"Hold on... if you feel like letting go" - Good Charlotte
I've certainly run the gamut of emotions tonight... but let's start with earlier today, shall we?
My day started with the meeting of Seth, another member of team Johnson. It seems as though his job description consists of securing locations for MORE ColdStones and swearing. This is what he does... and apparently he's quite good at what he does. Yeah... anyway, Seth, Andrea (who I am NOT dating... what the hell?), and I went to CostCo which is some kind of Sam's Club type wholesale warehouse place. We purchased boxes (cases, if you will) of Butterfingers, Reese's Cups, Snickers, Nestle's Crunch, and M & Ms. Cases... just a shitload, ok? So... if you need, say, a case of Hersey's Kisses I could probably hook you up. But we don't know anyone like that... right.
Anyway... Andrea said that after they get me a card, I could go shopping there for groceries if I wanted to... and I might check it out. They had bulk cereal (I eat cereal) and even some Valentine's Candy (never too early). Right... so that was fun.
Then I came back to mah place and got a semi-random phone call from Mr. Michael Joseph Bohne. It sounds as though, even though all the "strong, clashing personalities" graduated from the Euphonics last year, there's still melodrama. I'm not too worried about it... Euphonics is something that's bigger than any of the members of the group. It's something I've had to come to a realization about this past year... Euphonics doesn't need any of its members, the members need Euphonics. There will always be a Euphonics as long as there's an Albion College. It's one of the things that has really made me come to grips with the futility of the individual... >sigh< But I was part of the genesis of Euphonics... so maybe one person really can make a difference... Maybe this bucket of ice cream (complete with spice cake) will answer the tough questions for me. Hmm... let's see, shall we?
Anyway... it was great to hear from Mike... and it sounds like he'll be able to work through things. I'm already working on figuring a way to get the Euphonics concert date off. I know it'll be worth the trip :)
Then... I went to class. And due to the slight and subtle push from someone dear and wonderful... I decided to have my classmates read it out loud (we don't have to have our stuff read... but this week I went for it). And, even though my instructor had a couple constructive criticisms (his job), everyone in my class really liked my scene. They were laughing out loud... and I think I even got a laugh or two out of my instructor. I don't know... I just felt... "on." We then did an exercise where the instructor (Rob, for future reference) gave us scenarios and we brainstormed how it could be a "Clash of Context" scene. He listed "Nightclub" and some people mentioned some things and then I said "it could be like a middle school dance, where all the men and women are on opposite walls" and he said "Yeah... ok... that's a really good idea, actually..." and then he got cut off by someone else. But it was the only one in the whole exercise he said was a "really good idea." Then THEN... we had an hour to free-write and I started writing something that I think is REALLY funny. I don't know... like I said, I felt "on" tonight.
From class, I went into the store to help them vaccum out the vents (not a fun or easy job)... slicing my ring finger open in the process... but that wasn't going to bother me tonight! Nothing was going to bother me tonight... until...
I got a voicemail message from my dad. It was 11:30 Michigan time... and his voice was weak. The only time I've heard him like this is when something terrible had happened... and he was dancing around it. He started talking about where I should have been and not knowing why I didn't answer... This was not good. My first thought was that my 90 year old grandmother had passed away. I know it's not a great first thought... but all my other grandparents are already dead... so it's not THAT weird a thing to think. Then I thought maybe someone was in the hospital... my dad has had his troubles with his prostate, and two of his sisters have had breast cancer... so that wasn't unheard of either. But that wasn't it either... they hadn't heard from my sister since Saturday. It's only Monday, you say... yeah... but my sister has TWO classes in other cities and she has to drive and she hates winter driving and... well... let's just say there were other reasons for us to be concerned. So I went from such a high... to feeling REALLY worried about my sister.
And there was no way to reach her... So I talked with someone else. Someone who can always calm me down... someone who can always make me feel better... and I was ok. We had a good conversation... and my parents called while we were still talking to tell me that they had called Nate (per my idea) and had him go over to Karen's to see if she was ok. And she was... she thought we were all "funny" for being so worried... but that's us. We're funny.
I'm going to tell you something really weird... and it's another one of those things that I think I shouldn't write... which means that I probably should. It's a risk... and I don't take enough of those. Whatever... anyway... I started to cry tonight... and I couldn't. I cried for about ten seconds and then, inexplicably, I stopped... and printed off a fucking Faxable ColdStone menu. I mean... I thought I was willing to let myself cry tonight... I told myself it was ok and then I stopped. It makes me wonder if there's something seriously emotionally wrong with me. I mean, I know I'm a man and shouldn't worry about not being able to cry... but that's just societal bullshit. A well-rounded person, an enlightened person, is not only able to recognize their own emotions, but mature enough to let their emotions run there course. I mean... I don't want to have so much control over my emotions that I cease to feel any of them. Shit... it's like when people ask me how I feel. How do I feel? How do I feel? I haven't got a fucking clue... what does it look like I feel? Do I look happy? I probably am then... do I look upset? Then I am... I don't know! How do I feel? Fucking numb... all the time. It's been a while since I felt anything substantial for over ten seconds.
>sigh< good... i had to get that out.

I've been thinking about posting some of my scripts... whaddya think? If no one's interested, I won't waste the space... but if you'd like to see anything I've been working on... let me know. And, furthermore, if you made it through that little rant and are still reading this... I'm impressed.
Goodnight... and I wish you far less restless sleeps and tormented dreams than I've been having of late.