Top Five Things I Saw Yesterday While Walking Around Chicago That Made Me Say "Oh my God!" for Some Reason
(These are also the only five... but that's not really dramatic, is it?)
5. Puke on sidewalk (self-explanatory)
4. First time since I've been here that I couldn't see the Sears Tower... too cloudy/foggy/crappy outside.
3. Christmas lights... on trees... on November 3rd? No one should like Christmas that much!
2. Life-size Grim Reaper statue at Atom Antiques... life-size = my size = looks like it wants to kill me.
1. Ambulance leaving the building right behind mine... loading up the back with a body bag.
Yeah... that's right... it's the first time I've ever seen the actual act of bringing a dead body outside of a building and into a vehicle. Yes, I've been to funerals (the word "fun" is in it... how weird)... but it's somehow a LOT different than seeing someone being brought outside in a bag. That person could have been alive less than ten minutes ago... and now they're not. It probably didn't help that I was having an argument over IM at the time that it was "setting in", but it was just a very sobering and depressing scene. I'm not going to lie... I was in a horrible mood all day, mostly because of watching that happen (and there WAS the argument... and job stuff sucks, but whatever).
And I suppose this is the point where I tell you to make sure that the people you love know that you love them, etc etc... but I'm not going to do that. I believe that you shouldn't worry about the deceased... they're in heaven/hell/rotting/just no longer alive... they're doing whatever you do when you die. So don't worry about them... and don't worry about whether or not they knew that you loved them... what does it matter? It's not like it'll change how un-living they are.
It's the living people you have to worry about. When someone you loves dies, you miss them, you miss hearing what they have to say, you miss sharing things with them... in short, it's just like they've moved away for good. I guess that's why moving is so tough. Yeah, "keeping in touch" is a lot easier now than when my parents decided to move to Michigan and not have any friends I could call "aunt" or "uncle." But it's basically the same thing... you spend your time thinking about what that person would say if they were there... good things happen, and you wish they were there to see it... bad things happen, and you wish they were there so you didn't have to cry with a stuffed gorilla you've had since elementary school (sorry King, but you're not a person)... boring, everyday things happen and you wish they were there to make the day feel like it was worth something... you meet a new boy or girl and you wish they were there to give approval or say "dude... keep looking man, seriously"... the world seems to pile shit on your head and you wish they were there to rant to. You sit there and say "God... this Dashboard Confessional song may be good... I don't know... I can't get over how HORRIFICALLY AWFUL the video is!" and no one is there to agree... wait... that's being lonely... that's a whole different rant. I guess the point is the same... the point being that the person has left such an indelible mark on your mind that you can hear their voice in your head (and sometimes I just hear quasi-random voices of descent... that'd be funny if it wasn't true). So, what's my point? I don't really know... it's 3:30 in the morning here and I can't sleep... I think that's the point. I just can't sleep...