Why my milk went bad
I woke up at way early o'clock to let the accountant into the store. I made sure that she was all set, and then I left for more milk! On my way to Walgreens from the store (around quarter to ten), I saw Andrea and her daughter Julia walking to Starbucks. I called Andrea, saw her answer her phone, and said "you know what's weird?". "What's weird?" she asked. "When I walk out of the store and see my boss with her daughter... and now she's behind a black thing, and now I can see her again... and now there's a lamppost... hey!" I said "hey" because she finally saw me. Ta DA! I appeared out of nowhere. That's not true... but it was pretty cool to totally freak out my boss like that.
Anyway... the three of us went to Walgreens, and I got milk and throat spray (because my throat still hurts) and Andrea got her breakfast bar and some cigarettes. Julia was so cute, she asked her mom why she doesn't just get a whole bunch of breakfast bars... and Andrea was all "because then that would mess up my routine." Ha ha... anal people are funny. Why are you pointing at me? You bastard.
Then we walked to Starbucks and Andrea got her Iced Venti Americana >sighs... shakes head<. Whatever the hell that is. Then we walked to that little dead end at Burton, you know the one. And we sat down and talked. And I was my normal, charming, witty self... which means I was scaring the living crap out of Julia. Ta da! I'm a freak. Anyway... I'm not sure how we started on this, but Julia wanted to race me. And I was like... "um... okay." and I asked Andrea if I was supposed to let her win, and she said that no one had let her win when she was younger. So I'm thinking to myself "do I let Julia win... or do I kick her ass?" What happened? Find out next week on: Rantings from the Crazy One

And... it's next week. So she did the "mark, set, go!" thing and I ran harder than I needed to for about 15 yards and then I eased up and let her catch up and just beat her bearly. Fine... everyone's happy since I didn't let her win and she was close, right? Nope. Andrea says "Keep racing until you beat him". So I think we raced three more times (me 'winning'... I beat a 10 year old in a foot-race, good for me), and it took her telling me to do push-ups before we raced before I let her win. Then she wanted me to do more push-ups or something... and we raced a couple more times... and I tried to have us tie (I thought that would be a good end to it).
Then she wanted to teach me some Karate. The long story behind this is the Andrea used to date a second degree blackbelt who taught Julia all sorts of stuff, which she was, in turn, "teaching" me. Unfortunately, it always seemed like the scenario ended with her saying "and this is where I'd flip you over on your back". And, since she was teaching me how to do Karate, I thought I'd teach her something practical too... so I taught her how to take an unconscious person's wallet and how to only take the cash, because the credit cards can be cancelled. I'd be a good parent. Anyway... whilst teaching me how to get beaten up by a ten year old girl, she decided it would be a good idea to arm wrestle. So I let her think she was doing well... and then beat her. Then I told her that her mom and I had arm wrestled... so she wanted to arm wrestle Andrea, and Andrea let her win... so I was all "oh... I'm supposed to let her win" and so, when Julia arm wrested me again, I let her win. Fun, huh?
It gets more fun. Andrea tries to get me to sing, like all the time, I don't know why... but she does. And, for some reason, I never do. So Andrea tells her daughter, "Oh... John can sing" and of course Julia wants to hear. So I asked her what music she likes... her response being "music". So cute. But Andrea said she liked Smash Mouth and Sublime... so I started singing 40 Oz to Freedom, which is one of my favorite Sublime songs. And then I did my Smash Mouth impression, which is pretty good since I kinda look like that guy in that we're both fat and useless.
And then my parents called... and Andrea, Julia, and I parted ways. But do you remember the name of my post? Yeah... I got back to my apartment around 1 pm... which is like three hours after I purchased my milk. I have yet to open the gallon... but I'm not optimistic that I won't get lysteria listerosis from my milk. Thank you sanitation classes!
And that's the end of my story. Cute kid... cute cute kid.