tomorrow just how beautiful she is.
Unfortunately, I have to stay ignorant and bigoted or else I'll lose my way. I won't know who I am anymore... I have to stay a bigot, I'm sorry ladies. I am the balance of the universe (What?! How does that make any sense?! [Hey! Who said that?] {Um... nevermind? >runs outside to car, drives away<}]).

Isn't it funny that the first time I get hit on in months is at a gay bar?
Both yes and no... that is and is not funny. Tonight Brain (from work) took me around Boys Town in Chicago. It was pretty cool. We went to a Thai restaurant and talked about all sorts of things... Brain's a very open and honest person, so conversation flows pretty easily. Plus, he's from Atlanta, so I'd talk to him anyway just to hear the accent. From there, we went to this bar called "Bucks"... where the large black bartender proceeded to call me 'handsome' and I was called 'baby' a couple of times. I got the first round... getting whatever Brain got (which happened to be a rum and Coke), because I wanted to blend in and not be the "straight guy" at the "gay bar", even though it was a gay bar and that shouldn't be in quotes. I was going to stop at one drink, but Brain loudly called me a "puss" and said that he'd buy, so... fine, another one. And then the bartender wanted us to do a shot with him... so I have no idea what he gave us, but he said he'd make something "smooth" for us, and it was smooth. When he asked us how it was, we replied "smooth" and he gave us another one of the same thing. It was a sour citrus minty something... I don't know drinks... leave me alone. But I do know that four drinks in an hour is probably closer to my limit than one drink. And that's all the story that you get. Bye :)

From upset to nostalgic... all in one evening!
Last night we had yet another combined Improv class. The other instructor, Stewart, said he only had four people... even though when we went next door, I counted to six. He then proceeded to talk about how his lesson plans basically aren't long enough to work with "only" six people, and that he wouldn't mind combining classes once my real instructor, Jen Bills, comes back. I honestly could have punched this man. His "lesson plans" won't work with six people? Six people being two less than the minimum of people? That's f--king bullshit, excuse me. My last instructor, Claudia, often didn't have more than 6 people, and it worked fine... we went through all the games and scenes twice instead of just once. By going through it twice, you get such a better understanding of how it's supposed to be played and what you could do better. I honestly have no respect for Stewart... I think I'm a better improver, and I'd probably be a better teacher. He can suck it... the stupid little bitch.
Rewind is a new performance game that we played... which is almost exactly like the "Having a Baby" skit I did years and years ago. It's a bit of going back and doing the scene again, mixed with the "movie styles" Who's Line game. It's a pretty cool improv game... but too bad I only got to go through it once.
After class, I stopped into Coldstone (like I do... when I'm me). The high schooler with the crush on me, Emily, wanted to head to 3rd Coast with me. 3rd Coast is a wine and coffee bar... which I didn't know even existed, but they do. In addition to the wine and the coffee, they have greasy breakfast food all day (all day includes 2 in the morning... but not 3). Anyway, I had a breakfast sandwich which reminded me a lot of the famed Moons Over My Hammy of JEJ fame. It was fun... and it really made me miss Albion, and late night Denny's runs. >sniffle< I'm fine.

