CrazyJohn on baking for no reason-
Well kiddies, today was an interesting day. I pretty much did nothing... let me rephrase that, I did absolutely nothing of value today at all. I woke up with a strong urge to write a letter to some people (thanks to some good advice), and so I wrote two letters today and made a list of other people to whom I want to write. It was good to feel like I was writing to someone (whereas this blog is written to no one in particular)... so I enjoyed the letter writing process.
Then I got to talk to my folks for the first time in a few weeks... my dad's been really busy as his post tenure review is up (or something) and he's got to basically explain everything he's been doing for the past few years. It's a highly stressful process, I was around when my mom did it a year or two ago. And my mom's just always busy with work stuff, and my sister's been busy with school stuff too.... but she was HOME tonight! So I got to talk to her too!!! My whole family was on the phone with me, and it was wonderful. I haven't seen my parents in so long... and I can tell that my dad knows how unhappy I am here, so he's being "extra gentle/sensitive" dad... which is great. I feel terrible that I don't know whether or not I'll be able to make it home for Thanksgiving... but I honestly don't know. It will be SO GOOD to be home again... and see them again... and have my mom fuss over me again... and do my laundry for free again... and drive around my stupid little town again... and see Rhea and Jean again and watch stupid stupid horror movies with them while mocking the movie the entire time again... >sigh< I guess I'm just homesick. And I'm sick of walking all the time. I mean, I'm sure it's "good for me" or whatever, but I really enjoy having a car and being able to drive places. But there's no where to go here... because you can't park a car anywhere in the city. Whatever... I'm just homesick.
Maybe that's why I baked a cake tonight. I don't even know if I really wanted to eat a cake tonight... but I baked one... I just saw an old box of spice cake mix (Yes, Sellers, it was the same box that we had... for a really long time), but it was vacuum sealed, so why the hell not? So I made a cake... and it's not bad, I mean, it tastes good and everything... but I guess it reminds me of home... and how my mom would make desserts for the hell of it sometimes... and if I had Ken or Jason or Nate over, she would make cookies or brownies or something unnecessarily elaborate and my friends would be like "oh geez, thanks Mrs. Steeno... you really didn't need to" and my mom would be all "I know... here are some napkins" and I would be embarrassed and she would go upstairs and my friends would say "your mom's the coolest" and I would sigh. Hmm... did this happen once or twice do you think? You're a smart one... nothing gets past you >pats on head<
So I've been homesick... and I've also been worried about my girls, all around the country... two of them had shitty nights last night, and I felt bad because I couldn't help. Fortunately, the new day brought good news for one, while the other is still feeling unappreciated by everyone around her. Unappreciated is a bad way to have to feel, especially if you do things for other people to make them (and yourself) feel good. So why don't you all do your ol' pal CrazyJohn a favor kiddies... tomorrow and this whole weekend, when you notice that someone has done something just for you... you tell them that you appreciate not only what they did, but who they are. But don't just go about your business as usual... be looking for things people are doing for you, because chances are that there are things you haven't even noticed. I don't know if there's any worse feeling than doing something special for someone else and having them not even notice that you're putting forth effort. But don't let that discourage you either... making people feel good is the greatest feeling I've ever come across, and I hope to continue to do it for the rest of my life.
Another good feeling is when you eat a hotdog... because damn they're good.
>sigh< I've got a long day ahead of me... so I'm going to hit the hay. I hope you all have crazy dreams and wake up saying "what the hell did I eat before bed to make THAT happen?" or you look down to make sure that your legs aren't actually made of taffy... because if they were >drool< mmm... taffy.
Goodnight :)