I'm tired! I'm always tired!
Another football 'person' said something stupid. Big surprise... well, I think the surprise is who said it. Bill Parcells, talking about his offensive coordinator and he said that Payton likes to include "Jap Plays" (trick or surprise plays in this context). >sigh< Why is everyone in the sport I love so stupid? How about this... why is everyone who isn't me so stupid? Of course you could answer that, but you're not me and are, therefore stupid. (Cut to John skipping over the "how to keep people coming back to your site by not alienating them" section of a website creation manual)
Tampa Bay wins the Cup. Boy I wish I cared. I told Jim that I'm happy for the dude who owns the Lightning (because he also owns the Pistons). But none of the Lightning fans are hockey fans... they're Tampa Bay fans. They don't give a shit about hockey... they just are happy that their hometown team won the championship. (Notice I didn't say "won the cup"? I don't think people in Florida even know that the Cup is what is won. Florida sucks... the Lightning sucks... the Marlins suck... the Bucs REALLY suck... and their governor really sucks hardcore)
311 Greatest Hits... what? Yeah... 311 has a greatest hits album coming out today. There is only one song from both Music and Grassroots (the first two heavily released 311 albums). And, despite my wish that they included more songs from the earlier albums, the album looks pretty good. And there are three new songs (including their awesome cover of "Long Song")... and so I'm probably going to be really lame and buy it, even though I already have most of the songs.
Speaking of lame, have you heard about the movement to put Reagan on face of the $10 bill? Screw Alexander Hamilton. What did he ever do... besides being the FIRST secretary of TREASURY? We don't need to put him on money.
There's also a movement headed by Rep. Dana Rohrabacher to put Reagan on the $20. What a fantastic idea! Hell... let's just treat money like we treat architecture in this country. After about twenty years it's time to get something new. New is better! Old is boring! I've got an idea... let's put both Bush's on a re-issued two dollar bill! Or, better yet, let's change the money every time we elect a new president. That way, we can better relate to all those Middle Eastern countries that we keep looking down on.
Finally, in the ultimate effort for compromise, they're talking about Reagan on half the dimes. Let's just kick off FDR from half the dimes... that's fine. I mean, they're basically the same president. Reagan had his Reaganomics, Roosevelt brought us out of the Great Depression with the greatest first 100 days of any president in this country's history... Reagan "won" the Cold War (a war with no actual fighting), and Roosevelt lead us through World War II. I mean, could you get any more similar than that?

Tonight in my writing 3 class, my instructor Joe Janes had us do an odd brainstorming technique that I never would have thought of. During our ten minute break, we were told to go over to Walgreens to buy a magazine. The only stipulation was that the magazine had to be something that we would NEVER EVER under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES buy ourselves. After about three minutes looking at the magazines, I settled on a mag called ePregnancy: America's #1 Monthly Guide for Everything Pregnancy (for more info, because I'm sure you're captivated, head to ePregnancy.com). So after Joe had us buy these silly magazines, he wanted us to flip through them to familiarize ourselves with the content. He said we should pay close attention to any themes in content or pictures and we should try to figure out who this kind of magazine is targeting. That was actually a really interesting mental exercise for me... as I learned that this pregnancy magazine is geared towards an active pregnant woman who doesn't work (or is on leave). It is also a woman's health mag first and a pregnancy mag second... as they seem to play on the same insecurities that other women's magazines play on (weight, appearance, and so on). After we figured out a bit about our magazines, Joe had us pull some of the language out. We made a short list of pulled text... and then he gave us two minutes to write a letter to the editor, as a reader who was personally touched by the magazine or one of its articles. In addition, we had to use to tone of the magazine itself to write the letter.
The result? The creation of an honest character with real integrity that I never would have thought about writing or putting in one of my scenes. It was such a good exercise... and I look forward to learning more about the kind of people this mag is geared towards (yeah... I'll probably read the damn magazine) and maybe including a pregnant woman in one of my scenes. I'm awesome.
Everyone's having a crappy day! I called Andrea feeling really overwhelmed and I was hoping that she'd help me with some of the crap I had to get done today. She, apparently, has felt really overwhelmed as well... and she was as emotional as I've ever heard her. We're talking holding-back-tears overwhelmed, which is honestly how I felt as I thought about everything I had to do. But just knowing someone else felt worse, made me fell like I should just shut up and do what I had to do (which I did... I didn't get everything done, but I got a good portion of it all finished). Then I got a call from Laura who wasn't having a good day either... but not because she was feeling overwhelmed, because her department is full of bastards. We talked until Thom showed up at her apartment (he could help her much more than I could). Hope she had a better night than day. And that's it for me.

Game one... WOW!... WOW!
Wow... an 87-75 Pistons win... where Rip Hamilton looked like refried poo. Billips owned Payton, Prince played Kobe well, and Shaq got his... I honestly can't believe the Piston's won. I mean, I can because I watched the game, but I can't on paper (what?). I called my parents at half-time and my dad asked me what I thought and I told him "If we made the missed lay-ups and some of the free-throws, we should be up by 10". He then handed my mother the phone to confirm that I said up by ten, because he apparently had just said that the Pistons should be up by 10 at the half. I think that's the most surprising part... the Pistons probably could've won by at least 20, had they made more free-throws and more of the easy shots that they missed. Granted, the Lakers have too much pride, and they'll come out in Game 2 wanting to eat the Pistons' heads.

Speaking of the Pistons, I was in my Level 5 rehearsal... minding my own business (whatever) when someone asked Hannah (one of the writers) what she was doing. She responded "Watching my Pistons". So I turned to her and said something like "I'm from Michigan"... and she said "Where?" and I responded "Big Rapids" (glad I finally know where I'm from [as I seemed to have problems with that earlier]). And she said something like "I'm from East Bloomfield" or something, so I was all "Oh... another bastard from Detroit" but what I said was "Oh? I went to Albion." And she said "Albion? Did you know Beth Snyder?"...
Do you know where this is going? Hannah saw the Euphonics when we performed at U of M with Amazin' Blue. That's why I "looked so familiar"! Isn't that fucking weird?! So one of the writers of my Level 5 show knows me from the Euphonics. Just shows to go you that you never know who's watching when you sing (keep that in mind, Bohne! [you bastard]).

Ouch! My hammy!
Former President Ronald Reagan died today. There's nothing funny about this... I feel that Reagan was a kind-hearted man. But I also feel that he instituted some of the worst economic programs in the history of the United States. It's his "trickle-down" economics which I feel is the epitome of the Republican mentality... the rich get richer. Plus there was Iran/contra... and more sneaky assassinations of foreign leaders than you could shake a stick at... but, on the positive side, his wife Nancy kind of looked like my grandma... so there's always that. Plus! He played the Gipper in Knute Rockne All American... a movie about the greatest college football program in the history of the world (take THAT Michigan fans!).
I watched Thir13en Ghosts on SciFi tonight. The problem with this particular movie is one that plagues a lot of movies of its kind. It's kind of the same problem I have with Identity (See my Rant on April 20, 2004), in that I love it until the end of the movie when I realize how stupid the whole plot of the movie really is. This movie had an extra reason for me to say "ehh... not so great" which a lot of other horror movies have too: I don't care if most of the characters die. To be honest, Tony Shalhoub (Monk) and Matthew Lillard are the only characters I want to see live. I mean, Shannon Elizabeth's in the movie too, and I find myself rooting for the ghosts to kill her (or rip her shirt open for no reason, which actually happens [awesome!]).
It is my belief that the Stanley Cup is the greatest trophy in all of sports. Yes, even better than the professional football trophy which carries the name of a former coach of my team. I mean, the dudes with the gloves, everyone's name, the pure SIZE of it, the superstition that you won't win it if you TOUCH it... it is an AWESOME trophy. I was talking with Laura about it... and if I was given the chance to touch the Stanley Cup, I don't know if I would. I would be too superstitious that the Wings wouldn't win it again in my lifetime if I did.

VH1 is crap
Has anyone noticed how crappy all the shows on VH1 are? Damn near every show on that channel are a bunch of people sitting and talking about other people in a derogatory and mean way. "Look how ugly that person's clothes are", "She has really gained weight", "That song that we played constantly on this very channel no more than 3 or 4 years ago is the WORST song ever!", etc. It really drives me nuts. The bad news... I used to be very good (and probably still could be very good) being that petty, and that clever and witty.

District Court judge's rules that the 10 Commandments "not religious in nature"
My dad sent me this, an article which says the above title of this post. The 10th US Court of Appeals is supposedly going to rule on the appeal... so what do I think?
Well... the District Court judge said that the 10 Commandments are "primarily secular, and not religious in character; that neither its purpose or effect tends to establish religious belief." The attorney who's planning on filing the appeal says that this particular case is very different because every other 10 Commandment "display" case automatically assumes that the 10 Commandments are religious in nature. And, just to raise the stakes of this whole case, the display of the 10 Commandments being discussed just so happens to be in Salt Lake City (Watch out for those crazy Mormons!). The article states: "The Ten Commandments, the judge said, are 'as much for the benefit of the unchurched or non-religious as for the benefit of more than one evolving religious tradition.'" But, my dear children, is that true? My dad asked, in the email accompanying the article, if displaying the 10 Commandments is the same as erecting a monument with the Bill of Rights on it. I would say it is not... if nothing else (unfortunately) because of what the 10 Commandments connotes. It connotes a Biblical meaning to us. If you want it to not connote the Bible, for it to not be religious in nature, then take "10 Commandments" off of it, and update the language, like this:
1. Um... whoops! We're already into religion, aren't we? How do you rephrase "Thou shalt have no other gods before me"? Well... if we're talking about the United States (which we are), then it should go something like this: 1. "My name is money. Thou shalt have no other gods before me."
Moving on... 2. Um... whoops! We are, again, into religion with this one. How about this, for Americans: "In accordance with the United States Treasury Department, if you print false money we will fucking mess your ass up."
Number 3. Um... whoops! Ah... how about this? "Thou shalt never say 'money damnit!' or else people will look at you funny."
Number 4. Um... whoops! (Are you starting to get the picture?) How about this? "If you don't work on Sundays, you'll fall behind the competition. Only an idiot doesn't work on Sundays."
And at Commandment Five, we actually start getting into the "guidelines" which are "secular in nature". Honoring parents, not killing, not fucking other people's spouses, not stealing, not perjuring... are all good. We fall into another problem when we get to number 10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house... wife... manservant... maidservent..." In this country, it should read "Thou SHOULD covet they neighbor's house..." and so on. If we didn't have people coveting other people's property, we wouldn't be the highly consuming country that we are today. I mean, just think about the nature of advertising... it's all about making us covet.
So there you have it, sports fans. There are 5 or 6 of the Commandments which are truly secular... the first four are trouble, if you're trying to convince someone that they're not religious. It is my hope that someone straightens this judge out... and everything is "righted". But you don't have to take my word for it... >cue Reading Rainbow music<

Final score: John 1, Fly 0! Yeah... I finally killed that fly. It was chillin' in my kitchen when I woke up this morning (GROSS!!!). So I totally isolated it in the kitchen and waited for it to land on something... then I got him. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come these summer months... I would hate to have to deal with flies in my apartment. Gross! (And I broke a Commandment! AHH!!! [Even though, if we're to take the Bible as literal, God big-time broke that Commandment with the flood... {but I guess God gets to play by a different set of rules, being God and all.}])
On the lighter side of the news, I see that Linkin Park has a video for "Breaking the Habit". It's an anime-styled video... and I'm really happy with it, because it's one of my favorite songs on Meteora. But I don't like the Beastie Boys' new video... even though I would have found it funny a couple of years ago. With the state of the world right now, I don't think there's anything funny with random acts of violence being glorified like that in a video. I mean, there isn't even a reason why they start fighting each other. It's like every character in the video is saying "Look over there! Weird people we don't know! Let's punch them in the kidneys!" >sigh< I like the song though... they're goofy guys. It's just like they tried to recreate the Sabotage video (one of my favorites of all time), but didn't bother to justify why everyone was fighting this time around. 'Poop in a scoop: Coldstone Creamery'*
*The latest failed slogan

Peach Jello. What are John's legs made out of, Alex?
AH!!! My freakin' legs! Don't worry... they don't hurt, kiddies. They just feel so damn tired right now. Actually, I'm mad at myself. Thad had a much longer workout than I could do... because I'm just not ready to do everything yet. I couldn't do all of the different sets he had me doing... I was just (oddly) weak in certain muscles and I had no idea. What's weirdest is that we were working my legs, which I always thought were my strongest part. And, basically, it pisses me off. Like most things in my life, I want to be good right away.
>Sigh<
I'm looking to write tonight some... but I'm feeling really too tired. >another sigh< too tired... I'm not sure how much longer I'll be awake. I hope everyone else is having a better night... and maybe out enjoying the summer, instead of hating everyone who wants ice cream. :)

I just got back from the gym, and boy are my arms tired! Ah ha ha... wait...
Thad and I hit the treadmill today... and then we talked nutrition for a while... and then we worked my arms a bit. Heather T. came over and talked to me for a second while Thad was having me work my tris. Again, there was a playful touch of the arm... and I pretty much stopped my workout completely. I suck.
Have you all seen Budweiser's mud-slinging campaign? The Budweiser lizards are name-calling that Miller spokes-dude. And there's a commercial with the Budweiser donkey saying that the Clydesdale is out of the running for the President of Beers. I don't understand who at Bud feels threatened by Miller's new ad campaign, but I don't think they should have answered it. Why not? Because, right now there's someone (or a small team of someones) who are working on how to answer Buds new commercials. And, even if Miller doesn't answer... they still come off looking classier than the Lizards 'name-calling' commercial.
Today I let in my first fly! Grrr! It must have followed me in from the hallway, because I don't think there's any way it got in here if my door wasn't open. But it's seriously ticking me off... because it keeps flying around and I want to kill him big-time.
So we played the Party Quarks game in my Improv class this week. If you've seen Who's Line... you've seen this game. Guess what I think of the game. If you guessed "it sucks" you're right. It does suck. It's a stupid game... and it teaches me nothing about actual scenes... it's totally artificial, and our "sub" teacher said that Jen (the real teacher) wants us to learn this game so that we can play it at our Level D show. Whatever! It's a crap game! And I'm done yelling! Oh... okay, now I'm done.

It's June! It's June!
Guess what kiddos: It's June! June is a month that is after May... but before July. That's where we are now in this country.
Anyway... mah Pistons are in the NBA Finals! Unfortunately, I don't think they stand much of a chance. I think that the Spurs are probably a better team that the Pistons, and they only lasted 6 games against the Lakers. My craptacular prediction is the Lakers in 5. However... if the Pistons can somehow win one of the first two games in LA, then I think they can win the series in 6. But I really think it's going to take an LA injury, or some kind of inner-team turmoil for the Pistons to pull out this series. I was reading a few things on ESPN.com about the Finals, and they seem to think that the Piston's lack of scoring will be the reason why they can't win. That comes from someone who obviously has never seen a Pistons game this playoff season. What was the big thing when they faced the Nets? Can they score enough points. Who won that series? Um... hello?! The Pistons score "enough" points... and, last time I checked, all you had to do to win a game was score more points by the end of the game than the other team. This is not rocket science people... if their defense is good enough to stop other team's offenses, then guess who doesn't need to score a lot of points? Geez!
What else? I just realized that there are a bunch of people I need to call back, but I'm unsure as to when I'll actually have time to do that. Perhaps Friday or Saturday... but I'll be trying to write those days, as my Sundays are now going to be full. Did I mention that I used 2,400 off-peak minutes last month? I'm on that mother f--king phone all the time... I think I used another 600 peak minutes... for a grand total of 3,000 minutes of talk time. That's right kiddies, I was on the phone for over two straight days (50 hours!) in the month of May... and it's still not enough. There are still people I need to call back or I just need to call period. Ahh!
In other news, I start my regular personal training sessions with Thad today. He's going to have me hop on the treadmill (puke!) and run for a while... and then we're going to talk about nutrition and supplementation (or something). I can't wait >sort of rolls eyes<.